Love Net
by Lalina
Summary: Bella chances upon Edward in a chat room and despite the distance they begin to fall in love. But what secrets is Edward hiding and can they overcome the obstacles standing between them? AH BxE Rated M
1. December

******Dear Translators: Thank you for your interest but I am not interested in having my stories translated. No offense meant. I had issues in the past with translations when I allowed them, and I would just prefer not to deal with the hassle of trying to keep track of my stories.**

**WARNING: This story contains graphic content not suitable for those under the age of 18**

**Twilight = Not mine  
**

* * *

**1. December**

My alarm went off and groaning I rolled over to hit snooze. Just five more minutes I told myself, even though fifteen to twenty minutes would be more like it. I snuggled down into my bed and tried to ignore my beeping alarm. Realizing I wasn't going to get any real sleep this way I sighed and rolled out of bed.

Stupid Christmas week, I thought to myself. Besides spring break it was the worst time to be a travel agent. Everyone called expecting amazing last minute deals when in reality, most of the inclusive trips and airfare had been sold out long since. Occasionally there would be a cancellation, or a Tour Operator would release new space, but this close to the holidays there was nothing.

Try letting clients know that! Everyone expected me to pull something out of my ass and when I _did_ have something to offer, they complained about the price. Damn tire kickers. They were the worst type of clients. They squeezed every dime out of you by using other travel agents against you and then with the invent of travel websites? Don't even get me started. No one seemed to realize prices listed were usually set for specific dates and didn't include taxes.

Sighing I walked into the bathroom and wondered why the hell I stayed at this job. I was all set to go to college till Charlie got sick. Cancer. It ate him alive right before my eyes and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. After he died, I just didn't have the drive or passion anymore. I had been Daddy's girl and now it felt like my life was a faint echo of what it used to be.

Feeling the familiar prickle of tears whenever I thought of Charlie I jumped in the shower, hoping the hot water would distract me. If nothing at least the water would wash away my tears.

I had fallen into the travel business completely by accident. I met James Carol, the owner of TDG, at Alice and Jasper's wedding. He was a long time friend of Jasper's family. His wife Victoria was also in the wedding party so we got to know each other a little during all the pre-wedding parties.

James had asked me to dance and while we were making slow rotations around the dance floor he was curious about my future plans. At the time I was just working as a receptionist at Jasper's parents' warehouse. When I said as much he clucked his tongue and told me he thought it was such a waste of talent. He started to talk about his business and how he needed fresh faces and thought I would excel and possibly be management material. I just smiled and nodded, travel wasn't something I was particularity interested in.

When the song ended I said my goodbyes and went back to celebrating my best friend's wedding with the massive bottle of champagne sitting behind my seat. I was going to be chauffeured back to the hotel so I took full advantage. It was a great night, overall.

I hadn't given James' offer any more thought until he called the warehouse looking for Mr. Whitlock. Before I passed him through he asked me again if I would be interested in coming to join his team. I told him I still had to think about it.

To be honest I hated my job, I loved the Whitlocks to death but it was an old family business and there was a lot of nepotism. My presence felt like a risk to some of the other girls who had only been hired due to their connections.

Now I know I originally got my job in the same manner but I was a hard worker and wanted to prove myself worthy, possibly even move up in the company. After 2 years however, I was still a receptionist. Whenever there was an opportunity opening up for me I was deftly blocked by Lauren Mallory and her sidekick Jessica Stanley. Lauren was the President's sister-in-law and knew his balls were firmly socked in her sister's handbag.

Since my duties were few and far between I made it a habit to let it be known I was open to help anyone who needed it. I would use any excuse to get out of the monotony of my job. Scott approached me - he was a newly hired accountant -to help him get organized and I jumped at the chance. We built a quick rapport and I enjoyed working along side him immensely. It was always very professional but we were still able to have fun.

It didn't take long for Lauren to start complaining that I was shirking my duties in order to work with Scott. At the time, my 'duty' was to rip the perforated sides off of the old style of printer paper the company still used. Boxes and boxes of reports were stacked behind my desk chair. It was demeaning work and given to me strictly to make a point.

Scott went to the President and asked for me to be appointed as his assistant but the request was turned down and someone else was given the job.

That was the last straw. After telling Lauren and Jessica off, I walked out of there with my head held high. I didn't start sobbing until I got onto the street. I felt like I had let Jasper down but he was quick to let me know he was more upset at how Lauren and Jessica had treated me and he wished there was something he could do.

After a few days, I called James and let him know I would love to join his team at TDG. I started the following Monday. It had been a hard road at first. There was so much to learn, so many world destinations, so many hotels, so many Tour Operators, so many rules and regulations and that didn't even include learning the software to book airfare and trips. It took awhile and a lot of frustrated tears before I finally got into a groove.

I was the first agent to be given the Million Dollar Club Award, which was pretty prestigious for our company. I was also in charge of all new hires and helped to manage one third of all the VIP clients of the company. Things were going well so I couldn't complain.

Jumping out of the shower, I towel dried my hair and went to get dressed. One good thing about working with clients over the phone was that I didn't need to dress to impress. I threw on a pair of jeans and long sleeved cotton shirt. Grabbing a bagel, I ran out the door to my truck. It was an old clunker but Charlie had bought it for me when I first moved in with him and I didn't have the heart to replace it. I was always grateful whenever the engine roared to life in the mornings.

It was my turn to open today. The office would only be at half-staff since it was just a few days before Christmas. Usually the employees with families took Christmas week off while the single employees, like myself, took New Year's week off. A girl had to have priorities.

I unlocked the doors, turned off the alarm and went to go start the coffee. A client had sent in a bottle of Bailey's so I made my coffee Irish, I would need the extra boost. Shortly after I set everything up Angela and Mike ambled in. I waved the Bailey's bottle at them and wiggled my eyebrows, eliciting cheers. Good thing only our VP Jeffrey was working, he was a big lush and didn't particularly care if we all partook in a little celebratory imbibing so long as it didn't impede our sales performance.

I sat in a cluster of desks, Angela was to my left, Mike and Eric sat across from us making a quartet of desks. We all were pretty close; all of us were single so we often went out after work for a drink at the local pub. I really enjoyed the camaraderie especially on days like these when the calls were few and far between.

"Oh man, I'm so bored!" Angela whined at us.

"Yeah, I know. I don't even know why we stay open, it's not like we're going to wrack up the sales today." Eric joined in.

I was on a call at the moment, telling the customer that all vacation destinations were sold out for Christmas and New Years. I was nodding my head and rolling my eyes. At one point I made a gun with my hand and pretended to blow my brains out. I had to mute the phone when the giggles of my co-workers started to make me snicker. I finally got the man to understand he was stuck here for the holidays and tried not to sound bitchy as I told him to try booking earlier next year.

"Ugh." I said pulling off my headset. "What the heck is wrong with these people? What about SOLD OUT don't they understand?" I watched my friends nod sympathetically.

I noticed Mike was clacking away on his computer keys looking too busy considering there was nothing to be busy about. I got out of my seat pretending to get a coffee and snuck behind him to look over his shoulder. It looked like he was in a chat room.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I asked him.

He jumped guiltily and minimized the screen. "Nothing."

"Bullshit, I saw you chatting. You holding out on us Mikey?"

"Shh Bella!" he looked around guiltily. "Do you want to get me in shit?"

"Shit by who? Jeffrey is in today he won't care. Come on, where are you chatting?" I pushed.

"If JC finds out about this…" Mike started.

"He's not going to find out, we want to have fun too." I pouted. By this time Angela and Eric joined me. Finally, Mike threw his hands up in the air and gave in.

"Fine! Ok, I'll email you the link, then just register and sign in. I'm in the Jungle Room." Mike said sheepishly.

"Jungle Room?" All of us chorused loudly.

"_Shut up_!" Mike ground out between clenched teeth. "Ok, it's sent."

Angela, Eric and I scrambled to our desks. I opened my email, clicked the link Mike sent over and registered myself. Hrm, what to pick as a screen name? I just went with my nickname Bells, not very original but it'll do.

Soon, all of us were giggling and snickering at each other. It added a new dynamic to chatting when half the people you were talking to were sitting beside you and laughing at the stupid stuff you were writing. Angela and I were inundated with private chat requests from horny geezers, which we promptly clicked out of.

"Holy, Bella, how many private requests do you have?" Angela asked wide-eyed, looking at my screen. Mike looked up slightly annoyed. He had asked me out on several occasions but I always turned him down. He was a nice enough guy and even good looking but there just wasn't that spark. Not to mention I felt weird dating someone I worked so closely with.

"You need me to tell any of these losers to back off, Bella?" he asked teasingly. I could see however he wasn't completely joking.

"It's Ok, Mike. I'm a big girl."

I had pretty much deflected most of the private chats, telling the anonymous users that I preferred to chat in the main room. Some took it well and some not so much, but I was having too much fun to care.

I noticed a new tab blinking at me. MethodMan wanted to chat privately. He had intrigued me in the main room so I was hoping he didn't turn into a creep like so many others. Hesitantly I accepted and we started chatting.

Expecting the typical ASL, what do you look like, and wanna cyber questions, he surprised me. He was very eloquent and well spoken. There was just something different about him. He was able to get to the core of things and before I knew why, I was spilling my life story to this virtual stranger. I didn't even know his real name.

"Bella, where are you?" Angela asked me, pulling me back to reality.

"Hmm?" I replied.

"You haven't chatted in the main room for awhile," she said smiling. "I just wanted to know what or _who_ had your attention."

"Oh, I was just talking to MethodMan." Then a thought occurred to me. A lot of times the same men had approached both Angela and I for a private chat. I wasn't sure why, but I felt a surge of jealousy that maybe he was having the same type of conversation with my friend.

"Are you talking to him too?" I asked innocently. My stomach clenched in a hard knot and I gripped my desk.

"Umm, no," she answered. "Actually, I just scrolled up to see who he was and he stopped talking in the room at the same time you did."

Angela looked up at me and watched as my cheeks flamed crimson and a goofy grin spread on my face. Her eyebrows flew up and she gave me a look. She didn't say anything in front of the guys however, for which I was grateful.

I looked back to my screen and saw the blinking light, clicking the chat window MethodMan was asking if I was ok because I had stopped talking. I replied quickly to let him know someone had needed my attention at work but was back now.

_**MethodMan:** Oh great, I kind of missed you… lol_

My cheeks flamed again with pleasure. What was it about this guy?

_**MethodMan:** Do you mind if I send you something, via email?_

I gave him my email address and inquired what he was sending.

**_MethodMan:_** _Just let me know when you get it ;))_

I waited impatiently as I clicked my Check Mail button repeatedly. Finally I got an email from MethodMan. It had a picture attachment. I clicked on it after doing a quick virus scan. When I opened the picture it was a headshot of the most gorgeous man I had ever laid eyes on. He had tousled bronze hair, and jade coloured eyes. His forehead was broad and smooth leading down to a straight nose and perfectly shaped lips. He had a square chin with a little divot in the center. I wanted to place my lips there and was taken aback slightly at the intensity of my feelings after speaking with this stranger for less than an hour.

"Wow," I breathed.

Angela peeked over and did a double take. "Who is _that_?" she asked incredulously.

"_That_, is MethodMan," I replied in awe.

"Jesus, he could be a model!" she enthused.

"Tell me about it…" I was suddenly disheartened. I knew he would want to see a picture of me in return. What would he think of the plain Jane he was chatting with? He would most likely be disappointed.

_**MethodMan:** Bells? Are you there? I thought you might want to put a face to the name. I hope my pic didn't scare you off!_

I stared at the screen dumbfounded. Was he kidding?

_**Bells:** No, deft not scared :P But even tho I've seen your face, I still don't know your name_

I smiled as I teased him a little.

_**MethodMan**: My name is Edward :)) Sooo… do I get to see what you look like and know your name?_

Grimacing I decided I didn't have anything to lose. Chances are I would never chat with this man ever again. What could it hurt? I flipped through my photobucket account and chose a picture taken recently of me outside. The sun highlighted the red in my hair and I didn't look as pale as usual. I had a smile on my face as I looked into the camera. Quickly, I attached the picture of myself and sent it to his email address before I could change my mind.

_**Bells:** Ok, sent. My name is Isabella, but everyone I know calls me Bella._

I waited for a few moments with bated breath. I thought perhaps he wouldn't even continue with the conversation. Most likely he would make an excuse and leave altogether. It seemed like forever before he replied again.

_**MethodMan:** Did you know Bella means 'beautiful' in Italian? It's a very fitting name._

I stared at the screen for a while longer. I wasn't sure whether to feel pleased that he found me attractive or upset about his blatant lie. While I'd had a few admirers and had been asked out on dates, I knew I was only mediocre in looks. Generally men had to get to know me first before it progressed that far. Not quite sure how to respond I decided to be gracious and accept the compliment.

At that moment James came crashing through the door to the office. As usual he was on the warpath screaming for the daily sales numbers. I hunched up my shoulders against the verbal assault as he stalked past my chair towards his office.

"Ugh, JC is being his usual asshole self," Angela whispered to me. I nodded my head.

_**Bells:** Oops, boss is here… looks like playtime is over. Nice chatting Edward._

_**MethodMan:** Wait! Will I get to talk to you again?_

_**Bells:** Not sure, you have my email if you want to keep in touch. CU L8R_

_**MethodMan:** Ciao Bella_

I closed out of chat and tried to get back to work but my heart wasn't in it. My mind kept wandering back to the conversation with a handsome stranger. Before leaving the office, I clicked on his picture again and sighed. So gorgeous, I thought to myself. And too good to be true. I left work feeling strangely happy.

* * *

**Reviews = Love! You know the drill! I hope you all love my Edward *sigh***


	2. Christmas

**A/N: Thank so much to my repeat readers and reviewers! You guys are awesome and I love that you like the story already :)) Special shout out to Darla, just cause you rock! A couple of ppl have asked if MethodMan has any specific significance, it doesn't, just an inside joke with a friend. If you HATE Edward's nic and want it changed, throw out some suggestions and I'll consider them seriously. You'll also get credit in my a/n ;))  
**

**Twilight = not Lalina's**

* * *

**2. Christmas**

The next day I was excited to get to work. I chided myself, thinking that connecting with Edward like that was just a fluke. Once I completed my morning duties, I sat down and checked my email. There was a message from Edward.

My stomach did a nervous flip as I opened it.

_Hello Beautiful,_

_I had a great time chatting with you yesterday. Hopefully we can do that again soon. I'll be waiting ;))_

_E.  
_

I read it over a few times and smiled. Feeling pathetic, I opened his picture again and stared at Edward's face. He looked even better than I remembered. I wondered briefly whether he had looked at the picture I sent him, as well.

"What are you doing, Bella?" I heard Mike ask from behind me.

"Huh? Nothing, just reading an email." Closing Edward's picture I turned to look at him, feigning innocence.

Mike cocked a blonde brow at me and his blue eyes bored into mine. I started to get annoyed and frowned at him till he broke the stare. He turned and walked towards his desk muttering under his breath.

"Psst, are we chatting again today?" Angela leaned over and whispered to us conspiratorially.

"Yeah, that was a blast! I'm going in again." Eric whispered back.

"I don't know guys, we almost got busted by JC yesterday. Maybe we should just forget about it?" Mike glanced at me with a strange look on his face.

Bristling I said, "Well you can go ahead and be a chicken shit. I'm going in, too. If James catches me, I'll deal with it then."

I pulled up the chat URL and signed in. I was pleased to see Eric and Angela follow suit but felt a moment of disappointment when I scanned the list of names. Edward wasn't in chat today. It was somewhat disconcerting for me to feel such a pull towards him; really, we knew nothing about each other. For all I knew, everything he told me about himself could be a lie. I decided to just have a good time with my friends and not think about him anymore.

After a short while I saw Edward log into chat and it made me catch my breath. He had barely said hello to the room before I saw a private chat request from him pop up. A huge smile spread across my face as I clicked on it.

**_MethodMan_**_: Hello Beautiful, how are you today?_

Better now that you're here, I wanted to reply. I didn't quite have the nerve, however, so I went with a more generic reply.

**_Bells_**_: I'm doing great, you?_

**_MethodMan_**_: Better, now that I'm talking to you :))_

My breath huffed out. It was as if he could read my mind, he always said the right thing. I was also amazed that he didn't seem hesitant about what he was feeling. Edward exuded confidence even in written text but it didn't come across as cocky or arrogant.

**_MethodMan_**_: Still there?_

**_Bells_**_: Yeah, sorry, I'm here_

I, unfortunately did not exude confidence, not in real life, nor in virtual reality even though I had time to think about how to reply. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I thought to myself.

**MethodMan**: Hey Bella, I didn't mean to come on too strong. If it makes you nervous, I apologize :((

Great, I thought mournfully, now he thinks I find him creepy or something. Ugh! Fix it Bella!

**_Bells_**_: No that's not it at all, Edward… I love talking to you… I guess I was just nervous to let you know how much_

**_MethodMan_**_: Nervous, why?_

**_Bells_**_: Well it just seemed too fast! We've only talked once before, kwim?_

**_MethodMan_**_: Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I don't know, for some reason I am really comfortable talking to you._

_**Bells**: Me too :))_

Now with all the awkwardness cleared away we started talking in earnest. The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion. Edward told me about his life as a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force based outside of Lancaster, California. I laughed at how the base shared the same name as him, Edwards Air Force base. He had been in the military almost 10 years and was unsure if he wanted to continue with that career path or quit to go back to school. It scared him to leave his regimented lifestyle for the unknown. I sympathized with him sincerely.

We also talked about my life in Forks and Charlie. I felt the familiar breathless feeling when I remembered my father's death. It was as if someone placed a large boulder on my chest and I just didn't have the strength to push it off. I had to excuse myself for a few minutes because I didn't want any of my co-workers to see me cry. When I got back to my desk I saw this message from Edward.

_**MethodMan**: Oh Bella, I'm sorry you are upset. I wish I were close enough to hold you and make you feel better._

I smiled faintly and decided to be honest for a change.

_**Bells**: I wish you were too._

Wistfully, I really did wish Edward lived near me so we could meet. It went beyond his looks. The way he spoke to me made me lower my defenses and be open like I couldn't be with anyone else, not even my best friend Alice. I wondered what it was that made me feel that way. Perhaps it was because he was a stranger and it gave me the freedom to be me without all the pressure. Or perhaps Edward just got me. Maybe we were on the same wavelength. I always stopped myself before I could delve into my feelings on the matter too deeply and reminded myself that I was getting emotional over someone I didn't even know.

On Christmas Eve, Edward told me that he would be going away to visit his family until after the New Year and was unsure when we would talk again. I couldn't help but feel bereft at his news. We had shared so much about each other, it would be strange not to at least touch base to say hello for almost two weeks. I flirted with the idea of giving him my phone number but that seemed a bit too intimate despite everything we had shared.

Christmas arrived and I was miserable. It was already difficult due to the fact that I missed Charlie terribly. The holidays were always the hardest part of the year for me so not being able to talk to Edward just added insult to injury. Alice invited me over to her house to spend the holidays so I wouldn't be alone and I accepted. It was a low-key affair for which I was grateful.

That night when I got home I noticed I had a phone message. I punched in my voice mail code and listened as a familiar, warm voice sounded.

_Hi Bells! It's Jake, just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. Call me when you get a chance. Love ya, babe._

I smiled and looked at the clock, seeing it was only 11pm I decided to give him a call back. Jacob and I had had an intimate relationship starting the summer of my senior year. We had been friends for a while and decided to give it a go. While it had been a nice, safe relationship, I always felt like something was missing. Luckily, Jacob felt the same way so when he left for UCLA the next year, neither of us was particularly heart broken.

Sure I missed my best friend, but work kept me busy and he still managed to come home often. Whenever he did, we ended up hooking up for old times sake. I thought that would blur the lines of our friendship but if it did, Jake never let on. This was the first Christmas he hadn't come home due to schoolwork overload and I missed him a lot.

I dialed his number quickly and waited for him to pick up.

"Bells!" He yelled enthusiastically into the phone.

"Jake, my ear?" I quipped.

"Oops, sorry!" his voice quieted down. " I'm just happy to hear from you."

"Thanks for calling to wish me a Merry Christmas."

"You know I'd never forget about my favorite girl, don't you?" he said sincerely.

"Favorite girl, huh? Yeah right! Jake, I know you get all kinds of ass down in LA." I smiled into the phone.

"Sure, sure. All these rich bitches like to slum it with the local Native." He snorted good-naturedly. "But speaking of ass, when are you going to fly yours down to see me?"

"Jake," I whined, "You know it's hard for me to get time off work."

"Come on Bells! You've been saying this for three years now. My work load is too crazy for me to take a trip, I won't see you till summer." He sounded like he was pouting.

"I know, Jake," I said hesitantly.

"You are the travel agent extraordinaire! There's got to be a deal or something? Come see me for spring break in February. Please?" he pleaded.

"Gah! You know I hate it when you beg!"

"Well in that case, please, please, please, please, please, please, please…"

He would have continued but I cut him off laughing. "Ok! Ok! Jees…"

"Serious?? You're coming?"

"Yes! I'll come in Feb. Let me know when your break is. I might be able to get a good deal for a weekender."

"This is going to be awesome! Just wait, we'll have a blast!" I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm.

"Alright Jake, I'm tired so I'm gonna hit the hay. Merry Christmas, love you."

"Love you too, Bella. Sweet dreams."

I hung up the phone and smiled. Talking to Jacob always made me feel better. No matter how hard I was hurting, he always had a way of getting me to laugh. Even with all the shit I went through during Charlie's sickness, Jake was always there to comfort me, even though he felt like he was losing a father too.

I sighed. Life would have just been so much easier if I could have loved Jake that way. We could have gone to UCLA together and started a whole new life for ourselves. Forget about Forks and the bad memories. Forget about death and sadness. I could just pretend Charlie was still alive and fishing at his favorite spot.

But life wasn't easy; I learned that the hard way.

I got ready for bed and slipped between the cool covers. My mind started to wander and I wondered what Edward was doing right now. Was he celebrating with his mother and father or was he maybe gazing at his childhood bedroom ceiling and wondering what I was doing right now too?

Dismissing the thought, I rolled onto my side and settled into my covers and pillows. That night I had dreams of bronze hair and piercing jade colored eyes.

* * *

**I'd love to hear from new reviewers! Give me some feedback and I'll love you forever... honest! And to my reg reviewers, you already have my undying love *muah* I'd also like to mention, there are no virgins in my story! Both Bella and Edward have had previous sexual exp, nuff said! If Jacob/Bella lovin' makes you uncomfortable, sorry! This IS a BxE story, not a love triangle so just remember that.  
**


	3. January

**A/N: Shout outs to Kooshie, SonyaBrady and MissPumpkinHead! You guys are awesome for reading and reviewing this story too :)) Enjoy!**

* * *

**3. January**

After the New Year came and went, I returned back to work. Things hadn't picked up much at all. Most people were too broke from spending money over the holidays to do any traveling.

To bide the time, my co-workers and I still went into the chat rooms when James was otherwise occupied. We tried to keep it on the down low as much as possible and luckily no one was caught fooling around when we should have otherwise been working. Not that there was much to do, being an inbound call center we essentially had to wait for customers to contact us.

Although I was having fun chatting and fooling around with my friends, I couldn't help but be disappointed when the days passed and I didn't hear anything from Edward. He hadn't come into chat and he hadn't sent any emails either. I figured after a while thoughts of him would eventually fade, but they didn't. Instead they seemed to increase in frequency as I drove myself crazy wondering where he was and what he was doing.

I had worked myself into just such a frenzy when James called me into his office for one of his 'pep' talks. Groaning inwardly, I trudged to his office. His version of a pep talk was to grill me about my weekly sales and then shamelessly try to get me to have an affair with him.

The first time it happened was on a Saturday afternoon, approximately six months after I started working for TDG. I was one of the only workers in that day and had stayed after hours to finish up some paperwork. I enjoyed working late because the peace and quiet helped keep me focused and I made fewer mistakes. Mistakes meant money and I couldn't afford to lose money.

James had come into work and hadn't expected me to be there. We spoke briefly before he headed into his office. I finished up my remaining files and when I poked my head in to say goodbye, James asked me to take a seat, motioning to the chair across from him. Once I was seated he started asking me some questions about my personal life but I kept the answers relatively vague. I started to feel more embarrassed as the subject matter veered towards my opinions on affairs and if I'd ever considered being a kept woman.

Not quite believing he was making a pass at me, I just tried to laugh it off. When that didn't work I got up to leave telling James he was making me uncomfortable and that I didn't think his wife would appreciate what he was doing. James apologized to me and asked me not to leave.

Looking back now, I realize how naïve I really was. He asked me to forget what we had talked about and if I would just rub his neck for him since he was so stressed out. I should have left the office right then but he was still my boss, I was alone and I really needed my salary.

With a heavy heart I walked behind his chair and poked at his shoulders a little with my hands. He sighed and clicked on a window in his taskbar. I stood behind him shocked as a pornographic video popped up on the screen. Two women were on screen performing oral stimulation on each other. With growing horror I watched as James reached between his legs and started to massage himself through his pants.

My brain jabbered at me to get the hell out of there before something worse happened. Luckily my body complied and I ran out of the room. James called after me as I stumbled out of his office but I didn't stop. I was worried he would come after me; there was no way I would make it down the steep stairs if I were being pursued. Even though he hadn't followed me out I continued to go as fast I could manage.

When I got to my truck, I was crying and wheezing. I called Alice immediately to come meet me at the local pub. She arrived quickly and I told her everything that happened.

"Are you serious?" she said, her eyes large with surprise. "What the hell would possess him to do that?"

"I don't know Alice! What am I going to do? I need this job!"

"Bella, maybe you should look for something else?"

"I have looked, there is nothing available out there that pays as good." I placed my face in my hands.

"Do you want me to ask Jasper to talk to him?"

I looked at her mortified, "God no! For all I know he could try and turn this around and blame me!"

"Well, you can't go back there." Alice said with conviction.

"What the hell else can I do, Alice? I've got a mortgage payment coming up on the house. Jesus Christ, what a fucking mess."

Alice put her arms around me and hugged me tight. "Poor Victoria," she said after a moment. "I wonder if she knows her husband is such a scumbag?"

"I don't know. And she is such a sweet woman too. It's obvious this is isn't the first time he's done this." I shuddered and thought of the other women I worked with. Had he pulled similar stunts with them?

"I'm just going to have to go and have a talk with him. If he tries that shit again I'm out of there." I said with determination.

Alice nodded, "Ok Bella, if you change your mind about telling Jasper, just let me know."

Monday morning arrived and I went into James' office to talk to him. Surprisingly enough he apologized profusely for what had happened and promised it wouldn't happen again. Our working relationship after that was strained but as I told Alice, I really needed to keep this job, so I just went on with my duties and avoided anything that would cause me to be alone in the office with James.

While he never did go to the extremes he did that day, every once in awhile he would drop a hint that if I ever changed my mind he would be more than accommodating. Fortunately this wasn't one of those days and I just had to sit and listen to him rant to me about my team's performance. I nodded and mm hmm'd in the appropriate places and left his office quickly.

"Asshole." I muttered under my breath as I took my seat. Angela looked over at me and giggled, looking sympathetic. She had known James all of her life and was spared from his lecherous advances.

"JC up your ass again, Bella?" Mike asked laughing.

"He wishes!" I said wryly. Mike didn't know the reason behind the tension between me and our boss and I liked to keep it that way. Forks was just too small to keep idle gossip under wraps. I didn't want to be thought of as that girl. The one who everyone can walk over and treat badly. Or worse, the home wrecker.

I decided if I was going to get yelled at, may as well make it worth my time and logged into chat. There was still no sign of Edward. I sighed wishing he would show up so he could make me feel better. No such luck, another day passed without any word from him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the middle of January I had pretty much given up hope of ever talking to Edward again. Every day I clicked his email address and started to compose a message but always cancelled it before I could hit send. I felt like a silly girl with a high school crush and I didn't want Edward to think I was pestering him.

I tried to convince myself that if he truly wanted to ignore me, he would have never given me his email address to begin with. Surreptitiously I opened his picture; I didn't want Angela to see that I was looking at it yet again. I was certain by now she was sick of hearing me moan about Edward.

While she agreed he was by far the best looking man on the face of the planet, she didn't really understand how I had connected with him so quickly. Every once in a while Angela looked at me contemplatively, no doubt wondering if she should call the stalker police. She also couldn't understand why I just didn't email Edward to say hello.

But if I did that, then for sure I would feel like a stalker. An obsessed stalker. An obsessed female stalker.

At that moment I made a decision. I was just going to delete Edward's email and try to forget about him. After all, it's not like anything could come of this. He lived all the way in California. One thousand, one hundred and ninety three miles away. Eighteen hours and fifty-three minutes was a pretty long commute, even for the most gorgeous man in the world. Yes, I Googled it. I briefly considered turning myself in to the stalker police.

As my finger hovered over the delete button I decided to try the chat room one more time. If Edward wasn't there, I would take that as a sign. Tapping my feet erratically, I waited while I connected to the IRC server. I saw Angela glance over at me curiously.

As soon as the connection was made I scrolled through the people in the chat room frantically going straight the names beginning with the letter M. Before I even got there, a red tab started flashing.

_**MethodMan**: There you are, Beautiful! I was starting to think I wasn't going to talk to you today :))_

I don't even want to guess at the expression that was on my face at that moment. I imagine I must have looked amazed, ecstatic, rapturous, enthralled. Oh man this was bad, this was very bad. What should I say? I wondered in a panic. I was stymied. Should I play it calm, cool and collected or gush like a lovesick fangirl?

_**Bells**: Hey stranger, long time no see :D_

Yeah baby, I'm too cool for school, I thought to myself.

_**MethodMan**: I've missed you these last couple of weeks_

Once again I found myself pondering why I felt the need to hold back with Edward while he had no such reservations. It seemed like he enjoyed talking to me as much as I enjoyed talking to him yet I always tried to stifle what I really wanted to say. Well, no more. I would be as honest as possible and if he thought I was being too forward I would just have to deal with the consequences.

_**Bells**: I missed you too… I was worried I wouldn't get a chance to talk to you again_

_**MethodMan**: Silly Bella, why didn't you just email me?_

_**Bells**: I figured maybe it was too fast, too soon… and I didn't want to bother you on vacation_

_**MethodMan**: Trust me, you would never be a bother. I thought about you a lot while I was visiting my family. My mom doesn't have a computer, otherwise I would have written._

_**Bells**: Really?_

_**MethodMan**: Absolutely! I know we haven't talked for very long, and really we don't know each other much at all, but I can't seem to get you off my mind._

Reading his affirmation of what I felt for him made heat blossom in the pit of my stomach. It was completely irrational feeling linked to Edward the way I did. I had feelings for him that were stronger than men I had been involved with in real life. Part of me was trying hard not to spiral further into this madness but another part of me, a bigger part, embraced it and was already half way to falling.

_**MethodMan**: Shit, speaking of too much, too soon… I'm freaking you out, aren't I?_

I swallowed my fear and dove in headfirst.

_**Bells**: No, you didn't freak me out… just the opposite, I feel the same way_

_**MethodMan**: I feel like I can tell you anything, you seem to understand me like no one else does_

_**Bells**: Same here, I wonder why that is?_

_**MethodMan**: I'm not sure, but I like it… I just wish you lived closer_

_**Bells**: Oh! That reminds me, I have a friend out in LA that I'll be visiting some time in February, maybe when I'm there we can meet?_

_**MethodMan**: I'd really like that :)) My schedule is kind of hectic, military life you know… but definitely let me know when you're coming and I'll see what I can do_

_**Bells**: Awesome! I'll know in a few days when I'm coming._

Secretly I was thrilled Jacob lived in LA. I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself but part of the reason I agreed to go visit him so readily was on the off chance that Edward and I could meet in person. I knew Lancaster was only a couple of hours away so the chances were good I would get to see him in the flesh.

I knew Jacob would probably get peeved that I wanted to spend time with another man while visiting him but I was willing to risk it. I pulled up Edward's picture again. Yes, most definitely worth the risk.

* * *

**So? Review, review, review!! Oh just a mention, in this story James is an asshole but his wife Victoria is actually a nice woman :))**


	4. February

**A/N: This one goes out to Laura and Msedwardcullen08! Thanks for being into the story so soon in ;))**

**Twilight = Stephenie Meyers  
**

* * *

**4. February**

I ended up finding a great deal to Los Angeles. One of our Tour Operators was having a promotion, for every twenty seats we sold for a specific airline, we received one free flight to anywhere in the continental US. I didn't need any more incentive than that and started arranging trips like crazy. It helped that the spring break rush was well under way so it was a cakewalk to get those first twenty seats booked.

Jacob let me know that he would be off between the thirteenth and the twenty-second of the month so I called to see if space was available for either weekend. Unfortunately a lot of people were on break at the same time and I was only able to get a seat for the Valentine weekend.

I groaned inwardly hoping Jake didn't see that as a 'sign' but he was surprisingly easy going about it. I teased him about cramping his style and cock blocking him on the easiest weekend of the year to get laid.

"Well Bells, if you feel that bad about it, you can always just rectify the problem yourself," he said chuckling.

"Pfft, you wish, lover boy!"

Jacob started to laugh in earnest now, "Oh yeah? We'll see when you get here."

"Jake…" I warned.

"Kidding! I'm kidding, honest."

We talked for a bit longer before I said goodbye. I knew that even though he pretended he wasn't serious, Jacob would most likely expect us to have sex. We always hooked up when we saw each other in the past if we were single. It's not that I was promiscuous, just the opposite, but being with Jacob was nice and comfortable and a girl needed to get her wheels greased every once in awhile. It had been a very long while.

Hopefully he wouldn't be too disappointed that I didn't plan on being intimate with him this time around. Something about being that close to Edward made me feel uncomfortable about having sex with anyone else. It was completely crazy, and I knew that, but it almost felt like a betrayal to Edward, despite the fact he was nothing to me.

Nothing except the sexiest, smartest, funniest, most caring man in the entire world.

I put my face in my hands and asked myself for the millionth time what the hell I was getting myself into. This obsession I had with Edward was getting out of control and he made it even harder to reign in my feelings by playing the role of the perfect man.

We had given up using the chat room for correspondence and now emailed each other instead. Edward and I emailed all day long talking about anything and everything. We flirted shamelessly and exchanged more pictures of each other. I saw what he looked like in his fatigues, the tight green t-shirt molding to his perfect chest while his camo pants accentuated slim hips and long legs. He also sent me a picture of him in his dress blues, his medals glinting against his breast. The suit brought into focus the breadth of his shoulders and trim waist.

My favorite picture however, was one where he was relaxing at home. He stood in front of a black leather couch wearing a pair of black warm up pants and a red wife beater. It wasn't the classiest outfit but Edward's pose and the look on his face were what took my breath away. He stood tall and erect; his head was cocked to the side. He had a crooked smile and mischievous glint in his eye.

I used the colour printer in the office to make a copy and smuggled it home with me. At night I would pull it out and trace the lines of his body with my finger. My imagination went wild with thoughts of running my hands through his hair. It looked so silky soft and I could almost feel the texture of it between my fingers. The column of his throat flowed down over his stark collarbones into the muscular planes of his chest. His bare arms were smooth and well defined leading down to long fingered, graceful hands.

Closing my eyes I pictured those elegant hands drifting softly over my body. What they would feel like to cup my breasts and roll my nipples between those dexterous fingers. I sighed as I brought my hands up to my breasts in imitation of my fantasy. I could see Edward's face in my minds eye as he kissed me, running his tongue over my lips.

Sliding one hand down over my stomach I slipped it under the waistband of the pajama shorts I was wearing. Still pretending it was Edward, I touched myself lightly. As my fantasy continued I began to apply more pressure in a circular motion until I was flying over the brink into oblivion.

Once the spasms subsided, I rolled to my side clutching Edward's picture in my hand. I placed my lips over his smiling face and laid it on my bedside table until tomorrow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I headed into the office, excited to email Edward and let him know I had booked my ticket to LA. I hadn't had a chance the day before because Edward had already left work by the time I received confirmation of my booked flight.

Quickly I composed a message.

_Hey Sexy,_

_Guess who's going to be in LA Feb 13-15? Want to be my Valentine? ;))_

_B._

I clicked send joyfully and went about my work waiting for his reply. An hour passed with no return mail. I checked my email obsessively the whole time. After awhile I started to wonder if perhaps our server was down since I hadn't gotten any other emails recently. Everything seemed in perfect working order, but just in case, I decided to ask Angela if she had received any emails lately.

"Hey Ange," I asked, "Are you getting any emails? I think the server crapped out."

She looked at her inbox and shook her head. "Nothing new, no."

"Quick, send me something just so I can see if the thing is working."

Angela typed up a quick test mail and sent it to me. After a few moments it arrived in my inbox.

"What the heck?" I said frowning.

"What's the problem? Are you expecting something?"

"Not really, no. Edward hasn't written me yet today, it's just odd. By now I would have gotten a bunch of mail from him." I blushed at Angela's knowing gaze.

"Mmm hmm," she said arching a brow at me. "Well, maybe he's sick today and didn't go into work?"

"Yeah, maybe… he didn't say he was feeling ill yesterday." I chewed on my lip hoping nothing bad had happened to Edward. It scared me to realize I would have no way of knowing if he was ever hurt or killed. I knocked on my desk as goose bumps pebbled up my arms.

"I'm sure he's fine, Bella. Maybe he's just busy at work this morning or something?"

"I don't know, now I'm freaking out. I let him know I'm coming to LA and no response! He's never ignored my emails before." I started to fidget nervously. "What if he doesn't really like me? Or doesn't want to meet me? What if those aren't his pictures and he's like this greasy, old geezer?"

Angela started to laugh at me.

"It's not funny!" I said angrily.

"It actually kind of is!" Angela snorted. After a moment I dissolved into giggles along with her.

"Ok, you're right. I'll calm down. Thanks Ange." We smiled at each other tentatively.

Another hour passed with still no word from Edward. By this time, I was gnawing on my lip and jiggling my knees up and down under my desk. Mike gave me an exasperated look because my movements were making his desk quake.

"Bella, got ants in your pants or something?"

"Fuck off, Mike." I replied acidly.

"Whoa! Why are you biting my head off?" He looked so hurt I couldn't help feeling badly.

"I'm sorry, you're right. I'm just waiting for a big sale to come in, you know how it is." I smiled widely at him and hoped he'd believe me. After a few seconds he dropped his gaze and mumbled something under his breath. I didn't care enough to ask him to repeat himself.

When I checked my inbox again I breathed a sigh of relief. Edward had finally replied to my email.

_Sorry, busy today. Talk later, k?_

_E._

What the hell? I thought dejectedly. No Hi Beautiful? No nothing, really! Edward hadn't even acknowledged my trip to LA. In icy sliver slid down my spine. He had never been this deliberately cold before, not even when we first started talking to one another. I was unsure what to do. He said he was busy, but I knew for a fact that even on his busiest days, he always made time for me. I sat there waffling between sending him a reply asking what the heck was going on or just waiting till he let me know he was free to talk.

Screw this noise. I started typing.

_Hey Edward,_

_Is everything ok? If you don't want to meet me in person, just tell me so. I know I mentioned I was coming down your way but if you aren't interested, then that's fine._

_B._

It wasn't really fine, it was the furthest you could get from fine but at this point I was just desperate to hear from him. If that meant lying to get a response from him, I would do it. I didn't expect an answer right away so I was surprised when I checked my email and saw a message from him.

_I'm so sorry Beautiful,_

_I didn't mean to make you think I wasn't interested. Of course I want to meet you! You just caught me at a bad time today, lots of stuff happening here. We'll make plans closer to the date, ok?_

_ E.  
_

I didn't realize I had been holding my breath till I had to drag some air into my lungs. I read his email over a few times before chastising myself for being so paranoid. Poor guy was probably swamped at work and here I was acting like an over-sensitive ninny. Jees, no wonder he didn't want to meet me!

The rest of the day passed with no more word from Edward. Occasionally I would have a panic attack and viciously fight it off. I left work feeling disheartened and sad. I turned down going out for drinks with my friends because I just wanted to curl up in my bed with my picture of Edward. I was making myself completely sick, but I couldn't snap out of my funk. I knew there was only one cure for what ailed me but solace was nowhere to be found.

* * *

**I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know if you did or even if you hated it... I have my big girl panties on, I can take it!!**

* * *


	5. Los Angeles

**A/N: Thank you again to my reviewers! I always love hearing from new ppl so please, don't hesitate to drop me a line.**

**Twilight is not mine... rat bastards!**

* * *

**5. Los Angeles**

I stared out of the airplane window as we circled LAX. The smog curled around the city in a thick, hazy mist obscuring the buildings of Los Angeles. The sun was shining brightly and reflecting off the Santa Monica Bay in the distance.

The flight had left on time and we arrived a little earlier than scheduled. I tried to keep my mind occupied during the two and a half hour flight but it kept returning to Edward. Since I had brought up wanting to meet him in person, he had seemed distracted and withdrawn. While he outwardly said he wanted to get together, he hadn't made any formal plans with me. He had seemed intentionally vague about what days he was available and I couldn't help but think he just wasn't as interested as I had originally thought. Edward gave me his phone number and told me to call him when I arrived. I still had some hope of meeting him but I wasn't very optimistic.

The plane touched down and I struggled to get my backpack out of the overhead compartment. I was finally on my way heading down the long walk to get to the luggage carousel. I walked briskly through the open air corridor on the outside of the airport and then waited impatiently for my luggage to arrive. It seemed like forever before I saw my black nondescript bag come into view.

I grabbed my luggage and rushed out to the main area where Jake would be waiting for me. He stood head and shoulders above the rest of the people in the airport and a huge smile spread on my face as I saw him. I threw my arms up, waving like a lunatic to get his attention. He finally saw me and in five long strides he had reached me and swung me up in a bone-crushing hug.

"Jake," I wheezed. "Can't… breathe…" I smacked at his back limply with my hand.

"I'm so glad you're here, Bells. I missed you so much!" He put me back down on the ground but kept his hands on my shoulders and looked me over. "You look great!"

"You're looking pretty good yourself, handsome!" I said beaming at him. And he did look good. His normally russet colored skin was even darker from the constant California sun, which made his teeth flash ultra white between his broad lips. He had cut his hair short and it was a great look for him. My friend had morphed into a handsome man and I couldn't be prouder than I was at that moment.

Jacob looked thrilled to see me and I realized just how much I had missed him. Who needed the sun when I had Jacob around? I threw my hands around his waist and buried my face in his vast chest. Before I knew it, I was sobbing against his shirt. His arms came up quickly and he enfolded me in his large grasp.

"Shh, shh, Bella. It's ok, baby." He crooned at me as if I were a small child, while stroking my hair.

"Oh, Jake," I cried, "You just don't know how good it is to see you. I missed you so much. I miss Charlie every day and now you aren't even there to make me feel better."

Jake's breath caught at the mention of Charlie's name and he gripped me even tighter. He rocked me from side to side murmuring quietly until my sobs began to subside. One arm was still circled around me securely while his warm hand came up to brush the tears from my cheeks.

After a few more moments Jake pulled me away from him and peered into my face intently. He cupped my face in his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away the remaining tears.

"Feel better now?" he asked gently.

I hiccupped and nodded. Luckily I had a tissue in my purse and used it to mop off my face. When I was done, I dabbed at Jacob's shirt. I had left a rather large wet spot right in the middle of his chest. He just laughed at me and batted my hand away with his big paw.

"Come on, Bella. Let's get the hell out of here!" he said, quickly regaining his good humor. He bent down to pick up my suitcase while grabbing my hand in his. We strolled out of the sliding doors and headed to the parking garage.

Jacob had driven his Rabbit down from Forks so he wouldn't have to buy another car. It was lovingly tended and taken care of. He patted the hood affectionately as he walked over to the passenger side to unlock my door. He threw my suitcase in the trunk and jumped in the driver's seat. We drove out of the garage into the streaming sunlight.

I rolled down the window and enjoyed the warm breeze against my face. While February in California was still somewhat cool, it felt almost like summer coming from the cold, drizzly Olympic Peninsula. I would take California's balmy 66 degrees over Fork's 42 degree weather, any day.

The traffic on the freeway was stop and go but eventually we made it to Jacob's home. It was a West Hollywood bachelor apartment in a quaint little area called Brentwood just down the street from Universal Studios.

Jacob lived on the ground floor of a little hacienda style house with a small patio beside the door. There was only the main room, which doubled as a bedroom/living area, a medium sized kitchen and a bathroom. He had painted it a nice sage green but it was a very Spartan room. Besides a couple of prints on the walls there was no other décor. His bed was used as a couch for when he wanted to watch TV and there was a worn armchair in the middle of the room for guests. His desk took up one corner and had paper strewn all over it practically burying his laptop. I made a small circle around the space before checking out his kitchen and frowning at the lack of edible items in his refrigerator.

Much to my chagrin, Jacob hadn't seen any big stars while he had been living in LA and he teased me relentlessly because I was acting like such a 'tourist'. I just stuck my tongue out at him and told him to kiss my ass.

"Maybe later, if you ask nicely," he glanced at me sidelong.

"Shut up, Jake!"

"What?" he whined, "You never minded before, did you start seeing someone?"

"Well, no…"

"Oh man, you're not screwing that Mike Newton guy, are you?" he asked incredulously.

"Aw, Mike's a nice guy…"

"You are! You're screwing Mike Newton!" Now Jacob was laughing heartily. "Shit Bells, if I knew you were that hard up I would have come to visit at Christmas."

Punching Jacob in the arm, I frowned and said, "I am not screwing Mike Newton! I just said he's a nice guy, that's all."

"Well, then who are you screwing?"

"No one! Jees!" I could tell my tone was getting defensive by the way Jake glanced at me.

"Ok, so let me get this straight. You turn me down for sex -- even though you never have before -- but you aren't with anyone else?"

"Umm, something like that?" I replied, my voice squeaking.

"Bella…" Jacob had that tone in his voice when he was about to call me on my bullshit and I cringed. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing, Jake." Suddenly I was very engrossed in the books he had in his bookshelf. Jacob grabbed my elbow and turned me around. He bent down so his face was even with mine and scrutinized my expression. Of course my traitorous face started to burn hotly.

"You're lying."

"Don't be silly…" I started.

"You are! You're lying! But I don't know why? Bells, you've never kept anything like this from me before. It's not like I care if you're fucking another guy."

"Jees, thanks for caring Jake." I replied acidly.

"Oh, shut up, you know what I mean! I'm not dumb enough to think you're trying to protect me, and I know you aren't dumb enough to think I need to be protected so why would you keep secrets?"

I could see that Jake was really hurt by my evasion. He was right, I had never kept anything from him before. We had always been very open about having other lovers or people we became involved with more seriously, only coming together when we were both single. But how could I possibly explain Edward to Jacob? He wouldn't understand that I was turning him down because I felt this inexplicable, soul deep connection to some man I had never met and had only seen in pictures.

"Ugh, Jake. It's just kind of complicated, ok?"

"Complicated how?" I could tell that Jacob was not going to let this go.

"You're going to think I'm crazy…"

"Mmm hmm, go on."

Hesitantly I explained how I had met Edward and how we had been corresponding for almost 2 months. I tried to downplay my emotions but I knew Jacob could see right through me. All the yearning I had for Edward was surely plain to be seen on my face.

"Bella, do you know what you're getting yourself into?" he said with a disapproving look on his face.

"Jake, it's not like that."

"It is like that. First you lied to me about being into another guy..."

"I didn't lie!" I said cutting him off.

"Yes, you did. And now you're lying again about how you feel about him. What if he's some kind of freak show? Like a mass murderer, or a rapist, or something?"

"Edward's not like that!" I said vehemently.

"But you don't know that for sure!" Jacob said matching my tone. "You don't know anything about this guy besides what he tells you."

"Jake, I can't explain it, but I just know that he is a good man. We have a connection. He gets me like no one else ever has." I stopped speaking too late. Jacob's expression was unfathomable but I knew I had twisted a knife deep into his heart. He nodded his head and stood up, striding away from me.

I felt horrible about what I had just said. Jacob and I had been best friends for years and he knew everything about me. He had been my rock during Charlie's sickness and had held me together after my father's death. With one thoughtless sentence, I had basically told Jake some stranger had come along and taken his place.

Groaning I stood up and walked to where he was. Jacob had his hands braced against the bookshelf with his head hanging down. Carefully, I wrapped my arms around his waist and put my forehead against his back. We stood like that for a few moments before I had the courage to speak.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean that the way it came out. What you and me have, it's special. No one could ever replace you in my life, you know that right?" When he didn't reply, I continued, "Jake, you are like my own personal sun, no matter what dark place I'm in, you bring me light. I need you, I always will.

"This thing I feel for Edward is different, it feels like we are two halves of a whole. I don't know how else to explain it." I turned my head so my cheek was against his spine.

Jacob took a deep breath and then patted my hands with his own. He dislodged my grip and turned around. He still had a hurt look in his eyes that made me feel like crying again.

"Forgive me?" I asked sadly.

"Sure, sure." Jacob still wouldn't look in my eyes so I moved my face around till he had no choice but to lock gazes with me. When he did, I gave him a watery smile. He smiled back and hugged me tightly again.

"Ah, Bella. I don't know, this all sounds nuts to me. I love you and I want the best for you, but can't you just find a guy in Forks? Or even Seattle? It just worries me that you're investing your time in a dude you've never met before."

"Erm, I might meet him this weekend," I said in a tiny voice.

"WHAT?!?!?!" Jacob exploded. I winced and instantly regretted making him angry so soon after we had forged a tentative truce.

"Well, I figured since I was technically in the neighborhood…"

"You came here to see him, didn't you?" Jacob accused.

"No! I came here to see you, you big jackass! I just let him know I'd be in town visiting a friend and maybe we could get together for lunch or something."

"A friend, huh? Does he know I've seen you naked and that you've…?"

"NO!" I cut him off. "And he is not going to find out Jacob Black!"

"Hrmph," Jake snorted. "Oh well, things could be worse. At least you aren't meeting him alone. Good thing I live nearby." He grinned savagely.

"Jacob, I am not meeting Edward with you tagging along."

"The hell you're not!" Thunderclouds were rolling across his face.

I threw my hands up in the air and looked to the heavens. Sometimes Jacob could be worse than Charlie ever was.

"Listen, I don't even know if I am meeting him. He's been swamped at work lately; I'm supposed to call him to see if we can make plans. If we do, then we'll talk about you being my chaperone." I said the last word with distaste but at least Jacob looked appeased.

"Ok, fine." He said, giving me the stink eye.

"Fine." I said matching his tone and look. "Now, how about we grab something to eat and then go grocery shopping so I can plan dinner. Sound good?"

At the mention of food, Jacob cheered up considerably and we headed out for the day.

* * *

**Ok so this chapter was Jake heavy but I just love Jake so much! I hope you like him too :)) And just to reiterate, Jacob is not IN love w/ Bella in this story! He loves her and she loves him, they want the best for each other, but that's it! Review please! I will answer all questions/concerns as long as it isn't a potential spoiler to the story**


	6. MIA Valentine

**6. MIA Valentine**

I dropped my luggage on my foot as I fumbled with the keys to unlock the door to my house. Cursing out loud, I stumbled into my foyer, hopping on one foot. The return flight from LA had been longer than my outbound flight.

There was a small problem with another plane, which caused a backup of departures, and we sat on the tarmac in the sweltering airplane for an hour before they fixed it. A small cheer went up as the pilot came over the intercom and announced we were finally cleared for takeoff. The rest of the flight was uneventful and I just reclined my chair and thought about the weekend.

The first night I just made lasagna and Jake and I stayed in to catch up on old times. We chatted easily over a few drinks until I started to yawn and we called it a night. Jacob and I curled up on his bed and spooned together. I had to hand it to him; he completely respected the fact that I didn't want to have sex even though I'm sure it was difficult to be in such close proximity. We drifted off to sleep peacefully until the next morning.

On Saturday morning Jake had to run to the school to drop a paper off and I was left alone in the apartment to putter around. I figured this was as good a time as any to call Edward and let him know I had arrived. Perhaps we could arrange to meet for lunch or something. I'm sure that I could convince Jacob he didn't have to chaperone us if we went somewhere very public, I was even willing to have Jake drop me off and pick me up if that made him feel better.

I scrounged in my bag and dug out the scrap of paper I had scribbled the number on. With shaking fingers I tried to dial the phone. I had to hang up and try again three times before I made it completely through without error.

Hearing the phone ring made my stomach plummet somewhere around my ankles and I paced nervously. What would I say to him? What would his voice sound like? Would he agree to see me? After the second peal, a three-chime bell sounded, and I heard a recorded voice.

_I'm sorry, the number you are dialing is no longer in service. Please check the number and try your call again._

What? I thought to myself. I looked at my untidy scrawl and tried to see if I had mistaken some of the numbers. I decided I hadn't and dialed again. After two rings I heard the same message. Frowning, I stared at the handset and reread the numbers to make sure I hadn't misdialed. No misdial.

I said some very unladylike things as I realized I must have written the number down wrong. Now what the hell was I going to do? Spying Jacob's laptop, inspiration hit. I booted it up and logged into my web based email account. I scrolled to find Edward's last email with his phone number and clicked on it. Comparing the numbers, I saw that there was no error. I had written down the correct number as sent to me by Edward.

Staring at the screen, two scenarios went through my mind. First, I thought perhaps he had typed in the wrong number. Considering there were 3,265,920 possible permutations of a ten-digit number, I wasn't about to try and see which number he had written incorrectly. Then I thought, perhaps he gave me the wrong number on purpose so I had no way to contact him. But why all the subterfuge? If he weren't interested, wouldn't it just have made more sense to just say so?

I decided to give Edward the benefit of the doubt and send him an email. I composed a quick message letting him know I was in LA and the phone number I had for him was incorrect. I wrote that I was staying a few days and if he wanted to get together he could just email me with the correct number. I briefly considered giving him the number where I was staying but I didn't think Jacob would appreciate that much. I had brought my cell phone but forgot to charge it and I knew it was on borrowed time.

What a clusterfuck! I thought bitterly, and prayed Edward would check his email so he would know I hadn't stood him up while I was in LA.

I grabbed a battered tome of Shakespeare plays from Jacob's shelf and thumbed through it. Would it be Macbeth or Hamlet? As I flipped through it, the book opened automatically to Romeo and Juliet. Whoever had previously owned this book had obviously loved this particular piece. I smiled as I read the opening lines and decided to continue reading the play.

Occasionally I checked my email but there was no word from Edward. I sighed and slammed the book shut. It wasn't doing me any good to read about star-crossed lovers and their impending demise.

"Oh Edward," I said mournfully, "Where the hell are you?"

It caused me physical pain to think I was so close to Edward, and yet there was absolutely no way to find him. When would we ever get this chance again? I imagined driving to Edwards Air Force Base and trying to find him myself. I'm sure the guards would get a kick out of that, considering all I had was a first name and a picture of what he looked like. Not that I could get past the gates without military ID anyway, but it was a nice fantasy regardless.

After clicking my check mail button a few times in succession, I realized this whole thing was probably futile. I got up and paced around the room again before running back to the laptop to repeat the process. An hour later there was still no response from Edward so I powered down the laptop. I went to make myself a peppermint tea and sat out on the little patio outside to await Jacob's return.

Halfway through my tea I saw Jake strolling up the pathway and waved at him. He fell into the other chair and put his head against the side of the house, raising his face to the sun. After a few moments he opened his eyes, squinting at me and gave me a lazy smile.

"So Bells, what do you want to do while you're here?" he asked, "I was thinking we could check out the Observatory, Venice Beach, go down the Santa Monica Pier, we have to go to Sunset Boulevard and drive through Beverly Hills…"

And so it began, the LA whirlwind tour. I had to admit I had a lot of fun with Jake. We did bad Rebel Without A Cause impressions while at the Observatory since the smog was so bad you couldn't really observe much at all. Eventually, security ended up escorting us out because we were being a little too boisterous. Then down to Sunset Blvd. Jake parked and we walked up and down the street, making fun of all the gaudy tourist shops. After that, we went to the Chinese Theater and I ran around comparing my hands and feet to all the famous women memorialized in cement.

Afterwards we were both starving and exhausted so Jake brought me to a local Mexican restaurant he frequented and we had a nice leisurely dinner. There was a Stanley Kubrick film festival happening at one of the movie theaters so we headed over there to watch Clockwork Orange and Dr. Strangelove. We stumbled out just before 2001: A Space Odyssey began; too tired to keep our eyes open any longer.

We fell into bed and Jake spooned me against his big chest. Just as I was about to drop off into oblivion he whispered in the darkness.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Mmm?"

"Thanks."

"F'what?" I mumbled.

"Just for coming, I've had more fun today than the whole three years I've been living here." He gave me a tight squeeze.

"Me too, Jake," I said sleepily, "now go to sleep."

"Ok. Happy Valentine's Day Bella." He sighed heavily and then relaxed against me by degrees as he drifted to sleep.

His reminder of what day it was shocked me awake. I had completely forgotten that it was Valentine's Day despite the fact there were gaudy pink and red hearts evertwhere we had gone. Suddenly I was thinking of Edward and even though lying in Jacob's arms felt nice, I would have given anything for the strong arms holding me to belong to someone else.

The next day I checked my email quickly while Jacob was in the shower. Still no word from Edward. At this point I was beyond upset. I had pretty much convinced myself that he just screwed me over and had been lying about wanting to meet me. I was pissed off.

Who the hell did he think he was toying with my emotions this way? Did he get some sick thrill out of leading on poor, unsuspecting girls on the internet? Suddenly the things Jacob said when I first arrived came back to haunt me. How much did I really know about Edward? Not much, really at all. He was probably feeding me a bunch of lines and getting a kick out of watching me succumb to his charms.

Even upset as I was, I just couldn't really believe that. There was a certain vulnerability that came across in his letters that seemed so sincere. Too sincere to fake. I had to trust that there was a good reason why he had given me the wrong number. I knew the chance of seeing him this weekend was slim to none, but I still held on to a shred of hope.

Sunday was all about the beach. First we drove down to Venice Beach and walked along the boardwalk. It was a flurry of activity with all the people roller blading, jogging and walking up and down the path along the beach. I enjoyed stopping to talk with the vendors along the street. There were various stands of people peddling their wares, clothing, artwork, jewelry, incense and oils. I bought a few little knick-knacks for my friends in the office before we went to grab some lunch.

When we finished eating, Jacob drove straight up Pacific Avenue towards Santa Monica. The view of the ocean was spectacular and calming despite the short drive. Jake parked along one of the lots near the pier and we walked hand in hand down the Promenade towards the huge Ferris wheel in the distance. It was such a different atmosphere in comparison to the diversity of Venice Beach and I could feel myself calming considerably.

After awhile we walked down towards the water and just sat on the beach reminiscing about the days hanging out in La Push. Although California was a far cry from Washington, there was still that familiarity, sitting on the sand with Jake and watching as the waves crashed to shore.

That night I begged Jake to bring me out Salsa dancing. One of my regular clients was a dance instructor named Rosalie Hale and she persuaded me to come and join her Latin dance classes. When I told her people like me really shouldn't attempt dancing, she had assured me that this would be a great way to cure me of my clumsiness. I wasn't particularly convinced but thought it couldn't hurt to try.

While I would never be able to boast I was the best in the class, I did have a lot of fun and after awhile then men in the class weren't scared to dance with me any longer. I smiled as I thought back to those first few classes. Rosalie was insistent I stick it out and I hadn't regretted listening to her.

Jacob caved and we went to some no name little hole in the wall. The music was loud and the beat vibrated through my body. I started to sway to the Bachata number playing. Soon enough I was whisked away to dance while Jake grinned at me from across the dance floor. It was a novelty for him to watch me dance since when we grew up together, I was so clumsy I was practically handicapped.

I tried to show Jake some basic steps but he had two left feet, so mostly we just ended up laughing at each other. Finally a tall, beautiful woman had pity on me and took Jacob off my hands. Neither of them seemed to care that he couldn't salsa dance his way out of a wet paper bag and they just ended up swaying to the music. My dance card was full as well and I just had fun, switching partners often.

After one particularly fast dance, I decided to run to the ladies room so I could freshen up. As I walked past the bar I did a double take. I squinted through the murky club, thinking I recognized the man standing on the other side. One of the disco lights flashed briefly against his bronze colored, messy hair.

No, it couldn't be.

Before I could scrutinize his appearance closer, he turned towards a blonde woman who had just come out of the ladies room. He put his hand against the small of her back and followed her out of the club. I stood rooted to the spot. Even though I had only seen him in pictures, I could have sworn that had been Edward.

Edward was on my mind so much this weekend I must have been hallucinating. What are the chances, that in a city with almost 4 million people, I would run into Edward in an LA Salsa bar? It was nearly impossible, especially considering he lived in Lancaster, nearly 2 hours away.

I shook my head to clear it and continued on to the restroom. Once I was done, I went to go find Jake and pry him off of the pretty young thing he was dancing with, pleading a headache. I waited while they exchanged numbers and then we left the club for home.

The next day was Monday and it was time for me to leave. Jacob drove me to the airport and amidst tearful goodbyes he sent me off back to Forks. I was sad to say goodbye to my friend but also happy to be heading home.

I sent a silent farewell to Edward as well, wherever he may be.

After I had unpacked, I went to go check my phone messages. Renee had called while I was gone, she was going on about some new venture she wanted to try. Fantasia parties? Really, Renee? I just shook my head laughing and wondered if she was subjecting Phil to all the new merchandise. I shuddered briefly and banished that thought as quick as it had come.

There was also a message from Rosalie; she was dying to know if I had gone dancing in LA and what it was like. The LA Salsa scene was vastly different than the clubs we had gone to in Seattle and she was itching to go. For now she would just live vicariously through me because Emmett couldn't get time off of work. They had recently gotten engaged and she wanted to try and incorporate a trip to LA into her honeymoon plans this summer.

Alice called to see if I'd had a good time and ask if I had met up with Edward while there. I winced at the mention of his name and the bitter disappointment started to creep up again. I hadn't had the heart to boot up my ancient computer and see if he had ever replied to my email. Perhaps it would just be better if I ceased all contact with him. My heart obviously couldn't handle it.

After calling everyone back, Rosalie and Alice decided to pop in for a bit of wine and girl talk. It was an early night since Alice and I had to work in the morning, but it was still nice to wax and moan about the whole Edward situation.

"I don't get it Bella," Alice chirped, "Why would he purposely give you the wrong number?"

"I don't know."

Rosalie scoffed, "Those probably aren't even his real pictures! I bet he stole them from some dating site or something."

"Maybe," I frowned, "but then how do you explain the guy I saw at the bar? How much of a coincidence would it be that the guy whose pictures were stolen actually LIVED in LA?"

"Oh wait, you mean the guy who was with another woman? That guy?" Rosalie said flippantly.

"Rosalie!" Alice admonished, she had seen how my face fell at the mention of the blonde woman who was with the man I had thought was Edward.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Rosalie said while patting my knee. "It just seems like you are so emotionally vested in this guy but you don't even really know him."

"You sound like Jake," I said sadly.

"Well that's a first!" she laughed. Rosalie and Jacob didn't get along particularly well. He thought she was a stuck up ice queen and she thought he was a crude, womanizer. Despite the fact I defended them both, neither would see past their preconceived notions.

"Rosalie, you and Jake have more in common than you think, you know. You should give him a chance!"

"He's a dog, Bella. When are you going to realize that?" her lip curled slightly as she spoke of him.

"Jake's not a dog! He just hasn't found the right girl yet. I'd bet money once she comes along she will be his whole world, and he'll never look at another woman ever again." I said with certainty.

"Well, that's beside the point, Bella. The point is, you have become infatuated with this Edward guy and I'm worried." Rosalie looked at me intently, her sky blue eyes boring into mine. I broke the stare, looking down at my hands.

Alice came to sit beside me and put her arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze.

"What if that was Edward in the bar, Bella?" she said quietly. "If he was with another woman, that doesn't sound very encouraging."

"Well, that was the weird part," I began. "Even though he left with her there didn't seem to be any kind of connection. Know what I mean? It was almost as if he were with his sister or something. I don't know how else to explain it!"

"Are you sure you're not just trying to make excuses? You did say it was dark in there." Alice had a speculative look on her face.

"Well, yeah, it was dark, so it may not even have been Edward in the first place," I rushed out. "But when she walked out towards him he didn't smile at her or anything! He didn't even look happy to see her, like someone normally would in a romantic situation. He just… stood there waiting…" I stopped talking as I noticed the pitying expressions on my friend's faces.

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. Suddenly I was extremely exhausted. I felt Alice's arm tighten around me comfortingly.

"You guys are probably right," I conceded. Even as I said the words I could feel my heart clenching in my chest. It hadn't given up on Edward quite yet.

"Well," Alice said, while giving Rosalie a stern look. "You never know. Maybe it wasn't Edward? Maybe this was all a big misunderstanding. I guess just wait and see if he emails you back and take it from there."

Rosalie opened her mouth to say something and then snapped it shut. I continued to look at her and grudgingly she finally agreed with Alice.

"Ok, see what the guy has to say for himself." She examined her nails and although I knew she was just saying what I wanted to hear, at that moment I really loved Rosalie. She was a tough nut; years of professional ballroom competition had honed her cynical side to a sharp edge. Once you got past that exterior however, she was a very devoted and caring woman who was fiercely protective of the people she loved. I felt honored to be included with those she cared for the most.

I stood up and went over to hug Rosalie. She wrapped her graceful arms around me and held me close. A few moments later, I felt Alice's arms try and wrap around us both. After awhile we all started to giggle and soon we were full out laughing. I really did love my girls.

Once we broke out of our joined embrace, I rubbed my eyes and fought off a yawn. Seeing how tired I was, Alice and Rosalie decided to go home. With lots of kisses and waves I watched them leave. Shutting the door behind me I leaned against it closed my eyes and thought about everything they had said.

I opened my eyes and pushed away from the door. Slowly I walked through the house, turning off lights as I went and headed up the stairs. I had a long hot shower to relax my knotted muscles and took my time washing my hair feeling myself relax as I went through the mundane activity. When I was done, I blow-dried my hair in preparation for work tomorrow.

Barely able to keep my eyes open, I shuffled down the hallway toward my bedroom. I should have moved into Charlie's room but I just couldn't. Maybe one day I would be able to clean out that room and claim it as my own but as of now, I just hadn't the heart.

I snuggled deep down into my pillows and covers and fell into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

* * *

**So? What did you think? Review are always appreciated :))**


	7. Explanations And Attachments

**Twilight = not mine *sad face***

* * *

**7. Explanations And Attachments**

Tuesday morning came much too soon and I was still groggy when my alarm sounded. Even though I had taken a four-day vacation from work, all the travel and running around with Jake had wiped me out. I felt like I needed a vacation from my vacation.

Oh well, I thought to myself, at least it will be a short week. It was pretty sad that I was already looking forward to the weekend. Especially since recently I couldn't get to work fast enough knowing I would be talking to Edward all day.

I pulled up to TDG, parked and went inside. No one was in yet and I knew I would have some time to myself to prepare for the day. I was grateful to the silence as I started my computer. While it loaded, I opened my desk drawer and took out what I would need for my day. Notebook, pen, calculator, blank customer files. I opened my email to see which things I needed to take care of right away, I knew Angela or Mike would have covered for me if there was an emergency, so I wasn't too worried.

The very first message in my inbox was:

**MethodMan**...** Let Me Explain?**...** Tues, 2/17/09 6:33 AM**

My jaw clenched tightly as I highlighted the message and clicked Delete. I didn't want to hear explanations. All the anger from the weekend came back to me and I sat there seething. I pushed my chair away from my desk and stomped towards the little kitchen to start the coffee. I crashed and banged around in there, taking my frustrations out on anything that wouldn't break easily.

Explain. He wanted to explain something to me. Well, time for explanations are over buster! Any explanations should have been done before I went to LA and acted like a pathetic idiot.

I trudged back to my desk and clicked on my Trash folder. I sat looking at the message, my curiosity gaining in increments. I clicked Delete once more.

**Are you sure you want to permanently delete the selected message?**

My mouse hovered over the OK button. I willed my finger to click it. My finger didn't listen. That same double-crossing finger clicked the cancel button instead. I wondered what that unfaithful finger would do next and wasn't completely surprised that it opened Edward's email.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_I've been sitting here wracking my brain, trying to figure out a way to explain to you what happened this weekend._

_I haven't been completely honest with you, and for that I am sorry. I have a young son from a previous relationship and his mother needed me to take him for the weekend. There is no reason why I shouldn't have told you about him and I hope you can forgive me._

_When we began chatting, I thought it was only going to be a casual thing given my career and the distance between us. No one was more surprised than I at the instant connection I felt for you. I have tried to fight against it and tell myself we were just friends, it was easier to justify why I kept parts of my life closed off from you. I can't do that anymore._

_I don't think I realized how badly I wanted to be with you until this weekend when I knew you were barely a heartbeat away. It killed me, Bella. I wanted to scour the city until I found you so I could hold you close to me, and breathe in your scent. I wanted to take your beautiful face in my hands, gaze into your eyes and kiss your lips._

_I have your face memorized, you know? I am always looking at the pictures you sent me and I can close my eyes and see you so clearly. Your translucent heart shaped face. The depth of your eyes, it is like I can see right into your soul. Your full mouth, the upper lip is slightly more voluptuous than the bottom and I can't help but wonder how soft they would be. I wish I could brush the hair away from your neck and see the tender skin underneath._

_I have imagined so many times what it would feel like to kiss you and run my hands over your body. To bury my hands in your chestnut hair and pull your face to mine. I want to know what it's like to kiss your neck and feel your pulse race under my lips. I want to feel you moving against me, over me, under me. I want to hear you moaning my name. It's all consuming and I can barely think of anything else._

_You were so close. And I couldn't do a damned thing about it. You don't know how sorry I really am._

_I do hope that if I haven't scared you completely away with my obsession for you, that you can ever forgive me. Perhaps in time we can meet, so I can prove to you how much you mean to me. If this is too much for you, just don't reply and I will leave you be, even though that is the last thing I want to do._

_Love,_

_Edward_

I sat there thunderstruck after reading his letter. There were so many questions to be answered but above all else it was my body's reaction to what he said that gripped me. His words invoked a rush of passion that consumed me. I'm not sure if his intention was to try and disarm me or if he was just purging his soul but either way it had a profound affect on me.

With each profession, I could see and feel every kiss and touch. My body shuddered in reaction when I read how much he desired me. His vivid explanations were scenarios I had imagined as well and made me yearn for him even more than before if that was at all possible.

But he had lied. An omission of truth was still a lie no matter how much I wanted to deny it. In a way, I could understand why he would keep certain parts of his life from me, but I had to admit, it hurt me to know he didn't trust me with that information. He had a son. Who was the mother of his child and what did she mean to him? Why wouldn't he have told me these things? It just didn't make much sense considering how much information we had shared about our lives.

So now what? I had a choice to make. I could delete this email and try to move on with my life or I could reply and ask for more information.

If I moved on, perhaps I could find someone local who I would care about just as much. Someone who had been honest from the beginning. Someone who I could touch, kiss and hold every day. Someone who probably wouldn't have an inkling of who the real Bella was, like Edward did.

I sighed.

If I emailed him back I wasn't sure what can of worms it would open. Would he think that every time he screwed up, he could say some flowery words and I would forgive him? The scary part was that it probably would work. I was proverbial putty in Edward's hands and we hadn't even met yet.

And what of this mysterious woman he had been with? And his son… he had a son! Isn't that the kind of thing you talked about? Aren't parents usually too proud of their offspring to keep them a secret? Or did he think maybe I would turn into some crazy lady and boil his bunny? Was he trying to keep his son safe from a potential danger?

I groaned aloud and wondered what to do.

Making a quick decision I typed a reply.

_I'm not sure what to say. I'm hurt that you couldn't trust me enough to tell me about your marriage and your child. You didn't need to lie to me. I need time to think things through._

_I'm sorry._

_B._

Before I could change my mind, I clicked send. Within minutes I received a reply from Edward.

_Thank you so much for replying. You don't know how much that means to me. I promise you, I will explain everything to you whenever you are ready._

_Love,_

_E._

I considered briefly if I should answer right away and then thought it may make my decision easier if I knew the whole story.

_Tell me everything._

_B._

After I sent the email, Mike strolled in soon followed by Eric and Angela. We chatted about my trip and any drama that had occurred while I was gone. I was relieved to hear there were no major problems with any of my accounts and I actually made money during my absence because Angela had booked a few of my clients. She was truly a good friend, there were other agents who would have taken all the profit for themselves and not given a damn.

I gave my friends the little gifts I had picked up for them in Venice Beach. I got Angela a light ring and scented oils to go with it and the boys got T-shirts from one of the local artists. After that we all got busy on the phones. March break was coming up soon and a lot of people were scrambling for space before everything sold out.

James made an appearance but after a perfunctory greeting, left me to do my thing. Time off the phones meant less money in his pocket and JC was all about the money. The Tour Operator sponsoring the contest giving away free airline tickets to booking agents had had so much success, that they decided to extend the offer for another month. I was close to getting another free seat and was hoping by the end of the day I would reach my goal.

My time was so occupied it almost succeeded in getting my mind off of Edward. Luckily Angela hadn't had a chance to ask me about it because I was still unsure what to say about the whole thing. As if he knew I was thinking of him, I received and email from Edward. I debated waiting to read it but I knew my curiosity would get the better of me so I logged off my phone and clicked on it.

_Hello Bella,_

_Ok, here is the story. I was unsure where to begin but I guess it would have to go back to when I was in high school. I had met my girlfriend Sharon, when we were both sophomores and became serious right away. We went to the same college and were inseparable. I proposed to her and we were planning to get married. Then 9-11 happened. Out of some sense of duty I felt for my country I did what I thought best, and enlisted in the Air Force. I was deployed to Iraq shortly after I completed boot camp. Sharon wasn't happy with my decision but she told me she would wait for me until my tour of duty was complete. After 15 months I returned home but everything had changed. I found out that Sharon hadn't been faithful to me while I was away and she was pregnant with another man's child. I was devastated._

_I felt betrayed and angry of course so I threw myself into my work and rose in the ranks quite quickly. I also signed on for another tour just to get away from all my memories. My family worried about me so when I returned from my second TDY my mother invited a family friend over for dinner in the hopes that I would become interested._

_Tanya was the complete opposite of Sharon in looks and mannerisms and I found myself drawn to her. I realize now that I didn't love Tanya for herself so much as that there were no painful memories to remind me of Sharon's betrayal. Our relationship progressed and I felt pressured by our families to take the next step and propose but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Tanya became tired of waiting and took matters into her own hands. She told me she wanted to plan a special night for us so we went out to dinner and a concert. Afterwards she told me how she felt about me and that she wanted us to be married._

_In hindsight I realize I should have said no. I loved Tanya but I was never certain if I was IN love with her. That night however, seeing her eyes brimming with hope I just didn't have the heart to hurt her like I had been in the past._

_Everything happened so fast. We were married shortly after in a small ceremony and began our lives together. Things were good at first and I thought maybe I had made the right decision. Tanya became pregnant quickly and then my son Masen was born. He became my whole world._

_Life went on like before, but as time passed I began to feel dissatisfied. At first I blamed the monotony of work, or stress, but then I had to admit to myself I was not happy with Tanya. I cared for her, and she is the mother of my child, but there was just something missing from our marriage. Something I didn't want to live without any longer. Our relationship disintegrated from there. We still remain in contact for Masen's sake but it has been long over between us._

_Isabella, meeting you has shown me that I was right; there is something more out there for me. I think that it is you. I know this sounds crazy, but I just can't get over the feeling that we were destined to meet. I need you in my life no matter what that entails. I hope you feel the same for me._

_I know you need time to process all of this before making a decision, just know I will be waiting patiently no matter what you decide._

_Love,_

_Edward_

There were tears in my eyes by the end of Edward's letter and I knew right then, I could deny this man nothing. He was flawed, he made mistakes, he had regrets and yet in my eyes he was still perfect.

I was still upset that he hadn't been completely honest with me from the start, but I could understand his need to try and protect himself and his son. At least now he had laid it all on the line. He was subtly telling me, this was all or nothing for him and did I feel the same.

Yes, I felt the same. God help me, I did.

* * *

**Ok so lots of Edward in this chapter, hope you're all happy to see him again! Oh and for anyone wondering about the boiling bunny reference, it comes from a movie called Fatal Attraction where this lady boils the family pet (a rabbit) in a stew.  
**


	8. March

**Ok! So LOTS of Edward from here on in ladies! Enjoy!  
**

**Twilight does not belong to me, but 2 baby boys do! **

* * *

**8. March**

After Edward's last letter we picked up where we left off, only this time he talked more freely about his son and the rest of his family. It was encouraging to see this side of him and I felt as if we were closer than before.

Every once in awhile I felt a pang that we hadn't had a chance to meet in February but I was taking steps to rectify that. I had turned into a booking machine and already had three free trips under my belt. I WOULD meet Edward even if it killed me.

The plan at the moment was to visit him in April. I thought I would die having to wait that long but it was really the only time we could both get off of work. James was being his usual prick self and balked that I wanted to take more time off work. He didn't seem to care that in the three years I had worked for him, I had barely taken any time off. I was his moneymaker and he didn't like it when anything interfered with his bank account. He changed his mind when I threatened to quit. Bella missing for two working days was preferable to Bella not working at TDG at all.

My threat was completely empty. If I quit, I lost all my free tickets and I would never be able to get out to see Edward. That was not going to happen, but James didn't need to know that. The less James knew about my personal life, the better.

I still went out occasionally with the gang from work. It was fun to have some time where I wasn't consumed by thoughts of Edward and what I was going to do to him when I got him alone. Ever since he had dropped his guard and admitted all the things he wanted to do to me, I found it hard to concentrate on anything else. It didn't help that every day his letters became more descriptive. They were always still respectful but I could read the hidden currents underneath his delicate depictions.

Something as simple as: _I can't wait till your body is flush against mine and we are intertwined so closely that I can feel your breath on my lips._

Turned into:_ I want to fuck you like an animal._

Or at least that's what I hope he meant! I didn't think after all this verbal foreplay, I would be able to keep from completely ravishing him when we were finally alone together. As if that wasn't bad enough, Edward had sent me a little care package in the mail. When I told him the poor pictures I printed out were taking a beating he sent me actual photos. He also sent me a mixed CD full of romantic and sexy songs. I played it at night while imagining what I would do to Edward if he had been in my bed at that moment.

While I was pulling everything out of the envelope he sent me, a little clear plastic baggie fell out with a swatch of fabric inside. I picked it up curiously, wondering what it could possibly be. When I opened the bag the sweetest scent wafted up from the fabric, gasping I held it to my nose. It was Edward, his essence, this is what he smells like, my mind yammered at me. He smelled delicious.

Now I was in sensory overload between his pictures, his words and his scent. I was amazed I didn't hop the first flight out to LA, rush over to the Air Force Base and stand at the gates yelling like a lunatic until someone found Edward. How was I going to make it through this month until I could be near him?

It was while I was complaining to Edward about exactly this that he laughed at me and confirmed he was feeling the same way and that he wished he could at least hear my voice. I sat there stunned for a moment. His voice! Since the LA debacle, I hadn't even thought about trying to contact him on the phone ever again, even though I had long since forgiven him for his disappearance while I was in LA. When I asked him why we hadn't yet spoken on the phone, he replied saying he didn't think I wanted to since I had his phone number and had never called.

Edward had completely forgotten the number he had given me was incorrect. Being so caught up in everything that had happened, it had been pushed to the wayside. He gave me the correct number and asked if I wanted to call right then. My throat closed up tight as I considered talking to him at that precise moment. After a few seconds of deliberation, I snuck into one of the client meeting rooms and dialed his number.

The phone rang a couple of times before Edward answered.

"Staff Sergeant Cullen speaking." His voice was crisp, sharp and all business but even still it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

I wheezed into the phone.

"Hello?" Now he sounded puzzled.

"Hi Edward, it's Bella," I managed to choke out. Now it was his turn to be silent.

"Hello?" I repeated when the silence stretched out a bit longer. Then I heard him laugh. If I thought his voice was beautiful before, the sound of his rich, deep, melodic laughter just magnified that impression.

"Well, hello Beautiful!" he said easily. "You caught me by surprise, I didn't think you would call so quickly."

"You have such a wonderful voice," I blurted out stupidly. Wincing, I brought the heel of my hand to my forehead and smacked it repeatedly. He laughed again and the sound pierced me to the core.

"Thank you. You sound wonderful too, Bella. I'm so glad you called," he said softly. "I've tried to imagine what you sounded like so many times but I have to admit, my imagination fell completely short of the mark."

I goggled at the phone in my hand. Where does he come up with this stuff?

"Same here." I said, not knowing what else to say. Edward was going to think I was retarded by the time I got off the phone with him if I kept this up.

"Are you nervous talking to me?" He asked with an obvious smile in his voice. I couldn't help smiling back. I closed my eyes, pulled up his image in my head and relaxed.

"It's just me, Bella. You can tell me anything," he continued in his smooth, deep voice.

"Oh, Edward," I sighed. "I really thought hearing your voice would make me feel better, but all it's doing is making me want to come see you now." I heard Edward's voice catch in his throat.

"Me too, Bella. This month is going to go by so slowly. You don't know how badly I want you with me."

I think I do," I countered and was rewarded by his sensuous laugh again.

"Listen, things here are a bit crazy right now but I'll be working late. Maybe you can give me a call when you get home? It will be a little more private for us both." His voice lowered seductively and I felt heat rush throughout my body.

"That sounds good," I squeaked. He chuckled at the sound of my voice and I laughed along with him.

"Alright Beautiful, I loved talking to you. Call me later tonight. Promise?"

"I promise," I said dreamily.

"Ciao, Love."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and floated back to my desk with a big, goofy grin on my face.

As soon as work was done I rushed out the door. Usually I stayed behind to finish up on my paperwork but I knew I would never be able to concentrate today anyway. I skipped down the stairs and walked outside into the drizzly rain. I made the short dash to my truck and sat in the cab while the engine warmed up.

Leaning my head back against the seat, I closed me eyes and recalled the sound of Edward's voice. I knew I could never accurately describe it; all I knew was that the sound made my knees weak and my whole body flush with pleasure.

I remembered how he answered the phone, his voice full of authority. Even still he sounded sexy as hell and I wondered what it would be like to hear that sure, commanding voice in bed. Swoon. Then once he realized it was me, his voice had changed. It became soft and seductive. His words curling around me like a caress.

Shuddering briefly I moaned quietly to myself. This was torture. Complete and utter torture. Why couldn't Edward be based somewhere here in Washington? I knew there were several AF Bases in this state, why did he have to be all the way at the opposite end of the country? Oh well, I guess it could be worse and he could be stationed in Florida! Still he may as well be for all the frequency I could see him.

A small tap on my window startled me out of my reverie. It was Angela, standing outside, smiling at me like I was crazy. I guess I must have looked the part, sitting in my truck, moaning to myself and muttering. I fought to lower the window so I could see what she wanted.

"Hey Ange, what's up?" I said sheepishly.

"Nothing, I was just making sure you were ok. You are ok, right Bella?" she snickered at me.

I flapped a hand at her, "Yeah, fine. I was just waiting for the truck to warm up."

"Mmm hmm…" she gave me a shrewd look. "And daydreaming." Now a large smile was spreading on her face. My blushing cheeks told her everything she wanted to know.

"Oh God, Ange." I groaned. "How am I going to make it through the next few weeks?"

"Why don't we go out for a couple of drinks and talk about it? I feel like besides here, I barely talk to you at all these days." I felt the guilt assault me and didn't know what to say.

"Well, I'm supposed to call Edward tonight to keep him company at work…" I trailed off pathetically.

"Come on, Bella! I'm sure you can't call him yet for a couple of hours. We can eat some dinner in the meantime."

Dinner did sound good. And Angela was right, even though I wanted to rush home and call Edward right away, I knew that his co-workers would all still be around for the next little while. He did say something about privacy. My stomach clenched again, remembering his sexy voice, full of implications.

"Ok, let's go." I said smiling. "Do you want to hop in with me or take two cars?"

In the end we figured two cars would be better so we could each go straight home. Not that it would take all that long to come back to TDG to pick up the car since Forks was such a small town. Angela probably felt the same way I did, not wanting to return here unless it was absolutely necessary.

We had a nice quiet dinner and talked about what had been going on in our respective lives. It was nice to have a little girl time and I realized how much I missed it. I was going to have to yank my head out of my daydreams and spend more time with Angela, Alice and Rosalie.

Remembering Rosalie made me clench my jaw. She still wasn't very thrilled with Edward and even though he obviously wasn't the man I saw in the Salsa bar that night, she still didn't trust him. She didn't like the fact that he had lied about some important parts of his life and she especially didn't like the fact I forgave him so easily.

It was so easy for her to talk; after all, she had Emmett. Thinking of the big lug made me smile. He adored Rosalie and had chased after her relentlessly, even joining her dance classes so he could be near her. He really didn't need them, as huge as he was, Emmett was very graceful for a man his size. After a while he was able to crack that hard exterior and Rosalie had no choice but to fall in love.

However, not everyone had it that easy. Not everyone had their soul mate living practically on their doorstep. Some of us had to travel in order to find that perfect someone. Rosalie still couldn't understand that. I think deep down she was scared that I would pack up and leave for California if things with Edward became that serious.

I had to admit, the thought had crossed my mind on more than one occasion. Edward was more or less bound by his job. I don't even know if he could get transferred out to Washington and he still had two years left of his term before he could leave the Air Force. With my job, I could pretty much be a travel agent anywhere. I know James would hate to lose me but that didn't really make a difference. I could always get letters of recommendations from clients and our Vice President Jeffrey.

Realizing Angela was calling my name I came back to the present. She was asking me if I was done dinner and was ready to go. Looking at my watch I realized almost two hours had passed. Edward always worked late these days so I knew he would still be at the office by the time I reached home. Nodding at Angela, I grabbed my wallet to pay for my share of the dinner.

We walked companionably in silence to our vehicles. Saying goodbye, I got in my truck and drove home. I let myself into my empty house and just walked straight up to my room without turning on any lights. Wanting to be comfortable for our talk, I changed into my routine nightwear and grabbed the phone. I already had Edward's number clutched in my hand.

My hands were shaking again as I dialed his number. I knew he would be expecting my call even though I hadn't told him exactly when I would be calling. I waited as the phone rang; my stomach was a writhing mass of butterflies.

"Staff Sergeant Cullen speaking."

I thought this time I would be prepared for the heaven that was his voice, but I wasn't. It made me almost as insensible as the first time I heard it. Luckily, I was able to answer more readily this time.

"Hello Edward," I said huskily.

"Hi Bella, I was hoping it was you," he said matching my tone. The butterflies in my stomach were going wild and my skin prickled in gooseflesh. Lord, he sounded even better than he looked if that was possible. Leaning over I grabbed my favorite picture of him and stared at his beautiful face.

"Is this a better time to talk?"

"Yes, it is. Everyone from this building has gone home already, I'm all yours." A shiver ran down my spine. All mine; I loved the sound of that.

"Are you sure you don't want to go home, I can call you there instead? You must be tired of being at work."

"No, no. I'd rather be here than at home." I thought of my empty house and understood exactly what he meant. "Plus, I still have some paperwork to clear up."

"Oh, do you want to call me back when you're done? I don't want keep you…"

"Bella," he said, his voice like velvet, wrapping me in warmth. "I can do work anytime. I can't talk to you anytime however. If I had a choice between paperwork and hearing your sexy voice, you'd win every time."

"I love when you say my name," I sighed.

"Bella," he said in that silken, seductive tone and I groaned into the phone. The effect this man had on me was incredible. He started to chuckle lightly.

"You're mean," I pouted.

"I'm sorry, Beautiful," he said amused. "I just like teasing you."

"I can think of better ways for you to tease me," I said playfully.

"Oh, really?" he said with obvious pleasure. "What did you have in mind?"

"You'll just have to wait till we meet in person," I said flippantly.

"And you say I'm mean?" Now it was my turn to laugh. "I can not wait until we are together. The closer we get to the date, the slower time seems to pass."

"Same here," I sighed again.

"I have everything planned out already," he said excitedly.

"You do?"

"Yes! There's this place I know of, it's right off the beach past Malibu. I've been there before for our work baseball tournaments and thought it would be a nice place to go. There's a lot of stuff to do nearby, I think it's going to be fun." He sounded like a five year old about to go to Disney Land. Only hopefully I would be his amusement ride.

"That sounds nice. Honestly, Edward, I don't care where we go as long as I'm with you." I heard his intake of breath.

"I'm happy you feel that way. Sometimes I wonder if I'm getting ahead of myself. Bella, do you find it strange I am so attached to you even though we haven't met?" His voice was shy but intense.

"No," I answered automatically.

"Ok, good." Relief coming through loud and clear. "So, I feel like I should ask you what you're wearing or something," he laughed quietly. I looked down at my holey t-shirt and sweats in horror.

"I don't think you want to know!"

"Well now you've piqued my curiosity. What are you wearing?"

"Edward." I used my best scolding voice.

"Mmm, I like the way you say my name too, Bella." Sweet Jesus on a piece of toast. Moaning AND my name all in one sentence. I was in ecstasy.

"I didn't realize I had to dress up for a phone call," I said acerbically. "Umm, just a t-shirt and pair of sweat pants."

"Take them off." He commanded.

"'Scuse me?" I squeaked.

In that same commanding tone he repeated himself slower, "I want you to take them off."

I briefly considered saying no but that assertive tone was doing things to my body I had never experienced before. I shimmied out of my pants and sat up to remove my t-shirt. When it was off I laid down on the bed.

"Ok, they are off, " I said breathlessly.

"Good," he said, gentler now. "I'm trying to imagine you right now. Are you in bed?"

"Yes."

"Are you lying down?"

"Yes."

"Describe to me what position you're in."

"Edward? Are you sure you don't want to be at home for this?" I said, my voice trembling slightly.

He laughed softly, "No. It would take me too long to get home and I want to hear this now." That authoritative note was back in his voice.

I was a bit hesitant at first, never having done something like this before but Edward made me feel safe and sexy. I described how I was laying on the bed and what my under garments looked like. It annoyed me that I wasn't wearing something more alluring but Edward seemed turned on by my innocent white bra and panties.

Listening to his provocative voice, I began running my hands down my body. Edward noticed the change in my voice right away and asked what I was doing. When I told him he growled into the phone, the noise he made heightened my arousal because now I knew what he would sound like during sex. Of course this realization made me moan loudly and that just spurred him on.

Edward demanded I tell him everything. What I was doing to myself, how my body felt, what made me feel the best. It began getting more difficult as I reached orgasm and at that point I just stopped talking allowing my groans and panting tell him what he wanted to know.

"Oh God, Bella. You sound so good, you can't even imagine how bad I want you!" he said hoarsely. "I want to be the one making you sound that way."

I waited to catch my breath before replying. "You are the one who is making me sound this way."

"You know what I mean. I want to be the one kissing you, touching you, licking you." And just like that I was completely aroused again.

"Soon Edward," I said softly.

"Not soon enough."

We talked a little bit more before I started to feel bad that he was still in his office and reluctantly said goodbye.

The rest of the time passed in a similar fashion. I would either call Edward at work, or would he would call me from home and we would drive each other crazy. It helped a bit with the frustration of not having him close by but also built up our anticipation of the upcoming trip. I hoped I wouldn't disappoint Edward in person, but I was fairly certain that whatever I lacked in experience, I would make up for in enthusiasm.

The days counted down slowly and April simply couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

**Squee! The inevitable E&B meet chapter is coming! Are you excited? Let me know how much by sending me a review! **


	9. LA Take Two

**Twilight is not mine... nothing good ever is! *grumble grumble***

* * *

**9. LA Take 2**

The plane ride going to LA this time around was excruciatingly slow. Two and a half hours had never passed so slowly in all my life. If that wasn't bad enough, the fifteen-minute walk to the luggage carousel seemed to stretch out for hundreds of miles. It felt as if I were running through water to try and get to Edward.

Waiting for my luggage was another exercise in patience. I just wanted to run out into the waiting area and attack Edward, I was almost tempted to just forget my luggage and tell him it was lost so I didn't have to wait. I walked over to the doorway to peek out at the people waiting but I didn't see him. A moment of panic seized me and I prayed he didn't stand me up.

I went back to the carousel and willed it to start moving so I could get my luggage quicker. I sighed with relief as it finally chugged to life and bags starting spitting out of the hatch. Of course mine was almost the last and I was dancing on the tips of my toes with impatience. It would have been ironic if my luggage had actually been lost.

Since mostly everyone else had retrieved their bags and left, I knew the waiting area would be almost empty. I prayed Edward didn't think anything happened to me and was still waiting. I rushed towards the security guard and showed him my tags proving the luggage was mine and practically charged into the arrivals section of the airport.

There Edward was, in all his glory. Sex on two legs. His copper hair was impossibly messy as if he just got out of bed, jade eyes flashing, crooked grin in place, head cocked to one side as if waiting for something expectantly. Oh right, he was waiting for me. He wore a tight, white v-neck shirt that hugged his sumptuous chest, his biceps straining against the fabric. His jeans were dark and slung low but fit him snugly in all the right places.

I thought I would be shy seeing Edward for the first time but the look he gave me when I walked towards him stripped me of all my inhibitions. Before I knew what had happened I had my arms around his neck, with my fingers fisted in his hair. It was softer than I even imagined. His long arms were wrapped around me tightly and his beautiful mouth was pressed to mine.

I'm home, I thought incoherently.

One of Edward's hands slid up my back to the nape of my neck where he plunged his long fingers into my hair and cradled my head. The other arm was wrapped securely around my waist holding my body right up against his. Our kiss deepened as his lips parted and he slid his hot, wet tongue against my mouth. I moaned quietly and rotated my hips against his. I felt his hands clench against me as if trying to pull me inside of him.

I still had one hand intertwined in his hair while the other came down to caress the side of his face and his neck. His lips were so soft and his tongue felt incredible against mine as they whispered across one another slowly, passionately. I could feel him getting hard against me and pushed my hips into him eagerly.

"Get a room." Someone said as they walked by.

Edward and I broke apart and both started to laugh still clutching onto each other. He leaned down and whispered into my ear.

"Good thing we have one." I shuddered against him and blushed a bright crimson. He just smiled down at me and brushed his fingers lightly across my cheek. "Hi Beautiful."

"Oh, right, um, hi," I stammered, I didn't think I could get any redder but my face proved me wrong. Edward just continued to look at me with a sweet smile as he brushed my hair back from my face.

"Ready to go?" he asked earnestly.

"Yes! Let's get out of here." He threw my bag over his strong shoulder and took my hand in his. As he turned to walk away, I hung back a bit and enjoyed the view. I had wondered what his ass looked like for months now. It was perfect, just like the rest of him.

Peeking over his shoulder to see why I was lagging Edward noticed my ogling. "Are you checking out my ass?" he said, amused.

"God, yes!" I exclaimed and he started to laugh.

Once we weaved through the people walking in the airport and had more room, Edward tugged me till I was beside him and placed his arm around my shoulder. He hugged me tight to his side and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. I wrapped my arms around his waist and enjoyed his close proximity. He smelled so good and I just drank him all in.

The elevator in the parking garage was full when we squeezed in. Edward stood behind me and I could still feel his arousal pushed up against me. I leaned back and moved slightly against him, smiling when his hands gripped my shoulders tightly. I looked back and up and the smoldering look he shot at me made my knees buckle slightly.

When the doors opened on our level I almost thought Edward was going to pick me up and run for the car. We rushed through the garage until we approached a silver Volvo. He had the keyless remote in his hand to unlock the doors and came with me to the passenger side.

Before he opened my door, Edward pushed me up against the car and began kissing me again. He had his hands braced against the car on either side of my head and stood slightly away from me, only our lips touching. I ran my hands up and down his chest enjoying the hard muscles rippling under his shirt. Hating to have him stand so far away I gripped his waist and pulled him to me till his long, lean body was pressed up against mine.

"Oh God, Bella. You don't know what you're doing to me." His voice was jagged and rough and I could only moan in return. I had a pretty good idea what I was doing to him, it was the same thing he was doing to me.

Not holding back any longer, Edward reached down and grasped my thighs. He bent slightly and picked me up in his arms so I could wrap my legs around his waist. He leaned my back against the car and gripped my buttocks pushing his erection into my pelvis.

"That is what you do to me," he said in my ear before biting my ear lobe. I whimpered as his lips moved to my neck where he proceeded to nibble and lick the flesh there.

"Edward?"

"Mmmm?" he said into my neck.

"Please, let's go to the hotel." I begged. I couldn't take the teasing any longer, so unless he was planning to bend me over his car right now, I was going to lose my mind.

"But it's so far away," he said as if he were a little boy being deprived of something. His kisses intensified and he was moving his hips against me harder now.

"Oh Jesus, Edward! Please!" The urgency in my voice must have cut through the haze because he grinned at me and slowly put me down. Still holding me close, he moved me to the side so he could open the passenger door of his car. After he handed me in, he threw my luggage in the back. Sooner than I thought possible he was in the driver's seat and we were peeling out of the parking garage.

Watching Edward handle the stick shift of his car with those long dexterous fingers was sending me into a frenzy. I loved his hands. They were elegant and artistic; his fingers were slender but manly. I wanted to kiss and nibble on them but decided that might not be the best idea while he was driving.

Traffic on the freeway was horrible and it took us a long while before we got onto the open stretch of the Pacific Coast Highway. We talked easily along the way with no awkward pauses just enjoying each other's company. Now that Edward didn't need his hand to manage the stick shift he reached over and put it on my thigh. His fingers brushed up and down the fabric, tracing lazy circles from my knee almost all the way up to my hip. At one point his hand moved towards my inner thigh, he turned his face to me to watch my reaction, a devious smile on his face.

"Open your legs." I immediately recognized that commanding voice from our phone conversations. Without thought, I spread my knees wider. Edward grunted at my complicity. Keeping eye contact with me he moved his hand up my inner thigh towards my sex. I was wearing a thin pair of Capri slacks and when his fingers made contact I gasped and moved my hips forward.

"You are so hot," he groaned. " I can feel your heat even through your pants."

"Are we almost there yet?" I asked impatiently as I squirmed in my seat.

"Almost, Bella." His fingers were brushing lightly up and down between my legs. My stomach would spasm every time he came near my clit. I couldn't believe I had no problem letting him touch me so intimately since we just met but I couldn't resist him even if I tried.

After what seemed like a million miles we finally pulled up to our destination. Edward parked the car and got out, telling me to wait where I was. He went to go check in and came back shortly, swinging a key from his hand. He got back in the Volvo, started it and drove down a winding path. He turned into a driveway and stopped the car in beside a tiny beachfront cottage.

Edward turned to me smiling. "Here we are," he said proudly. I smiled back tentatively and cast my eyes down to my lap. Edward reached over and hooked a finger under my chin lifting my face. His dazzling, green eyes locked onto mine as he moved in slowly to kiss me. His sweet breath washed against my face right before his smooth lips covered my own. It was a gentle kiss at first and then became more intense.

I broke away trying to catch my breath and Edward grinned at me. He got out of the car and went to get my bags from the trunk of the car. I sat there in a daze and then my door opened. Edward put his hand out and I grasped it tightly while following him into the little cottage.

Unlocking the door, Edward walked in and put my bags down just inside the door, off to the side. There was a little foyer that opened up into a large and airy room, the back wall had large sliding glass doors that lead out onto a porch that sat on the beach. I could see the ocean waves pounding against the sand. Off to the left was a quaint, open style kitchen and to the left were two doors. I assumed one was the bathroom and the other was the bedroom. I swallowed heavily wondering which was which.

All of the nerve and bravado I felt at the airport was suddenly gone. This was real, not one of my incessant fantasies. I was alone with Edward, in the flesh. He turned to me smiling again but his eyes held a hint of uncertainty as well. I cleared my throat and walked towards the kitchen. I ran my hand over the countertop and looked everywhere except for at Edward.

There was a long island separating the kitchen from the living area and I hoisted myself onto it. I sat there swinging my legs back and forth gazing at my fingers again. Edward came to stand in front of me; he put his hands on my outer thighs but kept them still. We stayed like this for a little bit until I had the nerve to look up into Edward's eyes. He gazed at me patiently, sensing my inner struggle now that we were alone together.

I reached my hand up and cupped his smooth cheek; he leaned into it and closed his eyes. My other hand came up on the other side of his face and I traced the sculpted lines committing them to memory. Using my thumbs I ran them across his brows and down his cheekbones. I followed them towards his ears and then down his jaw. I placed a small kiss on the divot in his chin just like I had imagined doing so many times before.

"Bella," he whispered, still with his eyes closed.

I opened my legs and drew Edward closer till he was standing between them. His hands crept up my legs till they were grasping my hips gently. He understood that despite my drive and passion when we first met, I needed to take this at my own pace. After running my fingers all over his face, I leaned in and kissed him softly. He sighed against my lips and his arms wrapped around me of their own volition.

The kiss started off slow and languid. Using only our lips we explored each other's mouths, first chastely and then the passion picked up in tempo. Unable to resist, I sucked his bottom lip in between mine and ran my tongue along it. Edward shuddered in my arms but kept still as I traced his lips lightly. When I was done I placed an open mouth kiss on him and he responded eagerly. His tongue slipped out against mine. I slid my fingers into his hair and gripped him close to me.

Edward broke away and began raining kisses all over my face. His hands smoothed through my hair and ran down my spine using a feather light touch. I lifted my face up and he began kissing down my chin to my throat, his lips kept moving down to the collar of my shirt. His tongue now joined in as he licked and sucked at the sensitive flesh of my throat.

I no longer felt shy and I didn't want to prolong the torture. I wanted him badly now, I couldn't wait any longer.

"Edward," I moaned.

"Mmm?" he asked against my neck.

"Please, I want you so bad."

His head came up and he looked deeply into my eyes while cradling my face. "Are you sure, Bella?"

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck. Edward lowered his head to mine and reclaimed my lips. He put one arm behind my back, stepped out from between my legs and swept me up in his arms in one swift movement. Suddenly I was being carried across the room. Edward backed against the door and it opened leading into the bedroom.

Edward strode towards the bed, never breaking the kiss and lowered me onto it. He leaned over me for a moment still kissing me and then stood up. His eyes were hooded and he had a sexy smirk on his face as he looked at me lying on the bed. He kicked off his shoes and then sat on the end of the bed.

Taking one of my feet, he undid the strap of my sandal and removed it. He placed a light kiss on the top of my foot. He did the same to my other one. Using soft, sure strokes Edward ran his thumbs along the soles of my feet. It felt so good I couldn't hold back a little moan of pleasure. His skilled hands moved up to my ankles and then slipped under my pants to massage my calves.

Edward gave a little tug on the hem of my pants before saying, "Take these off."

I kept eye contact with him as I unbuttoned my pants and started to slide them down my hips. Edward helped me by reaching up and sliding the fabric down my thighs, his fingers ran down my legs with the barest hint of pressure. He tossed my pants onto a chair and turned back to me.

Continuing where he left off, his hands moved up my legs squeezing and kneading the flesh. I closed my eyes and became lost in the sensation.

"So beautiful," he whispered reverently.

When Edward reached my hips he leaned over me and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his body down on top of me. I began to tug on the hem of his shirt wanting to feel his skin against mine. Edward got up on his knees and slowly peeled his shirt off his muscular chest. Then he reached down and helped me sit up. He slid his fingers under my shirt and tugged it up over my head.

Once my head and arms were free, I hooked my fingers into the belt loops of his jeans and pulled his gorgeous chest to me. Since he was kneeling it was slightly elevated in front of me. I ran my hands up his defined pecs as I kissed and ran my tongue along the ridges of muscle adorning his stomach. Edward groaned and pushed my hair back so he could see what I was doing. I looked up at him from under my lashes and the look on his face spurred me on. His jaw was clenched hard as he drew air in through his teeth.

My fingers fumbled with the button of his jeans as I slid my tongue from one of his hips to the other. Realizing what I wanted, Edward pulled back and got off the bed. He undid his pants and slid them down his slender hips while I watched. Wearing just his briefs he climbed back onto the bed, now sitting behind me. Before I could ask what he was doing back there I felt him sweep my hair away as he sank his teeth into the juncture of my neck and shoulder.

"Uhhh," I gasped.

Edward chuckled against my shoulder and then lightly kissed at the bite mark. He ran his tongue up the side of my neck till it reached my ear. He flicked my earlobe a few times before sucking it between his lips. His teeth bit lightly as his tongue ran across the sensitive skin. By this time I was moaning and pressing myself against his rock hard chest. I could feel his erection pushed up against my back and wiggled my hips against it.

"Bella," Edward growled in my ear as I increased the friction. Then he moaned and I knew I was driving him crazy as well.

Moving me forward slightly he unclasped my bra and then his hands were at my shoulders lowering the straps. He did the same thing as when he helped take off my pants and ran his long fingers down my arms sensuously. He removed the garment and tossed it unceremoniously to the floor. He pulled me back against his chest and looked down at my breasts bare before him.

I reached back towards his head and took hold of his hair, urging his lips to my neck. His arms slipped beneath mine and I felt that light touch come across my rib cage and stomach. This sensation caused my nipples to pucker and gooseflesh come up all over my body.

"Are you cold?" he whispered, knowing full well I wasn't. I could feel him trying to hide his smile in the crook of my shoulder.

"No," I sighed. It turned into a moan as his hands finally came up and cupped my breasts gently. Edward ran his thumbs over my pebbled nipples and I threw my head back against his chest. He continued to tease me with his maddeningly soft touch.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I spun in his arms. Catching his lips with mine, I straddled his lap. I felt Edward's surprise when I came in direct contact with him. Not missing a beat, he rolled us over so that he was now lying between my legs. I wrapped them around his waist and moved myself against him. His member trapped deliciously between us. He broke free of our kiss and put his forehead against my shoulder.

"Ah Bella. You're making it very hard for me to control myself," He ground out. "I just want to take you, right now."

"Do it!" I urged as I jerked my hips against him.

Edward got to his knees and removed my panties quickly. He then took off his briefs and was lying on top of me again. He slid one hand between my legs and grunted when he realized I was ready for him. He slipped one finger inside of me and I hissed at how good it felt.

"Edward, I need you. Now!" I said fiercely.

Not waiting any longer, Edward positioned himself and started to slide into me with agonizing slowness. He had a hold of my hips so I couldn't jerk up and sheath him in one fast stroke. I moved my head back and forth helplessly as he filled me completely. He stayed absolutely still, breathing hard and pressing his forehead against mine.

"Bella, look at me." Edward took his hands from my hips and brought them up beside my shoulders so he wasn't crushing me. I opened my eyes to see his smoldering look. While maintaining eye contact Edward withdrew slowly and pushed himself into me again, still taking his time. I whimpered as he continued this slow, deliberate torment.

"You are so tight and wet and hot… God it's so hot. You feel so good."

Edward brought his face down to mine and began kissing me as the tempo of his hips sped up slightly. I grabbed his gorgeous ass in my hands and encouraged him to thrust harder and faster.

"Yes, Edward. Faster!" I moaned.

"Bella, I'm not going to last much longer if I go faster," he panted. "It's been too long, you feel too damn good…"

"Please, please!" I was frantic by now for more. I could feel his pelvis rubbing against my clit and it felt so good.

Edward pushed back so that he was on his knees between my legs. He grasped my hips to position me properly and then started to move faster. This new position had him rubbing up against a particularly sensitive spot and I gasped whenever he stroked against it. He then put his thumb in his mouth to lubricate it and started to rub circles around my clit. I felt the heat building up between my legs; my whole body was tense and shaking awaiting relief. Edward started thrusting harder, throwing his head back he tried holding on.

"Oh God, I can't, I can't… Oh Bella!" I felt his body spasm and hearing him cry out my name pushed me over the edge. I called out his name repeatedly while gripping his forearms as my orgasm wracked my body. I could feel myself clenching and releasing against Edward.

Collapsing to the side, Edward pulled me with him so that he was still deep inside me. I had one leg thrown over his hip as I panted against his chest which was moving rapidly under my cheek. His hand ran down the side of my face and I grabbed it and kissed each of his fingers and then placed my lips in his palm. I glanced up to see him smiling at me broadly. I returned his smile and reached up my face to be kissed. He obliged willingly.

"Just in case you haven't noticed," he began huskily, "I'm SO glad you're finally here."

"Me too," I said happily and snuggled into his arms.

Everything felt perfect and right and I knew Edward was the man I was destined for.

* * *

**I hope you liked my first official lemon of this story ;)) There is more where that came from! Review!**


	10. Thunderstorms

**A/N: So I hope you enjoyed Bella and Edward's first encounter... I know it was very to the point *ahem* but they plan to make that up to each other over the course of the weekend! Heh... These chapters just keep getting longer and longer, I hope you like it! I'd also like to mention that condoms aren't being used but Bella is on the pill. kk?  
**

**Twilight belongs to SM, I hope she appreciates it!**

* * *

**10. Thunderstorms**

After making love, Edward and I stayed cuddled together in bed talking and getting to know each others nuances. I thought things would become awkward but they didn't. I still had the strong sense that this was where I belonged, in Edward's warm embrace. He would lovingly run his fingers through my hair or lean his face into my neck to inhale deeply. We were constantly kissing and always touching. It had taken so long to finally get here, I didn't want to waste any time away from him.

Large thunderclouds had blown in obliterating the usual LA sun and making the cottage dark. It was as if the world were telling us that there was no need to go outside, everything we needed was right here in this room.

"Looks like I brought the rain with me?" I said lightheartedly.

"You didn't honestly think I was letting you out of bed this weekend, did you?" Edward said as he kissed my ear.

"What happened to all your grand plans?" I joked. "Didn't you say something about there being a lot of things to do around here?"

"Umm yeah, lots of things… but we can't do them in the rain, so I guess we're stuck." Edward continued where he left off and soon his kisses were moving lower. We were blissfully naked under the covers and I could feel the first stirrings of Edward's arousal against the side of my leg.

"What are you doing?" I asked innocently, even though I knew exactly what he was doing.

"What I've been wanting to do to you for months now." At this he cupped my breast and brought my nipple into his mouth. The feel of his slick tongue made me arch my back against him increasing the pressure.

"Does that feel good?" he asked, teasing me.

"Yesssss…"

Edward had my other breast in his hand and was playing with that nipple as well. The dual sensation was sending shock waves down the length of my body. I could feel the wetness begin to accumulate between my legs. Edward played my body liked a skilled musician plays his instrument.

Running his tongue across my chest he switched his attentions to my other nipple. After laving it masterfully, I was panting heavily. Edward brought both of my breasts together and alternated between the two, licking and sucking them slowly and tenderly. I ran my hands through his hair as I shuddered against him.

Edward kissed along the slopes of my breasts gently before placing a chaste kiss in between them. He then slid further down my body placing hot, open mouth kisses along my rib cage and stomach. His hands caressed my flesh sensuously and I became hyper aware of every brush of his fingertips.

Throwing the blankets away from my naked body, Edward moved so that his chest was between my legs. He continued running his lips and tongue over my stomach towards my hip. My body jerked under him as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. Edward glanced up at me with his beautiful, smoldering eyes as he repeated the action and I jerked again. The sexy smirk was back as he learned what excited me.

Taking my leg, he moved it so that my inner thigh was completely accessible to that talented mouth of his. Starting at my knee, he bit me gently and then licked at the faint red marks left behind, moving leisurely up my leg. It didn't hurt at all but the combination of teeth and tongue heightened the sensation of the already tender skin. By now I couldn't stop quivering every time he came in contact with my flesh.

Completely ignoring my sex he grasped my other leg and began all over again.

"Edward," I groaned as I pushed my shoulders and hips into the mattress. I wiggled myself trying to get him where I wanted him but Edward only gripped my thighs tighter. He wrapped his arm around my leg and rested his hand above my pelvis to keep me still.

"I distinctly remember you telling me you could think of better ways for me to tease you." He was trying to remain serious but I could tell he was having a grand old time watching me squirm.

"Mean!" I huffed at him. Edward bit my inner thigh a little harder, making me squeal.

After what felt like an eternity, he got to the top of my thigh and I lay there trapped and throbbing grabbing fistfuls of my hair. My chest heaved up and down as I waited to see what Edward would do. Blowing lightly, he sent a cool breeze across my moist flesh and my hips lifted up in response.

I had my eyes squeezed shut and just when I was about to resort to shameless begging I felt Edward's tongue run across my inner lips and brush past my clit. Gasping at the sudden feel of him, my eyes snapped open. It was a sight to behold as the man I had desired for so long, lay between my legs using his mouth to pleasure me.

Edward's tongue swirled around my clit a few times before running up and down my folds. He did everything lazily as if there was all the time in the world. I moaned and tried to push my hips up towards his face but he now had both arms hooked around my legs holding me in place. He was silently telling me that he was in complete control and I would just have to wait until he was ready to bring me to orgasm.

Grabbing his hair I tried to coax him to move faster and bring me some relief but he was too strong and resisted. The pace he kept was agonizing; whenever I felt like I was close to release he would slow down and build it up once more.

"Edward," I whispered raggedly. "Please, please… please!"

At the sound of my voice, Edward moaned against me and the vibration added a new sensory high to what I was experiencing. Finally he started moving his lips and tongue faster, he flicked at my already sensitive nub and then covered it with his mouth so that all I could feel was the flat of his tongue moving against it quickly. I started to soar as the pressure began to increase and Edward rocked my hips against him.

My world exploded all around me as I began to shake. My mouth hung slack and I convulsed in Edward's strong grip. His tongue continued with its undulations as I cried out unintelligibly. His movements slowed down and he went back to long strokes against my sensitive flesh until I was reduced to panting and the occasional quiver.

I glanced down and found Edward looking quite pleased with himself. He crawled up my body and kissed me, hard and deep. I could taste myself on his mouth and that excited me more than I had anticipated. Grabbing me, he rolled over so that I was lying on top of him.

Straddling his hips I moved my body so that he was trapped against me. I was still slick from my orgasm and slid up and down his hard erection. Edward clasped my hips and tried to slide inside of me but I didn't allow him to get that close. He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned deeply.

"Payback?" he asked.

"It's a bitch, isn't it?" I said before leaning down and running tight circles around his nipple.

Edward groaned again. I loved the feel of his smooth skin under my fingers. His chest was relatively hairless and perfectly sculpted with just the right amount of lean muscle. He wasn't hugely built but long and sinewy. I used my tongue to tease his nipples into hard peaks while still moving my hips along his erection.

Running my hands from his shoulders, down his arms, I grasped his hands in mine. I sat up and brought his hands to my breasts. Moving slightly forward I gave Edward what we both wanted and he thrust into me quickly. We moaned in unison. He felt so good inside me, so right. It felt as if we were made for each other.

I moved my hips against Edward, rocking slowly forward and back. I was so wet he slid in and out of me effortlessly. His hands teased and played with my breasts or slid down to my waist so he could increase the speed with which I was moving. I would smile at him wickedly and move his hands back to my breasts. It was my turn to be in control.

Sometimes to be extra mean I would slide him out of me completely and stay hovered right above the head of his cock. Edward would growl at me and lunge up with his hips but I was able to anticipate his movements and lift up just enough to avoid penetration. After a few minutes of teasing I would lower myself onto him and moan out his name.

Unable to take it anymore Edward sat up and crushed his lips to mine. He banded one arm around my waist tightly while his other hand wrapped itself in my hair at the base of my neck. He kissed me frantically as he grabbed a hold of my buttocks and started moving me against him at a faster pace. I groaned in his mouth as my clit rubbed deliciously against his pelvis.

After a few more strokes I could feel the heat building up in my center. I threw my arms around Edward's neck and used him as leverage to move my body even faster. I was making urgent noises with every thrust the closer I came to climax.

"That's it Bella," Edward whispered against my lips. "Let it go Beautiful, I want to feel you come on me."

Edward had a hold of both my hips now and took over our movements so I could concentrate on the feelings he was unleashing in me. Soon I could feel the small spasms of an orgasm coming on. I relaxed my body and the spasms increased as the heat shot through me, down my thighs and curling up into my stomach.

Feeling me begin to shudder, Edward went even faster so we could finish together. In next to no time he was shaking in my arms and panting against my shoulder as he went over the edge.

"Yes, Edward… Oh my God! I love you!" I cried out, unable to stop the feelings from bubbling to the surface. I came down from my high quickly as I realized what I had said. We hadn't declared ourselves and I had no idea where Edward stood on the subject.

I still had my head in the crook of his shoulder and kept it there, unable to look in his eyes. Silently I prayed he had been too occupied by his own climax to notice what I had said. Edward also kept his head against my shoulder. He was breathing hard and the exhale of air fanned out over my skin. I felt his arms go around me and he held me close to his chest.

"Did you just say you love me?" he finally whispered.

I winced into his neck. Damnit, he heard me. Way to screw up the weekend, numbskull! I thought viciously. Ok, what would I say now?? I tried to think of something plausible that sounded like I love you but came up blank. Olive juice? Elephant shoes? Damnit, damnit! The silence stretched on before I decided to just own up to what I said. Maybe I could just pass it off on the heat of passion?

"Yes," I sighed.

Edward's arms were still holding me. He ran his hands up my back gently and lifted his head from my shoulder. I kept mine where it was, safely tucked under his chin.

"Bella, look at me, please?" A moment of panic seized me but eventually I faced him. "Did you mean it?" he asked softly. His eyes searched mine and he had a strange expression on his face. It seemed almost hopeful. I considered lying and playing it off as nothing but I just couldn't do it.

"Yes, I meant it," I said quickly and then averted my eyes not wanting to see his pity or worse, his indifference.

Suddenly Edward's mouth was against mine and he was kissing me fervently. His hands were cupping my cheeks and then he started placing kisses wherever he could reach. I laughed as I realized he was happy that I had told him I loved him. My heart swelled and I rejoiced. Edward hadn't said it in return but his actions said what words couldn't. He didn't want me to think he was just saying it because I did; he wanted to show me what he felt instead.

When he pulled back and looked at me he seemed so happy. His eyes crinkled and he had the cutest crooked smile. His eyes moved over my face as if he didn't want to forget a single thing about it.

It was a perfect moment until my stomach emitted a fearsome gurgle. My eyes popped open wide and Edward started to laugh. My face blushed furiously and I covered it with my hands. Edward took my hands away and placed kisses on each red cheek.

"I've waited months to see this face, you mustn't cover it. Ever," he smiled at me sweetly. "Come on, we'll take a shower and go get a bite to eat."

I wasn't sure what sounded better, food or taking a shower with Edward. Later I thought I would gladly starve to death if that meant staying in the shower with Edward forever.

Edward took me to a small Chinese restaurant in the area. He said it wasn't well known but had the most authentic Asian food in the area. I probably would have eaten cardboard and not really cared as long as it was with Edward.

I sat mooning across from him with my chin in my hand. He sat gazing at me as well, with an amused expression on his face. His lips were quirked up and his eyes were sparkling with mischief. I recognized that look from his pictures.

Memories of our shower together came back to me in flashes. Edward had washed me from head to toe making sure to pay special attention to his favorite areas. I had returned the favour and was pleasantly surprised to find that he was becoming aroused again. I stroked his length with my soapy hand as he moaned and leaned back against the tiled wall. I moved aside so the water from the showerhead could rinse the suds from his body. Once all the soap was gone I stood in front of him and kissed his wet chest. The water cascaded over him in rivulets and he looked like some pagan water god.

I kneeled down in front of him and took him in my mouth.

"Ah Christ! Bella…" he moaned.

My hands roamed up and down his chest as I took him in deeper. I twirled my tongue against the head of his cock as I grasped the base in my hand. He groaned as I slid him in and out of my mouth a few times, still moving my tongue against his shaft. I used the tip to run against the sensitive underside of his member. I started moving my hand in tandem with my mouth as I increased the pressure and speed. Edward was gripping the tile and breathing through clenched teeth. I glanced up at him quickly but he had his eyes squeezed shut.

After a few more minutes Edward reached down and grabbed my arms. He had me up and facing the tiles before I could complain.

"Step up on the sides of the tub," he ordered.

"Yessir!" I said smartly and placed my feet on the opposite sides of the bathtub. Edward had his hands on my waist so I didn't lose my balance. He leaned me back against his chest keeping his arms around my waist.

"Bend you knees, Bella," he said in that same voice. God, I would do anything he asked if he used that voice all the time. As I bent my knees I could feel Edward position himself against me as he entered me from behind.

"Oh fuck!" I moaned out.

"You might want to hold on to something," he chuckled.

Automatically I grabbed the shower rod with one hand and placed my other hand on the ceiling of the shower. Once Edward saw I wasn't going to topple over he started moving his hips. This was a completely new sensation for me. His one hand roamed up and started playing with my breasts. The other slipped down and started caressing my clit.

Edward started off slow but soon he was thrusting into me deep and hard. I clutched the shower rod with all my might as my screams echoed off the tiles in the bathroom. He kept on playing with my body while he kissed and nipped at my neck and ear. It didn't take long for me to start clenching against him and I worried briefly if I could stay in this position without my legs giving out. Edward held me tight against him as the orgasm rocked my body. A few more thrusts later he joined me and he didn't try to stifle his cries and gasps.

When he was done, he helped me down and I turned to him so I could kiss him and caress his body. We cleaned each other again but decided to leave the shower when the hot water started to run out.

I wondered if that last encounter was why he had that naughty look in his eyes and I started to blush.

A waitress sashayed up to the table, took one look at Edward and promptly fluffed out her long blonde mane. Licking her lips, she completely ignored me and leaned over showing off her ample bosom. I shot her a dirty look and saw Edward's smile widen. He hadn't even glanced in her direction but seemed to enjoy my reaction to her overt flirtations.

"Can I get you anything?" she simpered. I was surprised she didn't lie down across the table and offer herself up as the main course.

"Bella?" he gestured that I should order first. The blonde turned to me as if I was being a nuisance and I shot her a death stare. I heard Edward chuckle under his breath and felt his foot tap mine under the table.

"Just some Shanghai noodles and a sweet iced tea please."

Blondie turned back to Edward and pouted out her collagen filled lips. "And for you, hun?"

Just before I could grab at the waitress and slam her head into the table Edward reached over and took my hand. He pulled it to his mouth and kissed my inner wrist. Then he placed a kiss in my palm and finally my fingertips.

"Well, I already had dessert," he said with a smoldering look making it obvious what the dessert was. "So, I guess I'll just have an order of Egg Foo Yung and a coke."

I tried not to laugh at Blondie's expression. If her jaw could have dropped to the floor, it would have. She looked at me incredulously and then back to Edward. I must have looked pretty smug because the waitress narrowed her eyes at me, exhaled sharply and flounced away. When she was out of earshot Edward and I burst out laughing.

"Do you think it will be safe to eat the food?" I asked in between giggles.

"Good question," he pondered. "Look at you, getting all jealous."

"Well, could she have made it any more obvious?" I huffed out, getting upset all over again.

"She never stood a chance against you, Bella," he leaned across the table towards me. "I prefer brunettes." At this he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his thumb lingering against my jaw.

Precisely at that moment Blondie appeared with our drinks. She slammed my iced tea on the table in front of me, the liquid sloshed out everywhere almost ending up in my lap.

"Oops! Sorry," she gave me a scathing look, which was promptly returned.

Edward's jaw clenched and he stood up towering over the woman. His eyes flashed dangerously and he said in a deadly voice, "Clean. That. Up. And if you so much as glance at my girlfriend the wrong way, prepare to lose your job."

Both Blondie and I looked at Edward with equal open mouth looks. Hers was full of terror and mine was full of awe. The waitress looked down and sopped up the liquid with a towel she had slung from her apron.

Edward walked around her to where I sat and put out his hand. "Let's get out of here, we'll order in," he said brusquely. I took his hand and got up. He dropped a few dollars on the table to cover the drinks and strode away with me following.

"Cancel our order," he tossed over his shoulder, loud enough for Blondie to hear. I glanced back at her; she was giving us a murderous glare. Not able to stop myself, this time I did smile and wiggled my fingers goodbye at her before turning away.

When we got to the car, Edward opened my door without a word and held my hand as I sat down. He closed my door and walked to the driver's side, his jaw was still clenched. When he sat in the car he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. I sat there looking at him for a moment.

"So… girlfriend huh?" I said smiling. It had the intended effect, Edward still had his eyes closed but now he started to grin. He dropped his hand, sighed and turned to look at me.

"Sorry, about back there. I know I shouldn't have gotten so upset with that girl. I tend to be protective over people I love." He stopped speaking abruptly as what he said sunk in.

"Love?" I said grinning like a fool. He gave me my favorite crooked smile.

"Yes, love. I didn't say anything this afternoon because I didn't want you to think I was only saying it because you did. But I do love you, Isabella. I think I have for a while now but denied it because we had never met. And now, well now you're here, and I can't deny it anymore because this feels even more right than it did before." Edward looked at me intently as he said all of this.

Feeling the need to break the tension I said, "Are you sure it's not just cause we had sex three times in one day?"

Edward burst out laughing. "Well, I have to admit, that does help!" he became serious again and reached out to caress my face. "But no, it's not just cause we had sex three times today." We stared at one another for a while longer.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"I'm starving!" I said, whining slightly. Edward started chuckling and started the car.

"Let's get you fed then. Not quite the romantic dinner I wanted for your first night, but is McDonalds ok? It's the only other place I know around here besides this one!"

"It's fine," I said, giggling at his frustration.

We went through the Drive-Thru at McDonalds and picked up some food. I pilfered through the bag and fed myself and Edward french-fries as he drove us back to the cottage. They completely hit the spot. I didn't indulge in fast food all that often but there was something about McDonald's fries that always reminded me of my childhood.

Walking hand in hand we went into the cottage. I set out the food on the island and we sat eating and talking. When all the food was gone Edward helped me clear up and we went to the living room. I hadn't really noticed much when I first came in, but it was actually a cozy place. The sofas were overstuffed and comfortable and the furniture looked rustic.

Edward sat down and watched me as I roamed around the room. There was a little gas fireplace, I found the switch and turned it on. It still hadn't really stopped raining and it was a tad chilly now that night had fallen. Above the mantel was a painting I had never seen before and it caught my attention. It was an abstract; the background was blue with large yellow stars. In the middle was a humanoid shape painted black with a red dot where the heart would be. Something about the painting resonated within me.

I was so absorbed I hadn't heard Edward walk up behind me. He put his arms around my waist and leaned forward slightly.

"Do you like it?" he asked softly. I just nodded my head mutely.

"The painting is called Icarus, by Henri Matisse. It's one of my favorites. It's from a series of twenty paintings from his Jazz collection."

"I didn't know you were interested in art?" I asked turning to face him.

Edward shrugged deprecatingly, "I'm by no means a connoisseur, but I have a few favored artists and pieces."

Leading me back to the sofa, he sat down. I sat facing the opposite direction with my head on his shoulder and my chest against his. I folded my legs under me and sighed as his arms came around me. Edward played with my hair and ran his hands down my arms as we talked about art and music. We discussed our likes and dislikes, how life was growing up, about our friends and families.

After a few hours I began to yawn and we decided to go to bed. That was really the only awkward moment as I tried to figure out if I should wear my pajamas to bed or just strip naked and get under the covers. I waited to see what Edward would do once he came back from using the bathroom. He removed his shirt and jeans but kept his boxer briefs on so I figured it was a good idea to wear something to bed as well.

I came back to the bedroom in my little satin short set and got in beside him after shutting off the light. Edward was on his back with his arms behind his head. I put my head on his shoulder and threw my leg and arm across his warm body. He brought his arms down at once to cradle me to him and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

"Have I told you that I love you lately?" Edward whispered in the darkness.

"Not lately," I smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Edward."

I sighed against him happily, finally knowing what it felt like to fall asleep in my beloved's arms_._

_

* * *

_**Tell me your thoughts**... **I'm dying to know!! Review!**_ **(Oh the shower position is doable, it works best w/ a tall man and short woman... pls don't sue me if you try it and end up w/ a concussion! heh)**  
_


	11. Tearful Goodbye

**Do I REALLY have to warn you about citrus here guys? Ya, didn't think so! Love the new reviewers coming out of the woodwork, you guys are awesome! Much love to my regulars as usual *smoochies*  
**

**Twi = not mine! **

* * *

**11. Tearful Goodbye**

That night Edward woke me up to make love once more. We couldn't get enough of one another. This time it was very tender and languid. My body was still sleep heavy as Edward caressed and kissed me. Soft sighs and whispers were the only noises we made as the lightning illuminated the room, throwing our naked bodies in relief.

Edward lay spooned against my body. He slipped into me slowly, and we rocked together. His hands touched me tenderly as he placed loving kisses along my neck and shoulder blades. In turn, I reached behind me to run my hand down his thigh and kissed his fingers whenever they came near my lips.

Everything took on a dreamlike quality, and when it was over, we fell asleep once more. During the night I had rolled over and was tucked securely against Edward's chest when I woke the next morning. He was still asleep, his breathing deep and even. I stayed still, relishing the feel of being in his arms. The clouds still hadn't completely cleared away so the bedroom was dark. I debated whether I should wake him or try to fall back to sleep.

Before I could make a decision, I felt Edward's arms tighten around me, and his face dipped down to brush his lips against my forehead.

"Morning, Beautiful." His smooth, velvet voice sounded sleepy and wonderful.

"Good morning," I said and placed a kiss at the base of his neck. I heard a rumble, deep in Edward's chest.

"Sorry about last night," Edward said quietly.

"For what?"

"Molesting you in your sleep," he said chuckling.

"The way I remember it, I was a willing participant." I kissed his neck and chest a few more times.

"Maybe after a while, but I'm pretty sure you were asleep at first. You were whispering my name in your sleep, and I thought, well, umm…" he trailed off sheepishly.

I groaned against him as my cheeks flamed. I had always talked in my sleep. Renee and Charlie both said I started doing it even before I spoke actual words. I was embarrassed to think what I had said last night with Edward as an avid audience.

"What else did I say?"

"Not much, mostly my name… maybe 'I love you' a few times." I could tell by the amusement in Edward's voice that he found my sleep talking endearing, which made me feel slightly better.

"And you thought it best to take advantage of me, to shut me up?" I said with mock indignation.

"Absolutely! I couldn't very well listen to you moaning out my name and not give you a good reason for it." Both of us dissolved into laughter before Edward let me go so he could roll onto his back and stretch. When he was done, he curled me up against his side.

"I can't believe this weather! What happened to sunny California?" I said scowling towards the window.

"I'm telling you, it's a sign!" Edward said seriously.

"A sign of what? That I'll never get a tan?" I snickered, while holding out my fish belly white arm. Edward grabbed it and started running his lips across my inner forearm.

"I love your skin," he breathed. I started to giggle as his stubble rubbed against me.

"You need to shave," I tried to say sternly.

"Why, don't you like the way it feels?" Edward lunged at me and started rubbing his face over every inch of skin he could reach, while I screamed and tried unsuccessfully to fight him off.

We rolled around on the bed playing, wrestling and acting like children. It was the most carefree I had felt in a very long time, and I fought back the thought that it would be over all too soon. For now I would just enjoy being with Edward and deal with Sunday when it came.

Edward noticed right away that I was no longer as jovial as before. He stopped tickling me and cocked his head to one side. Reaching out, he ran his fingers down the side of my face.

"What's wrong, did I hurt you?" he said in a concerned voice. I shook my head silently willing myself not to cry.

"Bella, why do you look so sad?" Now he propped himself up on one elbow so he could look at me better.

"I'm… fine," I hitched.

"You're not fine; are you crying?" Now slight panic colored his voice as he checked me for injuries. Edward's overt concern made the tears spill over. I turned and threw myself in his arms.

"My beautiful girl," he crooned. "Tell me what the matter is."

"I don't want to leave you!" I felt Edward's hold tighten imperceptibly, and he sighed.

"I don't want you to leave either, Bella. This is the happiest I've been in such a long time."

"Really?" I pulled back to look at him.

Edward held my face in his hands and put his forehead to mine. "Yes, really. I wish we could drop everything and run away together, but you know that's not possible."

"I know."

"Bella, I can't leave California. My job is here and so is Masen. I wouldn't expect you to pull up roots and come here either."

"Why not?" I asked, my brow furrowing.

"I would feel bad taking you away from the people you loved," he answered sincerely.

"Edward, since Charlie died there's nothing really holding me in Forks. I can be a travel agent anywhere! Sure I'd miss my friends but…"

"Bella…" Edward looked sad and conflicted for a moment. I waited quietly for him to continue. "Look, I'd love nothing more than for you to be here with me, but why don't we wait a little longer before talking about such a big step?"

"Do you think I don't love you enough to move?" I asked, confused.

"No! That's not it at all. I just want to make sure this is the right decision for you. I don't want you having any regrets." Edward looked away as he spoke.

"I would never regret it, if I got to be with you."

"You say that now…" he whispered under his breath.

"Edward, is there something you aren't telling me?" A gnawing feeling was starting in my gut.

Finally, he looked up, and his face cleared. "No, no. I guess I just don't have the best track record with women, you know?"

"Do you think I'm going to hurt you like Sharon did?"

"No! I just want us to take our time with this. It's easy to rush into major decisions in the heat of the moment, but there is a lot to consider."

"Okay," I conceded. "Look, forget I said anything. I'll just enjoy the time we have together; we'll worry about the rest later." I gave him a weak smile.

"I don't want to forget about it, Bella. I want a future with you; you don't know how much I want that. I just have to do it the right way, understand?" He was looking into my eyes searchingly.

"I know. It's too soon to be talking like this I guess," I said glumly.

"You have every right to know where you stand, that your time isn't being wasted."

"Is it being wasted?" Mentally, I kicked myself as soon as the words came out of my mouth, but I knew it was a valid question. Edward had said he loved me, but that didn't mean anything if we couldn't be together in the end.

"Bella, I will do everything in my power to make sure we can be together. Does that answer your question?" he said intently.

"Yes." I smiled at Edward tentatively and he returned my smile.

"Hey look, the sun is coming out. Maybe we can have a picnic on the beach for lunch. How does that sound?" He was regaining his cheerful mood, and it was catching.

"That sounds wonderful."

"Great. Let's get ready. We can stop somewhere for breakfast and then go shopping for our picnic." Edward ran a hand through his messy locks as if trying to tame them.

"Okay." I took a deep breath.

Edward took my hand and placed it against the side of his face. He ran the tip of his nose along my inner wrist for a moment and closed his eyes. Slowly, they opened, and he gave me a sweet smile.

"Don't worry, Bella. Everything is going to work out, I promise."

"I believe you," I whispered.

"Come on, let's go shower." He winked at me impishly. All thoughts fled my brain and were replaced with three words: Wet. Edward. Yum.

Edward grabbed a hold of me, threw me over his shoulder, and headed to the bathroom.

Later that afternoon, Edward and I walked hand in hand down the beach to a nice secluded spot. I grabbed one of the many extra blankets in the linen closet for us to lie down on. Going shopping with Edward was a lot more fun than I had anticipated; he was like a little boy in a toyshop. I swear, I had never seen someone get so excited by food before.

I had packed everything in a cooler we purchased and now set about taking out the food and placing it on the blanket. There were several types of cheese, finger sandwiches, potato and egg salad, chopped raw vegetables with a blue cheese dip, grapes and watermelon for part of our dessert. The rest of our dessert was in the freezer awaiting our return.

We sat companionably, munching food and drinking a bottle of Riesling from plastic cups. Alcohol wasn't permitted on the beach, but Edward said they didn't really check, so there shouldn't be any problems. Despite the return of the sun, there was still a chilled briskness in the air, so there really weren't many people around. A lone surfer braved the choppy waves, a young couple played with their two children in the sand, and a man walked his dog along the shore.

Edward was sprawled across the blanket with one arm propping up his head while I sat beside him, Indian-style. His hair was blowing around his head in a bronze halo and occasionally got into his eyes. I couldn't resist reaching over to brush his hair from his face, any excuse to touch him. He was so handsome I still had a hard time believing he chose to be with me.

I really enjoyed the time we spent talking. We were compatible in so many ways, it was staggering, as if some greater being had created Edward just for me and vice versa. I was a little worried that our instant chemistry would cloud my judgment or make me overlook glaring issues between us, but there were truly none. The only obstacle that I could see in our way was the distance between us. Even though Edward said he wanted to take it slow, I knew eventually that wouldn't even be an issue for very long.

A couple of hours had passed, and despite the fact I was wearing a sweater, I was beginning to get cold. Edward noticed me shivering and took off his jacket to wrap around my shoulders. We packed up what was left of the food and headed back to the cottage. Edward had the cooler in one hand while his other arm was wrapped around me to keep me warm. I snuggled into his body, loving the feel of him, and the way he smelled.

Depositing me in front of the fireplace, Edward went to the kitchen to put everything away. He hummed a pretty tune under his breath as he worked. After a few minutes I was sufficiently heated and wandered towards the kitchenette. Edward had already put everything away, so I just sat at the island watching him wipe his hands on a dishtowel. It made a wonderfully domestic sight, and I couldn't help but picture him in a kitchen belonging to us one day.

"Are you warm enough for dessert, or would you prefer to wait?" he asked, crooked grin in place.

"Mmm… actually, it sounds good now!" I rubbed my hands in anticipation. "Do you need me to help you?"

"Sure, let me grab everything first." Edward already had the freezer door open and was taking out the ice cream we bought. He brought down two bowls from the cupboard and put them in front of me. "You can start the bananas," he said as he snagged them from the counter.

I unpeeled the fruit for our banana splits. I hadn't had one in ages, and I was looking forward to the cool treat. Edward took two smaller bowls and filled them up with chocolate syrup and caramel sauce. He placed them in the microwave to warm and then retrieved the whipped cream from the refrigerator. By this time, I had already opened the ice cream container and was scooping some of it between the sliced bananas.

"Oh, it looks so good!" I said, my mouth watering. Edward grabbed the warmed sauces from the microwave and placed them in front of me. After getting two spoons, he came around the island and took a seat beside me, handing me one.

"Chocolate? Or caramel?" he asked.

"Both please."

"My kind of girl," Edward said chuckling as he reached over and drizzled first one sauce and then the other over the banana and ice cream. He did the same to his dessert, and I topped them off with the whipped cream.

Edward took a spoonful from his bowl and turned, offering it to me. I opened my mouth and let him spoon-feed me. His eyes zeroed on my mouth, and he licked his lips unconsciously. I moaned in combination of the delicious dessert and the look on Edward's face.

"Sooo good!" I scooped up a bit of everything on my spoon and turned to Edward. "My turn," I said as I held up the spoon. Maintaining eye-contact, I slipped the spoon between his delectable lips and watched as they closed over the spoon.

"Mmm, that is good," he said after swallowing the food.

We went back and forth in this manner for a while. He prepared another spoonful for me and just before it reached my mouth, a bit of the chocolate sauce dropped to my shirt.

"Crap!" I said, dabbing at it. Unfortunately, it just made the stain bigger.

"Messy, Bella," Edward tsked. "Maybe you should just take your shirt off?"

"I think you're right," I said playfully, before lifting the shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor. I took my spoon and scooped up some more ice cream and sauce. As I brought it to Edward's mouth, I tipped the spoon slightly, dripping liquid onto his chest.

"Oh no!" I said in mock horror. "I'm such a klutz!" Edward was trying to keep from breaking out into a smile as he removed his shirt and threw it to the floor.

The next spoonful ended up on my left breast and Edward graciously offered to clean up the mess. Standing, he lowered his head to my chest, and his soft tongue lapped up the ice cream and caramel sauce. The combination of hot and cold make me shiver against him. Edward reached behind me and removed my bra.

Completely forgoing the game, I reached into my bowl and scooped up a glob of sweetness. Edward yelped in surprise as I wiped my cold, sticky hand across his chest. He stood back, eyeing himself. I took advantage of his distraction to push him up against the island and started to lick away the syrupy mess. My breasts were rubbing against his chest and now both of us were covered in goo.

I kept licking down Edward's chest until I reached his waistband. By this time I had his pants unbuttoned and pooled around his ankles. He was rock hard and throbbing when I licked the head of his erection slowly. I then ran the flat of my tongue completely up his shaft to the top. Edward was gripping the sides of the island, but this time he was watching me as I slipped him into my mouth. I looked at him as I slid him deeper, inch by inch. He was much too big to take all at once, but I used my hand on the base so he would feel completely sheathed.

Moving my head back and forth, I used my tongue to massage him. Every once in a while, I would pull him out of my mouth so I could pay special attention to the sensitive tip or run my tongue up and down his length.

"Jesus Christ, Bella! You're driving me crazy!" Edward groaned out.

Edward pulled away and leaned down, kissing me. He helped me stand and then his hands were working at the button of my pants. Getting them undone, he pushed them to the floor along with my panties. I was sucking on his tongue and lips to get the excess dessert off of him. While I did that, he picked me up and sat me on the island. Edward started to lean me back and to the side until I was lying flat, and he was standing beside me.

Reaching over me, Edward snagged one of the bowls. Taking the spoon, he used it to drizzle melted ice cream, whipped cream, caramel and chocolate sauce all over my upper body. I squealed and was about to complain when he started licking my nipple and sucking it into his mouth. My protests turned to moans quickly. Edward slurped all the melting liquid off of my body in long, sensual strokes with his tongue. Occasionally, he'd bring his face to mine, and I would greedily lick away whatever was on his mouth.

Edward's hand drifted down my body and caressed between my legs. I was already incredibly excited as he slipped in two long fingers. My hips bucked up against his hand automatically, trying to get them as deep as they would go. His fingers curled upwards slightly, and I cried out as he hit that sweet spot. Edward manipulated it repeatedly until I felt the tension coil within me. He was still teasing my nipples, and soon I was rushing headlong into a powerful orgasm. I grasped Edward's head and brought his mouth to mine as I quivered under his hands.

Slipping his hands under me, Edward lifted me off of the island and brought me to the couch where he sat me at the edge. He got on his knees between my legs and hooked them around his waist. I felt Edward against my slick entrance and used my feet to pull him into me. I gasped, and Edward moaned as he entered me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and plunged my hands into his hair.

Grabbing hold of my buttocks, Edward started thrusting into me. His lips were still sticky and sweet from the dessert, and he tasted delicious. Using my legs, I helped pull him as deep as possible and moved my hips against him.

"Yes, fuck me," I whispered raggedly. Edward growled at what I said and doubled his efforts. I thought it would be too difficult to maintain this level of exertion, but Edward was tireless. He brought me to orgasm repeatedly as his pelvis rubbed up against my clit.

Eventually, Edward ended up sitting on the couch while I rode him. I held onto the back of the couch, my head thrown back in abandon as I moved my hips at a frenzied pace. I was rapidly approaching release yet again, and this time, I wanted Edward to join me. I decided a little naughty encouragement was in order.

"That's it, Edward," I said in his ear. "You feel so good. I love it when you fuck me!"

Edward squeezed my buttocks together and used his arms to propel me quicker. Within seconds, he was bellowing out my name. Soon my cries joined his as I felt my bones dissolve in my body. I had Edward's head clasped against my chest as I convulsed in his arms. Eventually our pace slowed until we were shaking and gasping, pasted together with sweat and sugar.

When I had the power to sit up, our bodies separated with a small thwack.

"Ew!" I said, wrinkling my nose. Edward looked down at the mess smeared over us both and grimaced.

"Shower?" he asked, smiling at me sexily. Only Edward could get me turned on after we just finished having marathon sex.

"Most definitely!" I agreed enthusiastically.

The shower felt wonderful as it completely washed away the sticky residue from my body. I soaped up Edward lovingly, running my hands up and down his wet body. We stood under the stream of water, kissing tenderly and just enjoying the heat and steam building up in the room. My favorite part was when Edward washed my hair. His hands were strong and sure and felt wonderful against my scalp. I was literally purring by the time he was done.

Once the shower was over, Edward decided it would be fun to spend the rest of our time in the bedroom. He sent me ahead of him as he rummaged for snacks and drinks so we wouldn't have to leave the bed at all. I didn't bother to put on any clothes before slipping between the covers.

There was a TV in the corner, and I started flipping through the channels, trying to find something good to watch. _The Notebook_ was scheduled to start on one of the movie channels, so I left it there. Nothing like a good old-fashioned love story to set the mood, I thought to myself.

Edward padded into the bedroom with his arms full of goodies for us to share. He just had a towel slung carelessly around his waist that looked ready to fall off his hips at any moment. Edward was unconsciously graceful, he moved fluidly like some feline predator. Keeping an eye on the items in his hold so as not to drop anything, he didn't notice me watching him.

Walking to the bedside table, he started putting down all the food and drinks.

"Are you expecting the end of the world?" I asked amusedly. "You brought enough food to last for a week!"

"Well, I am military. We have to prepare for the worst," he said, grinning at me.

Edward jumped in bed and started to burrow under the covers. Off came his towel, and he tossed it to the floor. He took me in his arms and started placing kisses all over my face. His body was cool against my skin from walking around half nude and my nipples pebbled against his chest. I sighed when he brought his mouth to mine.

I felt Edward's hands ghost lightly across my body leaving goose bumps in their wake. It felt as if he was memorizing every part of me before I was gone. We hadn't talked about when we would see each other next, but I had two more free airline tickets, so I was hoping to be able to use one soon. I didn't want to think that tonight would be our last until we could be together again.

My hands wandered over the familiar territory of Edward's torso. Even though I had only been with him for two days, I already knew every inch of him by touch. I closed my eyes and pictured wherever my hands passed, so I would be able to vividly recall how he felt when I was once again alone. Tears prickled my eyes, and I fought back the sadness threatening to envelop me.

"Bella," he whispered into my neck, his warm breath heating my skin.

We were on our sides facing each other as this silent exploration continued. Edward stroked down the length of my back, past my buttocks to my thigh. He curled his hand around my knee and hitched it up over his hip. This brought him right up against my sex, and I could feel him as he rubbed his erection against me. I groaned and wound my hips towards his.

Edward rolled us over so that he was on top of me. He traced my lips with his tongue sensuously before allowing me to suck it into my mouth. He tasted so sweet and intoxicating, my senses were reeling. No one had ever had such a profound effect on me before.

When Edward entered me, it was the sweetest torture. Too soon, I would leave, and I had no idea how I could survive without this man. He moved inside me gently, his hands and lips still roaming wherever he could reach. I took his face in my hands and held it while I kissed him passionately. I could feel that his cheeks were slightly damp as if a couple of tears had escaped.

"I don't want you to go," Edward whispered, sotto voce.

"I don't want to go," I answered, my voice quavered slightly.

"I wish we could run away together, right now," he said between kisses.

The rhythm of his strokes increased, and I could only moan in reply. I knew that even though Edward meant what he was saying, it was only being said in the heat of the moment. Come the glaring light of day, I would be leaving to go back home to my dreary, lonely house. My body never knew such pleasure; my heart never knew such pain.

Edward started to breathe harder, and I knew he was close. I held him to me tightly and whispered to him encouragingly. He had already given me so much delight tonight I wanted this time to be solely about him. It was wonderful just to be this close to him. Edward began shuddering and whispering my name repeatedly as I kissed his eyes, cheeks, nose, chin and mouth.

We lay intertwined. Edward laid his head on my chest while I ran my fingers through his hair. Once he caught his breath, he rolled onto his side and tucked me against his chest.

A few minutes passed before Edward spoke. "I meant what I said, you know."

"I know, but running away together wouldn't solve anything right now." Ugh, sometimes I hated being responsible. I knew that Edward couldn't just shirk his duties and neither could I, no matter how tempting that may be.

Edward sighed and held me closer. We watched what was left of the movie, and I was thankful for the emotional scenes that gave me an excuse to cry. Edward wiped and kissed my tears away. When _The Notebook_ was over, I turned off the TV and snuggled against him. Falling asleep was easier than I expected; I was exhausted from our day together.

Back on another airplane. Only this time, I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. Saying good-bye to Edward felt as if I had physically ripped my heart out and handed it to him. There was now a jagged hole in my chest that burned whenever I took a breath. When I heard the door of the airplane close, it may as well have been the lid of a coffin slamming down on me. I didn't know how I was going to keep living, being so far from Edward.

When the plane took off, I rested my forehead against the glass and watched as Los Angeles slipped away behind us. I closed my eyes once we were above the clouds and focused on our last moments together that morning.

Both of us had woken up quiet and morose knowing our final hours were numbered. We made love again, and it was a slow exploration of each other's bodies. Edward kissed and caressed every inch of my flesh making my body sing. I took my time and discovered anything I may have missed all the other times we made love. I drank in his scent, and his distinct taste was simply sumptuous.

I found out that if I ran my hand down Edward's back in a certain way, he shuddered against me with no power to stop himself. The backs of his thighs were extremely sensitive, and there was a spot on his inner groin that got him aroused quicker than anything else I had done to him. I filed all these little things in my mind for later when we were reunited.

Both of us tried to be happy until the time that everything was packed in the car. We drove back to the airport mostly in silence, clutching hands whenever Edward didn't need to shift the gears of the car. We made some small talk to disguise the fact we didn't say what we really wanted to say. I could already feel the edges of the gaping hole that would be ripped out of my chest.

At the airport, Edward stood beside me in line with his arms wrapped around my waist, not letting me go for a moment. I put on a brave face, knowing soon we would be separated. He stood behind me, still holding me against him as I checked in and sent my luggage through the conveyor belt. The woman who served me looked at us sympathetically. A ticket for one, it was obvious this was good-bye.

We walked towards the gate, and as we arrived I turned to Edward, not knowing how I would ever say the words. The look on his face must have been a mirror of mine. He looked like he was burning, his eyes were intent and his lips were pursed.

"Edward," I started, but he stopped me with a desperate kiss. I threw my arms around his neck and returned it with as much as emotion as I could.

He pulled away and grabbed my hand, tugging me away from the gate.

"Edward! Where are we going?" I asked, confused. I had less than an hour before the plane would leave. We walked towards a handicapped washroom; Edward glanced around quickly before ushering me inside.

The lock was turned, the lights went on, and then Edward grabbed me and began kissing me again. I let myself melt into the kiss for a moment before reason came back to me.

"Edward, I'm going to miss my flight," I said breathlessly. His hands were at the waistband of my pants and deftly he had them undone and falling to the floor.

"Quiet, Bella," he growled in my ear. "I'm going to fuck you silly before sending you home, got it?" A thrill shot through me, and I felt myself get hot and wet instantly. Suddenly, I couldn't get his pants off fast enough.

We tore at each other's clothing, stumbling back against the counter. Edward grabbed my ass and sat me beside the sink. Our kissing was frantic, teeth clashing and biting, hands grasping and clawing. This was not lovemaking, there was nothing gentle about it. There was no love in it. It was purely animalistic lust. It was completely primal. It was fucking awesome.

Edward parted my legs roughly and sheathed himself in one sure stroke. I screamed out, and he clapped his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet as he pounded into me repeatedly. He replaced his hand with his mouth, and I whimpered as he shoved his tongue in my mouth. I had one of my hands fisted in his hair as the other yanked up his shirt and raked my fingernails down his back. Edward grunted, and he arched his back against my assault.

Slipping one of his hands between us, he began massaging my clit with his thumb. I gasped into his mouth at the immediate friction on my already sensitive nub. I bucked my hips harder, meeting Edward stroke for stroke.

"That's it, Bella. Fuck me, baby," he whispered huskily before biting my earlobe. I sank my teeth into his shoulder to keep from screaming out. That's all we needed, security busting down the door and finding us in _flagrante delicto_.

I could feel myself spiraling, and my body tensed, ready for release. The orgasm wracked my body, and I grabbed Edward's face so I could smother my cries against his mouth. His hand left my clit, and now he clutched both my hips so he could increase his deep thrusting. He was close to climax, and I could feel his body begin to quiver. Now it was his turn to muffle his exclamations against my mouth as he shuddered violently.

Edward's arms came around my body and he held me close. I had my face pressed into his chest, with my arms curled between us. I felt so small and safe against him like this, enveloped in his warmth. I sighed when Edward finally pulled away from me. He helped me down, and I went into the stall to clean up.

While our little escapade didn't change anything, at least that feeling of moroseness had lifted. Things were back to the way they were the day before. I walked out of the stall, and Edward was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, signature crooked smile on his face. I couldn't resist smiling back and walked up to kiss him. We stood together for a few more minutes before separating.

I opened the door and peeked out. No one was watching so I strolled out as nonchalantly as possible. Edward followed me soon after with a smug expression on his face. He may as well have been wearing a t-shirt with a slogan saying, "I got fucked in LAX and loved it!"

We walked back to the departure area, and Edward held me against him hard. He leaned his face down to kiss me gently as he cradled my head in his hands. Some tears escaped from my closed eyes, and he wiped them away as they fell.

"Hey, have I told you I love you lately?"

"Not lately." I smiled weakly, playing along.

"Bella, I love you. Don't ever forget that. We'll be together again soon."

"I love you, Edward." I clung to him fiercely until the very last moment when I couldn't delay any longer. His hands brushed back my hair and ran along my shoulders and back. I finally pulled back and went up on my toes to brush my lips against his. The sadness was back in his eyes, and I fought the urge to throw myself on the floor and grip his legs, refusing to leave.

I turned and walked towards the metal detectors. After I went through, I turned to blow a kiss at Edward. He pretended to catch it and pressed it against his heart. I walked through the doors towards the tunnel leading to the plane with tears streaming down my face.

The weekend was magical, and I reminded myself of what Edward said before I left. This wasn't 'good bye'; it was 'see you soon'. Hopefully, soon would come quickly.

* * *

**Leave me love ppl, you know the drill!  
**


	12. Home Is Where The Heart Is

**A/N: Ack this chapter was painful to write! I just want to get back to Bella and Edward and I know you guys do too ;)) It's a shorter chapter so as not to prolong the pain, but the next one will be a lot of fun and hopefully I can bang it out quick! Shout out to MissPumpkinHead for pimping me out! *huggles***

**Twi = SM**

* * *

**12. Home Is Where The Heart Is**

I got home and heard my phone ringing shrilly. I debated letting it go to voicemail, I wasn't in any condition to make small talk with anyone. I looked around my empty house for a moment and just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I didn't belong here anymore. I belonged wherever Edward was.

Sighing, I picked up the receiver. I would see who it was and get off the phone as quickly as possible begging exhaustion or make up some other excuse.

"Hello," I said, my voice sounding dead in my own ears.

"Bella," his voice was soft and sad but still a balm to my wounded heart. "I just wanted to make sure you made it home safe."

Tears sprang to my eyes, and my mind was filled with memories of Edward and our weekend together. I couldn't speak.

"Bella? Beautiful? Are you still there?" Edward's voice was full of concern, and I sniffled in response.

"Don't cry, love. Please say something?"

"Oh Edward, I already miss you so much." My voice broke as I tried to stifle a sob.

"I miss you, too," he sighed. "So much, you don't even know how much."

I was quiet for a moment as I tried to collect myself. "How did you know I was home?" I asked curiously.

"I didn't," Edward laughed lightly, the sound made my heart clench. "It took me about three hours to get home from the airport, I checked online to see when your flight landed, added just over an hour for you to get home and called."

Now I was laughing along with him. It made me feel really good that Edward needed to talk to me as soon as humanly possible. That he was missing me as bad I was missing him.

"Wow, great timing. You nailed it!" I said, smiling now.

"Um, not really. I've been calling you every five minutes for the last half hour." This made me laugh even harder, and soon Edward and I were both hysterical. Tears were rolling down my face still, but at least now they were happy ones. Eventually our mirth subsided.

"Come back," he said, his voice soft and gentle again.

"Okay," I said placating him. "I'll be on the next flight out."

"Sounds good to me. I'll just smuggle you onto the base and keep you under my desk during the days."

"Hrm, whatever would I do under your desk all day?" I said playfully.

Edward groaned. "I can think of a few things. I can think of a few things to do on _top_ of my desk, too."

My breathing spiked as vivid images played themselves out in my head.

"Okay, now that's not fair!" I scolded. "You're getting me all excited, and I can't even do anything about it!"

"Hey, you started it!" he chuckled.

"When will we see each other again?"

"A month from now," he said with certainty. "I have a baseball tournament to go to in Vegas, and I want you to meet me there."

"Really? Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I stopped by the office first, and they just confirmed the dates, so make sure you book it now so you can get a ticket. I already emailed you the information," he said, all business.

"Yessir!" I said mockingly and was rewarded with a snicker.

"Well, I guess you don't want to see me as bad as I want to see you," he said, feigning hurt feelings.

"Quiet, you. I'll book the ticket tomorrow, first thing. Before my boss finds out and fires me for taking more time off!" I laughed.

"Would you really lose your job?" Edward asked, concerned again. "Bella, I don't want you to get in trouble at work."

"No, no. Don't worry, James would never fire me. I bring in almost a quarter of his revenue." _Plus he wants to fuck me_, I added internally. "I'll just pick up an extra weekend or something to cover it."

"Bella--" he started. I cut him off before he could get any further.

"Edward, I said don't worry. I'm going to be in Vegas with you and that's that. I can't go longer than a month without seeing you. I'm not even convinced I can go a _day_ without being with you, okay?" I finished softly.

Edward was silent for a moment. "All right. But if you get in trouble over this, I'll be very upset."

"Well, look at it this way: if I get fired, I can move out to California and be with you indefinitely!" I said happily.

"Bella, I thought we talked about this?" Edward said seriously.

"Yeah, yeah. Take my time, big decision. Blah, blah, blah!" Edward laughed at my tone of voice.

"As long as you were listening," he teased.

"I was. I still don't know what we're waiting for, but I'll do it your way for now."

"Don't worry. It will all be worth it in the end. You'll see."

We talked for a little while longer before my day caught up with me, and I was stifling yawns with my hand. Edward ordered me to bed and we said good-bye.

While nothing could replace his presence, it was still nice hearing Edward's voice and being able to laugh with him. Even my twin bed was altogether too big without Edward holding me. I tossed and turned fitfully but managed to fall asleep eventually.

The countdown was on again until I could see Edward, and once again it would feel like an eternity before that time was up.

Work resumed as usual. I got the dates for Edward's trip to Vegas and looked to make sure there was availability. Luckily, it fell on the Memorial Day weekend, so I didn't have to take any time off work. I booked a flight leaving Friday evening and returning Sunday night. The Monday return was already sold out unfortunately.

I emailed Edward the itinerary, and we decided that he would leave work early, check into the hotel, and then come pick me up at the airport. I knew that the weekend was still far off, but making plans for it made me feel better.

To try and make time fly by faster, I tried to keep busy by going out with my coworkers and spending time with Rosalie and Alice. I threw myself into my dance classes and even allowed Alice to drag me out for a little retail therapy. She used the excuse that I needed to replace my holey sleepwear, and that I should pick up some lingerie for my up and coming sexy weekend with Edward. Who could argue with such sound reasoning? Not I.

Even though I wasn't a shopping kind of girl, it was nice to get out with my friends and spend some quality time together. I know I promised Edward we would take our time before I moved to California, but I couldn't help but think it would pass very quickly, and before I knew it, I would be saying good-bye to my two best friends.

The nightly calls resumed between Edward and I. Hearing his voice helped to soothe me, but they never truly dulled the ache of missing him. The time crawled along slowly for us both as we counted down the days until we saw each other again.

One night, about two weeks prior to the long weekend, Edward informed me that the tournament he was supposed to take part in had been cancelled and rescheduled for the end of June. At first, I was worried he would want to cancel, but he was quick to assure me that nothing could keep him from Vegas for the Memorial Day weekend.

"Look at it this way," he said in that gorgeous voice of his, "now we get to spend all that time alone, instead of having to suffer through boring baseball games."

"Well, I certainly like that idea!" I laughed. "But you know, I was looking forward to watching you play."

"You can always book your next visit now and come to that tourney instead?" he said with a pleading note in his voice.

"Aren't we getting greedy, Mr. Cullen?" I said laughing.

"I promise next time I'll come to you," he said sincerely.

"Actually, now that you mention it, Rosalie and Emmett are getting married in July. Do you think you can be my date?"

"That sounds great, Bella. I'd love to meet your friends and see where you live."

I looked around my tiny bedroom that hadn't changed much since I was a baby. Maybe it was time to clear out Charlie's room after all.

"The wedding will be in Seattle, so I thought we could just get a hotel there, but I can show you around Forks, too."

We made tentative plans, and Edward was going to check and see what his schedule looked like. He was pretty certain that it would be easy enough to get the time off, which thrilled me. I really wanted my friends to meet Edward and see what was so wonderful about him for their own eyes. I wanted them to see how happy he made me so that when I did leave, they would be more secure in the fact that it was the right decision for me.

It hurt me that Rosalie and Jacob still were leery about my relationship with Edward. I tried to explain ad nauseum how we felt for each other, but neither of them could seem to understand the connection. It was getting to the point that I was refusing to discuss it any longer. They would either accept my relationship, or they wouldn't. At the end of the day, I was a grown woman, and I would make decisions for me, no one else. I deserved to be happy, too, and Edward made me happy.

Another problem I had was in the form of Mike Newton. Mike and I had always been good friends throughout high school, and I was the one who suggested we recruit him for the job at TDG. He was very outgoing and built rapport with people easily, and I had been right to hire him. However, Mike had always had a bit of a crush on me. It wasn't reciprocated unfortunately, but that didn't stop him from trying to convince me otherwise on occasion.

We were all at the pub; Angela and I were sharing some wine while the boys drank beer. The talk was mostly about work and the crazy clients we had been dealing with lately. Bantering back and forth and trying to outdo each other with our stories became a sort of ritual to blow off steam and poke fun at one another.

Occasionally Eric and Angela would leave us alone to go play pool -- a sport I would never be able to master without seriously injuring myself or someone else -- and leave Mike and I alone to make awkward small talk. Somehow the subject always migrated to my relationship with Edward.

I got the distinct impression that Mike still hadn't given up on his fantasy of us getting together. He seemed a little too interested in my relationship and the motivations behind being in a long distance relationship. He was never outwardly disrespectful or rude, so I couldn't really tell him to keep his opinions to himself. Usually, it would end up with me making an excuse to leave and going home to my empty house.

Those nights were especially hard. They always made me paranoid about my decision to pursue this relationship. I knew deep in my heart that Edward and I were meant to be together, but my mind insisted on wondering what Edward saw in me, and whether we could overcome the odds. Luckily, Edward always seemed to pick up on my moods and would say all the right things to remind me why no other man would do.

Time slipped away, and finally I was packing to go to Vegas. Within fourteen hours I would be with Edward again. Even if was just for a tiny slice of time, I would take that time and be glad for it.

* * *

**I know, I know... not very exciting but we need to move the story along! Review and let me know you love me anyway :)) Next chapter is VEGAS BABY!! w00t!**


	13. What Happens In Vegas

**A/N: Phew! Ok these chapters just keep getting more and more epic! It's my longest yet (I keep saying that... heh) Thanks so much to my reg readers, you guys are the best! There are a lot of ppl who have this story on alert and I'd love to hear from you too :))**

* * *

**13. What Happens In Vegas**

I learned my lesson last time and completely bypassed luggage altogether. I just packed a weekend's worth of clothes into a large backpack and took it as my carryon luggage. Grabbing my bag out of the overhead compartment, I tried not to push everyone out of my way and launch myself out of the airplane. Somehow I managed to make it out without maiming or killing anyone in the process.

Walking out into the arrivals area, I saw Edward right away. He had me in his arms and up in the air within seconds. I found his lips and kissed him hungrily. How I had lasted a whole month without him? I had no idea. I punctuated my kisses with loving endearments, and Edward just smiled happily. I could feel his lips curve under mine as our delight in one another flowed between us.

Finally, Edward put me down but kept his arms around me and held me close to his chest. His hands smoothed along my hair and ran down my back. I could feel his heart pounding strongly under my cheek. Closing my eyes, I realized our hearts beat in tandem.

I felt Edward kiss the top of my head and lifted my face to look at him. His striking green eyes were dark and fathomless, full of some strong emotion. He lifted his hand to caress my cheek as I gazed at him. My memory hadn't done him justice. Even the pictures I had couldn't capture the angelic beauty of his face.

"Come on, let's get out of here," Edward said smiling tenderly

I nodded my head and allowed myself to be tucked against his side as we walked out of the airport. For the first time, I looked around and noticed all the slot machines lined up everywhere.

"Slot machines in the airport?" I laughed.

"Well they don't call Vegas Sin City for nothing!" Edward said, chuckling along with me.

The airport was very close to the strip so it didn't take us long to get to our destination. We were staying at a more obscure hotel just off the strip called The Maxim. It had all the amenities of a larger hotel and well-tended rooms, so it served its purpose. There was a pool, a casino, a couple of restaurants, and a chapel, which I looked at wistfully as we passed by.

When we got to our hotel room, Edward turned to me and said, "Wait here for one minute, okay?" With a quick wink and a kiss, he backed into the room stealthily. I shrugged and waited in the hallway hoping no one would come by and wonder what the heck I was doing in a hotel hallway by myself.

Luckily, it didn't take very long for Edward to come back. He covered my eyes with his hands and steered me into the room. When he dropped his hands, I gasped. There were lit candles over every surface. White wine was chilling, and an assortment of fruit was on the table in the corner. If I was a cynical person, I may have found it all cliché, but instead I was touched by the sweet gesture.

Turning around, I cupped Edward's face and brought his lips to mine. It didn't take long for the kiss to deepen as I melted against his body. Before we could get carried away, Edward pulled back slightly. He took my hands and walked towards the bed gesturing towards it.

"Sit down, Bella," he said. I glanced at him questioningly but did as he asked.

When I was seated, Edward knelt by the bed and removed my shoes. Still kneeling, he placed himself between my legs and began kissing me again. I felt his hands at the hem of my shirt as his fingers slipped beneath it. He caressed my skin lightly before lifting the shirt up over my head.

Edward's kisses were slow and sweet, it was obvious he wasn't in a rush. He touched me innocently, only brushing his hands over my arms and back. Taking my hands, he stood up and brought me with him. Reaching between us, he undid my slacks and helped me step out of them. Edward turned me so I was facing the bed.

"Lie down on your stomach," he said in the same voice as before.

Lying down, I sighed and watched as Edward removed his shirt and jeans. He got on the bed, but instead of lying beside me like I expected, he straddled my upper thighs and reached for a bottle on the bedside table.

"Edward? What are you doing?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

Instead of answering he unhooked my bra and slid the straps down my shoulders. "Off," he said. I smiled as I removed my arms from the garment and tossed it to the floor. When I lay back down, Edward brushed my hair off to the side.

I heard him behind me doing something with the bottle he had grabbed and before I could ask again what he was doing I felt his warm, slippery hands slide up my back. I groaned as his thumbs massaged along my spine and across my shoulders. The oil was scented mildly and added to the calming effect.

"In answer to your question," Edward said huskily, "I'm pampering you."

I made a soft noise in response as he worked all the stress and tension out of my back. The man was gifted. Edward's hands were powerful yet gentle. He applied just the right amount of pressure so that I was wonderfully relaxed while still working out the kinks.

Once he finished with my back, he moved on to my arms and hands. No one had ever paid this much attention to me before, and I had to admit, I could get used to the treatment. It certainly helped that my _masseuse_ was an incredibly hunky man who I planned to seduce at the very first opportunity.

Edward, finished with my upper body, hooked his fingers into my lacy boy shorts and started to tug them down. I lifted my hips to help him along, and I heard him make a deep noise in his chest. Keeping my eyes closed, I smiled to myself.

Relocating near my feet, Edward took them into his lap and started massaging my insoles with long, sure strokes.

"Oh Edward, that feels amazing," I groaned out.

Continuing in the same manner, Edward used both hands to work up my left leg. He used the oil liberally, and those magic hands glided across my skin, heating wherever he touched. When he reached my buttocks, he stopped and started working his way up my right leg. Everything he did to me felt so good.

Reaching the top of my right leg he stopped again. I wiggled my hips slightly and wondered what Edward was doing. He straddled my legs again, and I realized he was also fully naked. Edward's hands palmed my buttocks and started kneading the flesh. I didn't know how much tension I had in that area of my body until he started working it all out.

After some time passed, I felt Edward's lips brush against the nape of my neck. They moved slowly along my shoulders. He was leaning forward with his chest against my back, and his erection was pressed against my ass. The oil made us both very slippery and feeling his incredible body slide up and down on mine got me completely aroused within seconds.

Still lying on my stomach, I lifted my hips up as Edward slid up my body. Due to the oil, he was able to slip into me easily from behind. We groaned simultaneously at the contact. I grabbed handfuls of the bed sheet above my head as Edward moved himself in and out of me slowly. He had his chest against my back but held himself up slightly using his arms so his full weight wasn't on top of me.

Edward continued to kiss along my neck as he picked up speed. Moaning, I met him stroke for stroke as I pushed back against him.

"Yes, Edward. Faster," I whispered between gasps.

Reaching down, he grasped my hips in his hands and began thrusting into me quickly. I crossed my legs and squeezed them together, increasing the friction. Edward hissed out as I clamped him inside me tightly. Now he was hitting that sweet spot, and I moved under him frantically while my orgasm built up higher and higher.

"Oh my God, Bella," Edward ground out between clenched teeth.

I bucked against him wildly as the spasms started to take over my body. I knew Edward was close so I squeezed him even tighter.

"Oh _fuck_!" he bellowed above me.

I felt Edward begin to shudder before collapsing on top of me. We lay there together, panting heavily for a while, before he rolled to his side facing me. He looked slightly guilty.

"Would you believe me if I said I didn't plan for that part to happen?" he asked sheepishly.

"Would you believe me if I said I'm thrilled it did?" I returned, smiling hugely.

"This was supposed to be just about _me_ pampering _you_," he started, before I cut him off with a kiss.

"Shut up, Edward," I said against his lips.

We cuddled for a while before Edward got up from the bed to head to the bathroom. I heard him running the water. He called my name, and I smiled to myself. When I walked in there, the bath was drawn and more candles were lit around the room. Edward was sitting in the tub waiting for me. I sank into the water in front of him sitting between his legs. My back was against his chest, and I sighed happily when Edward wrapped his arms around me.

After our bath, Edward bundled me up in a fluffy robe, and we lounged around on the bed, drinking wine and feeding each other fruit. We talked and laughed until it started to get very late.

Getting under the covers, I snuggled into Edward's chest and breathed in his wonderful scent. It felt so good to be back in his arms, and I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. It was the best sleep I'd had since the last time we were together.

* * *

The next day, we stayed in bed late, enjoying each other. I loved that no matter what we were doing, there was always that electrical charge that flowed between us. Even just sitting and talking to Edward got me excited. He was such a passionate soul and so expressive. I would watch his face become animated and his graceful hands move as he discussed something he felt strongly about. We loved bantering back and forth and while making love with Edward was always amazing, it was these moments I remembered most fondly.

We did the obligatory Vegas things like walking the strip, watching the Bellagio fountain display and the Treasure Island Pirate show. We spent some time in the casino as well, my game was Black Jack as I found slots to be too boring. Edward sat beside me and watched as I won and lost the same sixty dollars over and over again. He wasn't a gambler, so after a while, he started distracting me by running his hands up and down my thigh under the table. I'm sure the dealer knew why I was becoming so squirmy, but he kept his face impassive.

When Edward leaned in as if he were whispering something to me and sucked my earlobe into his mouth, I bet all my money and lost the hand. Grabbing him, we rushed out of the casino towards the elevator. When it arrived, I pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard while running my hands up and down his body. I placed my hand on Edward's burgeoning erection, and he moaned into my mouth. It was a good thing we were alone, but I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing had there been other people present.

Still kissing, we exited the elevator onto our floor and stumbled along until we got to our hotel room. Edward fished the electronic key out of his pocket and tried to get the door open while I continued with my attentions. I was placing open mouth kisses along his neck and jaw as he struggled to get the key to work. Finally, we heard the beep to grant access and almost fell into the room in our haste to get inside.

I was already unbuttoning Edward's shirt and pushing it off his shoulders as he kicked off his shoes. I rolled my tongue over his nipples as I undid his pants, pulling them along with his briefs down his hips. Pushing Edward towards the desk chair, I had him sit on it. Getting down between his legs I grasped his member in my hand. I ran my tongue over him slowly, enjoying the smooth feel of his flesh.

Edward had his head thrown back and was holding on to the armrests of the chair. He hadn't managed to get his shirt completely off so his exposed chest and covered arms made an erotic snapshot in my mind. This was something I would definitely remember. I continued using my lips and tongue to tease Edward and he was making small exhalations of breath whenever I did something in particular he liked. Every once in a while I would lick and nibble along his inner thighs enjoying his reactions.

"Bella," Edward growled after about ten minutes of torture, "I swear to God, if you don't get up here right now, I'm coming down there to get you!"

Giggling, I stood up facing Edward, and removed my clothing. He lunged at me and spun me around, sitting me on his lap. In this position he had full access to my whole body. One hand began caressing my breasts while the other slid between my legs. Edward kissed the nape of my neck and shoulder while he teased my nipples, making them harden. I felt his fingers part my folds and enter me, moving slowly.

My head rolled back against Edward's shoulder giving him better access to the sensitive flesh, and he took full advantage. His teeth nipped at me as he licked and sucked his way from my ear downwards. Feeling his lips and hands all over my body was driving me insane, and I couldn't take the teasing any longer.

"Edward," I panted at him.

"Yes?" he said, smiling into my neck.

"Please."

"Do you want me inside you?" he asked sweetly.

"Yes!"

"How bad?" he continued.

"Really bad!" I whimpered.

"How bad is really bad?"

"Edward!" I almost shouted at him.

Chuckling, he removed his fingers and moved me so that I was positioned over him. I lowered my body until he was deep inside of me. I let myself get accustomed to his size before moving my hips up and down. Edward still had one arm around my upper body and was helping me pick up the momentum. His slick fingers found my clit and began applying slight pressure in a circular motion.

With everything that was happening to me at once, it didn't take very long before I was moaning and clenching against Edward as my release shook my body. Once I came back down to earth, I really wanted to feel more connected to him. I stood up and took his hand so he would follow me to the bed. When we got there, I removed Edward's shirt and lay down on the bed. Edward followed me and nestled himself between my thighs.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, looked into his jade-colored eyes and let all my emotion show plainly for him to see. Tenderly, Edward brushed my hair back from my face and kissed me, maintaining eye contact. He slid into me, and I sighed against his lips.

Somehow we had gone from frenzied sex to gentle love making, yet both were just as satisfying if for very different reasons. Moving slowly against him, I whispered to Edward how much I had ached without him, how much I needed him and how much I loved him. He didn't reply but didn't need to; the look in his eyes expressed more than he could have ever said in words.

We touched and loved each other in a leisurely fashion, taking all the time in the world. I didn't want to lose that intimate bond we had forged and it seemed like Edward didn't either. After a long while, the build up became too intense and our movements increased until we were both shaking in each other's arms.

Edward didn't move away from me. He stayed where he was with his forehead against mine, breathing deeply. After a few moments, he finally spoke.

"Have I told you I love you lately?" He said this to me every day since the first time he told me he loved me. It never failed to make me smile, and I always replied in the same fashion.

"Not lately," I whispered.

"I love you, Isabella." He opened his eyes, making sure I could see that he meant it very sincerely.

That night we dressed up and went for a romantic dinner and then out dancing. Seeing Edward in a suit was mouthwatering. His broad shoulders filled out the jacket and it cut close to his body. The sleek lines made him look long and lean yet powerful. He kept it casual by leaving his dress shirt unbuttoned at the collar but all that did was draw attention to his muscular neck and angular jaw line.

I almost didn't want to leave the room, he looked _that_ good. Mentally, I made a date between my lips and his neck and jaw for later. Smiling to myself, I followed Edward as he led me out of the hotel room by the hand.

Besides the disastrous attempt to go out for dinner during my last visit, I hadn't really gone out with Edward in public. I knew, of course, that he was a beautiful man--I had eyes after all--but I don't think I was quite prepared for the effect he had on other women. I felt completely invisible at his side as strangers and service people alike threw themselves at him unashamedly.

It would have been a blow to my ego had Edward paid the least bit of attention to any of these women, but he never did. He ignored one and all, only having eyes for me. If he felt that some woman was taking too many liberties, he made sure to pull me closer, or kiss me, or make a flattering remark about me in her presence so that she knew he was off limits. I had to admit, all the attention made me feel good. Even though with any other man, I most likely would have wanted to slink under a table and hide, Edward boosted me up. Silently, he was telling me, they may want me, but you are the one who has me.

That's right, ladies. _Mine! _Read 'em and weep. I strutted around like a peacock on Edward's arm.

We ended up at Rum Jungle in the Mandalay Bay Hotel for dinner, which transformed into a decadent nightclub afterwards. It was the closest place that offered Salsa music, and Edward wanted to see me dance. I warned him in advance that I was still a complete novice, but he didn't seem to care.

Suddenly, I remembered the club in LA with Jake and was curious about something.

"Edward, have you ever gone Salsa dancing in LA?" I asked.

He looked guarded for a split-second before answering, "A few times, sure."

"Have you ever been to Havana Club on the Sunset?" I watched him carefully to see if maybe my imagination was getting the better of me. Edward's face was carefully blank.

"It's possible. Why do you ask?"

I recounted the story of going dancing with Jacob that weekend I was in LA and seeing a man who looked a lot like him. When I got to the part about the Edward look-a-like being with a blonde he quirked up his eyebrow.

"But then you emailed me and told me you were taking care of Masen so I knew it couldn't have been you. Unless you have a twin brother running around that I don't know about." I smiled nervously as I made the joke. Something about Edward's expression made me uneasy.

"No, I don't think I have a twin brother running about," he said, finally cracking a smile. Leaning forward, he took hold of my hand and traced patterns on my palm. He was frowning slightly before he spoke again.

"So this Jake guy… he's just a friend, right?"

"Are you trying to change the subject?" I asked suspiciously.

Edward glanced up at me and smiled slightly. "No. You just reminded me of him while you told me that story, so I figured I'd ask." He ran his hand through his hair.

I was surprised that Edward was showing any type of insecurity. Usually he was so self-assured and confident. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to tell him but decided the truth was the only way to go. I didn't want him to find out anything by accident down the road and think I had deliberately misled him.

"Jacob and I have known each other for a really long time. We dated for a while when I was in high school but decided we just made better friends. He helped me a lot while Charlie was sick, and we were incredibly close. We still are. But yes, Jake is _just_ my friend."

"What do you mean by you're still close?" Edward was looking at me intently now.

"If you're asking if we still have an intimate relationship, then the answer _was_ yes. Till I started talking to you."

"So in LA…?"

"No, we didn't sleep together. I know it sounds crazy, but even then I felt as if I was being unfaithful to you." Edward's eyes popped open as if I had completely surprised him, and then he looked back down to my hand still held in his. I waited patiently to see what he would say.

"So I don't have anything to worry about with this guy?" he said quietly.

"You have nothing to worry about with _any_ guy, Edward. My heart belongs to only you." He smiled gently but still wouldn't look at me. For some reason, he looked sad, and it pained me to see it. It hurt even more that he didn't seem to want to share what had him looking so desolate. Surely it couldn't be about Jake?

Finally, Edward gave his head a little shake and looked up at me. He smiled my very favorite crooked grin and couldn't help but smile back. Getting up, he came around the table and sat beside me on the bench against the wall. I turned towards him and searched his face questioningly. He reached out and placed his hand on my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"And my heart belongs to you, always remember that," Edward said solemnly. He kissed me lightly and then hugged me to him. We stayed like that comfortably until the music started up.

My foot was tapping to the beat when Edward asked me to dance. I was a little nervous, but he was the perfect lead. One more thing he excelled at, I should have known. We got into a good rhythm and danced until the wee hours of the morning before grabbing a cab back to our hotel.

Both of us were hot and sticky, so I dragged Edward into the shower with me to clean up before bed. My lips cashed in on my earlier promise and thoroughly explored Edward's neck and jaw amongst other places. Shower sex was fast becoming one of my favorite pastimes. Not only was it wet, wild, and fun, but efficient too!

I knew that tomorrow was our last day together, but at least this time I had an evening flight home and there wouldn't be a two-hour drive to the airport. This time at least we could maximize our time together, and I planned to take full advantage of that.

I hated the idea of leaving Edward again, but at least I already knew when I was going to return, so it wasn't as disheartening as before I left. Still, it would be even more difficult to be without him this time, and I imagined every time we were together it would get increasingly more difficult.

Pushing the thought away, I concentrated instead on Edward and enjoying the time we had left.

* * *

It was Sunday. Dreaded Sunday. I sighed and snuggled closer to Edward. I wished that I could just pack him up and take him with me. Realizing that wasn't going to happen, I contemplated Fate and wondered why she was so cruel as to put my soulmate on the opposite end of the country. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I even found him at all, not everyone could say that.

But then you had to wonder what was worse: finding that perfect someone and not being able to be with them or never finding them at all? Would you rather suffer through the knowledge that they existed and you had a chance to experience that one true love, or would you rather go through life never knowing that kind of love actually existed?

I wasn't awake enough to be that philosophical, so I just contented myself with listening to Edward's breath as he slept. Even though it was almost noon, I was loath to wake him. He was such a sound sleeper; it was one of the things I loved about him. With my propensity to sleep talk, I needed someone who could just doze right though all of that. Occasionally Edward would wake up and consequently wake me up because he would be in an amorous mood, but I looked at that as a perk instead of a drawback.

Last night was a perk night so instead of staying in bed, I decided to get up and take a quick shower. Once I got under the stream of hot water I changed my mind and decided to take my time. Maybe if I were lucky, Edward would wake up and join me. I lathered my body all over and stretched my muscles. Dancing for a few hours almost non-stop had really given me a work out. My hair had been washed last night, so I didn't bother to wash it again. I stepped out of the shower and dried off. Wrapping the towel around my body, I walked out into the main room.

Edward was on the phone and when he heard me, he turned quickly and put a finger to his lips signaling me not to speak.

"Really? That's great, champ!" he said enthusiastically.

I gathered he must be talking to his son and wondered why I needed to be quiet. I sat on the bed and watched him speak with Masen. He had a look on his face I hadn't ever seen before. It was a kind of contentment and pride all rolled into one.

"Ok, Buddy, Daddy has to go now." He stopped to listen to what Masen was saying. "No, it's okay, I don't need to talk to your mom again." Now his voice became clipped and almost hard edged. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his hand.

"I know, Masen. All right, I love you too, kiddo. I'll talk to you later tonight, okay? Bye."

Edward walked over to me and bent to give me a kiss before sitting beside me on the bed.

"Sorry about that, Beautiful. I didn't think you'd be finished so soon."

"That's okay. You don't have to apologize for talking to your son," I said, waving it off.

"I know, I just don't like that you had to be quiet while I talked to him, so I prefer to do it when I'm alone."

"Yeah, what was that all about anyway?" I was somewhat confused about why he didn't want me making noise in the background.

"Ugh, this was the conversation I wanted to avoid." Edward sighed and ran his hands through his hair, causing it to spike out all over his head. "It's about Tanya. Let's just say she wouldn't be _receptive_ to me dating another woman. If Masen heard you in the background, he'd most likely mention it to her, and it would open a whole big can of worms."

Now I was even more confused. _Tanya?_ I figured perhaps he wasn't ready to introduce a new woman into his son's life until he was certain things were serious. What I wasn't prepared for was to hear that this really had to do with his ex-wife.

"Tanya? Why would your ex-wife care if you were dating?" I watched Edward carefully as he looked away from me. He seemed to be weighing what he was about to say very carefully. After a few moments, he looked back at me and took a deep breath.

"Bella, Tanya isn't my ex-wife. We're only separated. Our relationship has been dead for a long time. but she keeps holding on to hope that perhaps we'll reconcile."

Edward stayed perfectly still, trying to gauge my reaction. I sat on the bed completely stunned and realized belatedly that I was very naked under my towel. I was naked, on a bed with a married man. Naked, with the love of my life who was still married.

"You're still married?" I croaked. "Wait a second, you _told_ me you were divorced!" My voice rose as I completed the sentence.

"No, I told you that my relationship with Tanya was over a long time ago," Edward said warily.

I jumped off the bed and clutched the towel closer to my body. "Technicalities, Edward!" I screamed at him. "You know damned well that you chose your words carefully enough to give me the impression that you were divorced!!"

Edward got up from the bed slowly and held his hands out as if he were approaching a scared animal. "Bella, just calm down. Let's talk about this, okay?"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" I yelled. "You _lied_ to me! You've _been_ lying to me from the very start! When the hell were you going to tell me about this, Edward? When I sold my father's house and moved to California to be closer to you?" He flinched at my words.

"I didn't even have to tell you at all," he said, bringing his hands up and running them agitatedly in his hair. "I've been sick to death about lying to you, and I just didn't want to do it anymore!"

"Why, Edward? Why would you do this to me?" My voice started to shake as tears pooled in my eyes. "Did you get your kicks? Make some naïve girl fall for you over the net and get a few good fucks out of her in the meantime?" I laughed bitterly.

Edward looked like I had just shot him in the heart. His eyes were horrorstruck and suddenly he strode over to me and grasped my upper arms.

"I did it because I fell in _love_ with you!" he said fiercely. "My God, Bella, if I just wanted an easy lay, why the hell would I pick a woman who lived on the other side of the fucking country? I could have had any number of _good fucks_ from other wives on the base! I can't swing a dead cat without hitting a woman who hasn't thrown herself at me."

His words hit me like fists, and I pulled out of his grasp. "Why didn't you then!" I screamed in his face. Tears streamed down my face, and I was shaking like a leaf.

"Because I don't give a shit about any of them!" he screamed back. Edward turned from me and walked back to the bed. He sat down, and his shoulders slumped in defeat. I fought the urge to go and comfort him.

"Bella," his voice cracked, "what I said to you in that letter was the truth. There was something missing from my relationship, and I wasn't just going to fill that void with meaningless sex. I wanted to find someone who I could give myself to completely. Mistakenly, I figured it wouldn't happen until I was divorced and free to pursue something serious. I wasn't looking for this right now, but then I found you!

"I didn't tell you about my life at first because we had such a good time talking and I was enjoying myself. And then I started to develop feelings for you. I tried to stay away from you after Christmas, but I couldn't. Like a lovesick fool, I kept looking at the pictures you sent me, and I couldn't stay away from you any longer."

Edward looked up at me then, hurt and desperation stamped on his features. I was still on the other side of the room with my arms crossed over my chest. I kept my hands balled into fists to keep myself from reaching out to him like I so badly wanted to do. He sighed and continued speaking.

"When you wrote me and told me that you were coming to LA, I panicked. It was like my wildest fantasy and my worst nightmare all at once. I wanted to see you so badly, but I knew I shouldn't. Tanya had been at me to try and make things work again and like an idiot, I agreed. I figured one last try couldn't hurt so we decided to come to LA for a romantic Valentine's weekend. It was a disaster. All I could think of was _you_ and what you were doing and where could you be?"

"That was you at Havana Club," I said woodenly. "With Tanya?"

"Yes, it was me." He snorted and shook his head. "Of all the goddamn clubs in LA, Tanya decides she wants to go to that one. I saw you there. At first I thought I was losing my mind and hallucinating but it was you. I recognized you right away, you were dancing with someone and it took all I had not to go over there and beat the fuck out of that guy. All I kept thinking was that you were _mine_! I had to get out of there before I did something stupid, so I told Tanya I wasn't feeling well and we left."

Edward took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes with his fingertips before scrubbing at his face with his hands.

"After that, I knew I couldn't pretend anymore. I needed to be with you, so I wrote you that letter. I wanted to tell you the truth about Tanya, but I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore, much less meet me," he said.

"You were right. I would have ended everything right then, despite what I felt for you." I tried to sound forceful, but I heard the lie echo in my voice. That's what I would have wanted to do, but would I have had the strength? I really wasn't sure.

"I had to know!" his voice rose slightly. "I had to meet you, and I had to know if this was just some silly fantasy I had concocted in my head or if you were real!" Edward stood up and came towards me again. I backed up until I hit the floor-to-ceiling window and stopped. Edward put his hands on either side of me and leaned towards me. His eyes burned fervently, and his mouth was so close to mine.

"And you _were_ real," he whispered softly. "You were real, and you loved me too. Do you love me still?"

I began shaking my head no but couldn't do it. I did still love him; I loved him desperately and fully. I loved him like I had loved no one before, and I suspected I wouldn't love any man ever again the way I loved Edward.

Closing my eyes, I nodded my head yes as tears slipped from beneath my eyelids. Edward exhaled slowly. Leaning forward, he kissed away my tears. I flinched at the contact and turned my face away. Reaching up, I wiped away my own tears. My cheeks burned where Edward's lips had made contact.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I've never lied about what I feel for you. I know that's no excuse, but you have to believe me. I've never loved anyone or felt with anyone the way I feel when I'm with you."

Edward's voice sounded so sad that I had to keep fighting not to touch him. It was a losing battle while he was standing so close to me. He was shirtless, and the naked skin of his arms was brushing against my shoulders. I tried averting my eyes, but he was everywhere. Realizing the futility of it all, I just looked directly in his eyes.

Big mistake.

I could feel all my resolve lessen and start to float away. I tried to grasp on to it and keep it firm, but it was like trying to hold on to air. I couldn't deny the depth of emotion that emanated from his eyes.

I know they say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but I always scoffed at that saying. Or at least I used to. At that moment, I did feel like I could see directly into Edward's soul, and I knew that it belonged to me. It was mine for the taking, just like my soul was his.

"Bella, please say something?" Edward begged me.

"God damn you, Edward!" I said as I slammed my fists into his chest. I pummeled at him as hard as I could, and he just let me do it. Sobs began wracking my body as I collapsed against him. Edward just hugged me to his chest and let me cry.

The shock had worn off and now the pain had set in. It was a clawing feeling deep in my chest. I was trying to figure out how I could say goodbye to Edward, and my heart was withering at the mere thought. I had no idea how to live without him. I knew with every fiber of my being that we loved each other, but this was no ordinary love. This was the kind of love people search for their whole lives. This was the kind of love that books are written about.

Could I turn my back on a love like that? I didn't know how it would be possible to try and live my life with another man knowing that my destiny was elsewhere.

Edward's marriage was over. He would probably have left Tanya anyway, but we found each other before he had. I still believed that fate had brought us together; there must have been a reason why I had been in that chat room at the same time as Edward. Yes, it was bad timing, but we could still make this work and be together.

Without knowing I had made my decision, my lips were pressed against Edward's. He kissed me urgently and pressed himself against me. I had my hands fisted in his hair and was gripping him tightly to me. I wanted to cause him pain, I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't do any of those things. I loved him, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to change that. It was simply too late.

My towel landed on the floor and soon Edward's clothing joined it. I was pressed up against the cold glass and didn't care. I didn't care that anyone lounging by the pool could look up and see us. All I cared about was Edward and staking my claim on him.

_He is mine! MINE!_

And he was. He knew it, and I knew it. No one would possess him, body and soul, like I did. All my life I had been selfless, but at this moment I didn't care about Tanya. I didn't care that he had made a vow to her. At some point, I knew I would feel guilty about everything, but this wasn't the time.

Edward lifted me up, and my legs wrapped around his waist. He sheathed himself into me with a quick thrust, and I cried out. We took out all our frustration and anger out on one another. It was reminiscent of our experience at the airport only this was fueled by more than just desperation.

Each thrust was like an exclamation. _Mine_! I met him eagerly exclaiming the same. _Mine_!

My head was against the glass, and Edward's was in the crook of my shoulder. He was repeating my name over and over and telling me how much he loved me. I was exultant.

Soon we were spent and gasping against each other. Edward took a firm hold of me, turned, and slid down to the floor so that I was straddling his lap. I tucked my head under his chin and listened to his heart beat like a trip hammer in his chest.

Edward remained quiet, just running his hands over me as if trying to calm me. I felt him breathe deeply a few times as if he were about to say something but then changed his mind. Finally, he got up the nerve to speak.

"Bella, I know this isn't fair to you. If you never want to see or hear from me again, I'll understand." His voice cracked, and I knew he was lying for my sake. He didn't want to make me feel guilty if this was too much for me to handle.

I didn't know how to answer. Part of me wanted to get up, slap him, and walk out the door. Preferably clothed. But the other part--the bigger part--wanted to be with Edward.

"I don't know, Edward. I think it's too late for that." His arms tightened around me perceptibly. "I need to think about everything. I can't do that while I'm with you because you cloud my mind." I felt him nod, but he remained silent.

We had four hours left to spend together and then I would leave Edward once again. Only this time, I wasn't sure if I would ever see him again. My heart was breaking in a million pieces. At that point I didn't know what I would decide when I got back home. These last few hours may have to last me a lifetime so I wanted to make the best of them. That meant talking about the whole situation so I could get it out of the way. I would have plenty of time to process it all later.

Sighing, I looked up into Edward's eyes and said, "Tell me everything."

* * *

***stands stoically waiting for the rotten fruit* I know a few of you mentioned in reviews that you were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well there it is! But don't hate Edward, he honestly did not go looking for this! This story will only be in Bella's POV however Edward keeps yammering at me to tell his side so I may do a few chapters in his POV in the Love Net out takes and one shots. I'll keep you guys posted if I do, but you may want to add that one on alert too.**

**Reviews = Big sloppy love! You know how I feel about love! Lay it on me ;)) (even if you aren't happy w/ me right now, I'm wearing my big girl panties! heh)  
**


	14. Full Disclosure

**14. Full Disclosure**

When I arrived home I was exhausted mentally as well as physically. Thankfully, Alice had let me borrow her Mercedes for the trip to and from the Seattle airport so I could get home quicker. With my decrepit truck, it would have taken forever to get back to Forks. Even still, that had left me with almost five hours to do nothing but think about Edward and our situation.

From what he told me, he had been drifting from Tanya for almost two years. He hadn't wanted to admit it to himself because he wanted Masen to have a stable home life with both of his parents. Over and over they would try and reconcile their relationship but it never lasted long.

Edward said they were already barely intimate and after he saw me in February he hadn't touched Tanya since. Apparently, she didn't seem to care very much since they didn't even sleep in the same room. I must have looked skeptical as Edward told me this, but then he pointed out the fact that if he was having sex with his wife regularly, she would have noticed the scratches and bites on his body left by me after our tryst at the airport.

It blew my mind that any woman could live with a man who looked like Edward and wouldn't be wrapped around him continuously. I wasn't naïve enough to believe that we could keep up the same type of passion as on our weekend visits, but I couldn't imagine getting to the point where months would pass without _any _physical affection at all.

Ironically, Edward hadn't ever considered seeking out an extra-marital affair. As he so bluntly pointed out – and as I saw with my own eyes – it wasn't for lack of offers, he just wasn't looking for instant gratification. He could have had his pick of the desperate housewives living on base or discreetly seek out women in nearby Lancaster had he so chosen, but he never did.

After awhile Edward knew that he had to make a hard decision but he didn't know how to go about it. Whenever he talked to Tanya and broached the subject of divorce she would dissolve into tears and guilt him into trying to fix their relationship. They had gone to counseling on numerous occasions and tried to work on things to no avail. Edward realized that there was nothing he _could _do, he loved Tanya but wasn't in love with her. He wasn't sure he ever truly was.

Edward had mostly just accepted the fact that his relationship was what it was. Perhaps one day, he would have the strength to just tell Tanya things were truly over and hope she would accept it so they could work on rebuilding their lives. And then he met me. I had turned his life upside down inadvertently. By complete accident, Edward had found what he didn't even know he was seeking.

The rest, as they say, is history; leading us down the path we were currently on. Only now, we were at a crossroad. Or better yet, _I _was at a crossroad. Edward had made it clear that he was willing to leave Tanya. He said eventually he would have left her anyway. That didn't necessarily assuage my guilt however.

Now I had to contend with the fact that I would be responsible for breaking up a family. Despite Edward's vehement exclamations that I had done no such thing, I couldn't stop thinking that way. I wondered what would happen to Masen and how he would make this difficult transition. As a lone child of divorced parents, I knew the toll it could take on a child. When I said as much to Edward he frowned and mussed up his hair, brooking no argument.

We hadn't resolved a single thing. I was walking away from Edward to think everything over and decide how I wanted to proceed. _If _I wanted to proceed.

Truth be told, I was completely mortified that Edward was still married and I had been his mistress unwittingly. I was ashamed of myself and upset with him for putting me in this position. I also felt sick that I had ignored so many small signs that had pointed to his infidelity. All the late hours he worked, how he preferred I contact him at work, how busy his weekends usually were, not staying at his home the first time we met in Los Angeles, his secret phone calls to his son when we were together. All these little things added up to a much larger picture.

Edward called me that night when I got home like he did the first time we were together. This time he admitted to me that he was calling me from his office, which made my stomach feel hollow. The thin veneer holding in all the lies had been stripped away and I didn't think I liked what lay underneath much at all. What I once thought pure and unsullied was now mottled and stained.

I didn't stay on the phone long because I refused to be distracted by his sweet voice and sugary words. Edward sounded very sad when we said good-bye.

"Have I told you that I love you, lately?" he asked in a whisper.

A tear rolled slowly down my cheek, as I answered, "not lately."

"I love you, Bella."

"I know, Edward." I just couldn't say it back no matter how badly I wanted to. I know that must have hurt him but it was just too difficult to keep up the artifice until I could say it without doubt clouding my judgment.

"Goodbye," he said softly.

"Goodbye," I replied before placing the phone back in its cradle.

I didn't know if that would be our last goodbye and my breath came in a jagged gasps. Everything crashed down on my head and I collapsed to the floor beside me bed, sobbing. I rested my forehead on the floor as I pounded it futilely with my fist.

Why? Why me? Why us? Kept going through my head. Why Edward, why? Had he just been honest with me in the beginning, none of this would have happened. I would have kept him at arms length and not let his words seduce me. I would have been able to see him just as another guy in chat and not given him a second thought.

I never would have known that there was a man out there who was made for me like a corresponding puzzle piece.

Again I was back to the question of fate. Had I never crossed paths with Edward in that chat room would we have found each other another time in life, or never at all? Was fate telling me this was the one chance I had? And what about her cruel sister Karma? What would she have in store for me later in life if I didn't heed this warning?

It was too much. I knew I was too confused and hurt to make any concrete decisions tonight. My sobs had quieted but I remained on the floor with my burning cheek pressed to the cool wood underneath. The sides of my hands were throbbing from the repeated thumping so I concentrated on that to try and take my mind off the searing agony of my heart.

Eventually I was able to pick myself up off the floor, strip down and crawl into bed where I fell into a deep sleep.

That night I had repeated nightmares. The worst one had me up crying out in the darkness. I was on one side of a glass wall and Edward was on the other; his eyes were cold and remote. A blonde woman walked up to him and I realized it was Tanya. She took Edward by the hand and led him away from me. I stood there yelling out for him, impotently slapping the glass with my hands.

My pillow was wet with tears and my hands were balled into fists in my bed sheets. I was sweating profusely and could feel my hair was a tangled mess around my head. Taking quick shallow breaths, I tried to calm myself by gradually breathing deeper. I sucked in great lungfuls of air until my heart rate started to slow.

Afraid to go back to sleep I looked at the clock and realized it was almost six am. While I knew I could get in at least another hours worth of sleep, I also realized it would be pointless to try. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and then scrubbed at my face so I could wake up completely.

That seemed to work a bit so I swung my legs out of bed and headed to the bathroom. When I got in there I turned on the water and then scrutinized myself in the mirror. Well, there wasn't a big fat A scrawled in scarlet on my forehead so that was good at least. I snickered to myself as I got into the shower to start preparing for my day at work.

It had been a week since I spoke to Edward last. I had told him during our phone conversation my first night back, that I needed space to think everything though and that it would be easier if we just didn't speak with one another. He didn't sound happy about my decision but he didn't fight it either. It was incredibly difficult not to pick up the phone and call him at work just to hear his silken voice and let him tell me everything would be ok.

Every day I received emails from Edward but didn't read or reply to any of them. After awhile he must have realized I was no longer reading them so he started writing his sentiments in the subject line so I would perforce have to read them. My mailbox looked something like this:

MethodMan_ I Miss You_ Fri 6:45am

MethodMan_ I Love You_ Fri 7:15am

MethodMan_ I Need You_ Fri 9:01am

MethodMan_ Forgive Me_ Fri 11:55am

MethodMan_ You Are My Life _ Fri 14:10pm

MethodMan_ Please Talk To Me_ Fri 16:38pm

One by one I deleted them all and tried to get back to work. May was the beginning of cruise and Europe season so I had plenty to keep myself occupied. Even still, I found it difficult to concentrate and passed customers with more intensive travel plans over to my co-workers, which they gladly accepted.

Luckily I had a pretty good client base so I was able to keep under the radar as far as my sales were concerned. If James started noticing that I wasn't bringing in the numbers, I would be under a close watchful eye and I just wasn't in the mood to put up with his bullshit.

I still didn't know what I was going to do. Usually, I would confide in my girlfriends but since Alice was married and Rosalie would soon be joining her in matrimonial bliss, I was relatively sure they wouldn't look upon this favorably. I certainly couldn't tell Jake about it as I suspect he would have hunted Edward down and strung him up by the balls. So I suffered in silence. A few times I came close to telling Angela what was happening but I wasn't sure how supportive she would be either.

Noticing something was wrong Angela took the bull by the horns. The bull being me, since I could be as stubborn as one. She invited me out for dinner and drinks and I was so desperate to keep myself occupied, I jumped at the chance at a distraction.

During dinner, Angela brought up Edward and asked how things were going. She mentioned that I didn't seem as happy as I had the first time I came back from visiting him and wanted to make sure things were ok. I think she was under the mistaken assumption that we had a lover's spat and I really wish that was all it had been.

Looking down at my plate of food, I concentrated on cutting my steak and spearing a piece of asparagus. I wasn't quite sure if I should tell Angela the story that I had told my other friends – that Edward and I had another fantastic weekend – or if I should bite the bullet and tell her the whole truth. As I wavered between my fantasy and reality I realized Angela had been trying to get my attention.

"Hello, Bella… earth to Bella!" She was waving a hand in front of my face and I looked at her guiltily. "Ok, Bella, what's going on? And don't say 'nothing' because obviously something is wrong." Angela looked peeved at me.

"I'm sorry, Ange. I guess I'm not great company tonight."

"I'm worried about you, Bella," she said earnestly. "You've been really different since you came back from Vegas. You're withdrawn and quiet and you seem upset a lot."

I looked at Angela with my mouth open. I thought I had been putting on a pretty good show but I guess I hadn't been fooling anyone.

Seeing my expression Angela smiled and shook her head back and forth. "Don't worry, Bella, I don't think anyone else has really noticed."

I had to give it to Angela; she had always been pretty perceptive. I had managed to trick my friends into believing my bogus story and thinking everything was hunky dory with Edward, but Angela had sensed something right away. How she managed to do that, I wasn't quite sure but suddenly I was glad she did. I needed someone to talk to about this. Someone impartial who could give me sound advice or perhaps a different perspective.

Haltingly I told Angela the whole sordid affair. She sat quietly absorbing it all and not saying anything until I had finished the story. When I was done, I had my eyes cast down so I couldn't see the look on Angela's face. I was certain she would be disgusted with me and my behavior. After a couple seemingly endless minutes passed, I glanced up to see a speculative look on Angela's face.

"Well?" I asked impatiently, "aren't you going to say something?"

"I'm not quite sure _what _to say."

I sighed, "Now you know how I feel. Angela I'm just so mad! I want to hate him for lying to me but I don't know how."

"You really love him, don't you?"

"Yes. More than I've loved anyone in my life." Angela nodded solemnly.

"I don't know what to tell you Bella. Do you think he'll leave his wife for you?"

"He says he was going to leave her anyway, so I guess so. But I don't know if I want to be responsible for breaking up their marriage!" I pushed my plate away having lost my appetite.

"Bella, I don't think you are responsible for their marriage breaking up. Ok, the timing is _horrible_, but it seems like they were headed in that direction regardless. Maybe they would have prolonged the inevitable for a few years but in the end, I don't think it would have made a difference." Angela was nothing if not practical.

"Somehow I don't think Edward's wife would see it quite that way," I grumbled.

"You're probably right," Angela agreed, "but maybe you're doing her a favor?"

I quirked a brow at her, _this ought to be good_, I thought. "Favor?"

"Sure! Would you want to stay married to a man who not only didn't love you, but also was pining for someone else? I don't know about you, but I think I'd rather be on my own to find a man who would love me like I deserved to be loved instead of sticking around with one who didn't." Angela shrugged as she popped a potato wedge into her mouth.

"Hmm, I never thought about it that way," I said, mulling it over.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't really agree with running out and getting involved with married men," I winced as Angela continued, " but I really think this situation is different."

"I'm sure everyone thinks their situation is different, Angela," I said bitterly.

"Well, only you would know for sure Bella. Seems to me, this kind of love only comes around once in a lifetime. Are you willing to throw that away?" She eyed me meaningfully.

And there it was, the exact dilemma I had been wrestling for the last week. What would I sacrifice for this love? My morality, self-respect, sanity? Everything? Would it be worth it in the end if I got to be with Edward?

I wondered briefly if I should just tell him to call me when he got his life in order but I didn't really know how much time that would take and I didn't know if I could wait that long to be with him again. Even this past week had been agonizing, especially because I was ignoring his emails and refusing to take his calls.

I had been hoping that keeping my distance would perhaps prove to me that I could move on without Edward Cullen in my life but that wasn't happening. I knew that one week wasn't very long, but it seemed that every day became slower and more painful than the next and I didn't anticipate that changing anytime soon.

Looking at Angela I didn't know how to answer her question. She had brought up some valid points that I hadn't considered. At least I couldn't say I regretted telling her what happened. I felt a large weight lift off my chest at being able to vocalize everything finally. I still wasn't much closer to a decision but at least the whole situation didn't look as grim as it had before.

We stayed and chatted for a while longer about things going on with Angela. She had met a man she was interested in recently, and was giving me the skinny on how things were going so far. I squealed and moaned in all the appropriate places while she recounted how they met and the few dates they had been on so far. Admittedly, it did take my mind off of my problems as I watched Angela moon over this Ben guy. I was really happy for her she deserved a good guy.

That's when it hit me. I deserved a good guy too. While some would view Edward's actions as not one of a good guy, I knew him better. I knew that he would have never done something like this if not for the magnetic connection we felt for one another. A connection so strong it had transcended distance and circumstance.

On my way home from dinner with Angela, I think I had made my decision. It had taken awhile and I still wasn't one hundred percent sure if I was making the right choice but I knew I couldn't stay away from Edward. In the end it may kill me, but I had to be with him. There was no use fighting it any longer.

We still had a lot to discuss about how we would move forward and what would happen between him and Tanya, but we had time to figure all that out before my next trip to visit Edward. I had already booked the ticket so I may as well use it. Or at least that's how I rationalized it to myself.

Next time I went to see Edward, it would be as a willing participant of this affair. I could no longer feign ignorance; I knew exactly what I was doing. I wanted to be stronger and stop myself from continuing down this path, but I wasn't strong enough. I needed Edward like I needed air to breathe and I was willing to sacrifice whatever it took to have him.

God help us both.

The next day I emailed Edward telling him I wanted to talk to him and that I would give him a call when I got home from work. He answered back promptly telling me he'd wait all night if he had to. I tried not to smile at his obvious enthusiasm at hearing from me, but I failed and grinned from ear to ear. I had to admit that it was nice being able to correspond with Edward again.

The day passed by in characteristic slowness. I didn't email Edward again because I preferred to get everything out while talking to him on the phone and didn't think it would come across well in written text where you couldn't hear inflection or emotion. At the same time, I was nervous to hear his voice because I knew that it would make it so much harder for me to be firm. If this thing was going to work I had some demands and I had to make sure not to be diverted by his velvet voice.

Driving home, my stomach was in knots out of sheer nervousness. I felt like I did the first time I called Edward, only this time it was worse due to the heavy discussion we were going to have. By the time I got home, I was in such a tizzy I couldn't make the call. I figured I should wait anyway to make sure he was alone so we could talk it all out.

I went to the refrigerator to make myself dinner but I knew I wouldn't be able to eat. I slammed the door shut and heaved a sigh. What would I do for an hour to occupy my time? I decided maybe I should take a shower. That always served as a way to relax me.

The hot water pounded against my back and shoulders relaxing all the knots that had sprung up over the last little while. I backed up into the spray and let the water beat against my scalp as the last of my tension drained away. Keeping my eyes closed I just stood there enjoying the feel of the water cascading over my body.

Behind my lids, I kept seeing flashes Edward in the shower. His wet body glistened in front of me tantalizingly and I could almost feel the slick flesh of his chest under my hands. I loved watching as he leaned his head back under the showerhead, his hair darkening and little streams of water rushing over his shoulders and down the planes of his chest. I used to kiss the strong expanse of neck before me, tasting Edward mixed with the sweetness of the water.

I hadn't thought of Edward like this since I had come back to try and keep my resolve, but now the images came one after another. Every kiss, every caress, every utterance of emotion. All of the memories of our time spent together from beginning to end.

My hands began a slow journey over my body as I gave in to the feelings I had been holding in check. It would never feel like Edward touching me, but this was the closest I could get at the moment, and I wanted it out of my system before I heard his sensuous voice on the other end of the line.

It didn't take long before I was shaking and shuddering as my orgasm rocked my body. When I came back to myself, I realized the water had been slowly turning chillier by degrees and it was almost icy cold. I stayed under the stream a bit longer to clear my head and cool me down. Finally, I reached down and shut the water off.

I stepped out of the shower shivering with cold and dried myself off. Grabbing the hair dryer I dried my hair trying to take my time. The butterflies were coming back and I was trying to stay calm. I concentrated on the hot air and trying to get my hair as straight as possible. When it was obvious it wasn't going to get any straighter I turned off the hair dryer and hung it on its hook. I gave myself one last look in the mirror before heading to my room to make the call.

I picked up the phone and looked at it for a while before dialing the number I had committed to memory. Taking a breath, I dialed quickly before I could change my mind.

The phone rang once before being picked up.

"Staff Sergeant Cullen speaking." Edward sounded nervous and expectant. I wondered if he was as nervous as I was? Possibly more because he didn't know the decision I had made. Only I knew that.

"Hello Edward," I said quietly. My stomach jumped crazily at the sound of his voice, I couldn't help it. I was thankful I hadn't eaten earlier this evening.

"Bella…" he whispered softly, overcome with emotion. "I've missed you so much. I've been completely miserable since you left."

"We need to talk," I said as sternly as possible. All I wanted to do was tell him how much I missed him as well, but I didn't allow myself to say it. I needed to stay in control.

"I know, Beautiful." I winced at the term of endearment. It was too soon.

"Edward, I need to know what you plan to do about all of this. I just don't feel right about being your mistress." My lips clamped down into a hard line at the term. "But at the same time, I don't want to break up your family! This has to be your decision but I'm not going to keep seeing you on the sly forever. Either I get to have all of you, or nothing at all.

"Please understand this isn't an ultimatum. I'm not telling you you have to choose her or me, I'm just letting you know that I can't continue like this. If you want to stay married to Tanya and raise your son as a family, I completely understand. It will be really hard to say goodbye to you, but if I have to, I will."

I listened as the silence stretched out at the other end. Edward didn't say a word and my stomach dropped to my feet. What if he chose Tanya? To be honest, I hadn't really given it much thought if he did decide to stay with his family and what that would do to me. Not that I automatically expected him to pick me, I just hadn't gotten that far in my thought process. All I knew was that I had to try to do what was right. That meant giving Edward a way out so that he could try and mend his relationship with his wife before it was too late for both of us.

It was already too late for me, I knew that, but it didn't have to be for Edward and Tanya. I would never be able to live with myself if Edward grew to resent me for breaking up his family. This decision would have to be completely his.

"Edward," I said after I couldn't stand the silence anymore, "You don't have to give me an answer right now. Think about it and let me know when you've made a decision." It was the least I could do after he had been so understanding about the time I had needed after finding out the truth.

"I choose you," he said finally.

"What?" I couldn't believe he could come to such a life altering decision so quickly.

"_I choose you_," he said slower, drawing out the words.

"Edward, this is a big decision. I really think you should take some time to think it through."

"Bella, I've been thinking this through since _February_. When I decided to meet you, do you think I did that lightly?" he asked.

"Well, I guess not…?"

"I knew that once I crossed that line, my marriage was officially over. Even if we hadn't connected so perfectly, I couldn't go back to her knowing that I'd planned to be unfaithful." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Bella, for the last three months I've been trying to figure out how to get Tanya to agree to a divorce."

"What about Masen?" I asked, wanting to make sure he was thinking of everything. "I don't think you will be able to go to just seeing him every second weekend Edward."

"Masen is the only reason I have stayed with Tanya. Yes, I want him to grow up with both of his parents but I think his life would be impacted worse if we stayed together just for his sake."

"Edward…" I began.

"Listen to me, Bella. I told you I've been thinking about this for a long time. Tanya has a good job in Lancaster that she won't want to leave. I could most likely get joint custody of Masen so that he spends equal time with her and I." Edward started speaking faster, "We would have to move into Lancaster to be nearby but that's not a big deal really. Now the question is, would you be ok with that? I don't know how you'd feel about helping to raise my son, it's a big responsibility."

Tears streamed down my face as Edward talked. I really hadn't realized that he must have been trying to figure out a way to make this work between us. His intention wasn't just to keep me as a girl on the side but he wanted to be with me and he wanted me to help raise his son. I couldn't think of a bigger honor than that.

"Bella?" he said when I didn't answer right away. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I know this is a lot to lay at your feet but…"

"No, no…" I cut him off with a weepy voice. "Of course I'd help you raise Masen. He's your son! I'd love him like he was my own."

Edward exhaled into the phone slowly. "Thank you for saying that Bella. You don't know how much it means to me."

"So what happens now?" I asked hesitantly.

"I have to get Tanya to let me go."

"How are you going to do that?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "All I know is that I need you, Bella. I can't live without you, and I will figure out a way for us to be together always."

My heart grew warm at his words. I still felt somewhat guilty about breaking up someone's marriage but Edward kept assuring me it was already broken before I got there which assuaged most of it.

We talked for a while longer and I let Edward know I was still going to meet up with him for his tournament in June. It would be different going to see him, knowing what I did, and I wasn't sure if it would change the dynamic of our relationship. I guess we'd see if things would remain the same between us or be changed irrevocably.

This would be the first real test of our relationship and I wasn't really looking forward to it. Not at all.

* * *

**OK, so we're entering into shaky moral ground territory... Infidelity is not something to be taken or entered into lightly so I just want to state for the record that in THIS story, we are talking about soul mates, not just a tryst. Leave me a review and tell me how I'm doing ;))**


	15. Stays In Vegas

**15. Stays In Vegas**

My stomach was in knots. I gnawed on my lips relentlessly as we got closer to Vegas and I couldn't help but think perhaps I should have cancelled this trip. Not that I didn't want to see Edward – because I did, desperately – but the fact that he was still a married man weighed heavily on my mind. Despite the fact that he claimed his marriage was over, I still felt like I was Edward's mistress and I hated that thought.

I hated anything that painted Edward in a negative light, and this one was a doozy. I was ashamed of myself for willingly going to him, even though I knew I should wait until he was a free man. Knowing and doing, were two completely different things however, and I just couldn't stay away from Edward. He was like a drug to me and I didn't want to kick the habit.

It didn't help that deep down I knew Edward and I belonged together. Even though I knew he should be, he still wasn't completely mine. Until he divorced Tanya, I would only be coveting him. That just wasn't good enough for me.

Edward was becoming frustrated because whenever he broached the subject of divorce, Tanya refused to discuss it. She continued to think they could solve their relationship issues and salvage the marriage. Edward had tried to make it clear that he was done trying to repair the damage and that he wanted out, all to no avail.

I was equally frustrated because I didn't understand why he couldn't just pack up and leave her. Edward explained to me that because they lived on base, he couldn't up and leave. If it was discovered that he no longer lived in their home, it would revert back to the military since Tanya was a civilian and they would need to move out. Even though Edward no longer wanted to be with Tanya, he didn't want to see her and his son homeless either. She needed to leave on her own terms so that they could make arrangements on where to live and custody of Masen. Now the question was, how to get Tanya to agree to leave.

Looking out of the window I realized we were very close to landing. I felt nauseous knowing that I would see Edward soon. I was afraid that everything that had happened would change the way I looked at him. I knew that I still loved him but what if I couldn't get over my guilt about his wife?

I grimaced. _His wife_. It just sounded wrong.

The pilot came over the speaker and advised everyone that the plane would be landing shortly. I lifted up my tray, put my seat in the upright position and closed the book I wasn't reading. Almost show time.

Like last time, I didn't bother with luggage so I grabbed my tote and headed out of the plane. I was torn between the need to run towards Edward and the ever-present dread that permeated my being. My nerves were completely shot. As I got closer to the arrivals area my heart sped up and was pounding crazily in my chest.

Then I saw him.

Edward was standing with his hands in the pockets of his khaki pants, shoulders slightly hunched, looking like a five year old waiting to be reprimanded. He didn't make a move towards me as I stood gazing at him. His expression was a mix of wariness and want. In that moment, everything I was worried about seemed inconsequential. He was simply, Edward.

Something about me must have changed in that moment because Edward removed his hands from his pockets, straightened up, and strode towards me purposefully. When he reached me, he cupped my face and looked into my eyes. He leaned down slowly giving me every opportunity to pull back. I remained still and his lips grazed mine. Closing my eyes, I returned the kiss.

Edward then kissed my eyelids and brushed his nose against mine. We must have made an odd tableau in the midst of all the gamblers and tourists that milled around us. My hands crept up Edward's chest and rested on the sides of his neck. He brought his mouth back to mine, his lips soft and smooth. He didn't try to deepen the kiss but seemed content that I allowed him to kiss me at all.

"Bella, my Bella…" he whispered quietly.

Moving his hands, one slid to the nape of my neck while the other went around my back. I shivered delightfully as his fingers slipped up into my hair. Edward's lips were making a slow inventory of my features as they brushed across my face. When he reached my jaw, I put my head back so he could continue on to my neck. Edward put his face into the crook of my neck and sighed against me.

The exhalation of breath brought me back to the present and I realized we were drawing a bit of a crowd. I didn't want to pull away from him so I leaned against his chest and tucked my head into it. Edward raised his head and looked around for a moment noticing the same thing I did. He kissed my forehead and turned to lead me from the airport.

We walked towards the parking garage silently until we reached Edward's Volvo. He opened my door, tossed my bag in the backseat, and helped me in. When he got into the driver's seat, instead of starting the car like I expected, he turned to me instead. Reaching over he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and caressed my cheek with his thumb.

I turned my face into Edward's hand and kissed his palm quickly. Till that moment, I hadn't initiated any intimate gestures and Edward smiled at me tentatively.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm ok."

"I've missed you." Edward said looking down.

"I missed you too." I reached across the divide and pressed my mouth to his. This time the kiss did deepen as I parted my lips and ran my tongue against Edward's. He moaned quietly before crushing his mouth against mine, our tongues dancing together. I gripped Edward's shirt to keep him as close to me as possible.

_Tanya? Tanya who?_

Edward had a handful of my hair in his fist as we continued kissing; his other hand cupped my breast, his thumb running across my hardening nipple. I arched my back in reaction to his touch and made a small whimpering noise. Reaching across the console, I gripped Edward's already present erection. We were like horny teenagers who couldn't keep our hands off of each other.

It didn't take long for me to get Edward's pants undone and before he could stop me, I had my lips wrapped around his member.

"Jesus, Bella! What are you doing?"

I didn't answer but instead swirled my tongue around the tip of his erection. Edward hissed out a slow breath as his head fell back against the seat of the car.

"Bella," he panted, "anyone could walk by and… oh _fuuuuuck_…"

I continued to use my lips, tongue and occasionally my teeth to get the desired effect. Edward reached under me and started to play with my breasts, which just got me even more excited. I really wish I had worn a skirt; I would have taken Edward right then and there, regardless of spectators.

"Uhhh, Bella, if you don't stop… _shit_!"

I knew Edward was trying to warn me that he was getting close to his release so I doubled my efforts using my hand to grip him tighter as I increased the speed of my mouth and tongue. I'd never finished Edward off this way before, he was usually too impatient and wanted inside of me, but this time I had him where I wanted him.

Edward plucked at my shirt half heartedly, still trying to warn me that he was about to climax but I just shrugged him off. After a few more strokes he began to groan and I felt him stiffen in his seat.

Most women I knew didn't enjoy this aspect of oral sex, but for some reason I didn't mind it. I actually felt incredibly powerful and sexy knowing that I had brought Edward to his proverbial knees. Hearing the noises he made gave me a feeling of triumph as his body shuddered underneath me. I waited till he was completely finished before sitting up and smoothing down my hair.

I watched Edward as he began to recover, a small smile playing on my lips. He still had his eyes closed and was breathing hard. After a few moments, he lifted his head from the headrest and looked at me. When we made eye contact, he lunged at me and kissed me heatedly.

When we separated, I looked at Edward and said, "wow, I thought most guys didn't like kissing a girl after… _ahem_?" I clapped a hand over my mouth mortified, as my cheeks flamed.

Edward threw back his head and laughed at my expression. I punched him in the arm, miffed. "Don't laugh at me!" I cried.

"I'm sorry, you just looked so cute!" His laughing died down to the occasional snort. "And as for your question, why would it be any different than you kissing me after I… _ahem_?" Edward waggled his eyebrows at me, making me giggle.

"I guess you're right. I never thought of it that way." I watched as Edward did his pants back up.

"That was, um, unexpected," he said in an amused voice.

"Yup, that's me, Ms. Unexpected," I pretended to polish my fingernails against my non-existent lapel as Edward started the car.

"I thought you'd want to talk about everything," he said seriously.

"Edward, we've been talking about this for the last three weeks. I'm only here for 2 days, lets just enjoy the time we have together, ok?" I said pleadingly.

Edward reached over and squeezed my hand briefly, "sounds good to me." He turned to me and gave me his heart breaker smile.

We drove out of the parking garage and towards the hotel, Edward got a room at the same place we had stayed at last time. I wasn't sure if I was particularly happy to be back. On one hand, we had made some incredible memories here, but it was also the place where I had found out the truth about Edward's life. I decided I just wasn't going to think about it. I would do exactly what I had just told Edward, I would focus on us this weekend and enjoy my little slice of life with him.

That first night we just ordered room service and stayed in. I wouldn't say it was awkward, but by the same token, there was something a little off. I knew that Edward still felt badly because of his dishonesty and because he wasn't making a lot of head way with Tanya, and I was still hurt that he had let things go as far as they did without telling me the truth. My plan to put that all behind us this weekend wasn't going so well.

Finally Edward couldn't take it anymore, he took hold of my shoulders and his eyes searched my face. He still looked sad and upset, which in turn made me feel the same way.

"What can I do?" he asked, desperately.

"I don't know, Edward. I want to trust you, I do, but now I'm always second guessing everything you tell me." Edward nodded his head morosely.

"Bella, I wish I could go back in time and change everything I did, but I can't. And as horrible and selfish as this sounds, if changing what I did meant that we would never have met in real life, then I would do the same thing all over again."

I started at Edward with my mouth open. "How can you say that?" I said incredulously.

"Because, even if I lose you now, at least I know what real love is. I will never regret that." Edward's hand moved down my arm, he grasped my hand and pressed it to the side of his face, closing his eyes. He pressed his lips against my inner wrist and I felt my eyes fill with tears.

"Edward…" I whispered overcome with strong emotion. I felt a searing ache that was both pain and joy, rolled up in one.

"I'm serious, Bella. I wouldn't blame you one bit if you walked away from me this weekend and never wanted to see me again. The way I handled this whole situation was horrible and I'm disgusted with myself. I should have never done that to you or to Tanya. Neither of you deserve this.

"Just know this, if you leave me now, I will find you. When everything is finally over, nothing would stop me from coming after you and throwing myself at your feet, begging you to take me back."

"I'm not leaving you," I said in a broken voice.

"You should, I don't deserve you." Edward was looking down at the bedspread. He was now holding my hand in his, and was stroking my fingers softly.

"I guess you're right, I should leave you." Edward's head shot up as he looked at me panicked.

"Gotcha," I said smiling slightly.

"That wasn't funny, Bella," Edward said frowning at me.

"Stop saying stupid things then," I pushed.

"Fine. I just wanted you to know that I'd understand if this was all too much for you," he looked at me intently.

"Just shut up and kiss me, Edward."

"Yes ma'am," he said with a hint of that mischievous look I loved so much.

Leaning forward, I met him in the middle and when his lips touched mine, I melted into him. That familiar feeling came back, the one where I felt like I could never get close enough to Edward. Even if I carved myself into his chest, I still don't think that would be close enough. I breathed him in like he was air. I tasted him as if he were my only sustenance. My need for him overwhelmed me.

Edward got up off the bed and stood me up beside him. He took the hem of my shirt and pulled it slowly over my head. Kissing me softly, his hands ran over my body, barely touching it. His lips moved down my neck to the slope of my shoulder where they lingered for a moment. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sensations he was drawing out in me.

Getting onto his knees, Edward started placing open mouth kisses across my stomach and ribs. His fingers gently traced down the slopes of my breasts, still with hardly any contact. They traveled down my sides until reaching the waistband of my pants. I stayed perfectly still as Edward undid my pants and slid them down my legs.

Now I stood there, in only my bra and panties, as Edward continued to kiss every bit of my flesh exposed to him. I ran my fingers through his hair and sighed. I felt his hands come up my back and unclasp my bra. It fell to the floor, joined by my panties. Edward kept his touch deliberately soft and my body was singing with desire.

I felt like Edward was worshiping my body, as if I was some mythical goddess and he was just a lowly peasant. It was a very heady feeling, being adored like this. If I ever wondered why I couldn't leave Edward, moments like this gave me all the answers I needed to justify myself. It wasn't even really about the sex, but how he made me feel. The emotions he evoked in me completely swept me under.

Edward stood up in front of me and I helped him remove his clothing. I took my time, running my hands over his skin. Even though I was familiarizing myself once again with his body, my fingertips remembered every inch of him. I didn't think I would ever forget the way Edward felt. There were so many contradictions about Edward. He was hard yet soft, smooth and rough, straight and curved.

Soon we were both naked and intertwined on the bed, I would never get tired of this type of discovery. I don't know what had changed, but something did and I felt like we were once again Bella and Edward. No one could touch or hurt us in this little cocoon we had ensconced ourselves in.

Love conquers all they say; we would put that to the test.

The next day was the beginning of the baseball tournament. We drove out to the field where it was being held that morning. His team wouldn't have their first game till the early afternoon so we just went to check out the competition. At first I was nervous to be seen with Edward, but he assured me that no one would really be paying attention. Just to be cautious, we refrained from showing any outward affection towards one another. Mostly it was smoldering glances, sexy smiles and stolen touches that built up my anticipation to get Edward alone again.

When we did get back to the hotel we were pawing at each other like sex-crazed animals. Upon entering the room, I noticed the phone was blinking, indicating someone had left a message. Edward had two handfuls of my ass and was sucking on my earlobe - which did quite a bit to distract me - but I was curious as to who would have called us.

"Edward?" I panted at him and he merely grunted in my ear. "There's a message on the phone."

"Huh?"

"The phone," I moaned as his hands slid further between my legs. "Oh, fuck it!" I pulled Edward down to the floor with me.

Somehow, I had managed to get everything off from my waist down; I freed Edward from his pants and straddled him. He squeezed my buttocks together as he slid inside me. I began rocking my hips back and forth in a frenzy. I loved the feel of Edward inside of me and from the noises he was making, Edward loved it too. He had his thumb against my clit rubbing it back and forth while with his other hand helped me move quickly. We got into a good rhythm as I rode him hard.

Edward was watching me as I moved back and forth. His eyes were hooded and his lips slightly parted, I watched his tongue sneak out and lick at his lower lip and that was enough to get me bucking harder.

"Come on, Bella… I want to hear you."

I groaned in response.

"Louder baby, do you like it when I'm fucking you?"

"Yes!" I huffed out.

"Show me."

I leaned backwards, reaching my arms behind me and bracing them against Edward's legs. My head was thrown back in abandon as his pressure on my clit increased from my change in position.

"Ahhhh God!" I yelled out and started to twitch. My stomach clenched repeatedly as my orgasm hit.

Edward put both hands on my hips as he pumped into me. I was relatively useless but he kept me moving till I was able to regain my senses. Now it was Edward's turn and I wanted to watch him reach climax. He had his jaw clenched and his eyes were squeezed shut. A few moments later his body curled up slightly off the floor as he came undone.

I collapsed onto Edward's chest and we both descended from our individual highs.

"Ow. Rug burn," I winced as my knees rubbed against the carpet.

"Good thing I still have my shirt on. My ass on the other hand…" Both Edward and I started laughing.

"Maybe if you're a good boy, I'll kiss it better for you," I teased.

"Kinky." Edward tried to dodge my hand as I smacked at him. "What were you saying about the phone earlier?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, right! I was trying to tell you there's a message on the phone."

"A message?" Edward looked perplexed now.

"Yeah, the phone was blinking. Does anyone know you're here?"

"Tanya does, but she wouldn't call unless there was an emergency."

"Jees, tell me _now_! What if I answered the phone?" I was slightly miffed and got off of Edward. I hadn't felt the pain before, but now my knees were really stinging. _Stupid cheap hotel carpet_, I thought acidly.

Edward got up, walked to the phone and dialed the front desk.

"Hello, this is Edward Cullen, there's a message for me?" He covered the mouthpiece with his hand and said, "she just knows what hotel I'm in, not the room number. She would just have to leave a message at reception." Someone must have come back on the line and given him the message. Edward thanked the person and hung up.

"Well?" I asked.

"It was Tanya, she said to call her back right away." He had turned back to the phone and started to dial out. Without needing to, he placed his finger to his lips to signal I should keep silent. I ground my teeth together and fought back the urge to act out in a show of defiance.

"Tanya, I just got your message, what's wrong? Is Masen, ok?" Edward's face was very serious at the moment and I felt badly because I didn't even think something might have happened to his son.

"What? Come on, you can't be serious!" he listened intently while Tanya talked. "How the hell am I supposed to make it back to the base in time Tanya?" Edward had reached down and snagged his clothes, he pulled his briefs on in quick angry movements. "Well why do you have to go? Can't Laurent go in your place?" Now Edward was pacing back and forth. "Fine, leave Masen with Judy till I get there, she can take him for a few hours, can't she? Right, yeah, bye." Edward slammed the phone into the cradle and stayed turned away from me taking a few deep breaths.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice quiet. I grabbed my underwear from the floor and slipped them on.

Edward turned to me looking very upset. "Tanya's been called away on a last minute business trip and there's no one to look after Masen. I have to go back to Lancaster, like, now."

"But, it's Saturday!" I blustered.

"I know that. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she planned this."

"Why would she do that?" Edward looked at me; his lips were in a hard, straight line.

"I think she might be suspicious," he said.

"Suspicious? Why?" I looked at Edward in growing horror.

He sighed and came over to the bed sitting beside me, "Well I've been at work late a lot, I've disappeared for a weekend three months in a row and I'm happy? That probably tipped her off the most." He laughed humorlessly.

"So, this is goodbye?" I looked at Edward sadly.

"Goodbye? No! You're coming with me."

"What? Are you crazy? I can't come with you, Edward."

"Yes you can. There's no way I'm going back without you, Bella. We'll just get a hotel room for you and I'll drive you back to Vegas before your flight tomorrow." Edward looked very pleased with his plan, while I looked at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"You are officially crazy," I stated.

"Come on, why not? You can see where I work and a bit of Lancaster. After all, we may be living there one day. Aren't you curious, even a little?" Edward leaned over, brushed my hair back off my shoulder and kissed my neck. He never played fair.

"I don't know Edward…"

"It will be fine, I swear."

"Ok, ok. So how are we going to do this?" I asked. Edward pulled back and scratched the back of his head.

"Well, Masen is with the neighbor right now for the next few hours. Normally Judy would keep him overnight but she has a dinner to go to tonight so she can't. So I guess we'll just go and get you settled and then I'll go get Masen."

"Ooookay. And tell me what the difference would be if you just left me in Vegas? I'm going to be on my own anyway." I frowned not seeing the logic in his plan.

"I have a friend whose wife may be able to keep an eye on Masen tonight after he goes to bed, and this way you'll be close by and we can spend more time together. Then tomorrow I'll just drive you back."

I looked at Edward skeptically but he just smiled at me.

"Bella, I know this isn't an ideal situation but I'd like to at least try and salvage whatever I can."

I sighed, "all right. I hope this doesn't end up blowing up in your face."

"It won't. Come on, let's go grab a shower real quick and then we'll take off." Edward grabbed my hand and yanked me along behind him to the bathroom.

I wasn't happy about our weekend being ruined, but I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Oh well, I better get used to this if I was going to be a part time mom to Masen.

* * *

**Don't forget to leave me some love! I know this story is complete but I'd love to hear from you anyway ))**


	16. Lancaster

**Twilight = Not Lalina's**

* * *

**16. Lancaster  
**

I walked around the hotel room a few times, wondering what to do with myself, till Edward could slip away and be with me again. Looking at my bag, I remembered I had packed my bathing suit so I decided to get changed and go lounge by the pool for a while. I went into the bathroom, grabbed a towel and padded out to go swimming.

Jumping into the water, I enjoyed the cool sensation against my skin. It wasn't quite four in the afternoon, so the sun would still be up for a while. I swam a few laps and then hoisted myself out of the pool. After drying myself off, I lay on one of the lounge chairs and picked up the book I had brought for the plane ride.

My mind wasn't focused so I kept reading the same line over and over without it registering. After trying for the tenth time, I gave up and put the book back down. I was thinking about what happened after we had arrived in the city. Instead of going straight to the hotel, Edward started heading out of town.

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking around. We were surrounded by nothing but flat desert.

"You'll see." Edward said while a smile played around his lips.

When we arrived at the Air Force Base gates, he flashed his ID and we were allowed through. We drove for a little while before pulling into a parking lot. Edward got out of the car and came around to open my door.

"I thought you'd like to see where I worked," he said, still with that same smile.

There was a large chain link fence that surrounded the short, squat, tan colored building he was leading me towards. A small type of courtyard with a picnic table was off to the back where the entrance was. Edward punched in a code and the door unlocked.

"Are we even allowed to be here?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"Not really, but there was something I've been wanting to do for a while now." Edward looked around quickly before showing me in.

I stood just inside the door waiting for Edward to turn on the lights. There was a small reception type area that led into a bigger office. Two large wooden desks were on opposite ends of the room, facing each other. Edward led me to the one on our right. When we were behind it, he used his foot to kick aside the chair and sent it rolling to the side.

Grasping my waist, he lifted me so that I was sitting on his desk. He stood between my legs and started kissing me hard. I still wasn't sure what was going on but I liked it.

"Lie back on the desk," he commanded. That voice that begged to be obeyed, making a reappearance. Edward kissed me again and helped me recline till I was lying back on the large desk, my legs still dangling over the edge.

Edward was leaning over me, propped up on his hands as his tongue explored my mouth. My breathing became rapid as he ground into me with his pelvis. After a few minutes of this, his mouth moved down my jaw and neck as his hands caressed my breasts roughly.

Standing up, Edward looked me over. He grabbed his chair and brought it back towards him before turning to me and unfastening my pants. He grabbed the fabric and tugged down as I lifted my hips to help.

"Do you remember that time I told you I could think of a few things to do to you on my desk?" he said in a sexy voice. I nodded mutely. "This was one of those things."

Edward sat in his chair and rolled himself between my legs. He took both and put them over his shoulders. Everything happened so fast and before I knew it, Edward's tongue had swept up my folds towards my clit. I gasped and gripped the desk underneath me. That talented tongue swirled softly in tight circles around the sensitive nub.

My hips jerked up towards his mouth when I felt his fingers softly brush against my slit. Ever so slowly he inserted one long finger. I was already so wet it slid in and out easily. After a few strokes he added one more finger. I groaned at the dual stimulation.

Still moving his tongue against me, Edward's fingers picked up momentum, slightly curving upwards in order to hit my favorite spot. He knew exactly how to manipulate my body in order to get me flying high in minutes. I put my arms over my head so I could hold on to the edge of the desk and rocked my hips back and forth meeting his hand for every thrust. Now my whole body was writhing as I felt my impending orgasm.

_This is going to be a big one_, I thought wildly.

And it was. I couldn't hold back any longer, nor did I want to. I began to cry out but then was struck mute as the waves of ecstasy crashed over me. Edward didn't stop, he licked and sucked and his fingers kept moving inside me. I didn't even have a chance to recover form my first orgasm before another one started to build rapidly, finally sending me into oblivion. I thought I would faint from the intensity of it all.

At this point, Edward disentangled himself and was standing up between my legs. He undid his pants and sheathed himself inside of me quickly. His head was thrown back and he groaned loudly. I wanted Edward to let loose and use me hard, but instead he stayed where he was and pulled out slowly and deliberately. I wanted to scream, now was no time to be gentle, I wanted him so badly.

My head thrashed against his desk as I moved my body against him hoping he would get the hint. He didn't, Edward continued with those slow and steady strokes while I went insane from lust.

"Edward, please just fuck me!" I said through gritted teeth.

"I am fucking you Bella," he answered calmly.

"No, _hard_, I want it hard!" I begged.

Edward growled low in his throat and right away he increased his thrusts. My knees were slung over his hips, and he gripped my thighs as he went faster.

"Yes! Just like that, oh God Edward, don't stop!" It was an endless litany of encouragement and Edward answered back by moving at a frantic pace. I didn't think it was possible to have yet another orgasm, but sure enough, I felt the familiar coiling of my muscles as my body prepared to release.

I hooked my ankles around Edward's waist to pull him in as deep as he could go and screamed out as I shook from head to toe. I don't think there was one muscle in my body that wasn't clenching repeatedly. Edward kept going, but soon I heard his breathing start to spike. He called out my name along with a long string of curse words as he finally reached climax.

Leaning forward, he laid his head between my breasts. Both of us were fighting for breath, my hair was plastered to my face from the heat, but it was so worth it. When Edward regained his senses, he lifted his head and looked at me, a broad smile lighting his features. I couldn't help but grin back at him as I ran my fingers through his hair lovingly.

"I'm not going to be able to work at this desk without getting hard now," he laughed.

"You should have thought about that before you brought me here," I said, before dissolving into giggles.

Edward helped me off the desk and pointed me to the bathroom so I could freshen up. When I came out he was straightened out as much as possible, his shirt was damp and clung to him slightly. He pulled it away from his chest to try and air-dry it. I laughed at the futile gesture.

"I'm going to have to go home and shower before I pick up Masen. Come on, we better get you situated." He reached out his hand and grasped mine tightly. We walked out into the bright sunshine towards his Volvo.

Driving to the hotel, we were mostly silent and I wondered how long it would be till I saw Edward again. I was not looking forward to the wait.

True to his word, Edward appeared at my door later that evening with dinner. I had taken a shower to get all the chlorine off of me and was squeaky clean. Edward ran his fingers through my slightly damp hair and it made me want to purr. After a thorough kiss, I stepped back and turned to walk in the room.

When we finished eating, I crawled onto the bed and patted the space beside me. Edward joined me and lay down. I got comfy against him and we talked about Masen and his evening. He did most of the talking since my afternoon and early evening had been relatively boring. Edward regaled me with humorous stories of when Masen was younger and I knew it was his way of letting me get to know his son.

"Hey, what would you think of meeting him tomorrow?" Edward asked, as he played with a strand of my hair.

"I'd love to meet him, but wouldn't he tell Tanya?"

"I doubt it, he's not even four. I'll just tell him you're my friend." He smiled down at me fondly and kissed me on the forehead.

I was a little apprehensive about meeting Edward's son, but if he felt comfortable introducing us, then I guessed it would be fine. It seemed like Edward was pushing the boundaries lately, as if he was past caring if Tanya found out about us. Perhaps he was more desperate to get a divorce than I thought. For surely, if Tanya found out about me, she wouldn't want to stay with Edward any longer, would she?

Edward was saying something to me, which pulled me out of my musings. "Sorry, Edward, what did you say?"

"I said I should be heading back soon. Sarah is going to start wondering why I was out so late tonight." I tightened my arms around him and wished desperately that he didn't have to leave or that I could go with him but I knew that would be impossible. While Masen would have no clue I was there during the night, I'm sure he would notice a strange woman in his home the next morning.

"I don't want you to go," I said petulantly.

"And I don't want to leave, but I have to." Edward got off the bed to go put on his shoes. I sat up and then went to stand beside him; he then turned and pulled me tight against his chest. I leaned my head up for a lingering kiss. Too soon, Edward pulled away and said, "I'll call you when I get home so we can say goodnight, ok?"

I nodded and squeezed my arms around him tighter. Edward's heart thudded steadily under my cheek and calmed me. He dropped a kiss on the top of my head and loosened his arms. With a resigned sigh, I did the same and watched as he left the room.

Walking towards the bed, I grabbed my discarded book and went to lie down. I flipped through a few pages before the telephone began to ring. Diving towards it, I picked up the handset after the first ring.

"Hello?" I said, slightly breathless.

"Hey beautiful," I smiled at his soft, silken voice. "What are you wearing?"

"Edward, you just saw me fifteen minutes ago!" I laughed at his silliness.

"Shh! You're ruining my fantasy," he said chuckling.

"Fine, I'm in a red satin corset and thong," I said, rolling my eyes.

"What? You weren't wearing that when I left!" he said, trying to sound indignant.

"You _said _you wanted a fantasy."

"Ok, you win," he said easily.

The conversation went on in a similar vein while we tried to recreate our nightly phone calls. I closed my eyes, pretending I was in forks and Edward wasn't a scant fifteen minute drive away. It didn't always work, but I supposed this was better than nothing.

We talked till I couldn't stop yawning and then said goodnight. Edward would come to pick me up midmorning with Masen so we could spend the day together. He had already made arrangements with Judy to watch him in the late afternoon while Edward drove me back to Vegas to make my flight. Once again, he didn't seem too concerned about Tanya finding out he had been absent for a long chunk of time over the last two days. I pondered that for a while before finally settling into a deep sleep.

The next morning I woke up and prepared for my day with Edward and Masen. I was really nervous about meeting Edward's son. I knew, since I would be just introduced as his father's friend, he would have no animosity towards me, but for some reason I kept thinking he would pick up on the relationship between Edward and I and hate me anyway.

By the time the phone rang to let me know they were waiting down in the parking lot, I was a complete mess. My stomach was doing flip flops, my hands were perspiring, and I briefly considered running back and hiding in my room. Somehow, I got a grip on myself and continued out of the hotel.

Edward was sitting on a bench outside with the most adorable child I had ever seen in my life standing beside him. He was a sturdy little thing with a cherubic face. As I neared him I couldn't help smiling widely and he returned the smile happily. Masen had sandy blonde hair and his father's striking green eyes. His lips were curved just like Edward's in his chubby little baby face.

"Masen, I want you to meet Daddy's friend. Her name is Bella." Edward winked at me quickly.

"Hi, Masen," I said, bending down a little to speak to him directly.

"Hi, Bella!" he said enthusiastically. To my utter surprise, he reached up and wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a tight hug. I hugged him back tightly, smiling over Masen's head at Edward who was positively beaming. All of my nervousness dissipated right then.

We decided to do a picnic in the park so Masen could play and Edward and I could lounge around and talk. I was very careful to keep my distance from Edward - which was very difficult - but I didn't want to cause him any additional problems.

Masen was wonderful; he was a bright little boy who loved to chatter and was incredibly affectionate with me. Occasionally, he'd run back over to us and jump into my lap so he could snuggle against me. I honestly didn't think I would connect with him this way, but soon, he had carved a little place in my heart right beside the larger notch left there by his father.

We painted a very domestic picture and I had to admit, I loved every minute of it. I started to fantasize about my own family with Edward and wondered what our children would look like. Would they look like Masen or would my genes win out?

Edward was lying on his back with his hands behind his head. I suspected he kept that posture to make it easier on him, not touching me must have been just as difficult for him as not touching him was for me. He watched me play with his son with an expression on his face that I couldn't decipher. Was he perhaps wondering the same thing I was? Was he picturing this scene, but with our own child?

Masen was curled up on my lap playing with my hair when Edward sat up and touched my elbow.

"We have to get going," he said quietly. "Masen? I have to bring Bella somewhere for a little while so you'll be staying with Judy for a bit. Is that ok?"

Masen pouted out his little lip and looked sad, he burrowed against me and my arms instinctively tightened around him.

"Can't I come too?" he said in a small voice, while peeking out from under my hair.

"I'm sorry Buddy, not this time." Edward brushed my hair back so he could see his son better and I shivered at the unexpected contact.

The little boy nodded solemnly before saying sadly, "Ok, Daddy."

We packed everything up and headed to the car. It was strange to see a car seat in the back of the Volvo but at the same time, kind of nice. I really had enjoyed our family time today, even if it was pretend. I was still a little to young to have a child of my own, but perhaps when Masen was a little bit older he wouldn't mind having a little brother or sister. I prayed that due to his young age, he would adjust to the change in his life a bit easier and that we wouldn't lose this bond we had forged today.

Edward drove back to the base and parked in his driveway, where I waited for him to drop Masen off at his neighbor's house. He came back quickly and we started the long journey back to Vegas. It was nice to finally be able to touch Edward again, even if it was just to hold his hand or caress his thigh as he drove.

"So what happens if Masen tells Tanya about today?" I asked curiously.

"Let me take care of that, it'll be fine." Edward glanced at me for a few seconds before facing the road again.

"Edward, aren't you worried that she'll find out about us?"

"You know, at this point, I don't even care anymore," he said in a frustrated voice. "Maybe I _should _tell her about us, maybe that will be what finally gets her to let me go."

"I don't think you really mean that."

Edward sighed, "Yeah, I know. I want to avoid hurting Tanya if I can, she doesn't deserve this. But I feel like I'm just wasting my time, _our _time! Bella I want to be with you, not Tanya.

"Seeing you with Masen today, you just don't know how wonderful that was." He glanced at me again before continuing; "I've never seen him like that with anyone before. He's usually a lot more reserved. And then I started to wonder about us, and starting our own family and it made me realize how much time I'm wasting in this damn marriage."

I squeezed Edward's hand to try and calm him down. "I know, Edward. I was thinking about the same thing and as much as I want this all over with, I don't think it's a good idea to be careless. Tanya could make things more difficult if she knows about us."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. This is all just so frustrating. Why did we have to meet now and not after I was divorced?" I knew he didn't mean that in a bad way, but I couldn't help but feel like he was regretting our relationship. I turned my face away to look out the window as I felt the prickle of tears.

Edward noticed my silence and turned to look at me. "Bella?" I just shook my head silently.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

When I didn't answer, Edward switched lanes and pulled over onto the shoulder of the highway. I couldn't look at him as I was trying to get control of myself. Tears were threatening to spill over and I didn't want Edward to see me cry. He spoke to me a couple of times and when I still didn't reply he got out of the car and strode over to the passenger side. Edward opened the door and squatted in front of me so that our faces were on the same level.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, "what did I say?"

Edward's tone of voice made the tears finally spill over. He pulled me out of the car, sat down in my place and lowered me onto his lap. I was being cradled in his arms as he tried to calm me down.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your life," I said, as I cried.

"Where did you ever get the idea that you ruined my life, you silly girl?"

"You j-just s-s-said…" I tried to speak but it wasn't coming out very well.

"I said, that I wish we had met when I was free to pursue something with you. I don't regret meeting _you_, Bella. Not for one minute!" His voice was very sincere and he held me tighter. "Please stop crying, as much as I'd love to stay and talk about this, we have to get you back to Vegas."

"I know."

"Don't ever think that way, ok? I'd take this over never knowing you at all, any day. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it," I said, giving Edward a watery smile.

"Ok, lets go." Edward stood up and put me on my feet. We both got back in the car and continued the drive to the airport.

We made it right on schedule but only had time for a hurried goodbye, which broke my heart. This trip was such a mix of emotions for me. While I didn't think it was my favorite time spent with Edward, at the same time meeting Masen and seeing what life would be like as a family had been a special treat for me.

My lips were still a little swollen from the kiss Edward had left me with. As usual he said, 'See you soon' instead of 'goodbye'. Next month was Rosalie's wedding and I was looking forward to having Edward all to myself with no distractions this time. It would be a nice change of pace and I was really looking forward to showing Edward a piece of my life.

I looked out of the window as Las Vegas disappeared from view.

* * *

**Show me love ladies!  
**


	17. July

**Twi = not mine!**

* * *

**17. July**

The month of July raced by which made life somewhat tolerable. With Rosalie and Emmett's wedding coming up fast, there was much to prepare for. Besides that, I had taken on the task of clearing out Charlie's room. It was time.

I was standing in the doorway of the master bedroom about to change my mind when the doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath and welcoming the interruption, I turned and fled down the stairs towards the front door.

Throwing open the door, I squealed with delight. Jacob was standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face. I jumped up, throwing my arms around his neck and he caught me deftly. Jacob squeezed me tightly and I reciprocated as much as I could.

I hadn't seen Jacob since my first trip to California. True to his word, he hadn't been able to come down and visit due to his hectic schedule with school. We kept up correspondence through emails and the occasional phone call, but it just wasn't the same as having him close by.

"When did you get in?" I asked happily, as Jake put me down on my feet.

"Just last night," Jacob said, ambling into the house.

"Why didn't you call!" I said, shoving him hard in the middle of his retreating back. Jacob didn't even falter and he laughed at my ineffectual show of force.

"I wanted to surprise you." Jacob flopped onto my couch, taking up the whole thing. I sat in Charlie's old recliner, and it reminded me of what I was consciously avoiding. "So, surprise!" he said cheerfully.

I just shook my head and laughed at him.

"Why, were you going out or something?" Jacob asked, his brow creasing slightly at the thought.

"Or something," I said, darting a glance at the staircase. "But that's ok, nothing I can't take care of later."

"I don't want to get in your way, Bells," he said, looking as if he was going to get up from the couch.

"No, stay! I was just going to clear out Charlie old room. But I'd rather spend time with you," I said smiling brightly as my eyes sidled towards the staircase again.

"What you mean to say, is that you'd rather sit here and procrastinate," Jake said giving me 'da brow'.

"Ooohhh, big word! I'll make sure to tell Billy he hasn't wasted his money sending you to college," I said sarcastically, sticking out my tongue. Jacob just chuckled at me as he rose from the couch. He held out a big hand towards me.

"I learned from the best!" he said as he shook his hand in front of me, "Come on, let's go. I'll help you."

"Really, Jake?" I said with evident relief in my voice.

"Yeah, really. You're going to need help with the heavy stuff." Jake didn't need to make his implication clear; by heavy stuff, he didn't mean Charlie's ancient furniture.

We walked up the stairs together and stood in the doorway to Charlie's room. Neither of us made a move to step past the threshold. I gripped Jacob's hand tightly. This was where we had sat together during the last week of Charlie's life, clutching hands much like we were doing now.

When he knew it was the end, Charlie hadn't wanted to stay in the hospital. He wanted to come home and leave the world peacefully in his own bed. He got his wish and passed away quietly in his sleep. I wasn't there to say goodbye in his last moments and to this day, I never forgave myself. I hadn't showered in days, afraid to leave his side and when he slipped to sleep I thought it would be safe to leave him for a few minutes while I washed up. When I came back, I noticed something had changed and placed my hand on his chest waiting for it to rise. It never did.

Jacob ran into the room when he heard me wailing Charlie's name and begging him to wake up. He had been asleep in my room after I had forced him to get some rest. He grabbed me in his arms and we cried together and comforted each other as best we could.

Both of us had regrets that day. Sometimes I wondered if maybe Charlie had done it on purpose to spare us those last moments of his life. I had been saying my farewell for a while and I think he knew that. It didn't make his actual passing any easier.

Even now, almost six years later, the pain was almost debilitating. Renee had come to stay with me for a couple of weeks because I was nearly catatonic. She had begged me to sell Charlie's house and move to Jacksonville with her and Phil but I just couldn't do it. I didn't want Charlie to think I abandoned him. It was silly really, he wouldn't care - not now especially – but I refused nonetheless.

Charlie had left me some money but half of it was eaten up by the funeral arrangements and the rest dwindled quickly as I took on the last few years left on the mortgage. The house was finally paid off and officially mine so that was one less thing to worry about. You'd figure that I would have done something with the place but it was exactly as Charlie left it. I guess you could say that change wasn't my strong suit. The fact I even considered selling this house and moving away to California was testament to how much I wanted to be with Edward.

And there was the reason I had finally decided to clear out Charlie's room. Edward would come to see my home and I thought it would be strange for him and I to try and squeeze into my tiny twin bed. I always seemed to have newfound strength when it came to Edward.

I let go of Jacob's hand and walked into Charlie's room. Silently we began to sort and box up his clothing. I kept a shirt of his that I loved, but the rest would go to Goodwill. After we were through with that, I started in on what was left.

Charlie had been a simple man and didn't have a lot by way of possessions, just a few things that meant a lot to him. He still had his wedding ring from when he was married to my mother and a tear rolled down my cheek as I slipped it on my thumb. He also had a pair of cuff links that I had given him as a young girl, before I realized that Charlie didn't have a shirt fancy enough to wear them with. They were simple gold squares with a tiny diamond chip in the corner. I had saved up my allowance for almost a whole year in order to afford them. The first time he ever wore the cuff links was to my high school graduation and I was so touched that I cried.

I turned towards Jacob and slipped them into his hand. He looked down at gold shining in his palm, surprised. He looked up at me with questions in his eyes.

"I bought those for Charlie when I was thirteen," I said quietly.

"I remember."

"I want you to have them Jake. As a memento of Charlie."

"Bells, I can't take these…" he began before I cut him off.

"Please Jake? I really want you to have them. Maybe you can wear them at my wedding some day when you give me away." I smiled faintly as I said it, but suddenly that is exactly what I wanted. Who else in my life was important enough to do that? I liked Renee's husband Phil well enough, but it would be awkward for him to be the one to walk me down the aisle since we barely knew one another.

Jacob gave me a long look before closing his hand over the cuff links and putting them in his pocket. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Ok Bella," he said simply.

There really wasn't much else to do. The rest of the stuff was mostly junk. Some old fishing magazine, drawers full of useless receipts, rolls of twine and hooks, a couple of horribly tacky outdoor paintings. I did find Charlie's sheriff badge, which I shined up with the sleeve of my shirt. I didn't know if that was something I should have returned to the sheriff's office but since no one had asked it of me – I mean really, who _would _ask in the state I had been in? – I decided to keep it.

With Jacob's help, we lugged an old desk and the night tables to my truck. The bed was dismantled and also loaded on the flat bed; I had already gotten rid of the mattress when Charlie first passed away for sanitary reasons. I decided to keep the armoire just so I had something left from Charlie's room, but next week I was expecting a delivery of all new furniture, including a brand new queen sized bed.

I drove us down to the Goodwill and we went around back to the loading docks to leave the furniture and clothing. I passed my hand over the rough wood of the desk and felt the tears build up again. It seemed like lately, all I was good for was crying and I made a promise to myself that would have to stop as of today. Silently, I said a small prayer for Charlie and hoped that wherever he was, he heard me. I kissed my fingertips, pressed them to the desk and turned away heading towards my truck where Jacob sat waiting.

We drove away and I resisted looking in my rear view mirror. It was just furniture after all, there was nothing left of Charlie in the inanimate objects I was leaving behind. It was time for me to begin a new chapter in my life, starting now.

I was ever so thankful that Rosalie didn't turn into Bridezilla as her wedding date approached. Alice however, she was another story. Rose had allowed her to take over the nuptials since she already had experience in wedding planning. Little did we know exactly how ruthless and demanding Alice could be. She zoomed around maniacally making all the last minute preparations while we sat around and watched her, mouths agape.

Alice bargained and finagled, made outrageous demands and ordered everyone around. I was just waiting for someone to get fed up and backhand her, but amazingly enough, they all snapped to and did her bidding. She was a force of nature and amazing to behold.

In a last minute flurry we prepared to drive down to Seattle. The rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception were all being held at a beautiful five star hotel, the Fairmont Olympic. Having a best friend who was a travel agent had it's benefits, I was able to secure us rooms at an agent rate which allowed most of the guests to stay in the hotel overnight.

Rosalie and Emmett's wedding would happen in the late afternoon so the guests could enjoy cocktail hour while the wedding party did the obligatory photo op. Then we would congregate at the hall to greet all the guests and move on to the reception. This plan worked well for us because it allowed the girls to have a full morning of spa services prior to getting ready for the wedding and having pictures taken.

First was the rehearsal, which went without a hitch. After it was over we all went to a small and intimate rehearsal dinner. Many glasses were raised for toasts and many jokes were made at the expense of the groom. I think most people knew that you didn't make fun of a woman like Rosalie, not if you wanted to leave the room with all soft organs intact, that is. The couple was gracious and thankful to all of their guests and then we went to our respective rooms.

Alice and I were going to stay with Rosalie in the Honeymoon suite and have a last hurrah. We talked, laughed and cried. There was a copious amount of wine drank and I think all of us were happy that we could sleep in a bit before having to head down to the spa for a few hours of pampering.

The spa was incredible. We each had a massage, facial, manicures and pedicures. While I typically didn't do this type of thing, I was having a lot of fun with my girls and could think of worse things to do then get pampered. The only bad part was that as I was getting my massage, it reminded me of my first trip to Las Vegas with Edward and I began getting hot and bothered. I had to stop reminiscing before I embarrassed myself.

Because I would be so busy with all the pre-wedding planning and events, we had decided that Edward would fly in on the day of the wedding. He would come straight to the hotel and get ready so that he could join the party just prior to the reception starting. While I was anxious to see Edward, I would be much too occupied to dwell on it.

After the spa, we went to have our hair done and get dressed before the photographer arrived. Rosalie was stunning in her wedding dress. It was a simple silk dress in the Grecian style that cinched under her breasts with gold woven thread before draping artfully around her body. Her beautiful hair was pulled back severely from her face and piled high upon her crown in twisted coils. She had a delicate diamond tiara that attached to the long gauzy veil. She was a vision.

Alice and I stood there clutching one another trying not to cry and ruin our make up as she came out of the room with her mother.

"Oh, Rosalie," I breathed, "you look gorgeous." Her blue eyes sparkled and it looked as if she would burst into tears as well.

I posed for pictures with Rosalie and Alice and then stood around while the photographer took pictures of the bride on her own and with her parents. Alice and I were sitting on a bench outside in the garden when she poked me hard in the ribs. She was sitting there riveted, her eyes wide and mouth open.

"Jesus!" she said under her breath, "is that who I think it is?"

"Ow, Alice! What the heck is wrong with you?" My breath caught in my throat as I looked in the direction of where she was staring.

Edward was standing there with a smirk on his face, leaning against a post watching us. I was up and running towards him in a flash. He pushed away from the post and met me halfway. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me towards him and pressed my lips to his. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thanked Mabelline for making a lipstick that didn't rub off.

After a few minutes I heard a small, discreet cough come from behind us and I reluctantly pulled back from Edward. Turning, I gave Alice a murderous glare but she wasn't even looking at me. She had huge smile on her face as she gave Edward the once over. I had forgotten that Alice had only seen Edward in pictures but they did not do the man justice.

"Edward, this is my best friend Alice. Alice, this is Edward," I said making the formal introductions.

Edward grinned at Alice and held out his hand towards her, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you Alice," he said smoothly. The look on Alice's face when she heard his voice was priceless. Even accustomed to it as I was, the smooth silkiness of it took me unawares at time. I smiled smugly.

"Likewise," she said in a high breathy voice.

Alice still had a hold of Edward's hand and didn't seem like she was going to let it go anytime soon. I gave her ankle a light kick and she yelped and let go of Edward's hand. I could feel Edward's body vibrate beside me as he tried not to laugh. Alice gave me a sheepish look and shrugged her shoulders a little.

"You're early," I said turning to Edward smiling.

"I put myself on standby for an earlier flight. I wanted to see you as soon as possible," he said as he brushed my cheek with his fingers. Edward leaned in and whispered in my ear, "you look stunning."

I blushed crimson and he pulled back piercing me with his intense gaze. I vaguely noticed Alice back away and return to the bench so we could have some privacy. Edward's hand was brushing lazily down my back leaving trails of fire wherever he touched. I made low contented noises as I snuggled against his chest.

"It's so nice to have you here," I said quietly.

"It's nice to be here. I finally get to see where you live."

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Alice waving at me; it was time to get ready for the wedding. I sighed and looked up at Edward.

"I have to get going," I said chagrined. "Will you come to the wedding now?" I asked curiously.

"Sure, as long as you don't think your friends will mind?"

"No, of course not!"

"Ok, let me get up to our room so I can get changed into my suit." I groaned as I imagined Edward in his suit, he was going to look so good and I wouldn't be able to attack him till much later. "What was that for?" he asked amused.

"Nothing, just imagining you in your suit," I sighed.

"Now you know how I feel seeing you in this dress! Blue is definitely your colour." Edward bent down and nuzzled my neck for a moment.

"Ok, if you keep doing that, I'm going to drag you off into a bush and have my way with you!" I warned.

"That's not much of an incentive for me to stop," Edward said as his lips brushed the juncture of my neck and shoulder. I shuddered against his chest but before I could lose myself in the sensation, Edward pulled away from me abruptly and stood straight.

I turned to see Rosalie standing there, hands on hips, one satin covered foot tapping on the pavement.

"Well," she said in a clipped voice, "I certainly hope you're Edward, or else he'll be pretty upset to find out some guy was manhandling Bella in public." A slim brow arched up towards her hairline.

"Edward? Sorry, I've never heard of him," he quipped without missing a beat.

Rosalie's lips twitched momentarily before quirking up into a grudging smile. She held out her slender hand, "Rosalie Hale, soon to be McCarty. Pleased to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine, Rosalie," Edward said while taking her hand. "You make a beautiful bride, if I may say so."

"You may," Rosalie replied, still being formal, "and thank you."

To anyone else, Rosalie would seem standoffish but I knew that she was now putty in Edward's capable hands. It took a man with balls to look into those ice blue eyes, take in her regal stance and cool attitude and not flinch away from it. I could tell that if nothing else she respected Edward and that was very important to me.

"Bella, we have to get going. I'm sure Edward will survive without you for the next hour." She turned on her heel and headed back into the hotel.

"So _that's_ Rosalie," Edward said in a musing voice.

"Yes, that's Rosalie. Gorgeous, talented, Rosalie." If I didn't love her so much, I'd be green with envy.

"She doesn't hold a candle to you," Edward said softly. He turned me and brushed his lips against mine.

"Bella!" Rosalie yelled. I jumped guiltily as Edward chuckled against my lips.

"Come on, I'll walk you in," Edward said and gripped my hand tightly. He brought it up to his mouth and kissed my knuckles before swinging our hands between us. When we walked in, I went towards where Alice, Rose and the Hales were congregated while Edward headed for the elevators.

"Took you long enough," Rose said, slight annoyance in her voice.

"Cut her a break, Rosalie," Alice chimed in, "Did you see the guy? Le swoon!" she raised the back of her wrist to her forehead dramatically and we all laughed at her.

"I have to admit, he is pretty yummy," Rosalie said with a coy smile. I glanced over at the Hales but they seemed to be out of hearing distance.

"If only you guys knew," I sighed. "He's even more incredible behind the face."

"Oh gag, Bella," Rosalie said rolling her eyes at me and we all started to giggle again.

About 20 minutes later, Rosalie's parents came up to us and let us know the wedding planner gave the signal to start. I was up first, there was no way I was following Alice up the aisle, she would make me look as graceful as a bull in a china shop. I waited for the music to begin and listened for my cue, when I heard it, I began my slow walk down the aisle.

I swept the aisles of guests looking for Edward. He was five rows from the front, on the bride's side. As I walked towards him a large smile broke out on his face and I returned it giddily. He looked incredible in a medium gray fitted suit with a blue and white pinstriped shirt and a dark blue silk tie. The suit jacket was unbuttoned and his snug dress shirt hugged his body closely. If I weren't walking down the aisle at my best friend's wedding, I would have grabbed him by that tie and yanked him out of the room to have my way with him.

My step faltered briefly as Lauren Mallory came into view. She had the seat right next to Edward and she was eyeing him hungrily. Mentally I cursed Tyler Crowley for inviting that conniving bitch as his date. Tyler and Emmett had grown up together and he was standing in as best man. I knew that he and Lauren fucked on occasion but I hadn't expected him to invite her to the wedding. I guess he wanted an easy lay and didn't want to work for it tonight.

Gritting my teeth I shot daggers at Lauren. Figures she'd swoop in on Edward out of all the men at the wedding. I guess it didn't matter that she was supposed to be Tyler's date either. Edward noticed my change of expression and the direction of my gaze. Turning his head he saw Lauren ogling him and frowned at her. She just smiled like the vapid slut she was, and pouted her lips at him. Edward shook his head slightly and turned back to me. I just had time to drop him a wink as I passed by and he smirked at me sexily.

_Let Lauren mull over that_, I thought nastily. She shot me a dirty look and I just smiled at her sweetly. _Suck it, bitch._

The ceremony was beautiful; they kept it short and simple and before I knew it, Rose and Emmett were clutching hands and walking briskly down the aisle. I took Tyler's arm and felt like socking him in the head as we walked past Lauren and Edward. The skank was rubbing up on him, obviously trying to get his attention any way she knew how. Edward looked ready to rip her arm off and beat her with it and that made me happy.

I wanted to scream as we posed for more pictures. It seemed to take forever when all I wanted was to see Edward again. I trusted him implicitly, but the thought of Lauren anywhere near him made me sick to my stomach. We had worked together and I knew all about how she operated. It didn't help when I found out that she would be seated at the same table as him, within spitting distance of me and the rest of the wedding party.

Waiting anxiously in the receiving line, the guests filed past and offered the happy couple congratulations. Finally I saw Edward's beautiful face and I relaxed. Then I saw Lauren was right on his heels. When they got to the card table I heard her squeal at him and exclaim they would be at the same table. Edward did his annoyed nose pinch and I squeezed my lips together to stop from looking amused.

When Edward reached me, I grabbed him by the tie and pulled him down to me for a kiss. I didn't care that there was a line up of people behind me or that everyone would be watching. I heard Lauren sniff, making a backhanded remark about classless people and Edward's lips curved up under mine. Mission accomplished.

"Hi," he said, his jade eyes glinting.

"Hi." I returned the look.

"I guess I should give my regards to the bride and groom," Edwards said in a resigned voice.

"Yeah, I'll see you inside soon." I pressed my lips against his once more before he moved along the line. Luckily there weren't too many people after Edward so I didn't have to wait long before joining him for a quick drink.

We had to do the obligatory wedding party introduction and then go to our table at the front of the reception hall. I briefly considered asking Tyler if he would switch places with Edward, I was relatively certain the guests would rather look at Edward's pretty face over Tyler's any day. Speaking of Tyler, he seemed oblivious to the fact his girlfriend was throwing herself at another man. Either that, or he didn't particularly care. I was thinking it was the latter.

Dinner passed by slowly but I was heartened by the fact that Edward couldn't keep his eyes off of me and seemed to be answering Lauren in only monosyllabic answers. You'd figure she would get the hint but that didn't seem to be happening.

Dessert arrived and when I looked down at the plate in front of me I started to laugh. It was Bananas Foster. The rich mans version of a banana split. Edward quirked a brow at me until his own plate arrived; when he looked down I could see him trying to suppress his own mirth.

I watched as Edward took a spoonful of the dessert, his full lips parted as he slipped it in his mouth. He maintained eye contact with me the entire time and I could feel the heat bloom between my legs. Well two could play this game; I gathered some bananas and ice cream on my spoon and lifted it towards me. Instead of putting it directly in my mouth, I ran the tip of my tongue over the edge of the spoon as if collecting some of the sauce. Edward's eyes almost fell out of his head; with an evil smile I ate the dessert off my spoon.

Edward gave me a meaningful look and rose from the table. He walked out of the reception hall and I swear, every woman he passed, stopped whatever they were doing to watch him go by. After about five minutes I went after him. Edward was standing just down the hallway near the elevators. When I reached him he cupped my face and started kissing me urgently. I could feel his arousal pressed against my hip as I pushed myself closer to him.

The elevator dinged and when the doors opened, Edward pulled us inside. His lips were fastened to my neck, sucking on it gently. My hands were inside his jacket roaming over his chest. He pressed a button and the elevator started moving.

"Edward," I moaned, "I have to go back! I'm supposed to give my speech after dessert is over."

"Bella, please. I want you so bad," he whispered in my ear. How could I turn him down?

I followed him to our room briskly. Edward had the door open and me pinned against the entrance wall within seconds. We moved into the room towards the bed as Edward shrugged off his jacket. His hands pulled the skirt of my dress up and I helped him remove my panties. Once they were off, I grappled with his dress pants. I got them and his briefs down in one quick tug before he sat on the edge of the bed.

Pulling his shirt up and out of the way, I straddled Edward quickly. It would have been nice if we could have been naked but there was no time, and to be honest, the whole encounter felt kind of risqué and added an additional thrill to it all. I was kissing Edward madly as my hips pistoned back and forth. Because he was sitting up, my clit rubbed up right against him and I could feel the heat building up quickly.

I groaned into Edward's mouth, not believing that I could reach orgasm so quickly. This had never happened to me before with any other man. There was just something about Edward that woke up every single one of my nerve endings and made them vibrate with energy. His mouth and hands ignited my flesh wherever they touched. We were completely compatible in every single way.

Edward soon joined me in post coital bliss as his shudders subsided. We were still kissing but it wasn't as frantic as before. Now it was the soft gentle kisses that take place after the need is spent. There wasn't much time left so I went to tidy up quickly. Luckily, my hair was still in place due to the copious amounts of hair spray the hairdresser used. There were two hectic spots of colour high on my cheekbones and my lips were puffy, but I didn't look too bad. I would need to refresh my lipstick, but otherwise the rest of my make up was intact.

When I walked back out, Edward was dressed and ready to go. He was twirling my panties on his index finger. I put my hand out for them and he grinned and shook his head no.

"Edward, can I have my underwear back now?" I asked impatiently, anxious to get back before the whole ballroom noted our absence.

"Nope. These belong to me now," he said and then folded them up and put them in the inner pocket of his jacket. I gaped at him.

"Not funny, give me back my panties! I don't have time for games, we need to get back."

Edward just laughed and headed out the door of hotel room with me hot on his heels.

"Edward Cullen," I hissed, "where do you think you are going?"

"Back to the reception," he said innocently. The elevator door opened and he stepped inside. Placing his hand against the side of the door to keep it from closing, he looked at me wickedly, "coming?"

I looked back towards our room desperately. I knew there was no way I could get my underwear back from Edward and I didn't have time to go to Rosalie's room to get another pair from my bag. I stomped into the elevator and crossed my arms.

"Do you mind telling me what you're playing it?" I spat out.

Edward came up to me and braced his hands on the elevator walls on either side of my head. He leaned his head down and looked me in the eyes.

"When you're up there saying your little speech, I want you to remember what I have in my pocket and what just happened in our room." His eyes smoldered and a delightful look came on his face.

"You. Are. _Evil_." I said when I finally found my voice. Edward just laughed, grabbed my face and kissed me.

"And _you_, Isabella, are _mine_. Don't forget it." The elevator doors opened but we didn't move. He looked so damn hot, I briefly considered dragging him back upstairs, but I knew everyone would be looking for me soon.

Edward took my hand and we walked to the ballroom together. Him with a smug smile on his face and me plotting my revenge. Sure enough as soon as we walked into the room, Alice accosted me.

"Bella! Where have you been? They just finished clearing away dessert!" Alice looked at Edward, then looked at me and said, "Never mind, I don't want to know." She grabbed my hand from Edward's and pulled me away. I was painfully aware of the swish of my skirt against my bare skin and silently thanked Rosalie for choosing a darker blue material for my dress.

Sure enough, during my speech I had to fight off blushing a bright crimson every time I shifted and was reminded I wasn't wearing any panties. And every time, I was also reminded why I wasn't wearing them. Edward was devious. I had to avoid making eye contact with him at all costs for fear of losing my composure. I could see him from the corner of my eye looking incredibly amused as I spoke to the room.

Once the speeches were over, the DJ started playing music to kick off the dancing. I went down to Edward's table and sat on his lap. After giving him a nice, long kiss, I was rewarded with a glare from Lauren when we separated.

"Oh, Lauren! I see you've met my boyfriend, Edward?" I said giving her a saccharine smile.

"Yes, he's been very attentive all throughout dinner," she said, challenging me. I felt Edward stiffen slightly at the insinuation and squeezed his arm._ I got this baby_, I thought to myself.

"That's good to hear. Edward always did have a soft spot for charity cases." Lauren's mouth popped open and Edward had to turn away to keep from laughing in her face.

"Want to dance, darling?" With that, I hopped off of Edward's lap and we left Lauren to recover.

As we walked away, I pulled Edward's ear to my lips and whispered, "Can I get my panties back now?"

Edward threw his head back laughing and then led me out of the ballroom so he could return them to me. We came back shortly and he spun me in a turn onto the dance floor where we began dancing together. A Bachata was playing, which was one of my favorite salsa dances. It was a mid tempo, sensual dance that was all hips and sex. I showed Edward the basic steps and of course he picked it up right away. His thigh was between my legs and it rubbed against me, sending little sparks shooting through my abdomen. I lay my cheek against his chest as we swayed back and forth to the music.

The rest of the night flew by, filled with dancing, drinking and laughing. Edward was his usual engaging self and my girlfriends were besotted with him. Jasper and Emmett treated him like a long lost brother, which warmed my heart. I knew once they met Edward, everyone would love him. I sat back and watched them all interact with one another as if it was something they had done for decades.

The party wound down eventually. The DJ announced one last song for the happy couple and everyone circled round them holding hands. Once that was over, most of the guests headed up to their rooms. Edward and I made our way towards the elevators with our arms around one another. It had been a beautiful night and I was so happy that he had been able to be here with me.

Tomorrow would bring a new day and a new challenge. Edward would meet Jacob for the first time and I wasn't sure how it would go. The thought left my mind completely as Edward's lips touched mine. I would worry about everything in the morning.

* * *

**Hope you liked this chapter! I have a link to what Edward's suit looked like modelled by the lovely Milo Ventimiglia (mmmm) and also a youtube clip of what the Bachata looks like (keep in mind these are pro dancers so BxE won't look QUITE that good! lol)  
**


	18. Old Meets New

**18. Old Meets New**

I stretched under the covers luxuriously. I loved hotel beds. I'm not sure what they did to them to make them feel extra plumpy, but it resulted in such a peaceful slumber. Of course a night of drinking, dancing and sex with Edward was the best sedative of all. I could probably wake up on a rock and still feel refreshed.

Rolling over, I watched him sleep. I loved these times where I could watch him unawares. Edward was sleeping on his stomach with one arm thrown up towards the headboard and the other curled tight to his side. He looked so young and vulnerable with his eyes closed and his lips pouting out. Edward's face was at ease and when I ran my hand over his hair, his lips quirked up in a tiny smile. I waited to see if he was waking up but he stayed deeply asleep. I tried it again and the same little smile appeared. I watched, completely rapt as his face slackened once again. It made me smile to think my touch, even in sleep, made him content.

I sat there and debated waking him. I would have loved to stay in bed with Edward all day but we had to check out in a couple of hours and then we had the three-hour drive back to Forks. Edward had rented a car so that he could return to Seattle to catch his plane to California. I had wanted to come back with him, but he said he didn't want me driving back on my own at night. At first I was a little peeved about this, but when I realized he was just trying to make sure I was safe, it mollified me.

Quickly, I checked to make sure I didn't have dragon breath before leaning over and placing little kisses on Edward's face. His lips twitched and his eyes began moving quickly under his eyelids. He hummed a little bit and sighed quietly.

"Wake up, sleepy head," I said in a singsong voice.

"No," Edward pouted. I just laughed at him as he scrunched up his eyes and tried to burrow deeper into his pillow.

"I promise I'll make it worth your while."

Edward slit one green eye open and looked at me, "I'm listening."

Diving under the covers, I went searching. Aha! Morning wood! I heard a muffled groan from Edward as I stroked him with my hand gently before fastening my lips around his cock. He rolled onto his back and threw the covers back to enjoy the show. I worked my magic and had Edward cursing and clutching at his hair in no time. Before he could climax, I crawled up his body kissing his stomach, chest and neck.

Edward ran his hands down my back and spread my legs. His fingers touched me sensuously, parting my folds with the gentlest of strokes. I wiggled my hips waiting for more. His fingers slipped into me and I arched my back so he could go deeper. He continued to play with me as I moved against him.

Grabbing a handful of my buttocks, Edward was urging me upwards to gain entrance. I made a noise halfway between a sigh and a groan as he slid into me slowly. I kept my face buried in his neck as I rotated my hips. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I started to suck on the skin where his neck and shoulder joined. I wanted to see if Edward would stop me. If he did, that would mean he was afraid Tanya would see a mark on his body and the only way she would see it, is if he was shirtless in front of her. As far as I could tell, with them in separate rooms, there would be no reason for her to see him like that unless they were still being intimate in some way.

Edward didn't stop me. Instead he put his hand at the nape of my neck and moved his head to the side so I had easier access. He wanted me to mark him as mine.

I sat up and started to move my hips faster. Edward cupped my breasts and teased my nipples into hard peaks. I don't think I would ever get sick of Edward touching me. Every caress and stroke seemed designed to bring me the utmost pleasure. One hand slid down my body to where we were joined. I decided his thumb was my favorite digit _ever _when he did that swirly trick round my clit. That never got old. Especially when it was sending me flying over the edge like it was doing at that moment.

"God, Edward! YES!" I screamed out. I bucked and bounced on top of him as my orgasm took hold. My chin was resting on my breastbone because I didn't even have the strength to hold my head up. My stomach clenched in succession as I curled inward on myself.

Throwing my hands down on either side of Edward, I began to pick up the pace again. I wanted to see him lose control. I loved that even more than I loved to watch him sleeping. He didn't disappoint. His head was pressed back into the pillow, his eyes were heavy lidded and his lips were parted. Edward still had one hand on my breast and my face in the other, he slipped his thumb into my mouth and I sucked on it. He groaned and started moving under me, seeking release.

"That's it, Edward. Come for me, baby," I whispered.

"Bella," Edward moaned. He shut his eyes and his lips pulled back from his teeth as he started growling. That's what I was waiting for, that moment right there. Much like when he was sleeping, this was Edward at his most vulnerable.

I ran my fingers through Edward's hair as I waited for him to catch his breath. He kept his eyes closed but had a pleased expression on his face.

"So, did I make waking up worth your while?" I teased.

"Oh yeah. I want to wake up like that _every _morning."

"Well, get this shit with Tanya over with, and maybe you can." I said with more venom than expected. Edward opened his eyes to look at me, surprised. I rolled off of him and sat at the edge of the bed facing away from him.

"Bella," Edward said softly. He sat up and kissed my shoulder but I shrugged him off. "Come on, Beautiful."

"Don't, Edward. Do you know how hard it is for me to have a weekend like this with you and then know that you are going back to _her_?" I knew I sounded like a petulant child but I didn't care. What he said just reminded me that I would be losing him again come Monday.

"You make it sound like I want to leave you!" His voice was pained. "And I'm not going back to her, it's as if I live with a room mate."

"But she's not your room mate, she is your wife. Whether you are sleeping with her or not, she still has a claim over you. Not me." I rubbed my eyes viciously. Edward got off the bed and kneeled in front of me.

"Look at me." He lifted my chin so that I was looking in his eyes. "She has no claim on me, whatsoever. I am yours, completely. Do you understand?"

"No, Edward. You aren't. Until you finally leave Tanya, you will never be completely mine." My voice sounded small and defeated.

"Bella, I am going to take care of this. I know you've been so patient, too patient, but everything will be taken care of when I get home. Ok?"

"Promise?" I didn't want to feel hopeful, but somehow I did.

"Yes, I promise. I'm sick of waiting; I'm going to make an appointment with a lawyer right away. Okay?"

"Okay," I said, smiling tentatively.

Edward pulled me into a tight embrace and just held me for a while. Soon, we began to get ready for the day and packing up so we could check out. The drive back would most likely be long and then Jacob was coming over for dinner. I was pretty nervous about that.

While I really wanted them to meet, I had visions of a testosterone stand off. I just hoped both of them behaved themselves.

I let Edward drive back to Forks, giving him directions as we went. I wanted him to be familiar with the trip since he would be driving back by himself. The tension from earlier had disappeared thankfully, so the car ride back home was very pleasant. We held hands and talked easily as the forests began to close in around us, pitching us into the always present dimness. You couldn't have imagined more of a contrast going from the dry, arid desert of California to the mossy, lush greenness of Forks.

When we arrived in town I gave Edward the grand tour. Not that there was much to show him. We drove past the travel agency where I worked, the pub where my friends and I went for drinks and then headed to my house. Edward parked on the road because my huge truck took up the entire driveway. As we walked by, Edward stopped to inspect it.

"This is your truck?" He said incredulously.

"Yep."

"And it still works?" His eyebrows would have disappeared into his hairline if that were at all possible.

"Yes! It's in great shape," I said frowning and jutting out my chin. I turned a loving eye towards my truck and ran my hand across its bulbous hood. "She's a classic. Charlie bought her for me and Jacob makes sure she runs smooth."

"Oh, I see," he said. I glanced at Edward expecting more criticism, but he just reached out his hand and put it over mine. I intertwined our fingers.

"Come on, let me show you the house." We walked towards the house holding hands, only letting go so I could unlock the door. Edward dropped his bag by the door, kicked off his shoes and followed me inside as I went to turn on the lamp in the living room. He sat down on my couch, making himself comfortable. I stood by the end table smiling like an idiot.

"What?" Edward asked, that sweet crooked grin appearing on his face.

I just shrugged a little, embarrassed. "Nothing," I said, "You just look really good sitting on my couch. I could get used to you living here with me."

Edward beckoned me to come sit beside him. I walked over and curled against him, my chest against his and my head on his shoulder. He sighed and hugged me tight to him. We didn't talk at all, just held each other. Edward caressed my back and arms; occasionally he'd brush his lips over my forehead. I would have stayed like that all night, but I knew I had to get up and start preparing dinner for Jake who would arrive in about an hour.

"I have to start dinner," I said into Edward's neck, my voice muffled.

"Right, for the dog," Edward said.

I smacked him on the arm and said severely, "You're never allowed to talk to Rosalie ever again!" Edward just laughed as I pulled back to glare at him.

"I'm kidding! I just thought that was funny," he said, still chuckling to himself.

"Ugh!" I said before getting up and flouncing away into the kitchen

"Here, let me help you," Edward said as he followed me into the kitchen. "What are we making?"

"Stuffed peppers" I answered as I started to pull the ingredients out of the fridge.

"Sounds good. You know, you've never cooked for me before," he mused.

"You're right, well, I'll just have to remedy that," I said smiling a little.

Since Edward helped me to make dinner, I didn't really consider this cooking for him so he took a rain check. We worked well together, Edward prepared the peppers as I sautéed the ground beef and cooked the rice. I mixed everything together with some spices and canned tomatoes and let it simmer. Edward sat at my tiny dining room table while I poured some wine for us. Once again, I was hit with that feeling of _rightness_. As if Edward belonged here with me.

When the filling was complete, I stuffed the peppers and put them in the oven to bake. We moved back into the living room, bringing the wine with us. Jacob would be arriving soon and my stomach started to do nervous little flips. I downed the wine I had left and refilled my glass. Picking it up I took another deep swig and then I heard someone coming up the porch steps.

The doorbell rang and I went to the door. _Please don't be a jerk, please don't be a jerk, please don't be a jerk_, repeated itself in my head as I turned the doorknob to let Jake in. He was standing there with a white box and a big grin on his face. I smiled back automatically.

"Dessert," Jake said, waving at the box. He stepped inside, put the box down on the side table by the door and grabbed me in a rib-crushing hug. I squeaked as he said, "Hi Bells, baby!"

"Jake," I wheezed, "Put me down!"

Jake set me down and was looking behind me over my head. I turned to see Edward standing in the hallway watching us closely, his eyes narrowed slightly. Even standing at a respectable six feet two inches, Jacob towered over Edward. He went up on the balls of his feet for a moment to emphasize the height difference and I elbowed him in the waist. I walked over to Edward who wrapped an arm possessively around my shoulders.

"Edward, this is Jacob. Jake, Edward," they stared at each other for a moment longer before Edward reached out his right hand towards Jake.

"Nice to meet you," he said curtly, nodding his head.

Jake just looked at the offered hand while I shot daggers at him, he smiled and took Edward's hand. "Sure, sure," he said. Typical Jake.

As they locked hands, I noticed both bare forearms - one dark, one light - bunch up as they tensed. Shaking Edward's arm off my shoulder, I grabbed their joined hands and tugged.

"Ok, ok. We've had enough machismo for one night. Break it up!" Both of them dropped their hands to their sides. I tried to not laugh as Edward and Jake clenched and unclenched their hands a few times. I guessed it was a draw.

Jacob ambled into the living room and sat on the couch. _What a trouble maker_, I thought to myself. He knew Edward would most likely not want to sit right beside him and would take the armchair instead, leaving me no choice but to sit beside Jake. I shook my head and exhaled through my nose. It's going to be like that, is it?

"So, I'm going to go set the table, you boys get to know each other better."

"I'll help!" both said simultaneously and I stared into two sets of panicked eyes.

"No, I got it," I said flapping a hand at them as I went to get the dessert and go into the kitchen.

I hoped this would work. Either they would be forced to make small talk and get to know each other, or they'd kill each other. I hoped for the former. I got Jake a beer, unscrewed it and went back into the living room, handing it to him. He looked up at me gratefully as I winked at him. I walked over to Edward and gave him a peck on the lips before walking back into the kitchen.

Grabbing the cutlery and tablecloth, I started setting the table. I kept an ear cocked towards the living room and heard a stilted conversation start up. Smiling, I took my time preparing everything. I checked the peppers and took them out of the stove, replacing them with the garlic bread I had prepared.

"Smells good, Bells," Jake called out to me.

"Thanks! You guys can come in now." I turned to the stove and removed the bread, putting it in a breadbasket.

I watched them walk in, and while the tension wasn't completely gone, it at least wasn't as palpable as before. I stood by my chair just in case Jacob planned any more seating sabotage. I would sit at one end of the table flanked by the two men who meant most to me in the entire world. I chewed on my bottom lip as they took their seats, hoping the rest of the night went well. It started off kind of rocky, but that didn't mean it would be a complete fiasco.

Edward stood by his chair and looked at me. "Do you need help with anything, Beautiful?"

"No, I'm good. Sit down."

I walked over to the counter and prepared plates for us all. Dinner was a mostly silent affair as the boys ate, each taking turns lavishing me with praise for the delicious food. As it went on, everyone relaxed by degrees and we all started to talk more easily. The boys stuck to safe topics like sports and cars but at least they talked amicably. It wasn't the effortless, easy going conversation like he'd had with Jasper and Emmett, but I was still very proud of Edward. How many men would willingly sit with their girlfriend's ex who still happened to be her best friend? Not many, I was sure.

When dinner was done, we went back to the living room for dessert and coffee. Jacob had picked up a chocolate cake, which was my absolute favorite thing in the whole world. I sat there embarrassed as Jake told stories of our childhood together. The tension had mostly vanished so at least something good came of it. I didn't think Edward and Jacob would ever be close buddies but at least they weren't acting like enemies, and I could live with that.

Jacob rose to leave after dessert had been cleared away and I walked him out to his car. He slung his arm around me easily as we walked side by side. I figured he was trying to irk Edward just in case he was watching and I hid a smirk in my cheek. The last thing I wanted to do was encourage this type of behavior, but at the same time, I knew Jake was feeling a little threatened. In all the years we had known one another, he had never seen me this head over heels for a guy before. We both knew we would only ever be friends, but that didn't mean he wouldn't feel as if Edward was taking his place in some way. I knew that one day, I would feel the same way when Jake found the woman he was meant to be with.

"So, what do you think of Edward?" I asked, the suspense was killing me. Jacob hesitated and looked down at the ground, shuffling his feet. Frowning, I said, "Come on Jake, spill."

"He seems like an ok guy," he said, still not meeting my eyes.

"But?"

"I don't know, Bells. I just get a weird vibe from him, nothing bad really; I don't know how to explain it. I just don't trust him." Jake finally looked at me, and this time it was my turn to glance away. Jacob could read me like a book and I didn't want him seeing any doubt in my eyes and questioning me about it. Maybe someday I'd be able to tell Jake the complete story, but now wasn't the time.

"Jake, I think you're just being overprotective."

"Yeah, maybe I am. I don't know. I want to like him, for you, but just be careful, ok?" Jacob lifted my chin so I was looking in his eyes. I nodded at him and then put my arms around his waist to give him a hug, tucking my telltale face into his chest. He gave me a quick squeeze before getting into his car.

"Drive safe," I said as I shut the car door. I watched as he drove away, lifting a hand in farewell. Taking a deep breath, I headed back into the house. I really did hate lying to Jacob. I hated lying to _all _of my friends and I hoped that once this was in the past, I could finally come clean. I just didn't want them judging Edward or me. This situation was stressful enough without having to try and justify my actions. I still wasn't very proud of what we were doing, but at least now, there seemed to be an end in sight.

I walked back into the house and found Edward in the kitchen washing the dishes. I went up to him and laid my cheek against his back, holding his waist lightly. I placed a kiss against his spine and he shuddered lightly.

"You don't have to do the dishes, you know," I said quietly.

"I know. Since you took care of dinner, I wanted to help out a little bit."

I took a dishtowel and started to dry and put away the plates. We worked in silence for a while, Edward washing and rinsing industriously.

"So, what's the verdict?" Edward asked, glancing at me sidelong.

"He liked you." I said reaching up to put away the dessert plates.

"Bella," Edward said turning to face me, "The truth, please."

I scrunched up my face and figured I may as well just tell him what Jacob had said, I could try lying to spare Edward's feelings but I didn't think he'd believe me. I took a deep breath and rushed out the words. "He said that you seem like a nice guy but he doesn't trust you. He thinks you're hiding something."

Edward nodded and turned back to the sink. I watched as he rinsed the suds out of the bottom if it.

"Well, he's right, isn't he?" he said in a low-pitched voice.

"Edward," I began before he cut me off.

"No, Bella. It's the truth. He has a right not to trust me."

"Jake's just being, well, _Jake_! Don't take him seriously. Since Charlie died he likes to pretend I need someone to look out for me." I said scornfully.

"He loves you, Bella. I can see it in the way he acts towards you." I began to interrupt but Edward held up a hand, "I don't mean it like that. I mean he wants the best for you, that kind of love." Edward looked down at the ground. "He doesn't think I am the best for you. Maybe he's right."

"Don't say that!" I was irate at Jacob and myself for opening this stupid can of worms. I knew Edward wouldn't have taken it well.

"It's true. You deserve someone who has been honest from the start, someone who can be with you every day, someone who isn't living with his goddamn wife!" Edward threw the dishtowel he was holding onto the counter. He turned away from me hanging his head as he braced his arms against the sink.

"Edward, please. I need you. Don't leave me. Please." I stood behind him with my forehead against his back and my arms around his chest.

"Bella, it's you who should leave _me_. Don't you get it? I'm no good for you. All I've done is complicate your life." His voice was pained and desperate.

"No, _you _don't get it. I can't be happy with anyone else! This is all temporary. You said so yourself! If you talk to a lawyer and get things started, Tanya will realize you're serious and then we can be together always."

"I don't think it will be that easy."

"All you can do is try. If that doesn't work, we'll figure out what to do then. Okay?"

Edward kept his back to me. He was shaking his head back and forth and I was beginning to panic. I couldn't lose Edward, I just couldn't, it would devastate me. I knew he was only saying these things because he felt horrible about what he was putting me through but I knew that he would be worth it all. I would gladly go through worse if it meant being with him always.

"Edward?" I begged.

Turning in my arms, Edward faced me. He looked so conflicted that it pierced my heart. I pushed his hair back from his face and hoped that all the love I had for him, all the hope, was clear for him to see. I could see him wavering. He couldn't live without me any more than I could live without him. We belonged together, he must understand that.

"Please," I said simply.

"All right, Bella."

"It's getting late. Lets go to bed." I took Edward's hands and lead him out of the kitchen up to my new master bedroom.

I helped Edward out of his clothes before taking off my own. We slipped into bed and I curled up against his warm body. Despite my physical need for Edward, I didn't try to initiate anything romantic. I didn't want to use sex to gloss over what had just happened in the kitchen. I just wanted to be close to Edward and I could feel that's what he wanted as well. We held each other tightly and I concentrated on Edward's heart thumping steadily under my cheek.

"Have I told you I love you, lately?"

"Not lately," I sighed.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward."

I was frying bacon and making omelets when Edward came downstairs bleary eyed, stubbly and disheveled. He looked incredible. I didn't think I could love him any more than I did, but every day we spent together, that love grew. I felt like I would explode from it. Edward came behind me and nuzzled my neck. My stomach gave a little jump and I leaned back against him.

Edward had woken me up in the middle of the night. The nightmare I'd had where him and Tanya leave me alone in the airport had returned and I was crying out in my sleep. When I finally opened my eyes, I was in Edward's arms and he was cradling me back and forth.

"Shh, Bella, shh. I'm here, I'm not leaving you, shh," he crooned. My face was buried against Edward's chest and my arms were curled up between us. I felt small and safe as the last remnants of the dream disappeared.

"What happened?" I asked, still not fully awake.

"You were having a bad dream. Usually when you talk in your sleep, you whisper or mumble a little, but this was different. You were calling my name and telling me not to leave. What were you dreaming?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I'd only ever had this dream when I was alone, never when I was with Edward. That conversation in the kitchen must have rattled me more than I realized.

"Every once in awhile I have this dream… We're at the airport and a glass wall is separating us, and then Tanya walks up to you and takes your hand. You… leave with her." I stumbled over last few words and Edward tightened his hold on me.

"You've had this dream before?"

"Yeah, but usually it's when we aren't together." Edward didn't say anything and it scared me wondering what he was thinking. I lifted my face towards his and kissed his jaw lightly, "Make me forget the dream, Edward?"

And he did. We spent the rest of the night making love till the gray light of dawn started to creep into the room. I fell asleep in Edward's arms and didn't dream any more. Waking a few hours later, I left him in bed so I could make us breakfast.

Edward stepped back from me and got some glasses to pour us orange juice. I already had coffee ready so he also grabbed some mugs, milk, sugar and spoons. I smiled at his easy familiarity of my kitchen. He didn't bother asking where anything was, if he didn't remember from last night he just went hunting for what he was looking for. I arranged the food on our plates and brought them to the table where we sat down.

"This looks awesome," he said before digging in. I sat across from him and daydreamed that he was here to stay. Of course life would be different, we wouldn't be in Charlie's little kitchen when we lived together, but since it was just a daydream anyway, I figured it didn't make a difference. I picked up my fork and started to eat.

We only had only a couple of hours left before Edward drove back to Seattle but I didn't want to dwell on that. I just kept reminding myself that everything would be over hopefully soon. Once Tanya was served with the divorce papers, we could all just move on with our lives. I was convinced she didn't really love Edward anymore so perhaps all of this could end well, maybe even amicably. I realized I was being overly optimistic and maybe even a little naïve, but it was the only thing that kept me going.

I dragged Edward up to the bathroom for a shower and some playtime. It had been a while since I'd had my fix. Unfortunately, we weren't at a hotel this time so my hot water ran out much too fast. Edward picked me up, wet and dripping and carried me back to my bedroom. I had my hands fisted in his wet hair and was kissing him in wild abandon. I took his tongue into my mouth and sucked on it making him moan against me.

Edward put me on the bed and covered my body with his. I should have been cold since we were both wet from the shower, but my body radiated the heat of my arousal. I was gasping and moaning as Edward thrust into me. His mouth was everywhere, all over my face, neck, and shoulders. He had my hands clasped in his, held over my head as he moved in and against me.

"Bella, I love you… so much," he whispered on my heated flesh as he got caught in the throes of passion. It was one of those rare but intense moments where we reached orgasm together; Edward was kissing me so I could only make high breathless sounds as he groaned. He collapsed on top of me putting his head in the crook of my neck. I could feel his breath hotly against my shoulder as he caught his breath. Edward rolled onto his side and started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked looking at him like he was crazy. Edward just laughed all the more and I went up on one elbow, puzzled.

"Nothing, I was just thinking, 'So much for taking a shower'" and he started all over again. After a few moments I couldn't help joining in. I still wasn't sure why that thought amused him so much but I couldn't resist that lovely, carefree laugh.

"You can always go rinse off in about fifteen minutes, there should be enough hot water by then." I said snickering.

"No, I love having your scent on me," Jesus Christ on a piece of toast. HOT!

"Well in that case…" I said right before accosting Edward.

We hadn't made plans on when we'd see each other again and now that he was moving forward with the divorce – with or without Tanya's consent – it may be awhile. I knew we'd figure something out, but that uncertainty bothered me.

I stayed on the bed and watched Edward get dressed. Even something simple as putting on his clothes looked sensual. The long, lean lines of his body moved fluidly as his muscles bunched and flexed. He hadn't been paying attention to me as I gazed at him but then his eyes flicked up and locked with mine. I would always remember the look he gave me in that moment, one more snapshot to add to the rest. His jade eyes widened slightly, lips slightly parted showing white teeth, while one side of his mouth curled up.

Edward came back to the bed and leaned on it, moving in for a kiss. I grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him down on top of me. His hands went up into my hair and his breathing quickened slightly.

"Bella, love, I have to go," he said after breaking the kiss.

"Noooo…. Stay with me." I tried not to sound heartbroken, but I don't think I was very successful

"I'd love to, you know that. Everything will be over soon and then we'll never have to leave each other again." Edward looked into my eyes searchingly. "Come on, walk me to the door."

I pulled on my bathrobe as Edward grabbed his bag and waited for me. We walked downstairs together and stopped at my front door. Edward cupped my cheek in his hand and I closed my eyes as his thumb drew across the skin there. When I opened my eyes again he had a sweet expression on his face.

"I love you, Bella. I'll miss you every second."

"Me too," I said in a low voice.

"I'll call you as soon as I get into Lancaster, okay?"

Edward leaned in to kiss me one last time. His arms held me to him tightly and then he was gone.

I puttered around the house the rest of the day into early evening, missing Edward. Everywhere I turned there was a reminder of him, which was both wonderful and horrible all at once. At one point I went back to my bed and cradled his pillow to my face. It still smelled like Edward and I breathed in deeply.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke to the phone ringing. I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and looked at the clock. Seven in the evening? I hadn't expected Edward's call for at least another hour. _Maybe he'd made really good time_, I thought as I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is this Bella?" It was a woman's cool voice.

"Yes. Who is this?" I asked perplexed. It didn't sound like anyone I knew.

"This is Tanya. Edward's wife."

* * *

**As you can see, the stress of the situation is getting to our lovers. Love is awesome but it will only get you so far! ****Let me know what you're thinking!**


	19. One Eighty

**Twi = Not Lalina's**

* * *

**19. One Eighty**

I sat frozen with the phone to my ear. I couldn't have heard correctly.

"Excuse me?" I said once I found my voice.

"I _said_, this is Tanya. Edward's _wife_."

"How did you get this number?" I asked starting to get pissed off.

"Edward hasn't been very careful. I found your number in the day planner that was in his briefcase. So, you don't seem too surprised that he has a wife. I was really hoping you'd be innocent in all of this. "

"Pardon _me_?" Now I was definitely pissed.

"Are you deaf? Why do you keep asking me to repeat myself? Where's Edward, is he with you?"

"I don't see how that is any of your goddamn business."

"Are you kidding me? I am Edward's _wife_, of course it's my goddamn business!"

_Not for long_, I thought viciously, "Yeah, you keep mentioning that." I said acidly.

"Maybe it will sink in if I say it enough times. Where is Edward?"

"You don't know much considering you're his wife. Shouldn't a _wife _know where her husband is?"

"Hah, not when he lies through his fucking teeth every chance he gets. He was supposed to be at a friend's bachelor party in LA for the weekend, but that wouldn't explain the charge to an airline on his credit card."

_Fuck_! We'd used one of my free tickets, but the taxes still had to be paid. Edward had used his credit card because it had to be in the name of the person picking up the ticket.

"Then I found your name and number in his planner. I said your name out loud and lo and behold, doesn't my son get all excited and ask if daddy's _special friend_ is coming for another visit!"

I winced, poor Masen, I hoped Tanya hadn't done anything to scare him in order to extract information out of him. I knew going to Lancaster had been a bad idea, but of course hindsight is twenty/twenty. I was almost relieved that at least Tanya knew. Now Edward could just tell her he was divorcing her and get the papers served. I knew he'd had hopes of keeping this amicable but I didn't think that was going to happen. I just prayed she didn't make him suffer too much by using their child against him. The thought of little Masen being dragged through all of this made me physically sick. I remembered holding him in my lap and kissing his little baby curls. I made a promise to myself that I would help make this is easy as possible for him.

"Well? Don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Tanya asked.

I made a decision that arguing with this woman wasn't going to get either of us anywhere. "Look, I don't want to argue with you, you have to talk to Edward. That's all I can say." I said in a resigned voice.

"Oh, I plan to! You better believe that. Don't you even care that you are tearing apart my family?"

"What do you want me to say?" I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible. "Do you think I planned to fall in love with someone's husband? Well I didn't, but it happened. You just have to talk to Edward."

"You _love _him? How long has this been going on?" Tanya asked irate.

_Double fuck_! I had to just keep my mouth shut or else this would get steadily worse.

"You have to talk to Edward," I repeated.

"How long have you been _fucking _my husband!" she yelled. I pulled the phone away from my ear.

"Please, just talk to Edward." There were a few moments of silence on the other end.

"You're not going to answer any of my questions, are you?" Tanya said, more composed now.

"No."

"Fine." I heard a loud click as she hung up on me.

I looked at the phone for a minute before hitting End and returning it to its base. My hand was shaking so badly, it took a few tries before it clicked into place. I got up out of bed and paced back and forth in my room. _What had I done? What had I said? Had I made things worse for Edward and I_? These thoughts just kept circling around in my head.

After about an hour, the phone rang again and I lunged for it. It knocked out of the base and went clattering onto the floor. I cursed as I chased after it, praying I got to it in time before it went to voice mail. I finally snagged the phone and answered it.

"Hello?" I said slightly breathless.

"Bella?" Edward sounded amused, most likely wondering what the heck I had been doing to make me sound this way.

"Edward!" I said frantically.

"Of course, I just wanted to let you…"

"She knows! Tanya knows about us." I said cutting him off. Silence on the other end.

"What do you mean she knows? How would you know that?" he asked confused.

"She called me an hour ago."

"She _WHAT_?" Edward sounded furious, "Where the fuck does she get off calling you?"

Suddenly I was relieved. Edward didn't seem to care that she knew, he only cared that Tanya had contacted me.

"She said that she found my number in your day planner and when Masen heard my name he asked about me. You don't think she would have scared Masen to get information from him, do you?"

"She better not have, I'll tear her fucking limb from limb if I find out she did," he growled viciously.

"What do we do now?" I asked quietly.

"Same thing I was going to do before, go see a lawyer in the morning. She knows, it's out in the open at least. I was hoping this wouldn't get complicated but it probably will," Edward sighed. "It's okay, Bella. Now I'm sure she'll want a divorce and we can get all this over and behind us.

"What did she say to you? Are you ok?" he continued.

I let out a shaky breath. I didn't know if I should tell him what had transpired and that I told Tanya I loved him. After a moment of deliberation, I decided he should know everything going in. I detailed the conversation for him, and that made him even more upset if that was possible.

"Bella, please tell me you didn't believe her when she accused you of tearing apart my family?" When I didn't answer, Edward said, "It's not true. None of this is your fault, it's all on me, ok?"

"That's not entirely true Edward. I've known about your marriage since May and I've been a willing participant in this affair."

"It doesn't matter. This still isn't your fault. I better go home and deal with this shit. Hopefully Tanya brought Masen to Judy's for the night so I can get it all over with. I'm going to a motel tonight when it's over and I'll call you from there, okay?"

"Okay, Edward. I'll be up waiting."

"It shouldn't take too long but if you don't hear from me by midnight, just go to sleep and I'll call you in the morning."

"Edward, I won't be able to sleep till you call. Even if it's late, please phone to let me know what happened."

"All right, Bella. I'll talk to you soon. I love you."

"Love you too."

We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone. While I still felt horrible for what Edward had to go through, I also felt marginally better now that I had talked to him. I wished desperately that I were there with him so he didn't have to go through this alone. I wasn't sure what I would do with myself while waiting for Edward to call so I just picked up a book and tried to read.

I knew that Edward would be home by now and talking to Tanya. I wished I knew what he was going to tell her. Hopefully I would get that phone call sooner than later.

An hour later, I was ready to pull out my hair. Edward still hadn't called and I didn't know how much longer I could stand it. I had long since thrown my book down and resumed my pacing.

Realistically, I knew it would take longer than an hour for him to get home, talk to Tanya and then go check in to a motel. I didn't expect to hear from him for a while longer yet, so I was pleasantly surprised when my phone started to ring. Hoping it would actually be Edward, I picked up quickly.

"Hello?"

"Bella, it's Edward." Right away I knew something was wrong. He sounded stilted and remote.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I couldn't keep the panic out of my voice. "Where are you?"

"I'm at home."

"Why are you calling from home? Did Tanya leave?"

"No, she's here," he said in that same horrible voice. It was devoid of any emotion and not even close to the beautiful, warm caress of which I was accustomed.

"You're scaring me, Edward. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry. This isn't going to work. Tanya and I talked everything over and I think it's better for me to stay with my family." I was too shocked to reply. This had to be a nightmare. I must have fallen asleep waiting for Edward's phone call.

"I don't believe you," I whispered, "something happened. Please, tell me what's going on! Why are you really doing this?"

"Bella…" Edward's voice cracked and then he was gone.

"Bella, this is Tanya. It's over. Edward made his choice, he's doing the responsible thing and staying with me." Her voice was clipped and curt, possibly even a little victorious and I hated her with a black passion I had never before felt in my life.

"You fucking _bitch_" I hissed, "what the fuck did you say to him?"

"Let me paraphrase for a moment… I don't see how that's any of your goddamn business." I could clearly hear the sneer in her voice. "Honestly, what did you expect to happen? Did you really think Edward was just going to leave his son and me and run off with you? Did you think I would just stand by and let that happen? Sorry dear, men never choose the mistress."

I could hear men arguing in the background, and then Edward was swearing and telling Tanya to get off the phone.

"What the hell is going on over there? Let me talk to Edward, I want to talk to Edward," I said completely enraged.

"He already told you everything you need to know. If you really love him, you'll let him go and not contact him again. It really is for the best this way."

"Why are you doing this? He loves _me_! Why would you want to stay with a man who didn't want you?" My anger was giving way to fear. I knew I sounded desperate but I didn't care.

"Is that what he told you? Aww sweetheart, men will say anything to get a pretty young thing to spread her legs." I vaguely heard Edward roaring out something in the background but his words were too muffled for me to hear. "Don't worry, you'll get over it soon enough. Maybe one day, when you're married and have kids of your own, you'll understand the bond between a man and his _wife_."

I heard a click and a dial tone. Tanya had hung up on me. I stared at the phone for a moment until it fell out of my nerveless fingers to land on the floor. My body soon joined it, as I collapsed in a heap.

What just happened? How did it go from Edward wanting to see a lawyer, to deciding to stay with Tanya in barely an hour? What had she said to him? Something had happened, of that I was certain. There was no way Edward had decided to forsake our relationship on his own. I just couldn't believe that! I would call him at work tomorrow so that we could talk without Tanya present. He would tell me what was going on if it was the last thing he did.

I didn't sleep a wink all night. I lay in my bed, dry eyed and stiff. I refused to cry because I knew Edward wouldn't have done this of his own volition and once I found out why he had, we would work out a plan to get him out of his loveless marriage. Maybe he could transfer closer to here in Seattle? But that would mean leaving Masen, and I knew he wouldn't want to do that, nor would I ever allow him to. No, I would just have to go with our original plan and move down to California. I had faith that we could get over any obstacle in our path.

When it was seven AM, I called James to let him know I would be off sick today. I lied and told him I must have picked up a bug while in Seattle. My voice was hoarse and I sounded tired from lack of sleep, so at least I was convincing. He wasn't happy about it, but it no longer mattered to me. I wouldn't have gotten anything productive done at work anyway.

I watched the clock nervously. Edward usually started work at seven-thirty so I waited an extra ten minutes to make sure he would be in. If I got his voice mail I would just hang up and try again till I got through to him. The phone rang a couple of times before it was finally answered. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Staff Sergeant Felix Williams, speaking," a strange voice said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must have dialed the wrong extension," I stammered. "I was looking for Staff Sergeant Cullen."

"No, you got the right extension Miss," he said politely. "SSgt Cullen isn't at this extension any more. He's been transferred."

"Transferred? To where?" I tried to remain calm but it wasn't working very well.

"I'm afraid that's classified, Miss."

"Well, can I at least get his new extension?" My voice was rising steadily.

"I'm sorry, Miss. I can't do that either. If you like, you can leave a message and I'll see that he gets it." The man's voice was kind and gentle. I wondered how much he knew.

"Can you please tell him Bella called?" I said in a small voice.

"Yes, Miss. I'll do that." I wasn't sure if that message would ever get into Edward's hands but at this point I didn't think it would matter even if it did.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Have a good day."

"Yeah, you too." I managed to whisper before disconnecting.

After hanging up the phone, I decided to try one more thing. I booted up my old PC and waited forever for it to finish loading. I opened up my email and sent a quick note to Edward's email address.

_Edward, are you still there?_

_B._

Sure enough, within a minute, I received a failure notice. The email address was no longer working. That's when it hit me. There was absolutely no way for me to get in touch with Edward. I couldn't even go back to Lancaster and try to get to him in person since he lived on base and you needed military clearance to get in. Or be with someone who had military clearance, and I had neither.

It was over. Tanya had been right I had lost Edward.

Suddenly I was bent over, hyper-ventilating. He was gone, vanished off the face of the earth as far as I was concerned. I would never hear or see from Edward again unless he tried to contact me and I had an awful sinking feeling that he wouldn't even try. I didn't know what had changed his mind so drastically, and now I never would.

I crawled back into my bed and clutched Edward's pillow. I inhaled deeply but already it was losing his scent. It was the only thing I had left of him and soon that would disappear as well. Hot tears streamed down my face and I began to sob. I had been holding it in, positive that it hadn't really been the end, but now I knew there was no hope. I prayed silently that I was wrong, that Edward would somehow manage to get in touch with me, but deep in my heart I knew that Tanya had won.

My lungs burned as I tried to get breath. I hadn't felt this devastated since Charlie's death, and while that pain had been completely different, it was still that same crushing sense of loss. My whole world was turned upside down. I stayed in bed all day, not bothering to eat anything. Maybe I would waste away and die and then this pain would go away.

The next day I didn't even bother to call in sick to work. I received a call from Angela asking if I was all right and I just made up an excuse so she could relay the message to James. I started crying again when I hung up because there had been a slight flicker of hope that it was Edward calling. When I wasn't curled up in the fetal position in bed, I was checking my email to see if he found a way to contact me. There was nothing. I was afraid to leave home just in case he did try to call and I missed him. I knew that was silly since he would automatically assume I was at work, but at the time it made perfect sense.

By day three I still couldn't bring myself to eat anything. I was completely nauseous and I knew if I even tried to get some sustenance, it would just come hurtling back up. I tried to keep hydrated at least, but for every glass of water I drank, I was sure it came out in tears.

As I lay in bed, I heard a car pull up outside and then pounding on my front door. I just burrowed deeper under my covers. I didn't want to see anyone. After some more pounding, I heard someone opening the door and coming up the stairs. My bedroom door opened and I heard Jacob's voice. Of course it would be Jake, he'd had a key to the house from when Charlie was sick and I had told him to keep it 'just in case'.

"Bells?" he said quietly. I pulled back the covers, took one look at him and dissolved into hysterics. He was over to me in a flash pulling me into his arms. "What happened? Baby, talk to me!"

I just continued to cry, the words wouldn't come out and Jacob stopped asking questions. He knew me well enough that he'd have to wait till I was more or less coherent. He had seen me like this before, many times. He laid me back down on the bed and lay beside me holding me in his arms. I tried to imagine they were Edward's arms but that thought just made me cry harder.

I'm not quite certain how much time had passed and eventually I was so exhausted I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was alone in the bed. I knew Jacob would never leave me like this, so he must be in the house somewhere. I debated just going back under my covers but he deserved to know what was going on at least. For the first time in four days, I left my sanctuary.

Standing up too quickly was a bad idea. I sat back down as all the blood rushed from my head and I started to see spots dance before my eyes. Once my vision cleared I stood up again, slowly this time. I shuffled my way downstairs, holding on to the railing for dear life. I was an accident waiting to happen at the best of times, much less after going days without nourishment.

When I got downstairs, I found Jake in the kitchen sitting at my little table. He gave me the once over and frowned deeply. My guess was that he didn't like what he saw. I walked over to the table and sat down. Jacob got up, poured me a glass of orange juice and set it down in front of me.

"Ok, spill," he said unceremoniously.

"Edward and I… broke up," my much abused voice cracked.

"What?" Jacob goggled at me, "Just this weekend you guys were all crazy for one another! Bells, this didn't have anything to do with what I said, did it?" He looked abashed for a moment, thinking perhaps he had caused this mess I was in.

"No, Jake. It didn't have anything to do with that," I said sadly. I told him everything, the whole sordid affair. By the end of it Jacob was so angry he was shaking.

"I'm going to fucking _kill _him! When I get a hold of that guy I'm going to rip him apart with my _teeth_!" he seethed. I'd ever seen Jacob so angry about anything in my entire life. It actually scared me, I felt like he was going to explode right before my eyes.

"Jake, calm down. There's nothing you can do anyway, it's not like you'll ever see him again." I lowered my face into my hands. No, Jake would never see Edward again and by force, neither would I.

"He better hope I never see him walking around in LA!" he said angrily. "Bella, what the hell were you thinking getting involved with a married man? I _knew _I didn't trust that guy."

"I loved him, Jake! He was supposed to leave his wife. And it's not like I knew at first anyway," I said, rubbing my temples.

"Yeah, that should have been your first clue to tell him to fuck off."

I looked at Jacob and my eyes brimmed over with tears, yet again. Something in his face changed and he covered my hand with his big, warm one trying to comfort me.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I don't mean to be a dick; I'm just shocked, you know? This isn't like you! I guess I never expected you to get involved with a married man."

"Not helping, Jake!"

"Right, sorry. Don't worry Bella; I'll get you through this. I'm not heading back to LA till September. "

"Thanks Jake," I said sadly, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'll always be here for you Bella. You should know that."

I nodded my head and laid it down on my folded arms. I wasn't sure how I would go about rebuilding my life, but really I was left with no choice. I knew that I would never stop loving Edward, I still felt that he was the man who was made for me, but I guess Fate hadn't agreed. I remembered that morning when I had contemplated which would be worse, never knowing you had a soul mate or meeting him yet not being able to be with him.

I finally had my answer. I wished I had never set eyes on Edward Cullen.

* * *

**Ok so before you flounce away from your computer after removing my story from your alerts, remember what I've said from the VERY beginning! This is not a bait and switch story. Now leave me some hate mail, you know you want to! **


	20. Mr Right Now

**20. Mr. Right Now**

**One Year Later**

The horn honked outside my door and I grabbed my purse and left the house. I ran down the driveway towards Mike's car and got in, shaking the rain out of my hair. He had begun picking me up in the mornings because my truck was acting up. Jacob had just returned to La Push after finishing up at school, so hopefully he would be by soon to take a look at her and get her running like new again. Well, as new as a forty-year-old truck could run anyway.

"Morning, baby," Mike said, as he leaned in for a kiss. "Did you have a good night without me?"

It was the same question every morning. Mike would have liked to stay the night, but I just wasn't ready to take that step in our relationship. Every night he went back to his own apartment, and I preferred it that way.

We had been dating for about four months now. I finally got tired of turning him down and figured I'd give it a shot. It had been almost eight months without any word from Edward and I had stopped holding out for a miracle. Unless I was prepared to just off myself, I figured I might as well move on with my life. No one would ever take Edward's place, so why even bother to try.

Mike and I had a nice, safe and comfortable relationship. There were no sparks, no passionate fire, I didn't tingle whenever he walked in a room but I doubted anyone else would make me feel that way again, so I really wasn't missing out as far as I was concerned. I didn't want to put my heart out there like that if I could help it. I kept the poor, battered thing encased in its prison of ice.

I had explained to Mike when we first started dating that I didn't have much to give, but he didn't seem overly concerned. He thought it was just a matter of time before I fell madly in love with him, and he would be patient with me for as long as it took. I didn't have the heart to tell him that would most likely never happen.

Every once in awhile I hated myself and tried to end things with Mike, but he always managed to talk me out of it. He was forever patient and understanding with his puppy dog eyes. The truth of it was, I did enjoy his company. We had fun together and I could just be Bella around him. There was no need to put on pretenses and we had enough in common to keep from getting bored with one another.

Also, I was sick of being alone. When things ended with Edward, Jacob had practically moved in with me. He as much admitted that he was conducting a suicide watch. I yelled and screamed at him and told him to get the fuck out of my house, but he didn't listen. He picked me up, dusted me off and reminded me that if I could survive losing Charlie, I could survive anything.

Jacob would sleep in bed with me and gently wake me whenever my screaming nightmares took over. He would hold me as I cried myself back to sleep but it never went farther than that. Somewhere along the way, we had crossed that line where romantic intimacy would have just been awkward. I loved Jacob and he loved me and that would never change. He was my rock.

It was difficult when he had to leave to go back to UCLA for his last year of school. For the first couple of weeks, he called me every night to make sure I was ok until I complained that he was spending too much money. I convinced him that I would be fine and the calls started coming less frequently. We resumed our schedule from before and spoke a couple of times a month.

To keep from going crazy, I started going out with my friends from work almost every night. That's how this thing with Mike and I started. We would sit and talk and soon I felt myself laughing a little easier. Smiling a little sooner. Being a little happier every day. I was getting stronger as the time passed. There were still many nights where I would cry myself to sleep and still many more where I would wake up screaming and reaching out for Edward, but it was getting better.

Every once in awhile, Mike would get up the nerve to ask me out on a date and finally one night I just said yes. We had gone to Port Angeles to see a movie and then for coffee. When Mike dropped me off, he gave me kiss goodnight. The earth didn't move and my knees didn't go weak. It was just a kiss.

That night I wondered if I should go out with Mike again. I came to the conclusion that it was unfair to lead him on like this. The next day after work, I pulled him aside so that we could talk. When he leaned in to give me a kiss, I turned my face so that his lips landed on my cheek instead of my mouth. I saw the hurt in his eyes and felt horribly guilty.

"Mike, we have to talk."

"Okay, no problem," he said with his easy, affable smile.

"About last night, I had a really nice time but I don't know if I'm ready to date yet." I looked into his blue eyes and wished that they invoked any type of feeling in me, but they didn't.

"Hey look, we can just take our time. I don't need to rush into anything, I just want to get to know you better, Bella."

"Mike, we've known each other for eight years," I said smiling, "out of those eight, we've worked together for three. How much better can you get to know a person?"

"You know what I mean," he smiled back at me. "I want to get to know the real you. In high school we didn't really hang out and here at work it's not like we can talk much. I don't know, I think we could have a good time together." He shrugged his shoulders slightly and looked down to the ground.

"I just don't want to lead you on."

"You won't. I know that Edward guy hurt you, Bella," I winced at the mention of his name, "and maybe you aren't ready to be serious about anyone yet, but that doesn't mean we can't hang out, does it?" Mike had such a hopeful look on his face that I found my resolve crumbling.

"Well…" I started, but Mike cut me off.

"If this gets too much for you, I'll back right off. What do you say? Just one more date?"

"Okay, one more date."

Of course one more date lead to another and another and so on. Mike started calling me baby, and then it was pretty much official. Four months was still a short time so he didn't pressure me into anything and I liked that just fine. Maybe I would get over Edward in time and something would come of this relationship or maybe not, but I owed it to myself to at least try.

I had just finished up a call when Eric tapped me on the shoulder and told me a client was in the reception area waiting to speak to me. I could have sworn that I hadn't made any face-to-face appointments today, but I checked my calendar to make sure. My mind wasn't always on my job these days so it was very possible I had forgotten scheduling something. When I looked, I had nothing listed as well. I just shrugged my shoulders and walked out to meet with the client.

The man was standing with his back to me, looking at the rows of brochures on the wall. A small noise escaped me and he turned around. I was pierced by jade colored eyes, which rooted me to the spot. Edward stood perfectly still, neither of us said anything.

Precisely at that moment, Mike walked in from running errands. He saw my panic stricken expression and came swiftly to my side.

"Baby! What's wrong?" Mike said anxiously.

Edward's head swiveled towards Mike and his lips pulled back from his teeth momentarily. He looked back to me with an odd expression on his face.

"Baby?" Edward repeated. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, but I had no words. I kept waiting to wake up from this strange dream slash nightmare.

"Who is this guy?" Mike asked me.

"Edward," I whispered.

Before I knew what had happened, Mike turned and punched Edward square in the jaw. I screamed and my hands flew to my mouth as Edward stumbled backwards. Somehow he managed to keep on his feet. Shaking his head to clear it, he started to walk towards Mike with a murderous look on his face. I finally snapped out of my paralysis and stepped between them, putting my hands out. While Mike had gotten in a good punch, Edward hadn't been expecting it, and I had a good idea that Mike wouldn't fare well if this escalated any further.

"Stop!" I said between my teeth and then turned to Mike. "Go inside." I told him.

"What? Do you think I'm going to leave you out here alone with this asshole? Bella, don't you remember what he did to you?" Mike said while glaring over my shoulder at a silent Edward.

"Mike, please. Just trust me, okay?" I wasn't sure how convincing I sounded considering I didn't even trust myself. "I'll be fine." I gave him an encouraging smile and pushed him a little to get him moving. He didn't take his eyes off of Edward or me as he headed towards the door into the office. Mike gave me one last pleading look and I just nodded my head at him. I took a deep breath and turned around.

"Outside," I said, as I stormed past Edward, being very careful not to make contact with him. All the nerves in my body were singing just being in his presence, touching him would undo me completely.

It had become a rare, sunny day in Forks and the sun blinded me momentarily when I walked out of the building. That's how I felt, blinded, or blind-sided rather. I still wasn't positive this wasn't some crazy dream. The one-year anniversary of the end of my life had just passed, so maybe my brain had conjured this up from my subconscious. I kept my back towards Edward, afraid to look at him.

"Bella," he said. The sound of his voice, saying my name after so long, almost brought me to my knees. I fought the sob that rose to my throat and gained control of myself before turning around to face him.

"It's really you." I said flatly. I kept my hands curled tightly at my sides to keep from reaching out to him. The only thing was, I didn't know if I wanted to slap him or take hold of his face and kiss him.

Edward seemed confused at my question. "Yes, it's really me."

"You're a year late."

"Bella, I told you that if anything happened, I would come back after you once everything was finally over. Didn't you believe me?" he asked me imploringly.

"Believe you?" I said laughing bitterly. "Edward, you have lied to me from the moment we started speaking to one another. Why would I believe anything you had said to me?" His head rocked back as if I had physically slapped him.

"Please, just let me explain…"

"Explain _what_?" I yelled, "The last time I talked to you, you told me you were going back to that bitch of a wife of yours and then you fucking disappeared off the face of the goddamned earth!"

"Bella," he begged.

"How _dare _you? A _year_, Edward! A fucking _YEAR_! And not one word from you. Nothing! Then you show up at my _job_? And expect what? That I'll just jump in your arms and be thankful you've finally arrived? Fuck _YOU_, Edward!"

"You're right. Everything you said is right, but I couldn't stay away from you. Bella, I never stopped loving you. Every moment of every day you were on my mind and I was thinking of ways to get to you," he reached a hand towards me.

"Don't you touch me," I said savagely. Edward dropped his hand to his side.

"I'm so sorry. I wish you could understand how sorry I am," he said sadly.

"Does your _wife _know where you are, Edward?"

"I'm not married anymore. I haven't been with anyone since you."

"Except your wife, of course." The disdain was clear in my voice and he winced. "Oh well, I wish I could say the same, but I'm sure you noticed that I've moved on." I watched with satisfaction as pain flickered across his face. Unfortunately it was short lived, lashing out felt good in the moment but I knew it was just a huge lie.

Edward ran his hand through his hair and gave me a small, hurt smile. "Yeah, I noticed that. Does he… make you happy, Bella?"

"Yes, very." I lied as convincingly as possible. Edward nodded his head, not looking me in the eye; if he had he would have read the truth clearly enough.

"I'm glad you're happy, you deserve that. I'll just go then," he said quietly before turning away from me.

With his back to me, I heard him say, "Have I told you that I love you, lately?"

A tear escaped, as I answered, "Not lately."

"I love you, Bella. Always."

Edward walked away from me then. I felt like I was dying a million deaths, each more painful than the last. I should have let him walk away. I should have been happy to get my closure and move on, but I wasn't.

"I'm _not _happy!" I yelled at his retreating back, Edward stopped where he was and slowly faced me. "I haven't been happy since the day you left me." My voice cracked and the dam holding back my tears burst. They flowed freely as I looked at Edward's agonized face. He returned to me quickly and crushed me to his chest.

"Bella, oh my Bella," he said softly into my hair. I clung to him, reveling in the feel of his body, not a dream this time. I wanted to melt into him. I wanted to feel his lips against mine. I wanted to be surrounded by Edward.

I pushed him away from me.

"Oh god, Edward, I_ can't_! I'm sorry, I can't do this again! I just… can't." I turned and blindly stumbled back into the building, leaving Edward standing there reaching towards me.

I rushed back into the office and Mike was waiting for me in the reception area. I couldn't talk to him so I walked past him and locked myself in the ladies washroom. Sitting on the toilet, I put my face in my hands and continued crying. After a few minutes there was a tentative knock on the door.

"Bella? It's Angela. Are you okay?" She sounded really worried about me so I stood up and unlocked the door to let her in. She slipped in, closed the door behind her and locked it.

"Did Mike send you?" I asked.

"Well, not really. But I think he wanted to." Angela just looked at me and didn't say anything else. She opened her arms and I hugged her to me tightly. I felt like I was about to be sucked into a vortex and Angela was the only thing keeping me grounded.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked me sympathetically.

"Angela, I don't know what to do! I thought I was getting over him but seeing him again… it just…" I couldn't finish my sentence; there were no words to describe what I felt at that moment.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"I can't go back out there and face Mike right now."

"Why don't you just go home? You can call him later." Angela suggested.

"I can't! Shit, Mike drove me to work today," I groaned into her shoulder.

"Take my car, Ben can come get me and you can just drop it off in the morning." I pulled back and looked at Angela with what I hoped was immense gratitude.

"Angela you're a lifesaver. If I was into girls, I'd be in love with you!"

"Um, yeah. Sorry Bella, you're too dramalicious for me," she snorted and then both of us were cracking up laughing.

"Meet me down in the parking lot and I'll give you my keys. I'll just tell JC you went home sick," Angela said when we composed ourselves.

"What about Mike?" I whined.

"I'll take care of it, okay?"

"Ange, I'm seriously considering switching teams, just for you."

"Ew, stop creeping me out!" I just laughed at her. It felt much better to laugh than to cry.

Angela opened the door and peeked out. The coast was clear, so I went to the closet to get my things and snuck out the back door towards the parking lot. I waited by Angela's car and she came down shortly, handing me her keys. I slipped in the driver's seat and waved to Angela before heading for home.

When I pulled up in front of the house there was a silver Volvo also parked there. I would know that car anywhere. Edward was already getting out of his car by the time I finished parking. I debated just taking off again, but I knew that would just prolong the inevitable. I needed to nip this in the bud and send Edward away before he could rip my life apart yet again.

I got out of the car and started to walk briskly to my house. I kept my head down and concentrated on the path in front of me to avoid tripping on anything. Edward caught up to me easily.

"Bella, please talk to me," he begged.

"Go _away_, Edward!" I said, not daring to look at him.

"No, not until you hear me out," he insisted.

"I don't want to hear it. I'm sick of all the lies. Go back to California where you belong!"

"I don't live in California anymore, I got a transfer to McChord Air Force Base."

That finally stopped me in my tracks. I turned and looked at his car. Of course, if Edward had flown in from Los Angeles, he wouldn't have his Volvo with him. McChord was based in Washington State near Tacoma, approximately a three-hour drive from Forks.

"What? How long have you been stationed at McChord?" I asked incredulously.

"I was just transferred two weeks ago. I brought Masen to my parents in Chicago so I could arrange the move and once that was done, I came straight here to find you." Edward took a deep breath and watched me warily as I processed this information. My mind was going a mile a minute and I wasn't sure what to think about what I just heard.

"Why?" I asked looking at him confused.

"Because I needed to be near you." Edward's hands twitched at his sides as if he was contemplating reaching out for me. I looked into his eyes and felt as if I would burn alive from their intensity. He was drawing me in without me even realizing it and I had to break the gaze lest I became lost in their green depths.

In typical Forks fashion, fast moving clouds obliterated the sun that had shone barely half hour before and the first spatters of rain started to fall around us. I didn't know what to say, everything he told me was a complete contrast to his actions a year ago. The rain increased in intensity but we stood a foot apart, facing one another without moving.

Edward reached out and brushed the rain from my lips with his thumb. A spark ignited and my stomach flipped over as soon as he touched me. His fingers brushed across my jaw for a moment and I resisted leaning my face into his hand. Edward closed the distance slowly until his chest was almost touching mine, his fingers curled around to the back of my neck as he leaned his face towards mine.

"Let's get out of the rain, Bella," he said softly, not breaking the spell.

Edward reached out and took my hand leading me towards the porch. I had enough presence of mind to get my keys out of my purse and unlock the door. I welcomed the distraction because I was still fighting the power he had over me. I needed to keep my wits about me or else I would be lying prone at his feet begging _him _to take _me _back.

I busied myself with removing my shoes and sopping jacket. Edward stood in the doorway unsure of what to do. I made a gesture towards the living room, inviting him in. He took a deep breath, and copied me. Once he was out of his wet coat and shoes, he made his way towards the couch and sat down. I was painfully reminded of the first time I had seen him seated here and how happy that had made me.

I made my way to Charlie's armchair and sat down, looking at Edward expectantly. He didn't speak; instead he leaned forward and ran his hands through his rain-slicked hair. It was black from the rain, and accentuated his complexion and eyes. I tried to call back my anger and disdain but they were nowhere to be found. Edward looked completely vulnerable at that moment. I wanted to comfort him and let him know everything would be ok, even though I wasn't convinced of that myself.

"Well? You came all this way to talk to me, so speak," I said coldly.

"I don't even know where to begin." Edward looked at me, sadness radiating from him. I had to mentally berate myself to keep from getting sucked in.

"How about you start with, 'Tanya and I talked everything over and I think it's better for me to stay with my family'." My lip curled up as I repeated what he had said to me that night. Edward winced slightly and had the sense to look ashamed.

"It was a lie."

"No kidding, what else is new?" I said sharply.

"Bella, you don't know how difficult it was for me to tell you that. I never would have done it if it wasn't necessary at the time."

"What are you talking about, Edward?"

"After I got off the phone with you that night, I went home to tell Tanya that I was leaving. I was going to contact my First Sergeant and Squadron Commander first thing in the morning to advise them that I was filing for a divorce so they could arrange a spot for me in the barracks and we could start the proceedings."

"You _should _have done that a lot sooner."

"You're right, I should have. I was stupid and foolish to think that I could talk some sense into Tanya but when I found out she called you, it forced my hand."

"Okay, well so far this doesn't explain how you ended up back together with your wife." I said frowning at Edward.

He sighed deeply, "Yeah, I was just getting to that part." Edward scrubbed his hands over his face before continuing. "When I got home, my Squadron Commander was already there, with Tanya. The weekend I brought you to Lancaster, Tanya really didn't have to go out of town for business, it was a set up. She had hired a guy to follow me and he was able to get proof of us together."

"What _kind _of proof?" I looked at Edward horrified.

"You don't want to know," he answered.

"Oh my god, I think I'm going to be sick." I pressed my hands into my stomach and bent over at the waist.

"Now you know how I felt," he said wryly. "If I had any other job, obviously it wouldn't matter, but in the military, adultery is punishable under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. With the proof she had, it would have meant Court Martial. My career would have been ruined and I would have lost custody rights to Masen besides the bare minimum."

"But, I don't understand? What does that have to do with you telling me you were going back to Tanya? Why didn't you just tell me what was happening?" I asked confused.

"I couldn't tell you," Edward said defeated. "Tanya hadn't formally filed a complaint and my Commander was willing to dismiss it as a private matter. The one condition she had was that I end everything with you and not contact you again."

"Why, Edward? Why would agree to that?"

"Because it wasn't just about us anymore, it was about my son! I couldn't risk losing Masen like that." Edward got up and came to where I sat; he kneeled in front of me and put his hands on my legs. "Bella, if it was just me, I would have given up my career right then and there and flown out here. You have to believe me!"

I looked into Edward's eyes and I wanted to believe he was sincere, but even if he was telling the truth, that didn't explain his absence for a whole year.

"So, it's taken you this long to get a divorce?" I said with obvious skepticism.

Edward looked down frowning.

"No, things became… complicated," he said softly.

Just as I was about to ask him what the hell that meant, my front door opened and Jacob walked through it.

"Hey Bells, whose car…" he stopped mid sentence as he locked onto Edward kneeling in front of me. His face made a series of transformations from happiness, to shock and then fury. It would have been comical if I didn't know Jacob was about to go ballistic about the fact that the man who had broken me so badly, was sitting right in front of me.

"What the _fuck_!" Jacob said loudly as his massive hands balled into fists. Edward stood, looking calm; I jumped up and stood slightly in front of him.

"Jacob, I don't want to fight you," Edward said putting his hands up slightly.

"That's right, you don't motherfucker, cause I'm going to tear you apart and burn the fucking pieces," Jake said in a deadly voice. "What the fuck is he _doing _here Bella!"

Jacob walked into the room swiftly and I threw myself at him. I obviously couldn't hold him back, but I wrapped my hands around his waist so that he couldn't do anything but stare at Edward menacingly.

"Apparently, he's trying to explain what happened last year," I said in a dry voice. "What are _you _doing here, Jake?"

"I came to pick up the truck so I could look at it. Let me go, Bella." Jacob was pushing at my shoulders, trying to disentangle me. He was strong enough to break my grip but he obviously didn't want to hurt me.

"No, not until you promise me you won't try to hurt Edward," I heard Edward scoff behind me and Jake growled. "Not helping, Edward!" _I called over my shoulder. Why do I surround myself with Alpha males_? I wondered balefully.

"Bella, why the hell are you trying to protect him! For fuck's sake! Let. Me. Go!"

"Let him go, Bella." Edward said softly, obviously recanting his previous statement.

"No! God damnit! Edward, I want you to leave," I said sternly.

"Bella, please, won't you let me explain?" he begged. I was thankful that I was holding Jacob back so I didn't have to see his face. The pain in his voice was almost enough to get me to launch myself into his arms; I didn't think I could handle seeing him face to face.

"She _said_, get the fuck out," Jacob snarled.

"Shut up, Jake!" I pulled away and glared at him. He just shrugged a shoulder at me and I could have cheerfully pulled out his arm and beat him with it. I squared my shoulders and turned to face Edward.

"Please leave." I had been right, the look on his face was devastating.

"Bella," he tried one more time but I cut him short.

"Just go Edward. I'm sorry, it's too late to apologize." Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"All right, Bella. I'll leave. But before I go, I just want you to know I'm staying at Miller's bed and breakfast if you change your mind." He said ruefully.

"She won't." Jacob said over my head.

"Jake," I warned, glancing quickly over my shoulder. I looked back to Edward, "Fine," I said curtly.

"Will you walk me out?" Edward looked at me hopefully and I bit my lip considering.

"You, sit!" I told Jake, pointing a finger at the sofa. Jacob grumbled a bit, but sat down.

I nodded at Edward and turned towards the front entrance while he followed me, grabbing his jacket. I opened the door and stepped aside to let him out. Instead of just leaving like I expected him to, he leaned towards me.

"I'm not done trying, Bella," he said softly in my ear, "I will prove myself to you, somehow." I closed my eyes as his lips brushed my jaw in a light caress.

When I opened my eyes again he was driving away in his car and Jacob was standing behind me. I shut the door and leaned my forehead against it for a moment.

"You still love him, don't you?" Jacob asked.

"Yes," I answered simply.

* * *

**Ok so more heart fail... I know! Leave me love! Reviews are almost as good as Edward wet in the rain! ;))**


	21. Girl Talk

**Twilight = not mine so I'm gonna drown my sorrows in nachos and cheese!**

* * *

**21. Girl Talk**

Jacob left me after awhile and took my truck with him. He explained some obscure mechanic things that I couldn't understand and said it was easily taken care of. I just nodded, not particularly caring much about the truck at the moment. The shock of seeing Edward had worn off and I found myself seated and shaking all over.

_He's here! He came back!_ My mind was clamoring. But now what? When I had sent Edward away, he said he wasn't going to give up on us, but hadn't he done that already, a year ago? Didn't his actions indicate he didn't have enough faith in us, or in me to try and fill me in on the situation? And what exactly happened to make things more complicated, hadn't they been complicated enough?

There were just too many questions and no answers. I knew that all I had to do was go see Edward to find out what I needed to know, but I was scared. I was afraid of what I would learn and also afraid that no matter what he said, I would forgive him and fall back into his arms. Part of me yearned for that but I was still hurt even after all this time, and that frightened, naked, shivering part of my being was warning me to just keep my distance.

I wanted to hate Edward for leaving things the way he had and for not trying to contact me over the last year but all I felt was confusion. What had he been thinking just showing up out of the blue? Did he think he could just crook his finger at me and I'd come running? More questions with no answers. I was beyond frustrated. I needed a sounding board.

Jake was awesome, and he was my best friend, but he was a boy, and his solution to the whole deal was to kick the shit out of Edward. While the idea wasn't completely unappealing, it wouldn't solve anything. I hadn't wanted to talk to Jake about what was happening and he knew better than to push me on the subject. He'd made a cursory offer to go find Edward at Miller's and scare him out of town, but I forbade Jake to make any contact whatsoever. He grumbled at me a little but finally agreed.

It was time to call in the troops. I needed some girl power, and who better to call than Rosalie and Alice? It was Friday, so I knew we could hang out till late and not have to worry about work the next day. I would call Angela too, I had promised to drop off her car in the morning but she would probably be doing something with Ben.

I felt a little guilty because I hadn't been spending as much time with the girls as I used to. At first, it was just painful to be around two newly wed friends when my life was in such a shambles. When I started dating Mike, I thought things would improve but all it did was shine a big spotlight on the deficiencies in my own relationship. It was difficult to be around couples who were just so in love with one another when all I felt was 'in like' at best.

That being said, it's not like Alice or Rosalie flaunted their relationships in my face, just the opposite, but that made me feel even worse. It was as if they had to take pity on me and try to hide their happiness and that was fair to no one. I found myself drawing further away and keeping in touch mostly by phone. Sometimes all three of us would get together for a drink, which was always a good time, but I tried to avoid doing anything that resulted in couples. I missed Jazz and Em, but I missed my sanity more.

I really hoped both would be available to come over because Ali and Rose were yin and yang. Alice would want to forgive Edward everything just for the sole fact that he came back, and Rose would forgive him nothing because of what he had put me through before he came back. It would make for an interesting discussion, but I really needed to hear both sides from impartial judges so I could make an educated decision. I was obviously too emotionally vested and wouldn't be able to make a clear and rational decision on whether or not to hear Edward out or to send him out of my life forever.

I looked at the clock. It was almost 4pm so I called both girls on their cells to invite them over. Thankfully, neither had plans so they would just go home to tell their husbands they were going out and come to my house. I went to the kitchen to look and see what food I had so I could make us all dinner, and decided on making spaghetti. That would be easy enough. I also checked my stock of wine to make sure I had enough or else one of the girls would have to stop and pick up more. Everything looked good so far.

I had one other phone call to make, which I was not looking forward to. I'm sure Mike must have been a nervous wreck for the rest of the day and I felt badly for leaving him like I did. He must have just as many questions as I did, if not more. I didn't think Mike was in love with me, but that didn't mean he wouldn't get hurt if this ended badly. This whole situation proved to me that I couldn't continue this relationship. I hoped Mike didn't feel like I was throwing him over for Edward, because that wasn't the case -I still had no idea if I even wanted Edward back – but it really wasn't fair of me to keep trying to feel something for Mike when obviously I never would. He was a good man, and deserved to find someone who would love him like he deserved.

I waited another half an hour to make sure he would be home but when I called, there was no answer. Five minutes later I went to go pick up the phone and try again but there was a knock at my door. _What the heck?_ I thought. _It's like Grand Central Station around here today!_ I knew it was too early for the girls to arrive and I was really hoping it wasn't Edward again.

I walked to the door, saw it was Mike and braced myself mentally. When I opened the door he walked straight in and looked around. I frowned at him and closed the door, following him into the living room.

"Is he here?" Mike demanded.

"Is who here?" I said, shocked at the sound of his voice. He'd never used that tone with me in the past.

"You know who! Edward!" he said angrily.

"No." I was annoyed but I knew Mike had a reason to ask and a right to know.

"Ok, good." Mike's shoulders slumped a little as the tension left them and he came over to me, hugging me tight. "Bella, I've been so worried about you all afternoon!"

Mike, I'm…" Before I could continue, he pulled back a little and bent his head to kiss me. It was hard and insistent and very unlike the soft and gentle kisses I was accustomed to. He tried to force his tongue into my mouth and I turned my face away breaking the kiss. Mike didn't seem to really care and continued kissing along my jaw. I put my hands in the middle of his chest and gave him a shove.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, this time I was angry. I felt like he was trying to lay some sort of claim on me and I wasn't having it.

Mike let me go quickly as if he had been electrocuted and turned his back to me. He put his face in his hands for a few seconds and I felt horrible for causing him so much stress. I couldn't leave him like that, so I walked around him and gently pulled on his wrists. I held his hands in mine and just looked up at him.

"You're going to break up with me, aren't you?" he asked sadly.

"Yes, but not for the reason you think," I said, equally sad. I pulled him towards the couch and we both sat down. I rubbed my eyes with my fingers for a moment trying to figure out what to say. "It would be wrong of me to say that I'm not breaking up with you because Edward came back - that wouldn't be the truth – But I'm not leaving you for Edward. Does that make sense?"

"Not really, no." Mike frowned at me and I sighed.

"Mike, seeing Edward again made me realize a few things. What we have is nice, but it's not love. I care for you, I do, but you deserve better than that. You deserve to be with someone who's going to love you." I was looking down in my lap at our clasped hands.

"But how do you know you won't love me?" Mike said still trying.

"Because it's been over four months and nothing has happened yet. I'm just not ready to love anyone right now."

"You mean anyone _else_." I heard the bitterness in Mike's voice and I cringed against it.

"I tried," I whispered, "I really did."

"I know you did, Bella," Mike gave my hand a squeeze. "So that's it, you're just going to take him back now?" I could hear the hurt in his voice and shook my head sadly.

"No, it's really not that easy Mike. I was being honest with you; this isn't about getting back together with Edward."

"Well, I don't think he's good enough for you," Mike said sincerely. I gave him a wry smile.

"Yeah, that seems to be the general consensus."

"All right, well I'm going to head home." Mike stood up and I followed him to the door.

Leaning in, he gave me a soft kiss on the forehead, "If you change your mind Bella, you know where to find me."

"I'm sorry, Mike," I said, tears filled my eyes. I wished desperately I could give Mike what he wanted but it was impossible, I thought he was a great guy but I couldn't force myself to love him.

"I know. But look, I asked you to give this a chance and if you changed your mind I would back off. _Some _men keep their promises." It was a pointed reference to Edward and was not missed by me.

"Yeah, I guess so. Thanks Mike," I said quietly.

"Night."

"Bye."

I closed the door behind him and walked back into the living room, collapsing on the couch. Today had been altogether too filled with drama for my liking. Just when I was used to being boring old Bella again, Edward came in like a tornado and left a wake of destruction in his path. Everything was turned upside down and I'd have a hell of a time righting it all.

After moping on the couch for a while, I got up to prepare dinner in anticipation of Rosalie and Alice's visit. I made a simple sauce and put the pot of water on to boil. I was just straining the spaghetti when there was a knock at the door. This one was expected at least. I called out for the girls to come in and heard them chatting away as they entered the foyer.

Alice walked in, smiling, followed by Rose. She pulled out a chair to sit down while Rosalie came and looked over my shoulder.

"Mmm smells good! So, what's the occasion? We haven't seen you in awhile." There was an accusatory note in her voice that was well deserved.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that," I said calmly, it seemed like I was apologizing to everyone today. "I really needed some advice."

"Is everything all right, Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I guess. Let me get the food ready and we can talk about it when we're done." I said, keeping my back to them both.

I prepared the plates and brought them to the table. The girls dug in and made contented noises; they always loved when I cooked for them. I picked at my food, not having much of an appetite. Keeping quiet about Edward's appearance was killing me, but at the same time I was really nervous about telling them what happened.

"So, Edward showed up at my work today," I blurted out.

Rosalie's eyes bugged out and she started to splutter as she choked on her spaghetti. Alice thumped her helpfully on the back as I watched helplessly. Maybe I should have waited till we were done dinner and well into the drinking portion of the evening.

"_Edward_, Edward?" Rose spit out once she got use of her voice.

"Well, I don't know any other Edwards, Rose," I said flippantly.

"Oh boy," Alice said, shaking her head. "What does he want?" Both Rosalie and I looked at Alice with raised eyebrows, "Okay I _know _what he wants, I can't believe he showed up out of the blue like that!"

"I can't believe he had the nerve to show up at all!" Rosalie said, incensed. "What happened? What did he say to you?"

I told them the whole story as they finished eating, starting from Edward's appearance till when I asked him to leave. When I got to the part about Mike punching Edward in the jaw, Alice gasped and Rosalie smiled evilly.

"Good for Mike, that jerk had it coming!" I just rolled my eyes at Rose and finished the story.

"Speaking of Mike, I'm sure he must be freaking out right now," Alice said unhappily.

"Mike and I aren't together anymore," I cast my eyes down so I didn't have to see the looks on their faces. Both Alice and Rosalie liked Mike and had also been hoping that things would progress between us.

"You dumped Mike for that asshole?" Rosalie said incredulously. "Bella, that guy treated you so good! He was sweet and caring and honest. Why wouldn't you want a man like that?"

"Because I didn't _love _him, Rose!" Anger sparked in me. Who was she to tell me who I should or shouldn't want? "And I didn't dump him for Edward, I finally realized that keeping him hanging around because I didn't want to be alone wasn't fair to him. I was never going to love him."

"You didn't even give him a chance! If you just forgot about Edward you could have loved Mike!' Rosalie said, violet eyes flashing.

"Like it's so fucking easy? What if you lost Em, Rose?" Her face blanched. "Would you be able to just pick up and fall in love with the first guy you dated? Would you?" I yelled at her.

"That's different," she whispered.

"Is it? I _loved _Edward, he was my fucking world. No one ever made me feel the way I did when I was with him." I could feel the tears at the surface again and I fought them back viciously.

"Okay, come on guys. Lets just calm down for a minute, please?" Alice had gotten up and started to rub my back. Rosalie looked at her and nodded slightly while I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just scared for you, okay?" Rose said in a softer tone. "Losing Edward last time hurt you so bad. He lied to you so much, how will you ever be able to trust him again?"

"I don't know," I said flatly. "I don't even know if I'm taking him back at all!"

"Bella, it's written all over your face that you want him back." Alice had sat down and was looking at me sympathetically.

I exhaled sharply and looked at her, "I've never stopped loving Edward. Not really. I thought I had moved on a little but when I saw him at the agency… God… it was like my heart started to beat again. Funny, I hadn't even realized it stopped."

Neither of the girls said anything and I sat there twisting my fingers on top of the table. I hated that what I felt for Edward was so transparent to my friends. If they could see it, then Edward surely had as well. My bravado was a complete farce and he must know it. I wondered briefly if he would use my obvious weakness against me but then reminded myself that he was here admitting his love for me openly. He was the one risking rejection this time around.

"Maybe you should hear him out Bella?" Alice said finally.

"Alice it's been a _year_! What could possibly have happened that kept him away for that long with no word?" I asked woefully.

"I don't know, but he's here now and if you never ask, you will never know," she said earnestly. "Just see what he has to say, if his excuse is shitty then you can tell him to fuck off and walk out. But if it was a good reason, then you can figure out what to do next."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You'll never get any closure if you don't find out the truth, Bella. At least this way, you may be able to move on with your life for real." I looked at Alice unhappily. She was right. I would never move on until I knew the complete story.

"Rosalie, what do you think?" I asked, meeting her eyes for the first time since our little tiff.

"I think you're crazy," she said shrugging. "But I do agree, if anything, you need closure."

"Gee thanks," I said sarcastically. Rose just smirked at me and I knew all was forgiven.

"But I swear to God, Bella. If you take him back and he hurts you again, I will kill him!" she said menacingly.

"You'll have to stand in line behind Jake," I said smiling widely as Rosalie sniffed at me. She still hated when her and Jake agreed on anything.

"So, who's in the mood for wine?" Alice said happily, we all cheered and retired to the living room to get our drink on.

The rest of the night went pretty smoothly. We chatted, laughed and drank and it felt like old times again. I hadn't felt this carefree in a very long time and it was an amazing feeling. All of us crawled into my bed to pass out and I had a blissful, dreamless sleep for a change.

"Owww," I groaned, clutching my head.

"Why are you yelling, Bella," Alice said in a muffled voice, her head buried in one of my pillows.

"Why are you both yelling?" asked Rosalie, one eye opened in a slit.

"I'm never going to drink again!" we all said in unison and then broke into laughter, which turned to pained groans.

"I need water… and to pee," I declared as I clambered over Rose to get out of bed.

When I was done in the bathroom, I went downstairs to pop some Ibuprophen and get a drink. I rooted around in the refrigerator for breakfast foods and started taking them out. Nothing cured a hangover better than greasy food. My stomach growled noisily, reminding me I hadn't had any dinner the night before.

Alice and Rose followed their noses downstairs and were welcomed by the cheery noise of bacon sizzling. They helped themselves to orange juice and Alice started to make the toast as I whipped up some scrambled eggs with green peppers, mushrooms and cheese. No one spoke as we inhaled the food in front of us.

About an hour later I was left to my own devices again and called Angela to let her know I was going to drop off her car. She told me not to bother; Ben had spent the night so he would drive her over to pick it up a little later. I was relieved because I didn't really want to leave the house. First because I was still kind of hung over and second, I still had a lot of thinking to do.

I had pretty much decided I would hear Edward out, now I just had to figure out where that should happen. I wanted to avoid going to see him at Miller's because sitting on a king size bed with Edward would be much too tempting. I could invite him here but the temptation was just as great. I knew too many people at the local pub, so that was out as well. Perhaps we could just meet in Port Angeles, on neutral territory.

I mulled this over while cleaning up the kitchen and then Angela stopped in for a bit before picking up her car. We sat down and chatted for a while about Ben and how her relationship was going. I told her about Mike and that we were no longer seeing each other. She commiserated with me but agreed it was the best move overall. When Angela asked what I was going to do about Edward, I told her the rest of the story and that I had decided to at least hear him out and see what he had to say for himself.

Walking Angela to the door, we said our goodbyes as Jacob pulled up in my truck. She waved at him before driving away. I stayed in the open doorway as Jake got out of the truck and strolled up the walkway to my porch, smiling at me.

"Wow, that was fast! Is she working now?" I said grinning at Jake.

"Yep, I just needed to flush out the fuel line. How many times do I have to tell you not to run the damn thing down to fumes, Bella?" He frowned at me as he walked in the door and continued to rant about gunk in fuel tanks going through hoses and mucking up the engine or something like that. I just stuck my tongue out at him like the mature adult I was.

"Okay! Okay! I promise not to let it get under a quarter tank. Sheesh!" I rolled my eyes at Jake and he glared at me for a moment longer.

"You look like shit," Jake said amiably and then dodged away as I tried to punch him unsuccessfully. For such a big guy, he was pretty nimble.

"Fuck you, Jake," I grumbled. He threw himself down on my couch as I sat on the recliner. I leaned the chair back and closed my eyes sighing happily.

"So, I had a visitor this morning," he began hesitantly.

"I'm happy for you."

"It was Edward." My eyes sprang open and I flung the chair upright.

"Come again?" I asked in shock as I stared at Jake.

"Edward came to see me," he said slower this time as if I were a child.

"What? Why? How the hell did he find you?" I spluttered still not quite believing what Jacob was telling me.

"Bella, he knows I'm from La Push. I mean the rez isn't that big a place and everyone pretty much knows my dad cause he's on the council. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to find out where I live," Jake continued in that same patient voice.

"Okay, fine. You still haven't told me why? Did he go there to fight with you?" I didn't honestly think Edward would do that, but it really made no sense to me whatsoever for him to go seek out Jacob of all people.

"He wanted to talk to me, about you."

"Jacob Black, I swear to god, I'm going to go get Charlie's gun and shoot you right where you sit if you don't tell me everything from start to finish. Now!" I stared at Jacob so hard I thought death rays would start to shoot from my eyes.

Jacob had been working on my truck in his garage when he noticed the Volvo pulling up beside his house. He was shocked to see Edward step out of the vehicle and head towards the garage. He told Jacob he hadn't come to argue but that he wanted to explain what had happened to him and why he had to leave me the way he did. Edward wanted Jacob's help in convincing me to hear him out.

"Are you serious?" I asked, my eyebrows were trying to crawl up into my hairline.

"As a heart attack," Jacob replied before continuing with his story.

Edward told him everything that had transpired over the last year, and when he was finished, asked if Jacob would help him or not. He said he would think it over and then detailed the mess Edward had left behind when he told me he was staying with his wife.

"Ah jees!" I groaned, "why did you have to tell him that?"

"Because he needed to know, Bella. He needed to know what he left behind and that he was responsible for that. And I needed to know that he'd never do anything like that to you ever again."

"So, what? You're best buds with him now all of the sudden?" I said a bit miffed.

"I wouldn't go that far, but I do think you should go hear him out."

"Well can't you just tell me what happened?" I was really starting to get upset, Jacob never kept secrets from me and now it seemed like he was trying to protect Edward.

"Sorry Bells, it's not my story to tell. You have to go talk to him," he said shaking his head slowly.

"Jake! I can't believe you're keeping this shit from me!" I was completely fuming, "And that you found out _before _me!"

"Well, Edward didn't think you'd ever come around and hear him out," he said casually.

"I would have heard him out if _you _hadn't disturbed us in the first place! Ugh!" I threw my hands up in the air as I contemplated how unfair this all was.

Jacob just started laughing and got up from my couch. I followed him, angrily stomping my feet.

"You're seriously not going to tell me?" I asked unbelievably.

"Nope!"

"I hate you Jacob," I glared at his back.

"No, you don't." He opened the door and dimpled at me before turning to leave.

"Wait!" I yelled. "How the hell did Edward get you to hear him out?"

Jake's smile got wider and I felt a sense of dread, "Jake… what did you do?" I asked suspiciously.

"He let me deck him," he crowed triumphantly.

"What?" My jaw dropped open at this little bit of news.

"He told me if I heard him out, he'd give me a free shot at him wherever I chose, no opposition." Jake was giggling now whether at the memory or the look on my face, I wasn't sure.

"You _hit _him?" I gawked at him.

"Yep, you shoulda seen it Bells! It was beautiful. Have to admit, he took the hit pretty good all things considered. I put a lot of force behind it," he said admiringly.

"I can't believe you hit him," I said shaking my head.

"Yeah well, he deserved it. I don't care what happened to him last year, he never should have let you the way he did." I smiled and gave Jacob a big hug.

"Thanks Jake, love you." I said into his chest. He patted my back awkwardly before giving me a quick squeeze.

"Love you too, Bells."

I let Jake go and watched as he hauled his motorcycle out of the back of my truck. He started it up with a roar, waved and then left in a spray of gravel. I closed the door behind me and went upstairs to get ready to go out. It looked as if I was going to Miller's after all. Now I had to know what could possibly have happened to make Jake have a change of heart. I couldn't wait to set up a meeting somewhere neutral, I would find out the rest of this story today if it killed me.

* * *

**Next chapter... the explanation! Leave me a review and let me know what you're thinking... please? With sugar coated Edward on top? *bats eyelashes***


	22. A Difficult Choice

**A/N: So I was able to knock this chapter out early for an Easter surprise! I didn't realize how many ppl would consider my last chapter a cliffie so I worked extra hard to get you some answers :))  
**

**Twi = Not mine! But these caramel cadbury eggs are... mmmmm I love easter!**

* * *

**22. A Difficult Choice**

Miller Tree Inn was a large farm homestead on the outskirts of Forks that had been converted into an eight-bedroom bed and breakfast. I had never been there before, but I knew where it was located. When I arrived, I parked outside and sat in my truck, trying to get up the nerve to go find Edward. His car was in the parking area so I knew he was here. Taking a deep breath, I left the safe confines of my truck to hear him out.

I entered the establishment and Susan, one of the innkeepers, welcomed me. When she found out who I was she smiled and shook my hand heartily.

"Oh so _you're_, Bella!" she enthused. "Edward asked me to keep an eye out for you and to show you to his room right away. Such a nice young man." I smiled thinly and nodded my head. "He's in the Elk View room, just up the stairs and down the hall right there," she said pointing the way.

"Thank you," I said and headed in the direction she pointed. I climbed the stairs slowly and stood outside of Edward's door. I'm not sure how long I stood there vacillating between knocking on the door and wanting to flee, my stomach doing nervous flips the whole time. Edward was on the other side of that door holding my future in his beautifully sculpted hands.

I shook my head to dispel images of said hands and what they had done to my body and knocked on the door. There were shuffling noises from inside the room and my heart began to pound madly in my chest. The lock unlatched and I watched as the door opened in slow motion. My eyes went round and I gasped when I saw Edward's face.

"I deserved it," he said with a small smile, as his hand went up to the side of his face where a huge bruise was already forming.

Without thinking, I reached up and touched his face gently. Edward closed his eyes and sighed, leaning his face into my hand as I explored the area. Jake hadn't been kidding; he must have given it his all. Edward's left eye was practically swollen shut and there was a small cut just above his eyebrow.

I dropped my hand when Edward tried to nuzzle my wrist. I wasn't quite ready for that kind of affection. He opened his eyes and looked at me for a moment.

"Thank you for coming, Bella," he said, and moved aside so I could enter the room.

I was still nervous about being alone with Edward in the vicinity of a large bed, but luckily the room also had a small sitting area with a futon and a chair. I walked over and perched on the edge of the futon waiting to see what he'd do. He took the chair across from me and I relaxed slightly.

"You know, I'm kind of pissed that you told Jacob what happened before you told me." I frowned and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I didn't know what else to do, I was desperate. You told me to leave and I had to respect your wishes," he said leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees. "I know how important Jacob is to you, so I thought if perhaps he could hear what happened, maybe he could persuade you to talk to me."

"Yeah, you _must _have been desperate if you went to see Jacob," I shook my head. "You're lucky you got off with just the one punch." The slogan of one of my favorite T-shirts came to mind, 'Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them'.

"I'm also lucky he went for the face. With the power that guy has, if he'd sacked me, I'd still be lying on the ground!" His hand reached up to his eye again as he laughed lightly. I smirked in response. Leave it to Edward to try and make me laugh in such a tense situation.

"Okay," I said, getting back to the subject at hand, "I'm here, so tell me what was so complicated."

The smile slid off Edward's face and he shoved his hand in his hair, mussing it up. When he stopped, he leaned forward again and clasped his hands between his knees, keeping his eyes downcast.

"A lot has happened this past year," he said slowly. "After Tanya got off the phone with you, I told her that I was still going to start the proceedings for divorce and she couldn't stop me. She agreed, she didn't want us to work on the marriage at all, she just wanted to hurt you and since she was holding all the cards, there wasn't much I could do to stop her. I figured I'd get the hell out of my marriage as soon as I could and contact you right away." He looked up at me then, to gauge my expression.

"Go on," I said tightly.

"It took much longer than I expected," he continued. "Tanya fought me on everything and custody for Masen was getting ugly. Every day, I picked up the phone a hundred times and started to dial your number but I didn't even know what to say or how to explain. I figured I just had to be patient and then I could get in touch with you. This went on for almost six months, back and forth with lawyers and in and out of court."

"Okay." I frowned, I still wasn't happy that in six months he hadn't tried to contact me to let me know what was happening, but I figured I'd wait till he finished his story before asking questions.

"Tanya was on her way home from court and got into a bad car accident," Edward said quietly.

"Oh my God. Was Masen with her?" I asked, stunned. While I had wished death on Tanya on multiple occasions, I hadn't expected anything bad _to_ happen to her.

"No, thank goodness. He was with Judy at the time. The whole car on the driver's side was completely caved in, I don't think he would have survived had he been with her." Edward's jaw was clenched tightly as he thought of his son in that vehicle. "Tanya survived the accident but was in pretty bad shape. She was in a coma and in and out of surgeries to save her life. Her sisters came to stay with me to help out with Masen. She managed to fight for a couple of months but during her last surgery there was just too much blood loss and they couldn't save her," Edward said in a low voice.

"She's… dead?" I asked horrified as Edward nodded his head.

"Masen took it really hard, obviously. He still asks for his mom every day," his voice broke as tears came to the surface. "He's trying to be so good cause he thinks it will bring her back. It's only the last month or so that his nightmares have stopped, but every once in a while he still wakes up crying out for her."

"Edward, I'm so sorry." I didn't know what else to say after what he just told me. "Why didn't you just call and tell me all of this?"

"And say what? 'Hey Bella, sorry I lied to you about staying with Tanya, I'm getting a divorce but who knows how long that will take. Oh and by the way, I won't be able to talk to you, or email you or see you till it's all over cause if Tanya finds out, I won't even be able to get a job at Pizza Hut by the time she's done with me'? Or how about this one, "Guess what, Bella? Tanya is _dead _and my son is a fucking mess! Want to hop on a plane and come to California so we can go out on a date?'"

"Stop," I whispered, "Just… stop."

Edward put his face in his hands in an effort to compose himself. "I wanted to call you, every day, but then so much time had passed. We were getting to the end of the divorce proceedings and I just kept asking myself if I should still try and get in touch with you. Would you even want to hear from me? I wondered if maybe you had moved on and met someone new.

"Then the accident happened, and even then you were always on my mind. Tanya was dying and I _still _couldn't forget you. What kind of person does that?" I could see the despair and self-loathing in his eyes. "I'm not a man, I'm a fucking monster!"

"Edward, don't…"

"It's true! You deserve someone better than me," he said woefully.

"If you honestly believe that, why did you come back?" I challenged.

"Because I couldn't stay away from you any longer. I've been completely miserable this last year without you. I asked for a transfer to McChord a couple of months ago and lucked out that my position was available. My Commander supported the move and I started with the paperwork necessary to complete the transfer. I thought I could just come and make sure you were okay, see if you had moved on and were happy, I could handle that. If you were single and still had any feelings for me, maybe you could forgive me for all the wrong I've done. Or if worse came to worst, and you told me to never contact you again, at least I would be close by if you ever changed your mind." Edward was still looking down at his hands but then looked up at me with sad resignation.

I couldn't break away from his gaze. I hated to admit it, but I understood his reasoning for staying silent so long. I still didn't like it, but I understood it.

"I would have waited for you, you know," I finally said after a few moments. "If you had only told me what was happening, I would have waited as long as it took."

"I know you would have, Bella" he sighed. "But that wasn't very fair to you. I had no idea how long the divorce would take and then when Tanya was in the hospital, it just seemed useless to try and contact you when everything was so uncertain. I didn't want to keep you hanging on out my own selfish need."

Ugh! Why did everything he say have to make so much sense? For every question I asked, he had a rational answer that was difficult to dispute. Yes, I wished he had tried to contact me, but the truth of the matter was, his hands had been tied. First by fear, then by responsibility, then by obligation and finally, by guilt.

"I don't know what to say, Edward." I shook my head helplessly.

The hurt and the anger hadn't dissipated completely and it would take time for me to trust Edward again, but I couldn't deny the fact that I was still desperately in love with him. I had a feeling he realized that, so when Edward rose to his feet and came to sit beside me, I knew for sure that he had read whatever answer he needed in my eyes.

"I know this is a lot to take in right now. I just need you to know that I still love you, Bella. I never stopped and I never will. You are the only woman who will ever own me, heart and soul." While he was speaking, a tear trailed down my cheek and he reached out a tentative hand to brush it away. It was my turn to lean my face into his hand and close my eyes. After a quick caress Edward removed his hand, I opened my eyes to see him place it back in his lap.

"Why did you take your hand away?" I asked softly.

"Because you aren't mine," he said unhappily. "I don't want to do anything that would make you feel guilty later on."

"There would be nothing to feel guilty about. Mike and I aren't together anymore," I told him honestly.

Edward looked at me with dread but I thought I saw something spark in his eyes, hope perhaps? I didn't trust myself to examine him too closely.

"Bella, I didn't mean to come here and break up your relationship."

"It would have happened eventually. I wasn't in love with Mike and he deserved better than that." I looked down to my fidgeting hands, not wanting to look at Edward.

I felt his fingers come under my chin and lift it slightly so I had no choice but to meet his piercing gaze.

"What about me?" he asked intently.

"What about you?" I replied confused.

"Are you in love with me?" he sounded shy all of the sudden and it disarmed me completely.

"Yes."

That's all it took and Edward had his lips on mine. He was clutching me close to his chest and I felt like I would suffocate but I didn't care. I pushed myself closer to him, my hands in his hair. Being with Edward still felt like being home, nothing had changed. My heart soared and my body ignited in an inferno that I hadn't felt since we were together last.

All of the sudden my brain was clamoring and I broke away from the kiss. I got up from the futon, backing away slowly, with my hand against my swollen lips.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said looking pained. "I've just missed you so much, it's hard for me not to touch you." He got up from the futon and came towards me placing his hands on my upper arms. "I won't push you, I promise."

"It's my fault too," I said, "I just have a lot to think about, Edward."

"I know."

"And I don't want to cloud it all up with..." I made a vague gesture with my hand and Edward nodded, understanding what I meant. "I think I should go home now."

"Okay," he said, looking crestfallen. "I'll be here till next weekend and then I have to go to McChord to start my new position and get ready for Masen to join me."

I had more questions but I thought it best to leave while I still had the presence of mind to do so. Edward dropped his hands from my arms and I walked towards the door. He opened it for me and I turned to face him. He still looked disappointed that I was leaving but had the shadow of hope that I had seen earlier, was lurking in his expression.

"I'll call you and let you know what I decide," I said faintly and turned away. Edward caught my arm and brought me back for a moment as his lips brushed softly against mine.

"I love you," he said tenderly letting go of me.

"Bye, Edward," I replied before heading out of his room.

He stayed in the doorway and watched me go. I kept my eyes ahead and fought the urge to rush back into his arms. When I got into the truck, I put my head against the steering wheel and exhaled. After a few moments, I started the engine and drove home.

I drove home in a daze, going over everything Edward told me. By the time I stumbled inside, the tears were flowing fast and hard. I cried for myself, I cried for Edward, I cried for Masen and I even cried for Tanya. While I didn't forgive her completely, her behavior at least began to make sense to me.

Could I really blame her for what she had done? I was the one who had complete disregard for her marriage and been with Edward. Had I been in her place, would I have had the grace to just bow out and watch my husband leave me for another woman? I had used the excuse that Edward and I were fated to be together to justify my actions, but that didn't make what I had done right. Maybe their marriage had already been over before I came into the picture, but I was the catalyst that had set everything in motion.

Mistakenly, I thought Tanya had won. But what had she won, exactly? Yes, she had been able to drive a wedge between Edward and I, but in the end she had gained nothing. Her marriage was still over and her husband was still in love with another woman. Maybe she felt a moment of victory but I'm sure that had been short lived.

There were no winners here. We had all suffered immeasurably in one way or another. At least Tanya's suffering was over now, she could find some peace. But what of those of us left behind? Could we band together and find happiness amongst ourselves or would this always lie between us like some curse?

I thought of Masen and how heartbroken he was, left motherless and wondering why he had been abandoned, not quite understanding the concept of heaven. Would he let me fill that void if I chose to be with Edward? I remembered the sweet, little boy cuddled safely in my arms and all I wanted was to protect him. I wanted to shield him from everything that had happened and give him solace. It had nothing to do with Edward really, even though I had only met him the one time, I cared deeply for that little boy and loved him by his own right.

As for Edward and I, the love was obviously still there but what about everything in between? Our relationship couldn't survive based on a foundation of lies, mistrust and acrimony. It was time to tear it all down and rebuild. We had to start fresh or it would never work out in the long run. We had to meet as equals, both of us honest and withholding nothing.

I wanted to be with Edward and try to make this work. I knew we had a long road ahead, but I was willing to put in the time and effort it would take to heal us and I knew Edward would be willing as well or else he wouldn't be here right now.

It would still be a long distance relationship, which was both good and bad. This way, we could take the time to get to know one another again while still being close enough to see each other often. We could potentially spend every weekend together and see how our relationship progressed. The dynamic would be very different now because of Masen but I thought that would be better overall. It would force Edward and I to focus on all aspects of our relationship, not just the fun stuff.

So that brought about the next round of questions. Was I ready for all of this? Last year I had been willing to just throw away my life and run away to California to be wife and a stepmother but I hadn't really given it much thought. I was so crazy in love with Edward I didn't care what it would take to be with him. Things were different now however. Masen would be with Edward full-time, he wouldn't be spending time with his mother as originally planned, was I ready for the responsibility that came with being with a single father?

As I mulled that over I realized how naïve I had been the first time around. Did I honestly think it would be so easy for Edward to get a divorce, for me to move to California, get married and play mommy? That Tanya would just be okay handing her son over to the care of a virtual stranger without any problems at all? Life wouldn't have been rainbows and sunshine as I had thought. It would have been trying and difficult and I would have been alone in a strange place. Would Edward's love have been enough to get us through? I didn't have the answer to that question.

In a way, this time away from each other may have done us some good overall. I would have preferred that Tanya still lived and Edward had been able to get a divorce, but even those circumstances would have brought everything into focus for me, much like it did now. Perhaps with some time, Tanya would have been able to accept the fact that her and Edward didn't belong together. Maybe she could have found the man she had been destined for? As it stood, now we would never know.

Thankfully, I didn't have any unwanted visitors today. I was able to sit and examine this situation from all sides so I could be certain that I was making the right decision. Last time, I had allowed my heart to do all the thinking, which was an error in itself. I knew what my heart and body wanted, but I had to make sure that my mind was on the same page. It was sick of getting overruled. Methodically, I went over every single pro and con until there was nothing left to think about.

By the end of it, I was mentally exhausted but satisfied with my decision. I would give this a try and hopefully Edward and I could achieve what we hadn't the first time around. I looked up the number to Miller Tree Inn and called Edward.

"Hello?" My stomach constricted at the sound of his voice.

"Have I told you that I love you, lately?" I said softly. There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few beats.

"Not lately." Edward answered, his voice thick with emotion.

"I love you, Edward."

Later that night, I tossed and turned in my bed. I couldn't get Edward off my mind. We had talked for a couple of hours, going over everything that had happened in the last year and he answered all my questions honestly. I didn't like some of the answers he gave me but I wanted the truth with no sugar coating. Edward knew that I was putting myself on the line for him and that he owed me as much.

We also talked about how I had fared over the last year and Edward apologized over and over for the agony he caused me. Perhaps he would have done things differently if he'd had any idea that I hadn't just moved on with my life as he thought I would. There wasn't anything we could do to change the past however, all we could do was move forward, together.

The plan was to meet tomorrow and spend some time together, get reacquainted with one another. I knew that this would be a very long night and despite the fact I was bone tired, sleep was not coming. I rolled over and looked at the clock, groaning when it read 12:05 a.m.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. I put on my robe and went downstairs cautiously. _Who would be coming at this time of night?_ I wondered. I peeked out and Edward was standing on my porch. I opened the door and he stood there smiling crookedly.

"It's tomorrow," he said before I could speak.

I launched myself into his arms, kissing him for all I was worth. Edward stooped to pick me up and walked into the house, kicking the door shut behind him. I didn't have to point the way to my bedroom so I just continued to explore his mouth with my tongue. Edward moaned against my lips and I traced his features, being careful to avoid his eye. His hand was tangled in my hair, supporting my upper body as he walked into my room.

Edward lowered me to the bed and leaned forward, propping himself up with his arms. I tugged at his shirt frantically so I could touch his skin. He was trying to kiss me and get his shoes off at the same time but it didn't seem to be working very well. He broke the kiss with a muttered curse and stood up. I got on my knees and unfastened my robe as Edward pulled his shirt over his head. Once he was free of it, I grabbed hold of him and started kissing him again.

I went straight for his belt buckle and Edward pushed the robe off my shoulders. I stopped what I was doing so I could remove it and threw it to the floor going back to unfastening his pants and pulling them down. Edward had a hold of the hem of my shirt and was pulling it up; I was distinctly frustrated at the amount of clothing we were wearing. Off came my shirt and Edward pushed me backwards and climbed onto the bed with me. His hands were cupping my now naked breasts and I arched my back against him as he sucked one nipple into his mouth.

"Ah God, Edward!" I moaned as I grabbed a fistful of hair.

One hand trailed down my stomach and tugged on the waistband of my shorts and panties. I lifted my buttocks off the bed so Edward could get them off. Once my legs were free he pushed against my knee to spread them. His fingers brushed up my inner thigh and my body convulsed at the light touch. Not bothering with any preliminaries he thrust into me with his fingers. I cried out and lifted my hips eagerly as he moved his hand.

"You're already so wet," he said gutturally against my breasts, his fingers picking up speed. I was moving my head back and forth as I writhed under him.

"Edward, I want you! Please?" I begged. While I loved what he was doing to me, I just wanted to feel him inside me.

"I'm not going to last, Bella." Neither of us had been with anyone else since our last weekend together.

"I don't care, I don't care! I need you inside me, _now_!"

Edward groaned but complied, he removed his briefs and settled between my legs. I kissed him hard and desperately as I felt him against my slick folds. He pressed into me gently as my body accommodated him. Since it had been so long, it took a few moments for me to get used to having him inside me.

"So tight… _fuck_!" Edward gasped.

He stayed still as we both adjusted to the sensations of being with one another again. Slowly, he withdrew and slid back into me. Now we moaned in unison, he felt so good, so right. Edward didn't increase his speed, afraid to go too fast, but I didn't want him to hold back. We had forever to go slow, I wanted him to unleash the passion he was trying so hard to keep in check.

I moved my hips faster and grabbed hold of his gorgeous ass to encourage him to pump into me quicker.

"Bella," Edward warned.

"Just fuck me, Edward," I growled at him. He made a deep noise in his chest but finally started to thrust into me hard and deep.

"Yes! Hard!" I said, spurring him on. I knew Edward wouldn't last long at this pace but I didn't care. I poured a year's worth of anger and frustration out onto him and I wanted it in return. I clawed and bit at him as he drove into me. Edward grunted against the assault and answered in kind. There would be time for tenderness, now was not it.

Soon, Edward was bellowing my name as he reached climax. His hands were balled in my hair, his head thrown back and neck corded. He was beautiful. Once he stopped shuddering he leaned his head forward and looked into my eyes. I reached up a hand and caressed his face; he smiled and turned to place a kiss in my palm.

"God, I've missed you," he said reverently. I just smiled and pulled him down to cradle his head on my chest. I ran my fingers through his tangled locks and was happier than I had been in over a year.

Eventually, Edward rolled off of me and pulled my back against his chest. He placed sweet kisses against my hair, neck and shoulders before whispering, "Sleep, my love."

And I did.

* * *

**A few notes: I know some of you may not be happy w/ what happened to Tanya (sorry Kass!) cause it gives Edward an *easy out* but I hope I was able to impart that he did suffer. He did have to live through a difficult divorce, he had to stay away from Bella and he had the heartache of his son to contend with. He also had to deal with the death of his wife and while he was no longer in love with Tanya, that doesn't mean he was happy that she passed on (Will probly explore that deeper in an EPOV)  
**

**I also know some of you may think Bella caved too easily but I don't think she did. Perhaps she could have made him suffer more but hasn't he suffered enough? Plus did you REALLY want to sit through multiple chapters of pointless angst? I know I hate when a story does that! She's thought of every angle and while she is hoping that things will go well, she also knows that there is still the potential that her and Edward may not make it work after all that's happened. They love each other and sometimes love is not enough, it just has no rhyme or reason! **

**And lastly, Miller Tree Inn is an actual B&B in Forks, the Elk View Room exists and Susan is one of the innkeepers :)) (pls don't sue me Susan, if you read ff! look at it as free advertising! lol)**

**Now leave me a review if for nothing else but that I didn't make you suffer through another lemon-less chapter! ;)))**


	23. BFF's and XBF's

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update guys! But the good news is, this chapter is monstrous so it's almost like 2 chapters in one. **

**Twi = Not mine!**

* * *

**23. BFF's And X-BF's**

I had the most wonderful dream. I dreamt that Edward had returned, and now he was lying in my bed with me. His hands ghosted across my body as his lips moved over my skin. He whispered his love and devotion for me, telling me how much he had missed me and how a moment hadn't gone by where his thoughts weren't with me. I knew I was coming to the surface, and I struggled to stay asleep longer so as not to deal with the harsh reality that Edward hadn't come back to me.

The hands on my body became more insistent, teasing me, making me come alive. This was the best dream _ever_. I sighed and rolled over onto my back, letting dream Edward have his way with me. The sensations were so real; I could feel the tickle of Edward's hair as his mouth glided from my breasts, kissing a trail down my stomach. They were hot and open mouthed, the air, cooling my flesh as soon he moved onwards. He was cupping and caressing my breasts, running his thumbs over their hardened peaks.

I decided to take a risk and reach for him. This was usually when I would wake up, when I tried to touch Edward. My eyes flew open when my fingers sank into the silky tresses before me. _Real_! I gasped as I came fully awake. _Real! He's here!_

Taking Edward's face in my hands, I pulled him back up my body and began placing kisses wherever I could reach.

"Ow, eye," he said laughing; I forgot Jacob had injured him.

"Oh, sorry! You're here, you're real," I said, punctuating each word with a kiss.

"Yes, Beautiful. I'm finally here."

I pressed my lips to his, hungry for his mouth. Delightfully, I ran my hands over Edward's naked body. His skin was smooth and his lean muscles rippled at my touch. I pushed him gently to signal I wanted him to lie on his back, and he rolled over taking me with him. I grabbed two handfuls of his hair and pulled his head back so I had full access to his jaw and neck. I licked and sucked at the tender flesh eliciting deep moans from Edward, which made me smile. I straddled him and directed my focus to his perfect chest. I nibbled at one nipple as I teased the other one with my fingers.

Edward shuddered under me and brushed his hands down my back. I could feel the length of his shaft under me, and rubbed my pelvis against him. I sat up and placed Edward's hands on my breasts as I moved forward so he could enter me. Inch by sumptuous inch slid inside of me, and I hissed at the deliciousness of it.

"Bella," Edward whispered as he touched me gently.

I arched my back to press my breasts further into his palms and rocked my hips back and forth. Everything was still somewhat surreal, I could feel my hair swinging against my back, I could feel Edward's hands as they caressed my skin, and I could feel the tendons in his forearms as I gripped them. Mostly I could feel where we were joined and the immense pleasure that was being generated. I kept a fixed pace, working to a slow and steady build up of heat. I pulled on Edward's arms and leaned back so that he could sit up. I wound my arms around his shoulders to help support him as his came around my back. Now my breasts were rubbing against his chest and my clit was rubbing against his pelvis.

"Yessssss," I hissed between my teeth.

This position was one of my favorites due to its intimate nature. I was pressed against Edward, able to kiss and hold him, to look into his eyes as we moved together. I was able to take or give control at my whim. I also loved that Edward had full access to my body and could touch me everywhere, as he was doing now. His hands made a complete circuit, starting at my legs. He would slide them up my thighs, hips, waist and the sides of my body; his thumbs would come between our bodies to brush maddeningly against my nipples. From there he would come up and over my shoulders and straight down my back. He'd cup my buttocks before moving to my thighs again.

Edward never took his mouth off of my body, his lips moving from mine, to my jaw, neck and shoulders. Occasionally, he would lean down to lick and suck my breasts and I would arch backwards moaning and swiveling my hips faster and more urgently. Edward had one arm supporting my back as he leaned forward, his other hand took hold of my ass and he started moving me more quickly. I felt the heat build up between my legs as the tension coiled in my body, begging for release. I started to whimper softly as I got closer.

"Come on, Beautiful, let me hear you," Edward said into my ear. "Say my name, Bella."

I cried out Edward's name over and over, clutching him to me. He moved his hands to my hips to keep up my momentum as he raced to catch up. I was just finishing my orgasm when Edward began his. He panted against the crook of my neck, gasping and moaning. I felt boneless and heavy limbed as I came down from my high. Edward flopped back onto the bed, taking me with him.

The gray light of morning was beginning to filter into the room. I didn't even want to guess at what time it was. It was Sunday at least, so Edward and I could spend the day together doing whatever we wanted. My vote was to stay in bed all day and make up for lost time. I didn't think I would have a hard time convincing Edward that this would be the best use of our time.

My cheek was against Edward's chest and I listened as the beat of his heart slowed to a more normal rhythm. While I was relatively content, there were still a few things that kept nagging at me that I needed to know. I figured now was as good as any to ask Edward some questions.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" he said, playing absently with my hair.

"Ok, I know you explained this to me a little, but…" I hesitated slightly, "wasn't there any way to get word to me somehow and let me know what had happened? Like drop me a letter in the mail? Or go to Starbucks and create a different email account? Something?"

Edward sighed and hugged me tighter to his chest. "That was my original plan, to try and get in touch with you somehow, but Tanya still had the detective following me around, and I wasn't sure I could risk it."

"So, what would have happened if she knew? I still don't understand how that all works." Edward had mentioned being Court Martialed for adultery, but that didn't really explain much to me since I had no concept of what that entailed.

"Well, with the type of proof Tanya had, this matter would have been referred to JAG for court martial consideration. If I was found guilty, which I would have been, I would have lost all rank and been demoted to airman basic, been confined to base and lose two thirds of my pay for six months. I would also be dishonorably discharged, which means that no one would even look twice at me as a viable candidate for work." He said this all in a matter of fact voice, and I felt numb at how close he had come to losing everything for me.

"Oh," I said in a small voice.

"Yeah, oh," he replied dryly. "Bella, I really wish that I had been stronger, just told her to fuck off and face the consequences but then I would never have been able to come back to you."

"Why?"

"I would have had nothing. I would have _been_ nothing. I would have had nothing to offer you as a man or a partner," he said sadly.

"I wouldn't have cared, Edward!" It pained me to know that he thought it would have mattered to me if he couldn't be the provider.

"But I _would_ have," he stressed. "I wouldn't have ever been able to show my face here knowing that I couldn't provide any type of life for you. Don't you understand?"

I could hear the note of pleading in his voice, and it tugged at my heart. I knew it was simple male pride, but unfortunately, what I thought wouldn't have mattered. If Edward had been broken, he would have had no self-worth, and all the love in the world would never have been able to disabuse him of the notion. It didn't have anything to do with his faith in my love but his faith in himself. He would have always seen himself as less of a man.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that by yourself." I said sincerely.

"Don't be. This was completely my fault. If I could do it all over again, I would change so many things. What I did wasn't fair to you _or_ to Tanya. I should have become legally separated as soon as I realized I was having feelings for you, even before we met. As soon as I knew I _could_ feel emotion for another woman - even if it was online - that should have been my cue to end things."

I wanted to disagree with him and try to make him feel better, but it would be a lie. While I hated that Edward was blaming himself up for everything, it would have made all of our lives easier if he had thought things through a little better before pursuing a relationship with me. I was by no means innocent in this whole affair, but in the beginning I had been an unwitting participant.

"Well, we both made mistakes, but you're here now and that's all that matters."

"But at what cost, Bella?" I could hear the self-loathing creeping back into his voice. I propped my head up on my hand so I could look at Edward. He was staring up at the ceiling, and I could see his jaw was tight.

"Edward, there really is no use beating yourself up over something we can't change," I said softly.

Nodding his head, Edward still gazed up at the ceiling. I merely waited, watching as he struggled internally with whatever demons were plaguing him. He exhaled slowly and began running his hands down my back again. I knew that he was seeking comfort from my presence, proving to himself everything hadn't been in vain. I remained quiet and still in his arms. Edward came back to himself after about ten minutes and leaned his head down to kiss my forehead.

Eventually, I slid off of Edward's body and curled up beside him. It was still very early in the morning and we drifted back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later reaching out for Edward like so many times before, only this time he was there with me instead of vanishing like a wisp of smoke. I burrowed against his chest, inhaling deeply, feeling my constricted chest loosen. It would take a while before I realized my nightmare was over.

After breakfast, Edward left to go back to Millers and check out. There didn't seem to be any reason for him to stay there when he would be spending all his free time with me until he had to return to McChord. Masen was spending most of the summer with Edward's parents until he could make arrangements for someone to look after him during the days until school started in September. His mother, Esme, would come and stay with them for a little while if necessary to help Masen settle into a more permanent routine.

Edward and I had decided to continue having a long distance relationship for the time being until we were in a better place. The love and intense physical attraction was obviously still very apparent, but there were issues that needed to be worked out, and it would take time for me to get to the point where I wanted to quit my job, sell my house and become a military wife and mom. At least now, he was barely a three-hour drive away so we wouldn't have to go weeks without seeing one another.

I lounged on the couch and decided to call in a few vacation days so I could spend as much time with Edward as possible. I hadn't taken any time off since Rosalie's wedding last year, so I had a few weeks coming to me. I didn't want to waste any of the precious hours that I had with Edward all to myself.

It didn't take long for Edward to return, and he joined me on the couch. I lay with my head in his lap and tried not to purr contentedly as he ran his fingers through my hair. It was nice being able to get to know one another again. So much time had passed since we had spent time together, I was happy to realize that I hadn't romanticized our relationship to the point where it was mostly my own imaginings. Edward and I still seemed to connect on an intellectual level as well, and we could have discussions on a wide variety of subjects.

Lunchtime came and I laughed as Edward's stomach started to rumble against my ear. Things were so easy between us, the time just seemed to slip right past. I remembered how the same thing happened every time Edward and I were together before, only this time it didn't feel tainted. While I knew our time together was still short, I knew that this time he wouldn't be going home to another woman. It was also nice to know that I no longer needed to carry around the guilt of participating in an affair. Unfortunately, there was still the guilt that I was now happy because someone else was no longer on this earth. It was a hard realization to come by.

I got up from the couch, heading into the kitchen to prepare something to eat, and Edward followed me. Looking in the refrigerator, I decided that sandwiches would suffice and gathered what I needed. I stood at the counter slicing tomatoes and Edward came up behind me, he swept my hair away from shoulder and started kissing my neck. I hummed and stopped cutting before I lost a finger.

"I thought you were hungry?" I said smiling.

"I am," he replied running his tongue over the sensitive flesh behind my ear.

"Well, you know that I won't be able to get these sandwiches ready if you keep that up, right?"

"Who said I was hungry for food?" Edward whispered in my ear, his hands reaching around and cupping my breasts. The knife clattered out of my hand into the sink, and I leaned my head back onto Edward's chest.

One hand crept up my top to continue teasing my breasts and the other slipped into the waistband of my shorts. Edward's fingers moved over the cotton of my panties and brushed gently over me. I spread my legs further apart so he had better access, but he kept his touch maddeningly light. The feathery caresses driving me insane, my clit throbbed agonizingly every time he came near it, begging to be stroked harder.

"Something about seeing you in the kitchen turns me on so much," Edward said, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.

"Remind me to cook for you more often," I moaned as I wiggled my ass into him. I could feel his erection pressed against me.

Unable to stand it any longer, I put my hand over his and pressed his fingers against my heated flesh. I whimpered as I ground my hips into his hand, finally getting the friction I craved. I heard a slight intake of breath; Edward seemed to like it when I took charge. I slipped my other hand behind me to grasp his shaft through his pants. I stroked up and down in time with his hand and we moaned in unison. Edward moved my panties aside and slid his fingers against my moist folds.

I stopped what I was doing as I felt his fingers slide into me. A low noise came from my chest and I bent over slightly as the sensation overtook me. He had managed to free my breasts from my bra and was teasing my nipples into hard peaks. I was trying to undo Edward's pants one handed but wasn't having much success so I gave up and continued using my hand on the outside of the restraining fabric.

"I love the way you feel," Edward said huskily, "so tight, hot and wet." I just moaned in response. A thrill shot through me whenever he talked dirty to me.

Edward removed his fingers, and I groaned in protest. He turned me around and pulled down my shorts and underwear. Grabbing one of my kitchen chairs he brought it towards me.

"Put your foot up on the chair," Edward commanded. Good lord, Staff Sergeant Sexy was back in full force, and I couldn't have been happier to see him. I put my foot on the chair and gripped the counter top behind me.

Edward got down on his knees and reached under my bent leg, grabbing a handful of ass cheek. He pulled my hips forward and swiped his tongue straight up my folds to my clit.

"_Holy fucking shit_!" I cried out.

As if that wasn't enough, he brought his fingers back to my slick opening and thrust inside of me. He curled his fingertips slightly so that he was hitting my sweet spot, and I was thrilled he hadn't forgotten how to find it after all this time. The tip of his tongue was swirling in fiery circles around my clit. I'm not sure if it was because of this particular position or because of the dual sensation of tongue and fingers, but before I thought it possible, I was having a mind-blowing orgasm. I held on to the counter in a death grip to keep from collapsing as I cried out unintelligibly.

Edward didn't stop, and my orgasm stretched on forever. He kept working his fingers and tongue and my orgasm actually increased in intensity. I had never had this happen to me before, but it felt as if I was building up to another release while still in the throes of climax.

"_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_, _FUCK_!" It was all I could get out in short order. My head whipped back and forth as I gushed against Edward's hand.

"Jesus," he said in awe at my reaction to what he was doing to me.

Rising to his feet, he grabbed me by the nape of my neck and crushed his lips against mine. I opened my mouth and sucked his tongue into it, my hands going to his pants, this time getting them undone and pushed to the floor. Edward turned me around and leaned me forward over the counter as he entered me from behind, both of us gasping.

Edward gripped my hips fiercely as he thrust inside of me. Tomato slices went flying as I pushed the cutting board aside and met Edward stroke for stroke. Both of us were so excited, I didn't surprise me that Edward wasn't able to hold off for very long. I encouraged him both verbally and bodily until he was bellowing out a string of curses himself and shaking violently.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, Edward leaned his forehead against my back, breathing heavily.

"Ok," he said after a minute, "_now_, I'm hungry." For some reason, this struck my funny bone and I started to giggle. "Shit, no, don't laugh!" Edward warned me, which made me laugh even harder. Next thing you know we were both laughing hysterically, Edward gripping my hips as he tried to dislodge himself.

Once we were separated, Edward chased me up to the bathroom to take a quick shower and then we headed back downstairs to make lunch. Both of us were ravenous after our little escapade. Edward had a smug smile on his face the whole way through the meal. I just sat there eating and smiling the satisfied smile of a well serviced woman.

"So, I was thinking…" Edward started speaking, "maybe we should have your friends over for dinner?"

"Is that a joke?" I said, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"No," he replied seriously. "Bella, I know they are going to be nervous about my intentions where you are concerned. I think maybe we can all get together and I can put their minds at ease."

"Are you sure you want to incur the wrath of Rose?" I asked skeptically.

"Not really," said Edward, grinning at me, "but I'm going to have to do it sooner or later, so I'd rather get it out of the way."

"Oh man," I groaned, covering my eyes with my hands. "This will _not_ be fun." Edward pulled one of my hands away and placed it against his cheek.

"It will all be fine, Bella. You'll see." He gave me an encouraging smile. "I just hope Emmett and Jasper don't each want a shot at me too!" he said, wincing and fingering his bruised eye. I grimaced but started to giggle nonetheless.

"Jacob got you pretty good," I said, not without sympathy.

"Yeah, well, only 'cause I let him," Edward grumbled. I rolled my eyes at the show of machismo.

"And who's bright idea was _that_?" I said, giving him the eye.

"It was worth it," Edward said smiling, as he leaned forward to kiss me.

"So I guess it should be worth it if Em and Jazz want a shot too!" I giggled at his horrified expression.

"Hrm, I don't know about that," he said laughing as he got up to dodge the punch I threw at him. "Emmett is a pretty big guy!" I got up and chased him around the table, looking at him menacingly.

"Oh, really? So I'm not worth it?" Edward changed direction and grabbed me in a bone-crushing hug. He sat on a chair and pulled me onto his lap, kissing me soundly.

"I'd let every man in Forks punch me if that meant being with you," he said nuzzling my neck.

"Only Forks?" I teased.

"Okay, Seattle too," Edward said, resigned.

"What about Port Angeles?"

"All of Washington State, if I had to," he whispered in my ear.

"There would be nowhere left that I could touch if that happened." I was smiling now and had my arms wrapped around his neck.

"I'd figure something out," Edward mumbled as he placed sweet kisses all over my face.

"When do you want to do this," I sighed, giving in.

"Tonight?" Edward asked.

"So soon?" I looked at him incredulously.

"We can't hide forever, Bella."

"Who says?" I pouted and gave Edward my best puppy dog eyes hoping he'd change his mind. He stood up and put me on my feet, propelling me towards the phone.

"Go on, call them and see if they're available tonight," he said

"Fine," I huffed as I picked up the phone.

Edward cleaned up the kitchen while I called Rosalie and Alice. He stayed silent in the background as I explained why I was calling and invited them over with Jasper and Emmett for dinner. Alice was enthusiastic and Rose was not, just as I knew they would be. I barely avoided getting into a heated discussion with Rosalie and told her she'd have all the time in the world to get her questions answered when she came over. She finally agreed, and I hung up the phone.

"Was it as bad as you expected?" Edward asked, his back to me.

"Worse," I moaned. "I wouldn't want to be you tonight!"

Edward turned to me, chuckling, "Don't worry about me, I'm a big boy."

"Okay," I said, wrapping my arms around his waist and placing my cheek on his chest. I inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly.

"We should probably go shopping to get everything we need," Edward suggested.

"That's a good idea."

I was looking forward to going shopping with Edward. It reminded me of the first time we met and had gone out to pick up picnic supplies. Maybe we could have banana splits for dessert. A big smile was plastered on my face as I went down memory lane. While I still wasn't looking forward to tonight, at least we could enjoy ourselves a little before World War III.

I should have known going shopping with Edward in Forks would be a bad idea. The town was much too small and we elicited quite a lot of stares and whispers as we strolled through Thriftway getting groceries for tonight's dinner as well as the rest of the week. This shopping excursion wasn't nearly as fun as the last one because of all the scrutiny. Edward didn't seem fazed by it, but he wasn't as carefree as he had been before we left the house. I wasn't sure if it was my reaction, or just that he picked up on the tension, but he didn't try any public displays of affection.

We paid for the food and were about to make our escape when we ran right into Mike about to enter the store. I stopped abruptly and Edward, not paying attention, bumped into me from behind. His arms came up around me in reflex, and I watched Mike's face twist angrily at the intimate gesture.

"Sorry, Beautiful, I didn't…" Edward broke off as he noticed Mike, and I felt his chest vibrate as he growled a little.

"Well, don't you two look cozy," Mike's voice was full of insinuation, but underneath it all I could hear the pain of betrayal. I had told him only two days before that I wasn't breaking up with him just so I could get back together with Edward, and here we were, looking very much happy and together, right under Mike's nose.

I let go of the shopping cart and removed Edward's hands that were still possessively wrapped around my waist. I stepped out of his embrace and looked at him apologetically, hoping he understood. Edward was still looking at Mike, however, his face a stone mask.

"Edward?" I said, trying to get his attention, his eyes flickered down to my face. "Can you please put the bags in the car? I'll be there in a minute."

"Bella, I don't want to leave you alone with this guy," he said in a low voice. Mike snorted at the irony and it wasn't lost on me that this was almost the same conversation we'd had in the travel agency when Edward had shown up. Now the roles were reversed, however. I barely stopped myself from asking Edward to trust me.

"_I_ would never hurt her," Mike said bitterly.

"Listen, buddy…" Edward began, but I put a hand on his chest to stop him. He stopped speaking and clenched his jaw together as he saw my pleading expression. "All right. Fine," he said in a clipped voice, "but I'll be watching." He shot Mike a death glare that was completely reciprocated as he took the shopping cart and headed to the Volvo, a few yards away.

Mike watched him leave, shaking his head. He looked back at me and made a disgusted noise. I felt completely horrible about everything that had happened, and I could just imagine what he was thinking.

"Mike, I'm sorry…" I started saying.

"For what? You're not my girlfriend anymore." He shrugged and looked away.

"I just don't want you to think I lied to you when we talked on Friday," I said miserably, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Yeah, well, it's not like I didn't know you wouldn't go running right back to him when he showed up."

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it? Did you fuck him on Friday? Cause it's kind of obvious you're fucking him _now_." Mike's eyes were narrowed to slits, and I was taken aback by the vehemence in his voice.

"I don't think that's any of your business," I managed to choke out.

"Bella, how could you do this? How could you forget everything he put you through? I can't believe you just forgave him," he said, his anger laced with confusion.

"You don't understand," I said, completely regretting telling him what had happened with Edward.

"You're right, I don't understand. Is he at least divorced this time?" Mike spat out and I cringed. "Even if he is, how can you trust him? How do you know that in a few years, when the shine has worn off your relationship, he won't do the same thing to you? Once a cheater, always a cheater."

"He won't," I whispered. "What we have is different!"

"Sure, that's probably what he's telling you and any other woman that will listen."

"You don't know him!" I said, my voice rising slightly. My eyes started to fill with tears and Mike relented. He grasped my arm and pulled me towards him.

"Bella, it's not too late," he said intently. "You can still send him away! We can be together again. I'll forget about all this and we can be happy[CC1] ."

"Mike, I can't do that."

"Why?" he pleaded.

"Because I don't love you. I love him. I'm sorry." Mike still had a firm grasp on my arm and had a desperate look in his eye. My guilt flared up once again.

"Get your hand off of her," I heard a steely voice from behind me. Edward had come back to see what was taking me so long, and he didn't sound happy.

"What are you going to do if I don't?" Mike sneered.

"You _really_ don't want to find out," Edward said menacingly.

"Lord, deliver me from testosterone!" I said loudly and two heads swiveled towards me. "Enough! Mike, get your hand off of my arm please?" I tugged and he let go finally. "Edward, I'll be there in a minute, okay?" He just nodded at me and walked away a few steps, crossing his arms over his chest. I tried not to smile as I watched him flex his muscles.

"So, this is it?" Mike said sounding defeated.

"Yes."

"Just remember what I said, Bella. If you change your mind, you know where to find me." With one last glare at Edward, Mike headed into the Thriftway.

I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to walk towards Edward. All the things Mike had said kept coming back to me, and I couldn't look him in the eye. Even though deep in my heart, I knew Mike was wrong about Edward, he had voiced my deepest, darkest fears. What if years down the road, our relationship grew cold, and he found a new love of his life? I didn't want to believe Edward could ever do that to me, but how did I know?

Edward followed me to the car without speaking and opened my door; he closed it once I was seated. When he got in the car, he turned to look at me, but I continued to stare ahead. He sighed and started the engine. The ride home was completely silent. Edward seemed like he was about to start a conversation but then he'd snap his mouth shut instead.

When we reached the house, Edward parked and turned to face me.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" I asked surprised.

"For going all caveman on you. You had things under control. I should have just let you handle it." Edward looked down and played with the gearshift nervously.

"You think I'm mad at you 'cause you came to make sure I was okay?" I was completely flabbergasted.

"You mean you're not mad at me?" Edward looked up at me, confused.

"No, I'm not mad at you."

"Then what's wrong?" he asked. "And don't say 'nothing', 'cause I know _something_ is wrong."

I frowned and looked down at my hands in my lap. I had planned to say exactly that, and now my default answer was gone. I felt bad that what Mike had said rattled me. I should have more faith in Edward and our love, but sometimes I did have my doubts. I just shook my head instead of answering him.

"Bella, talk to me. Did that guy say something to upset you? I swear, I will go back and tear him apart if he did."

"Stop! What is wrong with you guys - why do you all want to beat each other senseless?"

"I'm right, aren't I? What did he say to you?" Edward demanded.

Sighing, I told him the whole conversation with Mike. I thought Edward would be mad and even try to return to the Thriftway to find him, but he was oddly silent. I glanced up at him, and he looked sad instead of upset.

"You believe him, don't you?" he asked quietly.

"No!" I said loudly, maybe a little too loud.

"Bella, if you didn't, you would be fuming over what he said," Edward pointed out.

"Aren't you going to try and reassure me?" I asked in a small voice.

"Would it work if I did?"

"I don't know. But you can always try?" I hated sounding so petty and silly. but I needed to hear something comforting so I could get Mike's words out of my head. Edward tipped my chin up so I was looking at him.

"Where am I, right now?" he asked.

"Here."

"With who?"

"Me."

"Bella, I moved across the country to be near _you_. Why would I do that if I didn't think you were the only woman for me?" Edward's green eyes burned into mine fiercely.

"I don't know?"

"Even after a year of not speaking to you or seeing you, I never considered being with anyone else. Ever."

"What if after a few years you change your mind?" I challenged.

"I won't," he said firmly.

"You did with Tanya," I stressed.

"Bella, I know this is horrible to say, but I never loved Tanya the way I love you. I should have never married her, and that's why we grew apart. I really don't think that will happen to us. Do you?" Edward looked very anxious all of the sudden as he waited for me to answer.

I thought about it for a while, and I honestly couldn't imagine falling out of love with Edward. He had been right. After the year we had been apart, I knew that no one else would ever take his place in my heart, which is why I had started to date Mike. I knew it was useless trying to replace Edward, so I figured what difference did it make who I was with, as they never stood a chance anyway.

"No, I don't think it will happen to us," I answered finally.

Edward leaned forward and kissed me gently. He cupped my face and ran a thumb down my cheek. All thoughts of Mike left me, and I felt peaceful again. Edward and I were together and we would beat the odds that seemed stacked against us. We had love on our side, and while I knew sometimes love wasn't enough, it was certainly better than nothing at all.

Edward and I got ready for round two. We had survived the bitter ex-boyfriend, now we had to make it through the disgruntled girlfriends. This one would be more difficult because I loved Ali and Rose like they were sisters, and it was important to me that they approved of the move I was making. I knew Alice would be an easy sell, she would shrewdly assess the situation, but she would also be able to see how much Edward and I loved each other, and that would clinch it. Rosalie, however, might want the proverbial pound of flesh.

I made it very clear to Edward there wasn't going to be a repeat of this afternoon. The only thing cooking in this kitchen tonight would be food. At first he looked truly disappointed, but then gave me a sexy grin and started to help me make the lasagna. We talked and joked around and had a fun time regardless. I put the dish in the oven to cook while we relaxed with some wine and waited for our guests to arrive.

We hadn't waited for long before hearing a knock on the door. I got up to answer it, and Edward came with me. I was happy to see Alice and Jasper had arrived first. I wanted that buffer before Rosalie and Emmett arrived. I gave Alice a quick hug and then went up on my toes to kiss Jasper on the cheek. Reaching behind me, I pulled Edward forward.

"You guys remember Edward?" I said smiling at him.

"Nice to meet you both again," he said earnestly.

Alice cocked her head to one side and gave Edward the once over. Jasper shook his head slightly and stepped forward, extending his hand. Edward clasped it gratefully. I took the opportunity to poke Alice in the ribs and give her a look, which she returned back. She sighed and turned to Edward grudgingly.

"Nice to see you again, Edward," she said finally.

"Thank you, Alice. I know this isn't the best situation, but I'm really glad you and Jasper agreed to come over tonight."

"Well, I thought Bella should at least hear you out, so I guess I can, too."

Edward gave her a megawatt smile, and I could see Alice start to fall under his spell. I hid a smile in my cheek and winked at Jasper, who was staring at his wife, nonplussed. He smirked at me and then dragged Alice off into the living room.

"Smells good, Bella," Jasper said sniffing the air.

Before I could reply, there was another knock on the door. _Here we go_, I thought, before taking a deep breath and squaring my shoulders. Edward was still beside me, and he snaked an arm around my waist and gave me an encouraging squeeze. I pulled open the door and there stood Emmett, grinning. He filled the entire doorframe.

"Bella!" he exclaimed picking me up in a bear hug. My feet dangled about a foot from the ground, and I squealed in delight. He plunked me down and put his hand out to Edward. "Nice to see you again, man."

I loved Emmett; nothing ever really seemed to faze him. He figured as long as I was happy, he was happy. Obviously, he'd be one of the first in line to crush Edward to a pulp if he stepped out of line again, but he was fine letting bygones be bygones.

"Where's Rose?" I asked, trying to look around Emmett's bulk. He thrust his thumb over his shoulder, indicating she was still outside.

"Car. Give her a minute; she'll be fine." He strolled into the living room and smacked fists with Jasper. I heard Alice squeak and didn't have to look to know Emmett was probably juggling her one handed or something like that. I just laughed before peering out into the darkness. Sure enough, I saw a car door open and Rosalie sashayed towards the house. I took hold of Edward's hand to form a united front.

"Hey, Rose," I said as she came up the porch steps. She leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then turned a malignant eye toward Edward.

"Hello, Rosalie," Edward said softly.

Rose just sniffed at him and made her way into the house. I squeezed his hand and shrugged a little. Shutting the door behind me, I went into the kitchen to remove the lasagna so it could settle and slid some garlic bread into the oven. I went back into the living room and was happy to see that Edward was making small talk with the guys while Ali and Rose chatted. So far, so good.

Soon we were congregating in my little dining room. The table had been set earlier, so we all took our seats. I would have liked to sit beside Edward, but he was at one end of the table and I was at the other, one couple on each side. Conversation was a little stilted as we ate and there were compliments all around for the food. I felt like I could cut the tension with the knife I was using for my lasagna. I hated the awkwardness and knew I would have to do something about it.

"Ok, guys. Spit it out," I said as I laid down my fork. "I know you're not really happy about all this, so we may as well just hash it out and get everything in the open."

Emmett and Jasper both groaned. I think they would have preferred everything to go down _after_ dinner. Alice looked around the table, shrugged and decided to start.

"Bella, we're just worried about you. Edward shows up two days ago after a one year silence and it's as if nothing happened."

"You can say that again," Rosalie said under her breath.

"Can I remind you that _you_ are the ones who told me to go hear him out?" I asked, slightly miffed.

"Yeah, hear him out, Bella, not move him in!" Rose glared at Edward.

"Rosalie, I know that I fucked up, but I need you guys to know that I love Isabella, and I won't hurt her again," Edward said sincerely.

"Fucked up? That's an understatement." Rose snickered.

"Look, there was a good reason why Edward couldn't contact me. We've discussed it, and I've forgiven him. I'm sorry, but we want to be together, and that's going to happen with or without your blessing," I said, a little more forcefully than I intended.

"You know what?" Rosalie said, rising from the table, "I can't do this." She stalked out of the dining room.

"Rose!" Emmett called after her, also rising.

"I got this," I said pointing at him. "Sit!"

I rushed to catch up to Rosalie and stormed out of my front door.

"What is your fucking _problem_, Rosalie!" I yelled out at her as I stepped onto the porch. She wheeled to face me, her face contorted with fury.

"_HE_ is my problem!" she yelled back. "Bella, I never would have pegged you for a doormat, but something about this guy makes you lie right down in front of him so he can use you as one!"

Her words shocked me to the core. A doormat? Is that what she really thought of me?

"That's not true," I managed to croak out.

"Really? He has lied to you how many times, then pulls out bullshit excuses and you just take him right back! Here you are, ready to give up your life for him _again_!"

"So what? That's my choice, Rosalie! And this time is different."

"Right, different," she scoffed.

"Look, he's not married anymore and he transferred here to be closer to me. We can start fresh."

"You talk about it all so casually. Bella, he was _married_ to someone! He took vows with another woman and then just tossed it all in the garbage. What if that had been me, Bella? What if Emmett was having an affair? Would you take it seriously then?"

"It's not the same!" I cried.

"It is! It _is_ the same; you just don't want to admit it," she continued. "If Emmett or Jasper said they were cheating 'cause they found their 'soul mate', you would be okay with that?"

"Ugh! No! Of course I wouldn't." I hated to admit it, but she was right.

"So then why is it okay that _he_ did it?" she finished, her voice sounding defeated.

"It's not okay that he did it. It's not okay that I did it, but we can't change anything!" I said, trying to make her see. "We both made mistakes and we've paid for them, but it's like you expect me to turn my back on the only real love I've known! I can't do it Rosalie, I can't! I've tried to live without him, and it was horrible. I won't do it again, not if I don't have to." I shook my head back and forth. I didn't want to lose Rosalie as a friend, but if she couldn't accept that Edward and I were a package deal, then I saw no way to reconcile this rift between us.

"I don't want him to hurt you anymore, Bella," Rose said, pleading with me.

"He won't."

"What about his ex-wife? How do you know she won't make things difficult for you?"

"She's dead," I answered, watching as Rose's mouth popped open.

"Dead?"

"That was part of the reason Edward didn't contact me sooner." I rubbed at my eyes with my fingers, "It's a really long and complicated story," I said sighing.

"I can see that."

"Rose, please. Can't you just give him another chance? For me? He's been trying so hard, and he's been through so much and he's _here_. If he didn't truly love me, he wouldn't be."

Ok, fine!" Rose said, exhaling sharply. "For you." She bridged the gap between us and gave me a tight hug. Keeping her arm around my waist, we walked back to the house.

"So, what happened to Edward's eye?" Rose asked curiously.

"Jacob punched him."

"Well, at least the dog is good for something!" she said laughing.

"Jake is _not_ a…. oh forget it, I give up! Yeah, I guess he is," I smirked.

The rest of the night went much smoother. The guys basically picked up where they left off. Alice was smitten, and Rosalie wasn't as bitter. Edward and I exchanged relieved glances and enjoyed ourselves as best we could under the circumstances.

My friends ended up calling it a night relatively early because they all had to work the next day. Edward and I cleared up the dining room, but I ordered him to leave the dishes till tomorrow. I lead him upstairs towards the bedroom.

"I think that went rather well," he said as we walked up the stairs.

"Yeah, it was all right. At least you're still alive."

We got undressed slowly. Both of us were exhausted, mentally and emotionally, but I needed the solace only Edward could give, and thankfully, he needed me, too. Maybe things weren't perfect, but as long as we were together, that was good enough for me.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! Please leave me some love :)) Reviews are almost as good as Staff Sergeant Sexy! hehe**


	24. Footsies

**A/N: Ok, so I know I promised you guys some Masen and Esme this chapter but I had more to cover than I thought! But the good news is, I can devote the whole next chapter to them instead :))**

**Twilight = Not mine... I just like to pretend!**

* * *

**24. Footsies**

As I knew it would, the week passed by in a blur, despite the fact Edward and I didn't really do anything. Mostly we concentrated on each other and our relationship. Luckily we had gone on that grocery-shopping spree so there was no real need to leave the house. We did take a day trip to Port Angeles just to get out of the house and away from Forks.

It was while we were strolling down the boardwalk, that Edward asked me to come with him to Chicago to pick up Masen and meet his parents.

"You want me to what?" I looked at Edward, eyebrow cocked.

"I want _you_ to come to Chicago, with _me_," Edward repeated slowly.

"Smart ass," I mumbled. "Don't you think it's a bit soon?"

"Not really, Masen has already met you and my parents know about you already," he said nonchalantly.

"Your parents know who I am?" I turned to look at him, mouth agape.

"Mmm hmm," Edward nodded. "I told my mom about you before we had met."

"You did? Why didn't you mention it before!"

"It never came up." He gave me his signature smirk. "We talked about you over Christmas, when we first met online."

I groaned, my stomach sank to my toes. "Your mother knows about the affair? She's going to hate me!"

"I think you'll be surprised," Edward said earnestly.

"Surprised if she lets me in her house," I retorted, sotto voce.

"My mom knew Tanya and I were having problems. She actually told me to tell you the truth about my marriage so I wouldn't lead you on." The smile had slid off his face and he looked shamed.

"Let me get this straight… your mom didn't care you had an affair?" I felt as if my eyeballs would pop out of my head if my eyebrows rose any higher.

"Well I wouldn't go _that_ far. But she knows everything that happened wasn't your fault."

"Huh," I huffed, surprised by this little tidbit of news. "So your mom doesn't think I'm a home wrecking whore?"

Edward burst out laughing and shook his head. "No, she doesn't think you are a home wrecking whore. Do you think I'd bring you home with me if she did?"

"Wait a second," I said, digging my heels in to make Edward stop walking and turn to me. "So, if your mom hated me, you'd what? Keep me your dirty little secret forever?" I was frowning at Edward and getting ready to be completely pissed off.

"Silly Bella, that's not what I meant at all. If my mother felt that way about you, I'd never bring you around her and let you be disrespected like that." I searched his eyes for any trace of insincerity or back peddling, but found none.

"Okay, so what _does_ your mom think of me then?" I asked curiously.

"She thinks you'll make me happy," Edward said, leaning forward to kiss the tip of my nose.

"And what makes her think that?" I asked smiling.

"Cause that's what I told her," he said smiling back.

"I don't know Edward…"

"_Please_, Bella?" Edward looked at me pleadingly. "I really want my parents to meet you and Masen would love to see you again. This would be the perfect time."

"Masen would love to see me?" I asked amazed.

"Yes. He still remembers you, you know."

"He does?" The pleasure in my voice must have been apparent because Edward smiled widely at me and nodded. "No fair," I moaned, "you fight dirty! Using your innocent, little son against me."

"Is it working?" he asked chuckling.

"Okay! I'll come with you to pick up Masen," I said smiling in return. "I just hope your mother doesn't hate me," I sighed.

"She'll love you, almost as much as I do." Edward was ecstatic that I had said yes. He picked me up and twirled me around as I laughed delightedly.

Afterward, we walked around the city, holding hands and enjoying each others company. There really wasn't much to do in Port Angeles, but Edward and I didn't need entertainment when we were together. Since I agreed to go to Chicago, Edward made plans for us excitedly.

We found a small intimate place to have dinner. Because it was the middle of the week, there weren't very many people, so we were afforded a lot of privacy in a tiny nook towards the back of the restaurant. The waiter brought us our drinks, took our order and then left us to ourselves. Edward reached across the table to take my hand. He placed tiny kisses on my fingertips. Little electric shocks shot down my belly whenever his lips made contact. Keeping eye contact with me, Edward sucked the tip of my index finger into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it.

A small noise escaped me seeing his lips wrapped around my finger. Plus the gentle, wet pressure of his tongue against the sensitive pad of flesh, just reminded me of other places he'd used it to great effect. I watched, enthralled, as he replaced my index finger with my middle finger and then my ring finger. Edward was just about to work on my pinky when his eyes flicked over my shoulder and he put my hand on the table, covered by his own. The waiter showed up and served us our food.

At this point in time, I was a bit too excited to enjoy the Chicken Parmegiana sitting in front of me. Edward had ordered Fettuccini Alfredo and was holding out a forkful for me to try. We shared food back and forth, which wasn't doing much to dampen my arousal. In fact, it was making things worse.

Feeling a little bit naughty, I slipped my foot out my sandal and ran it lightly up the inside of Edward's calf. I had the pleasure of watching Edward's eyes widen as I continued up his leg. The table had a long tablecloth so no one took notice that I had settled my foot in between Edward's thighs. He snapped his knees together, effectively trapping my foot.

"Bella," he said in a 'what the fuck do you think you're doing?' voice.

"Yes, Edward?" I said, smiling sweetly. I wiggled my toes against an already noticeable bulge in his pants. Edward gripped the edge of the table and my smile widened. I heard a low groan come from him as he loosened his hold on my foot. I moved it up and down his shaft in slow strokes. Edward closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly, giving in to the sensation.

"Can I get you anything else?" The waiter said, suddenly appearing. Edward's eyes snapped open and I looked at the man as he came into view.

"Sweetie, did you want desert?" I asked coyly.

"Yes, but not from here," Edward said in a strangled voice.

The waiter looked slightly affronted, so I tried to make amends while keeping up a steady rhythm with my foot. "Oh, I think he's in the mood for a banana split." I looked at Edward as innocently as I could as he gritted his teeth together.

"We can make a banana split for the gentleman if that is his preference," the waiter said, trying to accommodate us. I tried not to burst into laughter as Edward groaned and put his head in his hands. The waiter looked very alarmed.

"No, just the bill please?"

"Yes, madam." He gave a slight nod of his head and shot another concerned look at Edward before walking away.

"You are _so_ going to pay for this," Edward panted out.

"I'm looking forward to it," I said, finally losing my composure. My shoulders shook as I covered my mouth with my hand.

The waiter came with the bill holder, I slipped my credit card into it and handed it back. I didn't think Edward was in any condition to reach for his wallet. A minute later, he appeared again for my signature. I took an extra long time figuring out a tip and Edward looked like he was about to get up and ravish me on the table if we didn't get out of the restaurant, and soon. I handed everything to the waiter and reluctantly removed my foot from Edward's lap, sliding my sandal back on.

I tried to keep a straight face as Edward untucked his button down shirt so that the front of it covered the straining fabric of his pants. He stayed behind me, using me like a shield from curious eyes. I'm sure they wondered at the strange couple walking past, myself pursing my lips together, trying to hold in giggles and the handsome man who followed, shooting daggers at the back of my head.

The car was close by and Edward, true to form, opened my door for me and waited till I was seated, before closing my door. He came around the front of the car and got in. When he sat down, he spread his thighs, grimaced and plucked at the front of his pants. He started the car and squealed away from the curb. We drove for about ten minutes before pulling into an old abandoned lot.

"Backseat. _Now_." Edward growled at me as he opened his door. I scrambled into the backseat as he pushed his seat forward and joined me.

Edward grabbed me roughly and crushed his lips against mine. I was not one to wear skirts often, but I was glad I had one on today. After shimmying out of my panties, I tugged at Edward's zipper to release his throbbing erection and then I straddled him. He ran his fingers up my thighs, dragging the skirt up around my hips. I guided him to my entrance and lowered myself slowly onto him. Edward moaned into my neck as his hands came up to massage my breasts through my shirt.

I took hold of the seat behind him and started moving back and forth. Edward slipped his hands under my shirt and lifted it up. He cupped my breasts and ran his tongue over their slopes. I gasped as he bit my nipple through the thin fabric of my bra.

With all the buildup in the restaurant, I was already incredibly excited so it didn't take long until I had an explosive orgasm. The heat rushed through my body originating from my core and spreading outward. I grabbed Edward's face and pulled it to mine, whimpering against his lips as I trembled in his arms. He moaned in return and started to thrust his hips up against me. I raised myself slightly and he picked up the pace.

Edward began grunting from the exertion and his impending climax. I absolutely loved when he lost all control and gave in to his baser nature. He held onto my hips to help propel himself even quicker and his breathing spiked.

"Oh God, Bella," Edward groaned as he approached his final thrusts. He pulled down on my waist so he could bury himself inside me to the hilt as he came. I held Edward tight against me as he recovered and placed kisses all over his face.

"Feel better?" I asked, laughing.

"Yes, much!" Edward said giving me a lopsided grin.

We left for home shortly afterward, both giddy and satisfied.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Saying goodbye to Edward on Sunday was heart wrenching. After such a long absence, to have him back with me for the whole week, only to watch him leave me again was such a horrible feeling. We stood by his car, holding each other for a long time. I didn't want to let him go and he didn't seem to mind since he was going back to an empty house anyway. I was tempted to beg him to stay the night but I didn't want him to make that long drive the first morning starting at a new base.

Tears were streaming down my face and when I started sniffling, Edward pulled back slightly. "Why are you crying, silly girl?" he said, using his thumbs to wipe away my tears.

"I don't want you to go." My voice hitched and quavered. Edward clasped me to his chest again.

"I don't want to go," he sighed. "But I'll see you next weekend. I'll be back Friday night." He tried to sound encouraging, but it didn't make me feel much better.

"But that's _five_ nights away," I moaned.

"Well, you can always quit your job and move in with me?" Edward said enticingly.

"Edward," I began in a mock stern voice.

"I know, I know. Take it slow."

It was such an odd feeling, having us reverse roles like this. Edward was the one anxious to move our relationship at mach speed, while I was the one holding back. It's not that I didn't want to be with Edward all the time; I just wanted to ease back into things. I didn't think it was a good idea to rush into anything, especially since we had to worry about Masen's adjustment to me. While we had gotten on remarkably well the first time we met, I wasn't guaranteed that would remain the case once he realized I was going to be a permanent fixture in his father's life.

Also, I wanted Edward to seek professional help in regards to Tanya's death. A few of the nights we had spent together, he woke up gasping and sweating. The first two times it happened, I allowed him to wave it off without pressing the issue. By the third night, I was ready to hear an explanation as to what he was dreaming about. He had never had nightmares before, so I didn't let up until he grudgingly admitted that they were about Tanya. He didn't go into detail, but I gathered they had to be pretty horrible. The guilt over her death was still eating him alive, and if he didn't find a way to exorcise his demons, she would forever lay between us like an accusation.

Edward hadn't been happy about my suggestion to see a therapist, but once I told him it was one of the conditions of us continuing our relationship, he agreed readily enough. I also thought it may be a good idea for him and Masen to do a joint session to see how the little boy was coping with his mother's death. Edward thought that was a good idea, and he was going to make some calls when he arrived back on base.

I finally let Edward go and he gave me one last kiss before getting into the car. He lowered the window and poked his face out.

"I'll call you as soon as I get in, ok?" he said solemnly.

"Ok, drive safe." My lower lip shook a little as I tried not to start crying again.

"Hey," Edward said, "have I told you I love you, lately?"

"Not lately." I gave him a small smile.

"I love you, Bella."

"Love you, too." And with that he was off. I stayed on the curb till I couldn't see his car anymore and then trudged back into the house.

It was only seven p.m. and I walked around the house aimlessly, wondering what I would do to occupy the next three hours waiting for Edward's call. As if on cue, there were knocks and giggles at my door. I opened it to find Rosalie and Alice on my front porch, smiling and brandishing bottles of wine.

"Aww, you guys!" I gushed as I reached my arms out to hug them both.

"We knew Edward was leaving tonight," Alice started.

"So we figured we'd come and try to soften the blow," Rosalie finished.

I sniffled lamely at their kind gesture. I knew both of them still had their reservations about my and Edward's relationship, but they had really been trying. At the end of the day, they just wanted me to be happy and after seeing us together at dinner, they couldn't deny that Edward did indeed make me happy.

Rosalie and Alice still didn't know the full story behind Edward's yearlong disappearance. We had decided not to tell the story at dinner because Edward didn't want to seem like he was using Tanya's death as a sob story to get my friends to forgive him. He had given me permission to share everything with them after he had left. It seemed like tonight was as good a time as any.

Making sure the girls were settled with a glass of wine each, I told them the whole story. Both of them sat there wide eyed as I recounted the night Edward got home from Rosalie's wedding. After I told them about Tanya's accident and subsequent death, neither said anything for a few minutes.

"Wow, that's… fucked up," Rosalie finally said.

"Yeah," Alice agreed taking a deep swig from her wine glass. I just nodded and twirled my glass in my hands.

"You know," Rosalie said in a soft voice, "I almost don't blame her."

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"Rose!" Alice admonished.

"I didn't say what she did was _right_!" Rosalie turned to face Alice, "but think about it, if Jasper came home and told you he was leaving you for another woman, if you had a chance to fuck him over, wouldn't you do it?"

Alice looked uncomfortable for a moment and she glanced at me sidelong. "I don't know," she finally said.

"I would! No question!" Rosalie scoffed. "If I found out Emmett was leaving me for another woman I'd screw him over as quick as he could blink."

"Nice, Rose. Real, nice." I started to wonder why I wanted Rosalie as a friend. "You _love_ Emmett. I think it's slightly different. Tanya didn't love Edward anymore, she just did what she did out of spite."

Rose just shrugged her elegant shoulders. "Love, spite, what's the difference? Both are strong emotions nonetheless. I'm just saying, I don't think I'd sit idly by while Emmett left me for another woman." Rosalie gave me a piercing glance, "Ok Bella, fast forward five years from now, Edward comes to you saying he found someone else…"

"He wouldn't!" I insisted hotly.

"For argument sake, lets say he did. Would you just let him leave, with _no_ repercussions?"

I opened my mouth to argue that I would never do what Tanya had done and then snapped it shut. Damn it. I hated Rosalie and her stone cold logic sometimes. It was easy for me to say that I wouldn't do that, but if Edward did end up betraying me like he had Tanya, what _would_ I do? I'd like to think I could be the bigger woman and walk away, but maybe that wasn't the truth.

"I can't answer that question!" I said, frustrated.

"You can't, or you won't?" Rosalie looked at me shrewdly.

"Can't. I still love Edward; it would kill me if he did that to me. But if our marriage had gone cold and he had been asking me repeatedly to get a divorce, I can't say I'd be very surprised if he found someone else." I looked back at Rosalie triumphantly.

"Nice evasion." Rose sniffed at me.

"I think Bella has a point," Alice spoke up. "If Jasper left me now, I don't know what I'd do, but if I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I'd hold on to him just out of anger. I mean, it would probably be partially my fault we were in that position to begin with," she said reasonably.

I made an open handed gesture towards Alice while looking at Rose as if to say, 'You see?'

"Well, then I guess you and Bella are better women than I am. Love or not, Emmett better not get involved with anyone else unless I'm dead or we're divorced!" Rosalie nodded her head sharply and took a sip of her wine.

My lip quirked and I made the mistake of looking at Alice who wore a similar expression. I pressed my lips together but it was no use. Both of us started to giggle, which turned into all out laughter. Rosalie scowled at us for a moment before her own lips started to twitch and then she joined in.

When the laughter died down, I mopped my face with my sleeve. "So _anyway_, that's why Edward disappeared for a year. Now you know."

"What's going to happen now?" Alice asked, serious once again.

"Nothing," I said shrugging. "I'm going to keep working and living in Forks and we'll see each other on the weekends. If everything goes well, then I guess we'll talk about what to do then."

"What about Masen?"

"Well he's at his grandparents right now while Edward gets settled. Oh! Guess what? Edward wants me to come to Chicago to go pick him up in two weeks!" I said, my eyes going wide.

"No way!" Alice said excitedly.

"Way!" I replied.

"Wow, that's a pretty big step," Rosalie offered. "Do they know about what happened?"

I explained everything Edward had told me and watched as the girls mulled over this new information. We talked at length about different scenarios and how I should handle things just in case Edward was wrong and his parents detested me. I didn't quite like thinking that may be a distinct possibility, but I was glad that I could talk about it openly with my friends.

We also talked more about Masen and how I felt about turning into and instant family. The term, add water and stir, came to mind and I fought off another bought of giggles. I told them I just had to wait and see what his reception of me would be before I could make any serious decisions. If Masen ended up hating me, it would make going forward with Edward very difficult. I didn't want to dwell on it too much at the moment however, and said as much. Rose and Ali respected that, and we started on another discussion.

Somewhere along the line, Alice had switched her wine to water because she was driving, and three hours had passed effortlessly. I looked at the clock a few times and Rose noticed. She stood up stretching and stifling a yawn. Ali joined her and the girls said their goodbyes as I walked them to the door. I hugged them each tightly and thanked them for keeping me sane.

I had just enough time to rush upstairs, wash my face, change into my pjs and jump into bed before my phone started to ring. Edward had made it home in one piece and was also in bed. We talked for a while about the girls' visit and how that went before I started fighting off yawns.

Edward's voice was getting sleepy and I knew he must be tired after the long drive. It took a little convincing, but I was finally able to get Edward off the phone. I would have liked to talk to him longer but I didn't want him to be exhausted for his first real workday.

I missed Edward already and he had barely been gone four hours. I knew I would see him in just over four days, so that consoled me a little. At least we wouldn't have to go weeks at a time without seeing each other, which was a big improvement. I grabbed his pillow and inhaled deeply. I hoped it would retain his scent till he returned. While it was a sad substitute, it had to be good enough and I fell asleep breathing in Edward's scent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next day, I wasn't anxious to return to work. This would be the first time seeing Mike since we ran into him at Thriftway. I was not looking forward to sitting across from him as he glowered at me. I knew it was probably too much to hope that my week long absence had given him a chance to get over what happened.

When I pulled into the parking lot, Angela was waiting for me. I prayed that she was just supremely curious about what had happened between Edward and I, but that wasn't her style. Angela wasn't a gossipy type of girl, so it couldn't be good news.

"Hey Ange," I said as I got out of the truck.

"Hi, Bella. Did you have a nice week off?" That's as close as Angela would come to asking how things were with Edward.

"It was amazing," I said beaming.

"I closed some business for you," she continued conversationally.

"Thanks, Ange. I really appreciate that."

"Sure, no problem." Before we got to the doors, Angela grasped my arm to stop me. "Bella, I didn't really want to say anything, but Mike's been having a really hard time. I figured you should know before you see him."

Angela was a good friend, not only to me, but to Mike as well. I knew it must be hard for her to be in the middle of all this. I kicked myself for ever getting involved with a co-worker. I knew I'd had that rule for a reason, and here it was, biting me in the proverbial ass.

"Shit. I feel so bad about what happened."

"Well, it's not like you knew any of this was going to happen." Angela, always the voice of reason. God bless her.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked, chewing my bottom lip nervously.

"I'm not sure. Maybe you guys should try to talk about this? You know, alone." I winced. Angela must have heard about the showdown at the Thriftway corral. I just hoped it had been Mike to tell her and she hadn't heard about it from various sources. I really hated living in a small town sometimes.

"Hey, why don't we all go out to the pub tonight after work? I can try and talk to him then." I didn't want to come right out and say I wanted her and Eric to be buffers if this went badly, but Angela was not a stupid girl. She got it right away.

"That might be a good idea. Can't hurt to try!" she said enthusiastically. We turned back to the building and went inside.

Angela had been right to warn me. I don't think I could have hidden the shock on my face when I saw Mike. He had bloodshot eyes and looked like he hadn't shaved all week. Being fair-haired, it made him look scruffy, but not in a good way. His usually neatly tended hair was in disarray and his clothes looked like he had slept in them. Mike was slumped in his chair with his face against his hand when I walked in. His eyes flicked to mine for a second and then he looked away, listlessly.

My guilt flared up and I felt terrible. How could I be responsible for making another human being feel this way? I knew Mike cared about me, but it's not like he had been in love. Or had he? I had never really taken the time to ask, too afraid of knowing the answer. He had always played everything off so casually, that I had taken for granted he might have been developing strong feelings for me. I had to do something to fix this, but I had no clue what I _could_ do. I guess I would have to start with some basic human kindness.

"Hey Mike," I said softly. His eyes shifted back up to my face and he grunted a reply. I was unsure if I should continue with the small talk. Just then the door burst open and James entered with his usual vigor.

"Bella!" he called out. "Nice to see you join us again! I hope you enjoyed your time off." He may as well have finished that sentence with ''cause it's the last you'll be getting any for awhile.' I rolled my eyes and Mike's lip twitched in a grin. Maybe there was hope after all.

"Yes, James. Thank you." I was silently thankful it would be a long weekend when we went to pick up Masen so I didn't need to request more vacation days. Not that I didn't deserve them, I just didn't want to deal with the hassle. James had been thrilled when my relationship with Edward ended; he got his booking machine back in full force as I threw myself into my job. I didn't take any time off, worked extra weekends and covered holidays. Any excuse not to be alone with my thoughts. Obviously, things were going to change now, and James would just have to accept it.

I sat down at my desk and got ready for the day. I opened my email and smiled widely.

**MethodMan**____________ **I Miss You**___________ **Mon 6:49am**

**MethodMan**____________ **I Love You**___________ **Mon 7:12am**

**MethodMan**____________ **I Need You**___________ **Mon 7:39am**

**MethodMan**____________ **You Are My Life** _______**Mon 8:00am**

These messages were sent through a web based email program. We had learned our lesson last time. Not that Edward was worried his work email would be cut off again, but more to preserve our privacy. We knew that since these emails still routed through the military servers, they could technically still be traced and read, but still it wasn't as easily accessible as ones coming from his work account which were always checked.

Each message was sweeter and more endearing than the last and I found myself being transported to our first few months together before everything became… complicated. I spent the day between calls, emailing Edward and was surprised at how easily we had slipped back into the roles we had played when we first met. Of course this time, there were no lies between us and I found Edward to be more carefree. Thinking back on our relationship, I realized now, just how guarded he had been. So many things that had dual meanings and I had been so blind not to notice something had been holding him back.

Now all of that was gone. We were both free to be in love and happy with no reservations. Now _both_ of us could speak excitedly about our future together unconditionally. It was a wonderful feeling.

The only black mark on my day was Mike. Occasionally, I managed to get a grudging smile out of him, but for the most part he was brooding and miserable looking. Angela and Eric tried to draw him out, all to no avail. I pulled Angela aside and told her to invite Mike to the pub with her and Eric but make it seem like I wouldn't be joining them. I would just show up of my own accord later so he couldn't escape.

My plan worked and Mike shot daggers at Eric who had him effectively trapped in the booth. I slipped in beside Angela, smiling at her and thanking her with my eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Mike asked coldly.

"We have to talk."

"You already said everything you needed to say, Bella." Eric and Angela squirmed a little bit, clearly uncomfortable.

"Hey, why don't you guys go play some pool?" I asked them. I got up and took Eric's place as he scrambled out of the booth. I wanted to make sure Mike had no way to escape.

"Move, Bella," Mike said unceremoniously.

"No." Mike had never really seen my stubborn side so he clenched his jaw. I could see him debating whether he should just push me out of the way so he could leave. He looked around to see if anyone would notice. Deciding it was too much of a risk he sighed and slumped over with his head in his hands. I just waited calmly while he pulled himself together.

"What do you want, Bella?" he finally asked, defeated.

"Mike, I feel horrible about everything that happened."

"So you said."

"We have to see each other almost every day. I don't want things to be like this between us.

"Right," he snickered, "let's just be 'friends'." I winced at the venom in his voice.

"Something like that," I mumbled.

"I don't know if I can be friends with you right now."

"I understand. I just hate seeing you like this."

"Well it's _your_ fault I'm like this!" he snapped. That statement, all of the sudden, made me see red.

"Ok, Mike," I said with an edge to my voice. "I know you're mad at me, but I didn't expect this to happen. _And_, I told you right from the start, that I might never be able to love you! Just because Edward came back, doesn't mean this wouldn't have happened down the road anyway." I leaned back, crossing my arms on my chest and scowled at Mike.

"I thought you'd get over him!" he retorted.

"But I didn't, Mike. I tried to tell you that a few times and you just ignored me."

Mike looked like he was about to reply but then stopped. He rubbed his fingers into his eyes and then dragged them up his forehead into his hair. He inhaled deeply and then exhaled in a quick breath.

"Yeah, you're right," he finally said. "It doesn't make this hurt any less though, Bella."

"I know. You deserve better than this. But you also deserve someone who's going to love you, heart and soul. I know you'll find that."

"Easier said than done," Mike said under his breath.

"Hey she may even be here, right now!" I said brightly. He glanced around the bar skeptically and cocked an eyebrow at me. "Ok, that's pushing it. But how will you ever find her looking like a bum and moping around?" I pointed out. I would have reached out and mussed up his hair but I didn't want to give him any false hopes or make this harder than it had to be.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Mike said, running his fingers over his stubble, making a face.

After that, we fell into an easy conversation and things were more like before. I knew Mike was putting on a brave face for me, but I was confident that after awhile it would no longer be a façade. Mike was a good guy, he would find a nice girl to settle down with, of that I was sure.

I left after a couple hours to go home. I told Edward I would call him when I got in and let him know how the evening went. He hadn't been crazy about my idea of spending time with Mike, but I had reassured him as best I could. He agreed that I owed Mike a bit of compassion after we had yanked the rug out from under him.

Edward was relieved to hear from me and I detailed the evening for him. He reluctantly agreed it had been a good idea for me to talk to Mike, even though he still held somewhat of a grudge against him. We chatted for an hour about his first day at work and then the conversation turned to more pleasant things. Of course, phone sex would never take the place of the real thing, but at least it relieved some tension.

I hung up the phone, rolled over and held Edward's pillow against my face. One day down, three and a half to go.

* * *

**Reviews are almost as good as car lemons with Edward! Leave me some love ;))**


	25. Mother And Son

**A/N: Here it is! The return of Esme and Masen :)) Happy reading!**

**Twilight = Not Lalinas :*(**

* * *

**25. Mother and Son**

My knees bounced up and down and my toes tapped on the floor. That's what I did when I was nervous. Edward grabbed hold of one knee and held it still. I smiled at him sheepishly.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Nervous?" he asked smiling at me.

"Extremely."

"I told you, don't be. If I thought for a second my parents would treat you badly, I would never put you through that." He bent his head slightly so I could look into his eyes and see he was being sincere.

"Yeah, you keep saying that," I sighed. Edward started to chuckle under his breath and I smacked his arm. "Don't laugh, this isn't funny!"

"But you're so cute! I've never seen you nervous before." He covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stifle the laughter as I glowered at him.

"Hrmph!" I huffed, crossing my arms angrily. Edward leaned in close so that his lips were right against the shell of my ear. I shivered delightfully.

"Tell you what," he whispered huskily, "I'll find a way to distract you after we take off." His hand moved from my knee and slid slightly up my thigh. I thought Edward had suggested I wear a skirt so I could look nice for his parents. Now I figured he'd had an ulterior motive. His fingers traced slow sensuous circles against the tender flesh of my inner thigh, just a couple of inches above my knee. Heat started to blossom in the pit of my stomach and moved distinctly south as I wondered what he had in mind.

Edward sat back and stared straight forward, a smile playing on his lips. His hand was still on my leg making mindless patterns, but he didn't attempt to move it up further. I had to admit, I welcomed this type of distraction at least.

My mind wandered over the last few weeks. I had never been so happy, not since those first few months with Edward, before I knew he was married. Last weekend, Edward showed up on my doorstep Friday night promptly at 8pm, still in uniform.

I had one errant thought as Edward stood in front of me in his fatigues. _Welcome back, Staff Sergeant Sexy. Pleased to make your acquaintance. _Then I jumped him.

Lying in a pile of discarded clothes in the middle of my hallway, Edward laughed quietly. "Miss me?" he asked. I blushed furiously, understanding what he was getting at.

"Umm, it was the uniform," I said burying my face in his chest. Now Edward was laughing in earnest.

"You know," he said teasing, "if we lived together, you'd see me in camo _every day_."

"_Mean_!" I groaned and made a pained face. "It's really not fair to tease me like that."

"All's fair in love and war," Edward said, nodding solemnly. I began to disentangle myself and Edward clutched me closer and made a disgruntled noise.

"Did you even stop to eat?" I asked curiously.

"Ah, no. I just came straight here," he said, confirming my suspicions.

"Ok, let me up. I have to make you something to eat!"

Edward grumbled but loosened his hold. I went upstairs to freshen up and came back down to find Edward in the kitchen boiling water for pasta. I still loved the way he looked in my home and wondered what we would do with my house when I finally moved on base. There was no way that Edward and Masen could live here, it was much too far from the base. That was one more thing we needed to discuss.

The rest of the weekend was wonderful as usual. Edward and I walked around Forks holding hands; I refused to be confined to the house out of fear of running into people. The whole town already knew I'd had a 'strange man' in Chief Swan's house – It would never be my house even though it had belonged to me for over seven years – so it was pointless trying to keep my relationship a secret.

We had even gone over to Jacob's house so I could introduce Edward to Billy. I was happy that whatever had happened between the two of them when Edward first arrived, it had dissolved the tension between them. We ended up hanging out in Jake's garage while the boys - Yes, get two men together with a car engine, and they turned into boys - pored over Jake's Rabbit. I watched my two favorite men lovingly, as they talked mechanic gobbledygook and drank warm sodas from a paper bag.

Of course, Sunday came much too quickly and it was once again time to say goodbye. At least I would see Edward in three days. I had taken Thursday and Friday off work and was going to make the drive down to McChord AFB. Edward and I would spend the night on base, and then drive to Seattle in the morning to catch an early flight to Chicago. Even though the flight was only four hours, because of the time difference, we wouldn't arrive until early afternoon. Then I would meet Masen again and Edward's parents.

The plane taxiing away from the airport brought me back to the present. I fought the urge to bounce my leg up and down again. Usually parents liked me, but that was because I hadn't made it a habit to date married men. Edward had reassured me all last night and the drive this morning that his parents didn't hate me but there was no way to really know until I met them. Edward felt me squirming and squeezed my leg reassuringly. I wasn't quite sure how he did it, but somehow he could sense the tiniest change in my demeanor. It went back to that connection between us. It wasn't solely about the incredible chemistry we felt, it went much deeper than that.

Edward kept his hand on my lower thigh throughout most of the flight keeping me 'distracted'. He told me stories about his childhood and his parents, all the while brushing his fingers softly up and down my leg. He then started telling me more about Masen, how he was as a baby and funny little anecdotes over the last four years.

I listened to his voice as he spoke softly, and was captivated by the timbre and resonance. I remembered the first time we spoke on the phone and that rush I felt hearing him for the first time. I watched him as well, and took in all the little details that I loved so much. How his eyes lit up and crinkled at the corners as he got to a particularly amusing part of a story. I loved how his long dark lashes made his green eyes even more vivid and bright. I watched his lips move and memorized every little smile, pucker, grimace and pout.

Every once in awhile, his tongue would dart out to moisten his lips, catching my attention. His long, graceful hands, at once strong yet artistic would reach up and sweep back his thick unruly locks. Edward, as a male specimen, was a perfect creature. I felt a surge of possessive pride knowing he was finally mine.

"Are you still nervous?" Edward asked me solicitously.

I nodded, my eyes big and serious. I watched a sly smile spread on his face and his hand crept further up my thigh, slipping under my billowy skirt. His fingers were caressing my inner thigh, leaving a trail of fire in their wake as he neared my sex. I hissed in a quick breath as the tip of his pinky brushed my outer lips through my panties.

"Shhhh," he whispered in my ear before nipping the soft flesh with his teeth. We were sitting towards the back of the plane and the seats across the aisle were empty so I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing what Edward was doing. The stewardesses were congregated at the front of the plane chatting, and he would notice anyone coming down the aisle even if I didn't.

Edward made it look as if he was just whispering something in my ear, but in reality he was sucking on my earlobe. I tried to keep my expression neutral but it was very hard, especially since now his curious fingers had just found my clit. I bit back a moan as he drew circles over the fabric covering the sensitive nub. Then two fingers slid further down heading towards my entrance. I cursed the thin material that kept him from slipping inside me.

Pulling his head away, he looked towards the stewardesses. Satisfied that they were otherwise occupied, Edward removed his hand from under my skirt. He got up and walked towards the back of the plane. _Where the hell is he going? _I thought, somewhat pissed off. How could he just leave me in this condition?

Edward stepped into one of the washrooms and stood inside the doorway. He cocked a brow at me and made a come here gesture with his finger. I looked around quickly, but no one seemed to be paying attention so I all but ran to him.

After locking the door behind us, Edward turned to me and kissed me hungrily. I was already highly aroused and was pleased when I found out Edward was as well. I stroked his length through his pants, thrilling at his reaction as his hips pushed forward. Edward spun me around so that I was facing the sink. He swept my hair away from my neck and started kissing and running his tongue along it, all the while maintaining eye contact with me in the mirror. His hands reached under my shirt and cupped my breasts, rolling my stiffening nipples between his fingers. The whole thing was completely erotic and I couldn't help rubbing myself against his rock hard erection.

While Edward teased me, I reached behind me to undo his pants. My actions were limited but I was able to get his cock free. Edward groaned into my hair as I stroked him, gripping tightly. One of his hands reached down and started to pull my skirt up. Once it was up around my hips, he hooked a finger inside my panties and tugged them down. I gripped the edge of the sink and arched by back, feeling him, skin to skin.

I bit my lip hard as Edward thrust into me. I really wanted to cry out, but I knew it wouldn't be a good idea. I watched Edward in the mirror, my gaze locked on his as he began to move inside me. He kept one hand under my skirt, and it was busy manipulating my clit while the other had a hold of one breast.

I'm not sure if it was because we were doing something taboo, or watching us in the mirror, but I couldn't remember being this turned on ever in my life. Edward continued sucking on my neck and any bare skin he could reach. His thrusts were short and shallow and he was driving me absolutely insane. I wanted to scream at him to go hard and deep and I suspected that was the reaction he wanted. Since I couldn't be vocal I began pushing back against him and meeting his strokes, using the sink for leverage.

Edward groaned and he started moving his fingers faster against my clit. He was losing the tenuous grip he had on his self-control and gave me what I wanted. After about a dozen strokes, I felt that unmistakable feeling, I started to tremble as the heat built and spread. I tried to stay as quiet as possible as my orgasm took over. Recognizing the fact I was in the throes of climax, Edward grabbed my hips and increased his tempo. His head was tossed back, and the muscles on his neck were corded, He had a fierce look of concentration on his face and then I felt him start to shudder.

Once he'd finished, Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. He smiled at me in the mirror, almost sleepily and I gave him a similar look in return. He cleaned up quickly and then opened the door, peeking out. I guessed the coast was clear because he slipped out of the washroom leaving me alone to make myself look presentable. My hair was slightly messed up and I had two hectic spots burning high on my cheeks. I adjusted my clothes, smoothed back my hair and left the washroom.

Walking towards where we were seated, I brushed Edward's shoulder and he got out of his seat so I could squeeze in. No one seemed to have noticed our disappearance. When we sat down, Edward reached for my hand and kissed my knuckles. The captain let us know shortly after that, we would be arriving in Chicago soon.

I was still nervous to meet Edward's parents, bit I felt much more relaxed. If that had been Edward's intention all along, it had certainly worked.

When we landed, my jitters came back in full force. Since it was going to be such a short stay, both Edward and I opted for overnight bags instead of luggage so there was no excuse to loiter around waiting for baggage. Edward had my hand firmly clasped as he walked towards the arrivals section.

I think I would have recognized Edward's parents anywhere, even if they hadn't been standing with Masen. His mother was tall for a woman, and slender. She had long caramel colored hair, just a few shades lighter than Edward's. Her face was joyous when she saw her son. Edward's father was also tall and had the same build as Edward. He carried himself proudly, with the exact tilt to his head that his son had and was very handsome. I was pleased to see the older couple holding hands; you could tell that they still loved each other very much. I hoped Edward and I looked that happy with each other after almost forty years of marriage.

Edward had told me that Masen had grown since last I saw him. I knew he would look slightly different of course but I was still a little surprised at the little boy standing in front of Esme and Carlisle. He was much taller than I remembered and he had lost the baby roundness in his cheeks. His golden curls were the same and I wondered if they were still as silky as I remembered. Masen's face split into a wide grin when he finally spotted his father.

"Daddy!" he shrieked and ran towards us. I let Edward's hand go so he could rush forward and meet with his family. He bent down and pulled Masen up in a tight hug. He kissed his son's face a few times and the boy squealed in delight.

"I missed you, buddy," Edward said into his hair.

"I missed you too, daddy. Am I coming home with you now?"

"Yes, you are," he said, putting Masen down and squatting in front of him. "I have your room all ready for you. I think you'll like it."

I hung back a little while all this happened, smiling at the scene in front of me. Edward's parents came up and he stood and embraced them both. Esme reached up and brushed his hair back from his forehead in a complete motherly gesture and Edward gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. I could see what he had meant when he said all his mother cared about was his happiness. I really hoped that the circumstances under which I had met her son didn't color her view.

Masen was clutching Edward's pant leg when he looked around and spied me. He cocked his head to the side and gave me a quizzical look as if he were trying to figure something out. I knew that he most likely wouldn't remember much about me, but when I smiled at him, his face cleared and he smiled back. He began to tug on Edward's shirt and pointed towards me, whispering something too low for me to hear.

Edward turned and gave me a heart-stopping smile. He extended his hand towards me and beckoned me to come closer. My stomach was flopping around with nerves, but I somehow managed to move myself forward. Edward put his hand on the small of my back, lightly pulling me into the circle of his family.

"Mom, dad, this is Bella," he said smiling at me and dropping a quick wink.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I said to them. _Please like me, please like me, please like me._

Carlisle extended his hand, and his blue eyes crinkled at me as he smiled warmly. "The pleasure is mine," he said. "Edward has told us a lot about you."

Esme must have noticed the panic on my face and she was quick to say, "All good things, of course." And laughed lightly. She had an appraising look on her face as she gave me a once over. I was praying she didn't notice the sex hair both her son and me were sporting.

So far everything seemed to be going well, but Edward's parents looked like the type to keep up appearances. If they hated me, I doubted they would let their true feelings show in front of their grandson and an airport full of strangers. It may be altogether different when we were alone and in private.

Edward was standing with Masen in front of him, hands on his shoulders. I turned to them once the introductions to his parents were over. Tucking my skirt behind my knees, I squatted down in front of him. He was looking at his shoes overtaken by shyness. I couldn't help but wish he hadn't lost that exuberance from the first time we met. I knew the last year had taken a toll on him and made him grow up faster than he should have. I wanted to tuck him up into my arms and tell him everything would be all right, but I knew that would be too much, too fast. I had to let him come to me at his own speed.

"Hi Masen," I said softly. His eyes flicked up to mine for a second and then away again. They were the same vivid green as his father's.

"Hi," he replied. Edward stayed silent, but I saw him give his son and heartening squeeze. I glanced up at him and he nodded encouragingly.

"Do you remember me?" I asked him. Edward had said Masen talked about me sometimes, but that may have just been to make me feel better. He had been young when we met and it was a good chance he didn't remember that one day we had spent together over a year ago.

Masen nodded his head but still didn't look up at me. He had a small smile on his face however and I felt relief wash over me. He was a little shy, but I was optimistic that we could overcome this. I reached out and brushed a curl from his forehead before standing up. I didn't want to push Masen too much, so I smiled at everyone brightly.

"I guess we should go?" I asked, breaking the tension.

Everyone nodded and there was a small chorus of assent before we made our way out of the airport. Edward had his bag in one hand and was holding Masen's with the other. I walked beside Masen, following Carlisle and Esme. A few moments later, I felt Masen slip his hand into mine. I looked down at our clasped hands, surprised and pleased. I glanced up at Edward and he looked so happy, that I couldn't help the grin that spread on my face.

When we got to the car, Esme noticed that Masen was holding my hand and she gave us a speculative look. I hoped that was a good thing. Carlisle made a lucrative living as a plastic surgeon. He was one of the most sought after doctors in the Chicago area so I wasn't surprised that the car we got into was a sleek Mercedes sedan.

Edward buckled Masen into his booster seat and then slid in beside me. He nudged my shoulder but that was as far as we went in regards to showing affection. I knew that he wanted Masen to get accustomed to me a little bit before explaining our relationship. It had been almost six months since Tanya had passed away, but it was still a little soon for him to welcome me with open arms. We hoped that with the distance, and spending time together on the weekends for a while, Masen would have time to get used to my presence.

Esme made small talk with Edward and I until we reached their home. I hadn't realized Edward came from money; his parents lived in an affluent part of the city in a very large home. I was slightly intimidated by all of this. I didn't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't this. The Cullen's house was gorgeous. It was an open concept with a light colour palette, which lent everything a light and airy feeling. The entire back wall was made of glass that backed out onto a ravine. It was absolutely beautiful.

Masen tugged on my hand to get my attention and I looked down and smiled at him. "Do you want to see my room?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes, I'd love to," I replied mimicking his tone. He tugged me towards the large curved staircase to the right of the foyer. We left Edward and his parents alone downstairs as I followed Masen. He let go of my hand and sprinted up the stairs with me in pursuit.

I was sitting on the edge of Masen's bed oohing and ahhing appropriately as he showed me his favorite toys. Edward walked into the room and propped himself up against the doorjamb. He had an amused look on his face so I assumed his parents didn't detest me. I patted the space beside me on the bed and he pushed off the wall and came to join me. Edward was looking down at his hands and he had a small secret smile on his face. I nudged him with my shoulder and lifted my chin slightly asking what he was smiling about. He just shrugged and shook his head a bit in an "I'll tell you later" gesture.

Esme popped her head into the room a little while later, "Bella, do you want me to show you to your room?" she asked. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to freshen up before dinner."

"Oh, sure. That would be great," I said jumping up from the bed.

"I can show her, mom," Edward called but Esme had already started down the hallway. He shrugged at me as I ran out of the room to catch up. She had stopped a bit up the hall and waited for me. Once I caught up she began walking again.

"This is Edward's room," she said pointing, making it obvious we were not stopping there. She walked a little further to another doorway and opened the door. "And this will be your room."

"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen. It's beautiful," I said sincerely.

"Esme, please."

"Esme," I repeated smiling slightly.

"I hope you don't think Carlisle and I are particularly old fashioned," Esme said playing with a small figurine on top of the bureau. "We thought perhaps it would confuse Masen to see you and Edward share a room." She glanced up at me and gave me a tight smile.

"No, it's fine. Really," I said quickly, trying to reassure her. Edward and I had discussed this before coming and had come up with the same conclusion. "I thought maybe… it was too soon for all of this." Now it was my turn to look away embarrassed.

Esme didn't reply right away and when I looked up at her, she had that same speculative look on her face again. It was as if she was trying to figure me out, but hadn't quite managed. She gestured toward a chair; I took a seat as she perched on the corner of the bed. She regarded me for a while and I tried not to fidget under her gaze. Edward had told me she could read him like a book, and now I knew what he meant. That's sort of how I felt, like she was turning through the pages of my life to see what was inside.

"Edward can be a little… _enthusiastic_," she began. I smiled at her choice of words. "Sometimes he can rush into things without necessarily thinking of the bigger picture." My smile turned into a small grimace, I was certain she meant more than just right now and this situation.

"Mrs. Cullen…"

"Esme."

"Esme," I began again. "I'm sorry if we've put you in an awkward position. Ugh, I _knew_ we should have waited a bit," I said, frustrated.

"Bella, it's ok. I know Edward wanted us to meet you because you are important to him."

"I just don't want you to feel like I'm forcing myself on your family," I said, taking a deep breath.

"We don't feel that way. My only concern is for my grandson. Edward and Tanya's relationship was over for a long while, but Masen has only lost his mother six months ago." I nodded, feeling horrible and slightly nauseous. "Did Edward tell you Masen still has nightmares?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "I suggested that he and Edward see someone to help him through that." Esme looked at me as if I had just told her I came from the planet Krypton.

"Well," she said, "that's a very good suggestion. And Edward agreed with this?"

"Yes, he did," I hesitated briefly. "It was one of the conditions of us trying to make this work." I blurted out. Esme's lip twitched briefly as if she were trying not to laugh and I was mortified at having said too much.

"Thank you," she said, looking me straight in the eye.

"For what?" I asked confused.

"For caring about Masen's well being. It's one thing to love the father, quite another his son."

"Oh."

"I watched you with him at the airport. Masen has become very withdrawn since his mother's death, even with us. But he took your hand. That told me more about you than anything Edward ever could." I felt a swell of pride at her words and my outlook on this whole situation brightened tremendously.

"Everything ok in here?" Both of us turned towards Edward's voice. Esme smiled and stood up. She walked to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Everything is fine, baby. Just a little girl talk." Edward blushed crimson at the term of endearment.

"Mom, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not a baby," he complained.

"And how many times do I have to tell you, you'll _always_ be my baby!" she scolded before leaving the room. I chuckled at the exchange and Edward rolled his eyes before coming over to me.

"_Is_ everything ok?" he asked squatting in front of me and looking at me intently.

"Yes," I said, cupping his face and giving him a chaste kiss. "Your mother is very nice."

"Yeah, she is," he said smiling fondly. It was nice to see this side of Edward; I hadn't realized he was such a mamma's boy.

Edward left me to my own devices and I freshened up for dinner. I went downstairs and found Edward playing with Masen. I could hear the little boy's peals of laughter from the landing, they were infectious and I found myself grinning as I walked into the living room. Carlisle and Esme were on a sofa watching as Masen tackled his father who was putting on a pretty good show of getting beat up.

I sat in a chair and watched them in amusement till Masen noticed me. "Bella!" he yelled before launching himself at me, and landing in my lap with a solid thump. I laughed and wrapped my arms around him giving him a big squeeze. Edward crawled over to another chair and slumped in it, winded from playing with an exuberant four year old.

Everyone started to chat amicably until dinnertime. Esme had made lasagna and we all ate heartily. I helped her to clear up afterward, and we worked mostly in a comfortable silence. Soon it was bedtime for Masen, so he gave me a hug before leaving with Edward to go to his room. The rest of the night passed quickly without any fanfare, and then the older couple called it a night, leaving Edward and I alone. We cuddled on the couch, enjoying the silence.

"So, what do you think?" Edward asked, nuzzling my ear.

"I'm glad I came," I said honestly.

"I'm glad you came too. I think my parents really like you."

"Good. I really like them too."

We stayed up for another hour until I began to yawn. It wasn't very late especially considering I was still on Pacific Time but it had still been a long day. Edward walked me to my room and then slipped in behind me, closing the door quietly.

"What are you doing?" I whispered. "You have to go to your room!" I pushed at his chest a little but he grabbed me and started kissing my neck. I went limp for a moment as his lips and tongue brushed over my tender skin. "Edward, you're going to get me in trouble," I whined. I felt him laugh into the crook of my neck.

"Bella, we aren't teenagers. My parents know we have sex."

"That's all kinds of wrong, right there."

"Would it make you feel better if I told you they were probably getting it on right now too?"

"_No_!" Edward buried his face against me as he snorted with mirth. "This isn't funny!" I hissed.

"Shut up, Bella," Edward said before fastening his lips to mine. I just gave up and wrapped my arms around his neck.

We undressed each other slowly, kissing and caressing. This would be sweet and sensuous, the very essence of the phrase making love. It was replete with soft sighs and low moans. I never got tired exploring Edward's body. It was my wonderland.

Afterward, we lay in each other's arms and talked about our day. I told him about the conversation with Esme and how at first I was convinced she disliked me. He stiffened when I told him about the beginning of the conversation but relaxed when I finished the story, and remained pensive for a while. I used this as an excuse to get up out of bed and go to the washroom. I rifled in my bag and threw on a light cotton nightgown.

As I was going back to my room, I heard a blood-curdling scream come from Masen's room. Without thinking, I ran in there towards the bed. Masen was sitting up crying. I sat and pulled the little boy in my arms, soothing him automatically.

"Mommy… mommy," he sobbed against me.

Edward ran in the room, luckily he had stopped long enough to pull his boxer briefs on. He came and sat on the other side of the bed and opened his arms. Masen went to him and let himself be comforted. I started to get up to leave them but Masen reached out a hand and grasped my nightgown. He turned a tearstained face to me and I sat back down. Edward and I wrapped our arms around one another, cradling Masen between us.

Esme had heard the commotion and peeked her head in. When she saw all of us cuddled on Masen's bed, she smiled and retreated. We crowded under the covers and Edward and I waited till Masen fell asleep. It didn't take long for his eyes to grow heavy and his breathing to even out. Edward and I were on our sides facing each other with Masen sandwiched in between. We had our hands clasped over top of the sleeping boy's body and were just staring at one another.

"Have I told you I love you, lately?" Edward whispered.

"Not lately," I whispered back, smiling.

"I love you."

The next day, Edward wanted to show me around Chicago. There was also a yearly Jazz festival that we wanted to go to. We borrowed Carlisle's car, buckled Masen in and went on a tour of the city.

Our first stop was Navy Pier where we went on the Ferris wheel. Masen kept his eyes covered at first when we headed to the top, and kept them covered, until he was certain we wouldn't let him fall. Then he peeked over the rail and laughed in delight. Once we got off the Ferris wheel, we took a boat tour and enjoyed the cool breeze coming off the water.

After a quick lunch we brought Masen to the Chicago Children's Museum. I loved watching him go through all the exhibits and how he interacted with Edward. I was completely amazed at how wonderful a father Edward was. He always listened with rapt attention as Masen spoke with him. They joked and laughed and had so much fun together. We never did make it to the Jazz festival and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Carlisle and Esme brought us out for dinner that evening. Thankfully, it was a casual affair since I hadn't brought anything too fancy with me. Once again, I observed Edward in his element. His interaction with his parents told me so much about him. He was the doted on only child, but was taught how to be self-sufficient and proud. He was taught respect and love and manners. He was taught to be the man who sat beside me today.

We arrived home later than expected, so Edward brought Masen upstairs for a bath and to help him get ready for bed. Carlisle headed to his study to go over some case files, so that left Esme and I alone for the time being. We hadn't spent any time on our own since my arrival, but things had been pleasant between us.

"Would you like to join me outside on the patio, Isabella?" she asked smiling.

"Sure, that would be nice," I said, following her out the door. She sat on one of the wicker chairs and I took another. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Esme spoke.

"I know you're worried that I'm going to judge you for being with Edward while he was still married." My heart literally stopped. I hadn't expected her to be quite so upfront about the situation and now I had no idea how to react.

"Yes," I replied, shocked into the truth.

"Well," she began, "I can't say I'm happy about what happened, but I do understand it."

"You do?" I asked, completely flabbergasted.

"I mentioned that I knew Edward and Tanya's marriage was over long before you came along, Bella. Did Edward tell you how he and Tanya met?"

"He said she was a family friend," I replied.

"Yes, her and her sisters have been close with our family for years, especially after they lost their mother." She was silent for a while and I waited for her to continue. "Personally, I don't think Edward and Tanya would have gotten married at all if not for us pushing her on to him." Esme looked at me almost apologetically.

"You have to understand, he was so broken after what his fiancée Sharon had done, we were worried he would just continue to put himself in danger by volunteering for continued tours of duty. I thought if he met someone, he would want to stay home. Or at least in America. I wanted to keep him safe. It worked, of course, but now I see that maybe it hadn't been in Edward's best interest to meddle in his life that way."

I sat absorbing this information. I had known about the story. Edward had told me everything that weekend in Las Vegas when he finally admitted he was still married, but having Esme reaffirm it gave me a certain sense of security. I knew deep down that it wasn't in Edward's nature to be unfaithful, but it didn't hurt to be reassured of this.

"They seemed happy at first," Esme resumed her story, "so I thought perhaps we had done a good thing. Then Masen came along and they were just over the moon about him, but even then I could sense that something wasn't quite _there_. After a couple more years, even though we didn't see them often, I noticed how distant they were from one another and I knew that it had been a mistake to pair the two of them together. It was a bitter pill to swallow," she said quietly.

"Esme, this isn't necessary…"

"Yes, it is, Bella. What Edward did was _wrong_ and I was very upset with him for being unfaithful to Tanya when it could have been avoided, but you need to realize that he will always be true to you," she said emphatically.

"How do you know?" I asked, once again surprised into complete honesty.

"Because I can see how he is with you and I've never seen him like this, ever. He looks at you the way Carlisle used to look at me when we first met," she said smiling sweetly at the mention of her husband.

"The way he _still_ looks at you," I said playfully and watched Esme's cheeks turn pink.

"So, do you see what I'm trying to tell you?" she asked seriously.

"I think I do," I said slowly. "You don't think I'm a home wrecker then?" I was surprised when Esme began to laugh and it was my turn to blush.

"Oh my," Esme said once she stopped chortling. She looked at me and patted my hand, "I'm sorry to say, there wasn't much of a home left to wreck, Bella."

"Thank you, Esme."

"You're welcome dear."

We lapsed back into silence, each with our own thoughts. Edward showed up and smiled at us.

"Masen is in bed, he's asking to say goodnight to Nana and Bella," he said happily.

Both Esme and I got up from our seats and went into the house to kiss Masen goodnight. He was exhausted from his long day and was almost asleep by the time we got there. I dropped a kiss on his curls and wished him a good night.

Edward snuck into my room again but this time Masen didn't wake up screaming, which was a relief. He ended up going back to his own room by daybreak, just to keep things on the safe side. I was sad to see him go but at least I had been able to sleep with him for most of the night.

Sunday we had to pack up Masen's things to get ready to bring him home. I helped Esme make breakfast while Edward took care of things upstairs. All the men came down with grumbling tummies and voracious appetites. I watched the Cullen's interact with one another and for the first time, I didn't feel like a spectator. I felt like family.

* * *

**Reviews are almost as good as joining the Mile High Club with Edward! Leave me love :))**


	26. Live, Love, Laugh

**A/N:**** This chapter is dedicated to mrsedwardcullen73ca and my twilighted board girls (y'all know who you are!) esp Ady, Kass, Marie, Jenelle and Caren. You chicas have been super awesome and much love to you all!**

**Twilight does not belong to me but this HEA does!  
**

* * *

**26. Live, Love, Laugh **

It was Christmas week. Two years had passed since I had met Edward in that fateful chat room. Like every other year, it was pretty much dead except for the tire kickers who never learned that there were no sell offs at Christmas time.

Esme and Carlisle had generously bought airline tickets well in advance for Edward and Masen to join them for Christmas and New Years, as they did every year. The two major differences were: this year I was their travel agent and they had also bought a ticket for me. I had argued against their incredible generosity, but they wouldn't hear of it. I was part of the family and family came home for Christmas.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get as much time off work as I wanted, so Edward and Masen would fly to Chicago on the Saturday before Christmas and I would fly in on Christmas Eve. We would stay until New Years and fly back on Saturday so Edward could drive me home and then he and Masen would return to McChord on the Sunday. It was somewhat convoluted and I hoped that this time next year, Edward and I were living together so we wouldn't have to jump through so many hoops.

The last four - almost five - months had been exciting, challenging, sad, fun, and a multitude of other adjectives. This was a first for all of three of us, and we muddled along the best we could. The one constant was the love that was shared between us. My love for Edward and Masen, Edward's love for us and Masen's love for his father and growing affection for me. I had become somewhat of a surrogate mother for him, which pleased me to no end, but he did still often ask if he would see his actual mother ever again. Those times were the most heart wrenching, and they were usually followed by his recurring nightmare.

Masen had greatly improved since he and Edward began seeing a family therapist. They were able to connect and bond in a way that perhaps wouldn't have been possible had Edward tried to handle everything on his own. Masen's nightmares had decreased tremendously, and on the rare nights he did wake screaming, we would all gather in his bed like we had that night in Chicago – if I was there of course, if I wasn't, then Edward would cuddle with Masen on his own until he fell asleep.

Obviously, the addition of Masen had changed the dynamic of my relationship with Edward. In the beginning, we had to be very aware of the boy's presence and try to keep our shows of affection with one another to a minimum. Neither of us wanted to confuse him or cause any issues of jealousy. I had to admit, spending time with Edward and not being able to touch him was somewhat difficult. As a result, I showered Masen with affection instead. The little boy was more than happy to get as many hugs and kisses as I could heap on him, which increased our bond exponentially.

In a way, this was a good thing because it made Masen feel loved and wanted and gave him the comfort that he had been missing. Not that Edward wasn't loving and affectionate, it was just different coming from a woman. I felt as if Masen had an easier time accepting me because he no longer had Tanya. If he'd had to split his love between two women – especially the woman his father had chosen to be with instead of his mother – I think it would have made life much more difficult for all involved. Since that wasn't the case, he could take all the emotion he'd had for her and give it to me. It was a precious gift, and one I would never take for granted.

Despite the fact that our crazy days of sex - wherever and whenever - were over, Edward and I grew closer than ever. I managed to ask him what he had been smiling about that day in Masen's bedroom, and he confided in me that the sight of his son and I, playing and interacting with one another, had filled his heart with the purest of all joys. He hadn't imagined being _that_ happy ever again and it was almost overwhelming. We had been lying in bed when he confessed this to me, his head resting on my chest. I was so overcome with emotion, that all I could do was caress his face and hair as tears rolled from my eyes. We had gone through so much to get to this point, but at least finally, we were here.

It was a good thing that Masen slept like the dead, because we definitely made up for lost time during the late hours of the night. Our passion for each other seemed to increase, especially since we tried to be chaste with one another all day long. Occasionally, Edward would pull me into the bedroom for a quick make out session when Masen was occupied watching a movie or playing in the back yard, and that just served to build up our anticipation for the night to come. It was like hours of foreplay, to the point where we would just attack one another at the soonest opportunity. Then, after we'd had a chance to expend the pent up frustration, we would make love again, only more slowly and sensuously.

After a couple of months - once Masen was used to spending time with me - Edward and I began being more affectionate with one another in his presence. It started very slowly where we would sit close together and Edward would put an arm behind me. Occasionally, we would hold hands or Edward would put his arm around my waist in a sort of embrace. Masen seemed very open and accepting of these slight changes, which in turn, gave us the confidence to be a little bolder. We eventually graduated to little kisses, first on the cheek and then a peck on the lips here and there. Once again, besides a few sidelong glances, Masen adapted to this rather easily. By the end of November, Edward and I behaved like any other couple in front of him, and things were looking good.

I went to McChord every other weekend and Edward and Masen would come to Forks the rest of the time. We went down to La Push quite often to visit Jacob and his two friends Quil and Embry. Most times we congregated on the beach and watched Masen run around collecting stones, shells and various other oddments. The guys took turns chasing him around as Edward and I sat and laughed just enjoying each other's company. Afterward we'd all tromp back to Jacob's house to eat and warm up after the cool wind of the ocean.

Rose and Ali came to visit as well, both of them were besotted with Masen and he loved all the attention from the two women. Sometimes, I saw him look towards Rosalie wistfully, and I wondered if she reminded him of his mother. My suspicion was confirmed when I watched him crawl into Rosalie's lap and play with her hair with a forlorn look on his face. He was doing so well, I tended to forget that he must still miss Tanya very much. I felt very conflicted; while I understood that he wouldn't just forget his mother, it made me feel like I wasn't enough for him. I tried to reason with myself, but I just couldn't help that flare of jealousy whenever I thought of Tanya. I hoped one day she would just be a faint memory for us all, and then I felt guilty for wanting to deprive Masen of his memories.

Edward and I discussed this occasionally at night, when I had the darkness to cloak me. He always listened and comforted me. He never told me that I was being unreasonable, or made me ashamed of how I felt. Edward would simply hold me in his arms, stroke my hair and make soothing noises until I had talked myself out. When I was done, he would reassure me of his love and ask me to be a bit more patient.

Patient I was, and it did start to pay off. Masen started to come to me more frequently if he had a problem, whereas before he would go straight to Edward. He also initiated activities with me by bringing me books so we could read together, or he would ask me to play some of his favorite games with him. Edward would watch, smirking at me whenever this happened, which made me very happy. I knew that he loved these moments almost as much as I did.

Life went on in this manner, as we grew closer as a family. We all adjusted to the different dynamic of our blended family and I'd say all in all, we succeeded incredibly well.

I tapped my toes impatiently and waited to be connected to the chat room. I was bored, Edward and Masen were already in Chicago and JC was out of the office. When the cat's away, the mice will play. And play we did.

It was still a lot of fun to fool around with my co-workers in the chat rooms. Mike had gotten over our cursed fling and was dating Jessica Stanley of all people. At first I had disapproved - not that I had any right - because I used to work with her and she had been a Class A bitch. Then one night, she showed up at the local bar and sat with us. I expected a lot of attitude from her, but she was actually very contrite.

I had gone to the bathroom, and much to my chagrin, Jessica followed me in there. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the awkward, bumbling girl who stood in front of me now.

"Bella, can we talk for a minute?"

"Ummm… sure," I said, hoping she'd be quick about it. Beer tended to make me pee. A _lot_.

"I just wanted to apologize for how I treated you, when you worked for Jasper's parents." I blinked a couple of times in rapid succession. I would have never thought I'd see the day Jessica Stanley apologized to me for the wretched way she had treated me all those years ago. I suddenly wished I'd drank my usual white wine instead of beer, the urge to start bouncing around on my tippy toes overtook me.

"Hold that thought!" I said, before rushing headlong into a stall and yanking at my jeans. I sat down and felt immediate relief. I resisted the urge to say '_ahhhhhhh_' remembering Jessica was outside of my stall, waiting for me. I took a few extra moments to mull over her apology and wondered what had brought it on. I shrugged and figured I'd find out soon enough. Opening the door, I noticed Jessica hadn't moved an inch. I walked over to wash my hands and when I was done, I turned to face her, blushing slightly.

"Sorry about that, I _really_ had to go." Jessica just gave me a little smile. "So you were saying?"

"Look, I really like Mike," she began, "like, _like_, like him. You know?" Her curls bounced up and down emphatically as she spoke.

"Oooo-kay?" I said, wondering what the fig that had to do with me. My expression must have said as much because Jessica sighed heavily.

"Well, I know you guys are friends, and he takes what you say seriously…"

"So you don't want me to bad mouth you to him. Is that what you're saying?" I finished for her. The truth comes out; I knew there would be no way Jessica would lower herself to apologize to me, of all people, for her behavior.

"Yes and no," she hedged. "Obviously, I don't want you to bad mouth me, but I really _am_ sorry about everything that happened. Lauren was my best friend, and she was really threatened by you, so I just went along with whatever she wanted. It was wrong of me, and I shouldn't have done that." Jessica looked me in the eyes and she seemed to be genuine.

"Yeah, well… we were young. No biggie, I guess." I shrugged and gave her a shy smile. "Just look after Mike, ok? He's a good guy."

"He is," she said, mooning. Maybe things would work out for them. I could only hope.

In a way, I should be thankful to her and Lauren. Had they not pushed me out of my job and had I moved up in the ranks of the company, I would never have worked at TDG and been in that chat room the day I met Edward.

Speak of the devil, I saw the blinking tab indicating a private chat and clicked on it.

**_Methodman: Hey there beautiful lady! Come here often ;))_**

The smile lit up my face when I saw Edward's nic. I couldn't help teasing him a little.

**_Bells: Only when I want to talk to sexy strangers _**

**_Methodman: This must be my lucky day then._**

**_Bells: Must be! I miss you… _**

**_Methodman: I miss you, too. It's so lonely without you :(( I wish you were here so I could hold you, kiss you._**

Even in text, his words gave me butterflies. I closed my eyes, seeing Edward and me in a heated embrace. I shuddered slightly and opened my eyes.

**_Bells: * sigh * we'll be together soon :)) Just a few more days._**

**_Methodman: Not soon enough. Masen misses you too._**

**_Bells: Really? _**

**_Methodman: Yes, he keeps asking when you'll be coming._**

**_Bells: That's so sweet! Tell him I miss him too_**

I smiled at our latest exchange. I could tell Edward was thrilled that Masen was excited for my arrival. That made two of us. We had made so much progress in the last month and I knew that Esme and Carlisle would be happy that Masen was so accepting of my relationship with his father. I truly did love that little boy and wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. I hadn't really known how true it would be when I told Edward I would love Masen as if he were my own.

Since things were going so well, Edward and I discussed what to do about our living arrangements. We had decided that when I moved to McChord, that I should keep Charlie's house. It was paid for after all, and we would be living on base, which was free. Edward had just over a year left till his term was over and he was considering leaving the military. If he did that, we could potentially move back to Forks if I so desired. Nothing major had been decided yet but I was glad we were discussing all the options.

Edward and I chatted each day while I was at work. It was slightly better than emailing since we were talking in real time and it offered instant gratification. It obviously wasn't as satisfying as being together in person, or even as good as a phone call where I could hear his magnificent voice, but it did the trick. In the evenings at least, I did get to speak to him, which was both wonderful and frustrating. It made me miss him even more and I knew he wasn't only three hours away. Not by car anyway.

This week would be a long one but at least one day was already over.

Christmas Eve finally arrived. I was scheduled to work that morning and then Angela was driving me to Port Angeles to catch a small connecting flight to Seattle, which would then fly me to Chicago. By the time I arrived, it would be almost ten P.M. I hated missing so much time with my new family, but at least we would have Christmas day till the New Year together. Like last time, we would all fly back to Seattle on the Saturday and drive back to Forks. Edward and Masen would spend the night and return to McChord on the Sunday.

I ran off the plane, plowing down anyone who dared get in my way. Unfortunately, since this would be a longer stay, I had been forced to pack a proper suitcase and had to wait for my luggage. Just as I was about to climb into the hatch and see where the hell all the baggage had gone, the conveyor started to move. I was convinced my bag would be last but surprisingly enough, it was almost one of the first ones trundling along the carousel. I hauled it up, locked the handle and rushed towards the arrivals area with my suitcase bumping along behind me.

And there he was, looking as scrumptious as always. Edward rushed towards me and picked me up in a bone-crushing hug. Our lips meeting in a frenzied kiss, full of longing and passion. I had two fistfuls of his hair and was busy covering his face in kisses as he smiled and laughed, puckering whenever I came near his mouth. He put me down carefully and gave me tender kiss while cupping my face.

"How was your flight?" he asked, eyes crinkling as my favorite cooked grin made an appearance.

"Lonely," I sighed, looking up into the fathomless depths of his eyes. Edward brushed a thumb over my cheekbone lovingly. We stood like that for a moment, having a silent conversation with one another.

"Come on," Edward said, taking my hand. "I have a surprise for you." He had that mischievous look on his face, the one I loved so much, and I chuckled at his obvious excitement.

We only drove for about ten minutes before pulling up in front of The Crowne Plaza. I turned to Edward and raised an eyebrow.

"It's part of your Christmas gift," he said, looking a bit shy. "It's been awhile since we've had a chance to be alone together."

"You know that doesn't matter to me," I replied softly.

"I know, you've been so wonderful. And I wanted to say thank you. Privately." Edward's gaze seared me to the core. All of the sudden, I was really happy we had a hotel room for the night. I had been honest, I loved having Masen with us and it was a small price to pay in order to be with Edward, but it would be nice to be able to let loose again.

When we got to the room, Edward put my suitcase down and turned to me. He brushed my hair back away from my face as my arms encircled his waist. Despite the desperate need to be close to him, there was no need to rush and I reveled in the thought that we could take our time to love one another.

Edward unzipped my coat and slid it off my shoulders, tossing into a chair nearby. I helped him out of his and ran my hands up his chest. Chicago was a cold city, and he was wearing a heavy cable knit sweater, even still I could feel the musculature of his chest under my fingers. Edwards's hands curled over my shoulders and slid under my hair to cradle my head as he lifted my face up to meet his. His lips were so soft and silky as they brushed against mine. After a few chaste kisses, he traced my lips with his tongue and a tremor ran straight down my body. I parted my lips slightly as he continued his exploration.

Placing my hands underneath his sweater, Edward hissed slightly at my cool touch. "Sorry," I whispered against his lips. He just smiled and continued kissing me. Gooseflesh rippled under my hands and when I reached his nipples, they were erect. I brushed my fingers across them and Edward moaned into my mouth. It was then that it hit me, we were alone. I could hear Edward moan and cry out to my hearts content and no one else would hear. Well, except perhaps our neighbors, but I didn't particularly care about them.

Lifting Edward's sweater, I placed my mouth on one nipple and he clasped the back of my head making small noises. Letting go of my head, he pulled his sweater off completely. My hands were all over him, running up and down every inch of his chest, back, shoulders and arms. I continued using my mouth to illicit those noises, they were increasing in volume and that's what I wanted to hear. I sucked his nipple between my teeth and ran my tongue over it, slowly and deliberately.

"Ah, God. That feels so good," Edward moaned.

My fingers trailed down his stomach and I felt his muscles bunch and clench. I undid his jeans and slid them down over his narrow hips. Off came the shoes and Edward kicked his pants off. I took a moment to step back and take my own shoes off and then removing my shirt in one fluid motion. Once that was off, I shimmied out of my pants so we both stood in our undergarments. Edward was looking at me as if he was starving and I was a juicy steak. I loved it.

"Come," I said, taking his hand and leading him into the bathroom. I'd had a long day between work and traveling and felt grimy. I wanted to be clean, and I wanted Edward to wash me.

Leaning into the tub, I turned on the water and started the shower. When I stood back up, Edward was behind me unclasping my bra. His hands ghosted up my back to my shoulders so he could slide the garment off. I leaned back against his chest, sighing as his hands came up to cup my breasts. His thumbs brushed against my nipples and they puckered with that feeling that was half pain and half pleasure. I had my hands against his legs tracing the grooves that went down his outer thighs. I would have to remember to run my tongue down them when I had a chance to properly explore his body.

Edward had hooked his hands into my panties and was pushing them down, his hands splayed over my hips. I could feel Edward's erection against my lower back as he moved his hips slightly. I pushed against him getting a small growl of pleasure. Turning in his arms, I slipped my hands into the waistband of his boxer briefs and caressed his gorgeous ass. He flexed involuntarily and I ground his hips into me.

Deciding the water should be plenty hot by now, I removed Edward's briefs and stepped into the bathtub. He followed me in and our arms wrapped around one another under the spray of water. My lips found his and we kissed deeply, our bodies becoming slick and wet. Did I mention one of my favorite things was wet Edward?

My hands traveled down and I grasped his shaft, pumping gently a few times. Edward groaned and it echoed against the tiles getting me even more excited. I knelt down in front of him and took him into my mouth. He was smooth and sweet tasting from the water pouring down his chest. I ran my hands up his thighs as my tongue swirled over the engorged tip of his member.

"Jesus fucking _Christ_!" Edward exclaimed.

I circled his shaft with one hand and began moving up and down slowly. I peeked up through my lashes and Edward was watching with rapt attention as I pleasured him. My movements increased and I ran my free hand between his legs, touching lightly and teasing. Edward began panting and I knew he was close to release. He tried to disentangle himself but I shook him off and wrapped an arm around his midsection keeping him in place. Very seldom did he let me finish him this way, but I thoroughly enjoyed the times he did. The feeling of satisfaction at knowing I had sent him over the brink was always very powerful.

Edward reached forward so that he was leaning against the wall when he reached climax. I felt him begin to shudder and gasp loudly as I tightened my grip on him. When he was done, I sat back on my haunches and had what I'm sure was a very smug look on my face. Edward finally opened his eyes and looked down at me.

"I thought this was supposed to be _your_ Christmas present?" he said lightly. I started laughing and got to my feet. Reaching up, I kissed him sweetly.

"Every day is my Christmas present when I'm with you." It may have been sappy to say, but that is honestly how I felt. Edward pressed his forehead to mine and brushed our noses together.

I turned so that my body was under the spray of water and handed Edward the shampoo. He washed and conditioned my hair and then spent a very long time washing me entirely. His soapy hands caressed my body, turning me into molten lava. I couldn't help the noises I was making when his fingers started to massage my clit and then slid inside me. I rocked my hips against his hand faster while Edward sucked and licked my neck and earlobe.

"Yes, Edward. Yes!" I cried out as my orgasm shook my body. Edward held me close to him, smiling into my shoulder.

We bundled up in fluffy white bathrobes provided by the hotel and went into the main room. Edward had ordered a platter of finger foods and there was champagne chilling. He really had gone all out in preparation of our night together. I sat in between Edward's legs on the bed as he ran a brush through my hair. His touch was gentle as he worked through the tangles. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of his fingers and the brush against my scalp. When he was done, he leaned me back against his chest, holding me close. I sighed contentedly as I settled against him.

"Happy?" he asked, passing me some of the champagne. I just nodded my head and took a sip from the flute. "Me too," he said giving me a squeeze.

We made some small talk as I fed Edward grapes, strawberries and cubes of cheese. I had to admit, being so close to him like this, without the threat of interruption, was incredibly nice. It was good to reconnect as man and woman and remember how things had been at the beginning. We promised each other that this would happen more often. Edward had met a friendly woman who lived nearby and would look after Masen if he needed her to. She had children close to his age and he enjoyed playing over there. Edward also offered to look after her children on the nights she and her husband needed a break. It was a good arrangement.

It didn't take very long for the robes we were wearing to end up on the floor. Edward was placing hot, open mouth kisses all over my upper body. He paid special attention to my breasts, worshipping them with his hands and mouth. His kisses eventually moved further south to my inner thighs. He used his teeth to tease the tender flesh and then drew his tongue along the faint marks left behind. I was moaning aloud before he even got near my sex. His tongue parted my folds searching for the sensitive bundle of nerves that would guarantee giving him what he wanted.

Two fingers entered me gently and slid in and out as the wet warmth and pressure of his tongue increased on my clit. Edward knew my body as if it were his own. He knew exactly what to do to me to get the best response, and that's what he was doing now. His fingertips curled up slightly and stimulated my sweet spot, causing me to jerk up against his mouth. My eyes rolled to the back of my head whenever Edward did this little trick and he had me calling out his name in no time.

When I recovered, I had him sit up against the headboard as I straddled him. Edward positioned himself against my entrance and I lowered my body onto him. I had my face buried in the crook of his neck as I groaned. Edward was squeezing my buttocks together making me clench even tighter against him. The feeling was exquisite as I started to move back and forth. I could feel every inch of him buried deep inside of me.

I started kissing Edward, keeping my arms wrapped around his shoulders. My breasts were pushed against his chest, the friction against my nipples adding to the overall sensation. My clit was already sensitive from my previous orgasm and I could feel the heat begin to build up again. I knew Edward would be able to go for a while, so I let myself go completely and worked towards my impending orgasm.

"That's it Beautiful. Come on, let me hear you," Edward encouraged as he gripped me and moved my hips back and forth. I cried out intelligibly, my eyes closed and head thrown back. I held on to Edward for dear life, as stars exploded before my eyes and my body lit up like an inferno.

In one fluid motion, Edward had rolled us over so that he was positioned above me. He slowed down his thrusts and was moving his hips in a winding motion. Grasping one of my legs, he hitched my knee over his hip giving him deeper penetration. His movements were still torturously deliberate, he wanted to make this last and drive me crazy at the same time. It was working.

Edward was keeping us both on the brink of orgasm, and finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I began to beg.

"Please, Edward," I gasped.

"Tell me what you want, Bella," he growled at me. I just shook my head back and forth helplessly. "No one is here to hear you, tell me," he said in that commanding voice.

"I want you to fuck me," I moaned. "Hard."

"Say it again," he demanded, sliding into me slowly. "Louder."

"Please, fuck me. Please, please _please_!" I said louder. At this point I was ready to throw him onto his back and ride the hell out of him. Luckily, there was no need as Edward picked up the pace of his thrusts. I moved my hips so that he was penetrating me as hard as he possibly could.

"Oh God! Don't stop!" I yelled out right before kissing Edward wildly. Once again my body flew high before taking the huge leap off the edge of the world. As my orgasm began, so did Edward's.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuuuuuuuck_," he groaned loudly and started to spasm inside of me. We shuddered together and enjoyed the little aftershocks while our bodies were still intertwined.

Eventually, we spooned with one another and fell into oblivion.

The next day, we headed to Carlisle and Esme's home for Christmas day. Masen usually slept until eight A.M. so we left the hotel around seven to make sure we arrived before he woke. I was tired but relaxed and happy. Edward had woken me up in the middle of the night with soft urgent kisses.

"Again?" I murmured, smiling and running my hands through his messy hair.

"I want to hear you scream my name again," he said wickedly. I was happy to oblige him.

I had a silly grin on my face as I put away my things in preparation to check out. Edward cocked his head to one side and raised a brow.

"Something funny?" he asked curiously.

"No, just thinking about last night." I smiled as comprehension dawned on his face and he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"We don't have to check out, you know. We can always come back tonight after Masen goes to bed." Edward put his arms around me and started nuzzling my neck.

"Maybe we should keep it all week," I teased.

"I like the way you think!" Edward said, his eyes twinkling. I laughed and slapped his chest.

"I was just kidding! What would your parents think?" I asked, scandalized.

"They'd think we're a young couple in love, who maybe need a bit of privacy now and then," he said, matter of fact.

"Nice try, mister. Come on, let's go check out."

"Fine," he grumbled good-naturedly.

We got to his parents house in time for coffee before hearing the stomp of little feet come tearing down the hallway upstairs. All of the adults made it into the living room right before a tousle haired Masen charged in, yelling that Santa had come.

I had a lot of fun watching Masen tear into all of his gifts. Once he was done and playing with all of his new toys, the adults began their gift exchange. Edward and I had gone in together to get Carlisle and Esme a subscription to four operas at the Lyric Opera of Chicago. They had been thrilled, much like Edward said they would. I received a beautiful cashmere scarf despite my protestations that they had already spent too much on me when they purchased my airline ticket. Edward just squeezed my hand and shook his head slightly. The look said very clearly, "Don't bother arguing" so I just gave them my heartfelt thanks instead.

I had bought Edward a watch I had seen him eying when we went Christmas shopping for Masen. He didn't realize that in the guise of going to the washroom, I had doubled back to the store we had seen it in, and bought it for him. The look on his face was priceless. He was touched that I had noticed and bought it for him.

Edward handed me a long, slim velvet box with a satin ribbon tied around it. I opened the box and gasped. Hanging from a slim platinum chain was a string of five diamonds, each slightly larger than the preceding one. I looked up at him in shock.

"It's a journey necklace," he said looking at me, trying to gauge my expression. He leaned in to whisper in my ear. "We've gone through so much to get here, I thought it would be a good sentiment."

"It's too much," I choked out, not even wanting to guess at its cost.

"It's not enough," he said softly, kissing my cheek. He took the necklace from the box and put it around my neck. I lifted my hair out of the way so he could close the clasp.

"How does it look?" I asked Edward, turning back to face him.

"Almost as beautiful as you," he said running a finger down the string of gems resting against my skin. Nothing else existed in that moment except for Edward and I. There was some deep emotion brimming in Edward's eyes and I'm sure my expression must have mirrored his own.

At that moment, Masen came running over and jumped in my lap, breaking the spell. He also ran a small finger over the glittery diamonds, "Pretty," he breathed. "Just like you, Bella!" he said smiling widely.

"Thank you, Masen," I said, hugging him to me. I looked over his head at Edward and he wore the same expression on his face as before. "I love you," I mouthed over the little boy's head.

I helped Esme to make Christmas dinner and enjoyed the older woman's company very much. After those two frank discussions with her the first time we met, Esme and I had become rather close. I would talk to her almost every weekend when Edward called his parents to say hello. We also got Esme hooked on the World Wide Web – which is how Edward was able to chat with me while staying at his parents – and her and I would exchange emails as well. I always welcomed Esme's honesty and good-natured attitude. Somehow, even at such a distance, she instinctively knew how much I cared for her son and grandson and made me feel very much like her daughter-in-law, even though it wasn't even remotely official.

The only black spot on the whole holiday were the missing sisters. They had spent every Christmas with the Cullens up until Tanya and Edward had split up. No one had come last year because Edward didn't want to leave Masen behind and he knew Tanya would never let him take their son away to Chicago. The only other alternative had been that they all go to the Cullens home, but Edward hadn't wanted to subject his parents to the further degeneration of his marriage. They were barely civil in front of Masen - and then only for the child's sake - having to extend the civility the entire time they were visiting would have just been too difficult. As a result, Irina and Kate had come to California and Edward had stayed only for the pleasantries before leaving to spend time with some friends on base.

This year, however, was the first Christmas since Tanya's death and Esme was loath to leave the sisters to wallow. I had offered to stay in Forks for Christmas and only spend New Years with the Cullens but Edward had been adamant that I come. As it turned out, Kate and Irina had called to let Esme know they would not be coming this year. Neither of them felt like celebrating the holidays and were going away on a European vacation instead. That had absolved Esme of any guilt she may feel, but I could tell she felt their absence regardless. No one knew what would happen next year, or if Kate and Irina would still want to be part of this family especially after finding out Edward had moved on so quickly after Tanya's death. There was bound to be speculation on when he and I had met and neither of us discussed how we would proceed in this situation. Since they were Masen's aunts and the only real connection he had left with his mother, it made things even more difficult. As it stood, we still had some time on our side to try and figure all of this out.

The rest of the week passed quickly and enjoyably. Edward and I were allowed to share a room now since Masen was used to our sleeping arrangements. I had to admit, I felt a little strange staying in Edward's room since he used to share it with Tanya when they were married, so we decided to use the guest room instead. Edward was completely understanding, and he seemed even a little bit relieved when I broached the subject. I imagined that room didn't evoke great memories for him either. At least not for the last few years of his marriage.

New Years Eve was a quiet affair. Carlisle and Esme had a function to attend which we opted out of because of Masen. He went to bed at his usual time and Edward and I brought in the new year tipsy on champagne, making love in front of the fireplace in the den.

Sooner than expected, we were packing up our things and preparing for the journey home. We all piled into Carlisle's Mercedes and drove to the airport. Esme hugged me tightly and gave me a kiss on the cheek before turning her attention to Edward and Masen. Carlisle also gave me a warm embrace with strict instructions to take care of his only grandson. I could have sworn I saw a twinkle in his eye at the word 'only'. I was certain that both he and Esme would love to have more grandchildren. I looked over to my future adoptive son and smiled fondly. I hadn't ever wondered if Masen even wanted a brother or sister, but I certainly hoped he did.

The flight and drive back to Forks was uneventful. Masen was so tired that he fell asleep on the way. Edward carried him to bed and we went to my room to get ready for bed. It had been another long day so we just cuddled together and went to sleep. Sunday we were going to La Push to see Jacob and Billy and then Edward and Masen would leave for the base. I wasn't looking forward to being alone again, especially after spending ten days together.

I pressed myself closer to Edward and breathed in his wonderful scent. It was times like these that I realized I didn't want to do this for much longer. I wanted to be with Edward always. I was ready to take the next step in our relationship if he still wanted that, and after this past week together, I was fairly certain he did.

January passed in a blur of activity and next thing I knew, it was over and February had already begun. Edward and Masen were spending Valentine weekend here in Forks. They were both on my doorstep promptly at eight P.M. Edward had stopped to grab some food so Masen wouldn't be hungry and I had eaten prior to their arrival.

We spent the hour before Masen's bedtime playing games and having a good time. When we went to tuck him in for bed he turned to Edward looking very excited.

"Is it time yet?" he asked his father. Edward's eyes popped open a bit and shook his head.

"Not yet. Tomorrow, buddy," he said winking at his son. Edward and I walked out of the room holding hands as I tried to figure out what that little exchange meant.

"What was that all about?" I asked Edward once we got back downstairs.

"Nothing. Masen has a small Valentine surprise for you," he said with a sly smile.

"I hate surprises. What is it?" I whined at him.

"Can't tell you! And I think you'll like this surprise." Edward leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the nose. That of course led to a kiss on the lips and soon, Valentine surprises were pushed way to the back of my mind as Edward distracted me in his own incredible way. I loved Edward distractions almost as much as wet Edward and Staff Sergeant Sexy. We made out on the couch like horny teenagers till we were certain Masen would be asleep, and then we snuck upstairs, giggling and carrying on, to pick up where we had left off.

The next morning there was a lot of whispering and looking innocent from the boys and I was getting nervous about my big surprise. To keep my mind off of it, I decided to make a huge breakfast complete with pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. The food was a success and I ate until I felt like I would burst. Edward sent Masen to the living room to play while he helped me clean up.

When we were done he took my hand and led me to the living room, sitting me on the couch. He gave Masen a small signal and the little boy squealed and came running over. He stood on front of me jumping from foot to foot and his excitement was catching. I found myself bouncing a little on the couch in anticipation of my surprise. Generally, I hated surprises, but for a change, I was actually looking forward to it.

"Bella, you have to close your eyes," Edward said smiling. I closed them obediently. "And no peeking!" he said in a stern voice. I made a big show of covering my eyes with my hands and that made Masen laugh delightedly. There was a lot of moving around, whispering and more excited giggling from Masen, which made my smile grow even larger.

"Ok," I heard Edward say, "you can open your eyes now."

I lowered my hands and opened my eyes. In front of me stood Masen and by his side knelt Edward holding a long stemmed red rose. It took me a moment to realize Masen was holding a little velvet box. Edward nudged his son.

"Bella," Masen said in a very serious five year old voice, "will you marry my Daddy and be my Mommy?" he held the open box up to me, and the ring nestled inside tripled as my eyes flooded with tears. I was completely speechless for a moment as the tears spilled down my cheeks. I knew I better answer quickly because a boy Masen's age may not know the difference between happy tears and sad ones.

"Yes, I will," I whispered and reached out to hug the two most important men in my life. I kissed Masen on the forehead and then turned to give Edward a kiss on the lips. When I finally let them go, Edward took the box from Masen and placed the ring on my finger. It was a perfect fit.

Masen climbed up into my lap and Edward sat down beside me, wrapping one arm around me. He smiled down at me ecstatically. This was the best Valentines Day ever.

* * *

**This is the last chapter of Love Net but an epilogue will be following shortly... If you haven't done so already (or hell, even if you have!) please leave me a review! I'd love to hear how this story made you feel :)) Reviews are almost as good as a marriage proposal from Edward! Leave me love folks.**

**At the end of this story, you will find 4 EPOV as well as 2 out takes... don't forget to hit NEXT!**


	27. Epilogue

* * *

**Epilogue  
**

"Ow! She kicked me!" said a belligerent Masen.

"Well, your head is where her feet are." I laughed at his expression.

This was always one of my favorite parts of the day. Masen would come home from school, lie on the couch with his head in my lap and tell his baby sister about his day. It didn't matter that she was still safely ensconced in my belly; he loved talking to her. I was becoming aware that we might not be able to do this for very much longer and mourned the thought. Not only was the baby due soon, but I was rapidly losing space on my lap for Masen to place his head.

I smiled and ran my hand through his curls. They had lost that baby softness in the last five years and had darkened from dark blond closer to his father's bronze. He was so much like Edward; it was uncanny to see the two of them together. Sometimes, I would watch them and just smile to myself as they played or bickered with one another. Our life wasn't always filled with happiness, of course, but it was pretty damn close.

Edward and I had gotten married quickly, much to Alice's dismay. She was my unofficial wedding planner, and I had to hear her moan and complain about only having six months to pull off the wedding of the century – her words, not mine. I would reply by telling her she was lucky I'd given her _that_ much time. Once Edward had proposed, I would have run off to the nearest chapel to make it official, had it not been for the famous Ali puppy dog eyes.

Once the wedding of the century was over, I moved to McChord to live with Edward and Masen. It took a bit of adjustment living with them full-time, but after a few months, it felt as if I had lived with them forever. Masen went through a bit of a rebellious phase, as was expected, but we were very patient with him. It passed as quickly as it had come on, much to the relief of Edward and me.

Edward had encouraged me to quit working and go back to school. We used the money I made from renting out Charlie's house to pay for my tuition. I enrolled in Seattle University as a mature student and began commuting daily, working towards a Business Degree. It took a bit of getting used to, but soon I remembered how much I had loved school and got back into the groove easily enough.

During my last year of school, Edward and I decided to expand our family of three. We talked to Masen to see what his reaction would be, and he said he would love a little brother or sister under one condition: he didn't want to change any diapers. It didn't take long before I was compulsively peeing on sticks, and luckily, I got pregnant rather easily. And here we were, waiting for the arrival of our baby girl.

My other favorite part of my day was when Edward came home from work. He had decided to sign up for another four years in the Air Force so that I could continue school and be able to stay at home for the first couple of years after the arrival of our daughter. Being a military wife was different. It was as if you lived in your own little world and nothing else existed outside of the base. I went a little stir crazy at first, but having Edward and Masen with me made things slightly easier.

The front door opened and in walked Staff Sergeant Sexy. I had to admit, secretly I was happy Edward hadn't quit the Air Force, if only just to see him walk into our home in a uniform every day. Even five years later, I felt butterflies every time he walked in the room. Edward's face lit up when his eyes met mine, and he came into the living room. First I got a kiss, then Masen and then one for my belly. Masen would run off to his room and Edward would sit on the other side of the couch so I could swing my legs into his lap and get a foot massage. It was heavenly.

Our evenings were quiet and peaceful and Edward would always come to bed early with me. Even huge as I was, I couldn't get enough of him, and I was lucky to have a husband who was enthralled with his pregnant wife. We would lie in bed together, and just like his son had done earlier in the day, he would curl around my belly and tell our daughter about his day, and how excited he was to meet her. I would lie on my side, running my fingers through his hair as he caressed and kissed the taught skin of my belly.

Sometimes we would make love, and sometimes we would just hold one another till we fell asleep, but every night before I went to the land of dreams, Edward would say goodnight in his own special way.

"Have I told you I love you, lately?" he'd whisper in the darkness.

"Not lately," I'd reply smiling sleepily.

"I love you, Bella. Always."

* * *

**THE END**

**

* * *

**

**I know this story is over and it's easy to just x out and not leave a review but I would love it if you took a moment and let me know what you thought of my story! Pretty please? With Staff Sergeant Sexy on top?? *puppy eyes*  
**


	28. The Beginning

**A/N: Hello everyone who still has me on alert for this story! You will see a bit of activity today as I am officially moving the LN Out Takes to the end of this story starting w/ the EPOV's but ending with a new Wedding Night Out take :)) I can't tell you how much I missed Staff Sergeant Sexy and Bella and it was a lot of fun reconnecting with them. So if you've read the EPOV's just ignore the alerts until you get the fifth one. If you haven't read them, here they are!**

* * *

I stared at the computer screen in complete shock.

_Hey Sexy,_

_Guess who's going to be in LA Feb 13-15? Want to be my Valentine? ;))_

_B._

I minimized the screen, pushed back from my desk and walked out of my barrack into the bright sunshine. Standing there I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers and mentally berated myself.

_What the fuck are you doing?_ I thought angrily. _You are a married man for fucks sake! _

I ran my hands through my hair in agitation. This whole situation was completely out of control. It was never supposed to go this far. It was just supposed to be a bit of fun to combat the stress and boredom of my job. How the hell did I let everything get to this level?

Everything had started off innocently enough. A friend of mine mentioned joining an IRC chat site and asked if I was interested. At first I said no, it seemed somewhat silly and childish to be talking to strangers I didn't even know. I was a grown man with a family, what possible draw could there be for someone like me?

Christmas was approaching and things in the munitions department slowed to a crawl. I figured what could it hurt to check the chat site out and see what my friend was talking about. I sent him a quick email and he flipped me the link. Next thing you know I was hooked.

It was strange to watch how all these people interacted with one another. The sexual tension was palpable even though the words themselves were innocent. The room was rife with innuendo. As an observer, I found this completely fascinating. It was a like a window into all these people's hidden thoughts. Almost like I could read their minds.

A few days in, _she_ joined the room. At first I thought she would be like all of the other women, bored, horny and vapid but that wasn't the case. She had a sharp sense of wit and put the men in their place if they got out of line. She was humorous and seemed fairly intelligent as well. Before I knew what I was doing, I captured her attention and began monopolizing her from the other people in the room. It pleased me that she seemed receptive to my attentions.

I had never started a private chat with any of the other women in the room. A few had tried to contact me but I rebuffed them all, I wasn't here looking for anything sexual, it was just fun and games for me. Somehow this girl got my attention to the point where I found myself requesting a private chat with her.

Waiting to see if she would reply I wondered briefly what the heck I was doing, and then I saw the window begin to blink and the errant thought sailed from my head. It was just curiosity, I said to myself. Once I get her alone, she'll prove to be as shallow and silly as those other women and the appeal will be lost.

The problem was, she didn't prove to be those things. Instead she was even more phenomenal in private where there were no other distractions. I checked into the main room to see if she was still chatting with anyone else but she wasn't, I had her to myself. A thrill shot through me at the thought.

When she disappeared for a few minutes I became slightly jealous, wondering if perhaps some other man was speaking with her privately. I should have stopped it right then. Already I seemed to be getting emotionally vested and this surprised me. I wasn't sure what it was about this girl, but she had my rapt attention. After squirming for a bit longer I sent her a message asking if she was still there. She replied a moment later, letting me know someone at work had needed her.

I chastised myself for being ridiculous and also thought that it shouldn't matter if she was talking to other men since I wasn't particularly single. Even if I was, she lived on the opposite side of the country for goodness sake. Nothing could come of this. In an unguarded moment I told her I missed her. Why did I do that? I didn't have an answer.

What I should have done was told her that I was married and had a child but I just couldn't seem to find a way to fit it into the conversation. If I was being honest with myself, I would have admitted I didn't _want_ her to know these things. Tanya and I had been having problems for a long time and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be in this marriage any longer. The only reason why I stayed, was for my son's sake.

Not wanting to get into too heavy a discussion I just avoided it altogether. It was just easier to pretend I was single – although I never did actually say that I was – than to explain my relationship. I didn't want to come across as _that_ guy, the desperate, lonely, sexually frustrated husband looking for some cyber sex or a quick lay. Not to her.

I'm still not sure why I did it, but I wanted to send her a picture of myself so that she could see what I looked like. I was also secretly hoping she would send me a picture of herself. I wanted a face to associate with the woman I was chatting with. It would certainly help if perhaps she were unattractive. I felt horrible thinking that way but at the moment I needed something, anything, to stop the emotions this woman was invoking in me.

Just as I intended, this opened up a way for me to ask for a picture without seeming like a pervert. I waited impatiently for the email to arrive. While I was waiting, she told me her name. Finally there it was, sitting in my inbox. I clicked the image and held my breath for a moment while it opened.

"Bella…" I said quietly.

My heart quickened as I stared at the girl. She was beautiful, but not in the traditional, overstated ways that are so popular in this day and age. Her skin was pale to the point of translucency, it looked fresh and smooth and my fingers twitched as I imagined what it would feel like to touch it. She was smiling into the camera, her dark fringed eyes crinkled and her full lips pulled up at the corners. Her heart shaped face was framed by long, chestnut tresses that curled lazily around her shoulders before sweeping down her back.

Ok, seeing her picture definitely did _not_ help. If I could have had her in front of me at that moment, nothing would have stopped me from kissing that full, pouting mouth. Marriage be damned. That's when I knew this could be potential trouble and stupidly enough I ignored my inner clamoring.

Over the next week I talked to Bella every day. Our conversations became more in depth and serious yet I still couldn't bring myself to tell her I was married. I was terrified that she would back off and I would never talk to her again and I just couldn't bear it. Once again the warning bells went off in my head telling me to stop what I was doing. I was crossing a line by becoming emotionally involved with this woman.

Christmas Eve I told Bella that I would be leaving to visit my parents in Illinois for a few weeks. This was going to be my goodbye. I would use this time to distance myself from her and concentrate on my relationship at home. Hopefully, after not speaking with each other for some time, I wouldn't feel this irresistible pull towards her. She was young, attractive and single so I was sure she'd forget about me quickly.

My intention was to wean us off of each other. How hard could it be? We had been talking for barely a week and exchanged some pictures, that's all. It was nothing serious. We'd never talked about emotions or feelings, we'd never had any sexually charged conversations, it was completely innocent.

So why did I feel like I was betraying Tanya? And why did I feel the need to extricate myself from this situation? If Bella was only my friend then we should be able to talk whenever we wanted with no threat whatsoever. But Bella wasn't just my friend; in the short time we had been talking she had somehow wound herself into my being. It was as if she was the virtual embodiment of everything I wanted in a woman.

The likelihood of that being true was little to none, and I had enough presence of mind to know that. I realized that I was probably just romanticizing this whole thing because of what was lacking in my home life. Here was a woman who listened to me, found me interesting, wanted to talk about my passions and dreams and seemed attracted to me. Who wouldn't be drawn to a person like that? My image of Bella and the reality of Bella may be two completely different people, however. As it stood, I would never know since I was married and even if I wasn't, she lived too far away.

I went home that night feeling sad and defeated. I was saying goodbye to Bella today and trying to concentrate on my family. As I walked in the door, Masen threw himself at me, and my heart lightened considerably. Maybe this would be easier than I thought.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Christmas came and went. It was a mostly pleasant affair overall. We went to Chicago to stay at my parents' home and were joined there by Tanya's two sisters from Alaska. Their mother had passed away a few years earlier in a horrible fire, so they liked to come spend their holidays with us when they got the chance.

Everyone doted on Masen and of course he loved all the attention. He made out like a bandit and was spoiled rotten much to my chagrin. I was happy Christmas only came once a year.

I tried to make a concerted effort to be caring and considerate to Tanya but she wasn't being very receptive. Whenever I tried to show her any kind of affection she would shrug it off and walk away from me. I wish I knew how we arrived at this place in our relationship; there was a time where Tanya and I were relatively happy. Those days were long gone. Perhaps if I could pinpoint what made things change, I could rectify the problems we had, but there was no one singular thing.

That night when I got into bed with Tanya, she was lying on her side with her back to me as usual. Instead of lying on my side of the bed and going to sleep like I normally would I spooned behind her. I felt Tanya stiffen slightly and resisted the urge to just roll back over. Instead I brushed her hair away from her neck and placed a kiss there. Still no response. Not willing to be deterred I kept kissing her neck up towards her ear.

"Edward, what are you doing?" she asked icily.

"What do you think I'm doing?" I tried to come across as playful as opposed to pissed off like I actually was. I ran one hand down the curve of her hip towards the hem of her nightgown and slid my hand under the fabric. Tanya's hand clapped over mine to stop its movement.

Tanya rolled over and shot daggers at me. "We are in your parents house!" she hissed.

"That never used to stop you before!" I said matching her tone.

"Well, it's stopping me tonight," she said with finality.

I sat up beside her and sighed deeply, "So what stops you when we are at home? What's your excuse then? Tanya, we haven't been intimate in months. Never mind having sex, we don't even touch any more! When was the last time we held hands or kissed? Do you even remember, because I sure don't?" I had pulled up my knees and had my elbows on them with my head in my hands.

"Edward, I'm tired. Do we have to do this _now_?" Tanya rolled onto her side away from me again. I started at her back for a moment, wondering once again how I was ever going to make it work between us.

"No, I guess we don't," I said before pulling the covers back and getting out of bed. As I was walking out the door I heard Tanya call after me and ignored her. I went down stairs and noticed the light was on in the kitchen. I walked towards it and found my mother sitting at the kitchen table with a tea steaming in front of her. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey, baby," she said quietly. "Everything ok?"

"Mom, I'm thirty years old, hardly a baby," I said, smiling at her.

"You're _always_ going to be my baby, just like Masen will always be yours," she said sagely. "You just wait, when he's all grown up you'll still see that wee babe you cuddled and took care of."

"All right, mom," I said, sitting beside her and putting my hand over hers. I gave it a little squeeze before letting go.

"Do you want anything, sweetheart? Tea?"

"Don't worry, if I want something I can make it."

"That's cause I taught you well," she said. She was smiling at me but her eyes were shrewd. "What's troubling you Edward? Why are you down here instead of in bed?"

"I'm fine, mom. You know, maybe I want some tea after all." I got up from the table to get away from that penetrating gaze. The water in the kettle was still hot so I took my time preparing everything. When I got back to the table, my mother hadn't lost that speculative look I knew so well.

"Edward." It was all she had to say; I knew she wasn't letting this go. I spun my mug between my hands slowly as I contemplated what to say.

"Tanya and I are just going through some things. What more can I say?"

"I kind of figured as much," she sighed. "The last few times we've seen you, I could tell things weren't quite right. I wanted to say something but your dad told me to mind my own business."

I laughed a little at this, it was exactly something my father would have said. "Don't worry, we'll work it out I guess."

"Edward, I know we pushed Tanya on you and maybe that wasn't such a good idea. I love her like she's my own but _you_ are my son, and I want you to be happy."

I looked at my mother amused, "What? No lectures on how to keep your marriage strong and whatever?"

My mother just shrugged, "Look, I've been married to the same man for thirty five years and while it wasn't always easy, we loved each other completely. I still look at your dad and see the dashing young man who proposed to me all those years ago. We have a special kind of love that not everyone is lucky enough to find. I want you to have that kind of love, and if that means it's not with Tanya, well then so be it."

I was speechless. I didn't think my mother of all people would ever say something like that to me. Especially since Tanya and her sisters were so close to our family. Now it made me wonder if perhaps Tanya and I hadn't been putting on a very good show. My mother was observant, especially when it came to me, but maybe this went deeper than that. It was altogether possible that even outsiders were starting to see the signs that my marriage was unraveling.

"_Is_ there someone else, Edward?" my mother asked quietly. Ah yes, and this was the part where she could see right to the heart of everything.

"No, mom…. Well, not really," I hedged.

"What does that mean? Either there is someone, or there's not." My mother was frowning at me now and I glanced back down to the cup in my hands. I debated how much to tell her and whether she would think I was crazy.

"It's… complicated."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," my mother began.

"It's not what you think," I said, cutting her off. I told her about the chat room and meeting Bella and how she made me feel. I thought my mother would scoff at me but she didn't, instead she looked concerned.

"Does this girl know you're married?"

"No."

"Edward!" she admonished.

"I know, I know." I placed my face in my hands and scrubbed my face. "She lives almost twelve hundred miles away mom, it's not like I can run off to have an affair."

"That's not the point, Edward. If you are starting to have feelings for this girl, then it's just possible she is starting to have feelings for you too. She deserves to know the truth," my mother scolded.

"Calm down, mom. You're right! But I don't think I'm going to be talking to her again anyway. It's too confusing with everything that's going on at home. I'm just going to concentrate on my relationship with Tanya. I owe Masen that much."

My mother rubbed my hand gently but didn't speak right away. After a few minutes of comforting me she sighed. "Just be careful, son."

"I will." We sat in companionable silence for a while before my father came shuffling into the kitchen.

"Is everything ok?" he asked blearily. My mother smiled at him and I saw exactly what she meant earlier. Anyone else would have seen a rumpled, sleepy, elderly man with a receding hairline and twinkling blue eyes but my mother looked at him as if he hung the moon.

"Everything is just fine Carlisle, go back to bed," she said, flapping a hand at him.

"All right. You coming, Esme?" he asked, smirking at her. "The bed is too big when you're not in it."

"Oh, go on you! I'll be up in a minute," my mother said while a coy flush pinked up her cheeks.

My father just chuckled and started to turn away, "Good night, Edward."

"Night, dad," I said. Laughing softly, I stood up and gave my mother a kiss on the cheek. "Good night, mom."

"Good night, baby. Sleep well," she said returning the kiss.

When I got back upstairs, Tanya was asleep. Sighing I got under the covers making sure not to disturb her. Now that I had told my mother about Bella, she was on my mind. I closed my eyes and called up her face. I had been wrong; this was going to be much harder than I had originally anticipated.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

For once I was happy to get back to work. The rest of our vacation in Chicago had been a disaster. Tanya gave me the cold shoulder and I didn't care enough to figure out why. She spent most of the time with her sisters, which saved me the hassle of trying to keep her entertained. I just enjoyed the time I had with my parents and my son. I tried not to think of Bella and wonder what she was doing. I wasn't completely successful, but only a short time had elapsed, so I hoped it would get easier as the days slipped by.

While I was relieved to get back into the mundane routine of my job so I could escape the tedium of my home life, it was difficult to sit there and fight the urge to contact Bella. I wasn't sure if she still went into the chat room as she mentioned that once travel picked up again, she wouldn't really go there any longer during work hours. I think I could have been strong enough to stay away but the problem was, I also still had her email address. Try as I might I just couldn't delete it.

Every once in awhile I started to compose a message to her but stopped myself. For better or worse, I had made a commitment to Tanya and I was trying hard to keep it. It didn't matter that I was miserable at home; it was no excuse to seek out another woman's company.

I had been offered sex on multiple occasions by various women over the years and had never succumbed to temptation so what was it about Bella that called to me so strongly? If it was just attention or affection I was seeking, that was easily found but I didn't want it from any other woman. I didn't even think I wanted it from my wife and that thought terrified me. I had never felt to out of control when it came to my emotions and I wasn't sure if I liked it very much.

Try as I might, I couldn't understand how this insignificant little girl had turned my life upside down. I began to get angry with myself because I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I fought the urge to look at her photographs, and for the most part, won that battle, but occasionally I would fail and seeing her lovely face would ruin all my hard work and I was back at fighting strongly not to contact her.

Every night I would go home and try to be pleasant to Tanya. I tried to be the man she wanted me to be but it just wasn't working. We had finally made love and it was a complete disaster. I could tell that Tanya was only fulfilling her wifely obligation and there was no fire or passion to be found. I tried every little thing that I knew had pleased her, all to no avail. By this time I had become desperate and had to fight to stay aroused. Shamefully, I pulled up Bella's picture in my mind. I closed my eyes and imagined it was her body I was touching. By some miracle, I resisted calling out her name when I finally did find release.

Tanya pushed me off of her and went to the washroom while I lay there disgusted with myself. I had been fighting this so hard but I had to just realize there was no salvaging my marriage. I couldn't keep living like this; it would surely drive me insane. I could live without sex, it didn't define me, but I couldn't live without common decency or at least some sort of affection from my spouse. I could understand if I were some boor who treated Tanya badly, but I tried to be a good husband to her and it still wasn't good enough.

When Tanya returned to bed, she didn't look at or speak to me. She simply got into bed, turned on her side away from me and pretended to go to sleep. I rolled over and tried to embrace her, but she stopped me in my tracks.

"I'm tired, Edward." My jaw clenched and I fought back the anger that rose to the surface. I merely leaned in and kissed her shoulder before rolling over onto my side of the bed. I lay there for a long time before sleep found me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next day I couldn't stay out of the chat room. I had to talk to Bella; I needed the solace she offered me. My life felt like it was falling to pieces around me and she was my safe harbor in the storm. I logged in and looked for her. She wasn't there.

I fought back the absurd panic I felt as I looked again for her name, not finding it. I would have to email her, there was no way around it, I had to speak with her and let her know how much I had missed her. Just as I was about to do that she appeared.

Clicking her name, I sent a request for a private chat before she even had a chance to say hello to the room.

_**MethodMan**: There you are, Beautiful! I was starting to think I wasn't going to talk to you today :))_

I waited, hoping that she wasn't angry with me for ignoring her for such a long time.

_**Bells**: Hey stranger, long time no see :D_

That seemed like a standoffish reply coming from Bella in comparison to the messages we had shared previously and I despaired that perhaps she had lost that intimate connection we had shared. I wanted to make sure she knew what I had felt while not speaking with her.

_**MethodMan**__: I've missed you these last couple of weeks_

_**Bells**: I missed you too… I was worried I wouldn't get a chance to talk to you again_

I breathed a sigh of relief. This sounded more like my Bella. I felt horrible that I had left her feeling this way however and wondered why she hadn't tried to contact me regardless.

_**MethodMan**: Silly Bella, why didn't you just email me?_

_**Bells**: I figured maybe it was too fast, too soon… and I didn't want to bother you on vacation_

So she was feeling the same way I did. The things my mother said came back to me about trying not to lead Bella on and I felt a pang of guilt. Even though I detested lying to her, I still couldn't bring myself to tell her the real reason I hadn't contacted her.

_**MethodMan**: Trust me, you would never be a bother. I thought about you a lot while I was visiting my family. My mom doesn't have a computer, otherwise I would have written._

_**Bells**: Really?_

_**MethodMan**__: Absolutely! I know we haven't talked for very long, and really we don't know each other much at all, but I can't seem to get you off my mind_

Bella didn't reply to this so I tried to backtrack a little bit.

_**MethodMan**: Shit, speaking of too much, too soon… I'm freaking you out, aren't I?_

_**Bells**: No, you didn't freak me out… just the opposite, I feel the same way_

At this point I was just so happy that she was affirming what I felt for her that I decided to throw caution to the wind. I wanted her to know how she had affected me.

_**MethodMan**: I feel like I can tell you anything, you seem to understand me like no one else does_

_**Bells**: Same here, I wonder why that is?_

_**MethodMan**: I'm not sure, but I like it… I just wish you lived closer_

_**Bells**: Oh! That reminds me, I have a friend out in LA that I'll be visiting some time in February, maybe when I'm there we can meet?_

_**MethodMan**: I'd really like that :)) My schedule is kind of hectic, military life you know… but definitely let me know when you're coming and I'll see what I can do_

_**Bells**__: Awesome! I'll know in a few days when I'm coming._

And that brought me full circle to the email that was currently sitting in my inbox. She was coming. She would be _here_, in California. We spoke every day via email and I had been so cavalier about her upcoming trip, not really understanding the repercussions if she did actually come. Now what?

I wanted to see her. I _had_ to see her. She would be so close, how could I not meet her? But how? She still didn't know about my marriage and I knew that if I told her, she would never want to see me and possibly would never speak to me again.

Another problem was the weekend she had chosen to come. While it wasn't like Tanya and I would have any romantic plans for Valentine's Day, she certainly would expect me to at least be with her that weekend. There was no way I could just disappear even if it was only for half a day.

_Damnit!_

What was I going to do? I needed time to think. I couldn't reply to Bella's email just yet until I knew what I would say to her. Turning on my heel, I headed back into the barrack and towards my desk. I kept myself occupied until I received another email from Bella. Of course she was curious why I hadn't said anything about her scheduled trip. She had assumed that I didn't want to meet her. I couldn't allow her to believe that so I lied to her yet again.

I told her we would make plans closer to the date. How I planned to keep that promise, I didn't know. There would be no way for me to see Bella when she came. I should have just told her the truth and let the chips fall where they may, but I just couldn't do it. I was a coward and I didn't want to lose her. I would just have to figure something out.

That night when I got home, something was different. Masen didn't greet me at the door like he usually did and when I went to go looking for him I noticed that the house had been tidied up and mood music was playing in the background. I called out Tanya's name and she appeared at the entryway to the living room. Her hair was long and flowing down her back. This was a change from her usual ponytail, and she was wearing a dress that accentuated her curves. I also noticed that she was wearing makeup, which was unusual.

"Hi, honey," she said, smiling coyly at me.

"Hello," I said, arching a brow at her. "Where's Masen and what's all this?" I said waving a finger at her.

Tanya walked up to me and put her arms around my waist, "Masen is with Judy and this is me trying to look nice for my husband." Judy was our neighbor who looked after Masen for us if we needed a sitter. I extricated myself from Tanya's arms and stepped away from her. I wasn't in the mood for games.

"Ok, Tanya, what's going on? I've had a long day at work and just want to relax." I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Tanya followed me and sat on the arm of the couch, beside me. She reached behind me and started to massage my shoulders. While I was still suspicious, her hands were strong and sure and what she was doing felt good.

"I know, Edward. I feel bad for the way I've been acting lately, I know I haven't been the easiest person to live with these days." I just snorted in agreement. "I'm sorry, really I am. I feel like we're drifting apart and I'm scared I'm going to lose you."

I groaned internally. Here we were again. Tanya would do everything in her power to push me away and as soon as she succeeded she would reel me back in. It was a vicious cycle but I didn't know how to break from it.

"Tanya," I said, pulling away slightly, "we do this same dance, over and over again but nothing ever changes!"

"Please, Edward," she begged, "Valentine's day is coming up and I was thinking since it falls on a weekend this year, we could go spend some time alone. Reconnect. I already asked Judy, and she said she would take Masen. We can go to LA, get a hotel room and just enjoy each other. Go to some nice dinners? Maybe dancing?" She smiled at me in that way she has when she wanted something, her violet eyes shining prettily.

I wanted to be strong and refuse her. Bella's face flashed in my mind and I pushed it away. I was being foolish by clinging to this hope that anything could come of that. Bella lived too far away and she could probably never live up to my expectations of her. I needed to stop these silly fantasies and concentrate on my marriage.

"Ok, sure. Lets do that." I smiled up at my wife as she squealed and threw her arms around me.

"I'm so excited! I'll start making the plans tomorrow, you won't regret this!" Tanya jumped up and went to the kitchen to finish up dinner.

We ate and talked and things were almost the way they used to be. After dinner, Tanya led me to the bedroom to make love. It took all my concentration to please her and I couldn't help the feelings of guilt threatening to overcome me. The only problem was I felt guilty because it was like I was betraying Bella, not Tanya. Once again, I couldn't finish without thinking about Bella and fantasizing it was her writhing underneath me, instead of Tanya.

Instead of getting up and going to the bathroom right away like she usually did, Tanya cuddled against me sighing happily. I put my arm around her and ran my hand lightly up and down her arm. I kept my eyes focused on the ceiling so she wouldn't see that I wasn't in a state of euphoric bliss. It was completely the opposite, I was miserable.

I lay there hoping that Tanya would fall asleep quickly so I could be left alone with my thoughts. Luckily she did and I tried to think of a way to live my life without Bella. Sleep was a long time coming for me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tanya and I checked into out hotel Saturday evening. We had spent the day with Masen and then dropped him off at Judy's. It took over two hours to get into the city so I was already tired and in a bad mood. Tanya didn't seem like she is in very good spirits either. We had been trying really hard to revive our love for one another the week leading up to now but old habits die hard and it wasn't going as smoothly as I had hoped.

I was still in contact with Bella; she was like a bad habit that I just couldn't kick. I felt like a cad when I gave her the wrong number to reach me this weekend but I'd had no other choice. Or at least that's what I told myself. I could have just been honest with her but once again I was too much of a selfish creature to tell her the truth.

The whole time driving to Los Angeles, I couldn't help but wonder where Bella was, what was she doing? Did she realize already that the number I had given her was false? Did she hate me? In a way, that would almost be easier because then I would have no choice but to let her go.

We dressed up for dinner and went to a high-end restaurant. Our conversation was somewhat awkward and stilted. I had promised Tanya that I would try but my heart was no longer in it. Perhaps this time last year we could have made this work but now it was just much too late. I went through the motions regardless but there was no way to recapture the lost romance.

I wanted desperately to beg off of having sex with Tanya but she wasn't having it. This was all part of our romantic weekend getaway so I complied. I went through the motions and tried to finish as quickly as possible so I didn't have to live through one more minute of this farce.

As Tanya lay by my side, asleep, I thought of Bella again. It was maddening knowing that she was somewhere in this city but I had no way to find her. If only I could meet her just for a while and see if the chemistry I felt for her transcended distance and circumstance. I sighed and rolled over onto my side, this would be another long night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next day, Tanya and I went to an art exhibit and walked through Beverly Hills. I had wanted to head down to Venice Beach but Tanya didn't feel like going so we went back to the hotel to get ready for dinner and then a night of dancing.

Dinner was uneventful and I think Tanya started to realize the futility of this weekend as well as I did. Well she couldn't say that we didn't try. I had decided that once we got back home, I was going to ask her for a divorce. Regardless of what happened with Bella, my marriage was dead in the water. It was time to face facts.

I had never heard of the club Tanya had chosen, she said a friend recommended it. It was a smallish place and very dark but the music was good so we decided to stay. Even though I wasn't in the best of moods, the Latin beat soon buoyed my spirits and I found myself having an enjoyable time.

In the middle of a song, a swish of long, dark hair caught my eye. Despite the fact my wife was a strawberry blonde I had always been partial to brunettes, so I automatically looked at the face of the girl who was in the middle of a turn. My step faltered as I sent Tanya into a spin.

No, It couldn't be.

Heart shaped face, translucent skin, and bow shaped lips. I gave my head a shake, that couldn't be Bella. In a city of over 4 million people, how was it possible she would show up here, tonight? She was laughing as she danced, trying to keep up with her partner. The more I stared at her, the more I knew it was most definitely Bella.

I turned Tanya so her back was against my chest and she couldn't see the direction of my gaze. Bella's dance partner dipped her backwards and got a good eyeful of her cleavage. I barely stopped myself from tossing Tanya aside and beating him within an inch of his life.

_Mine!_

That's when it occurred to me, I had to get out of the club. If I was able to so easily recognize Bella then she would certainly be able to recognize me. How the hell would I explain the fact that I was with another woman? I could always play the fool and tell her she had the wrong man but I didn't think I could pull that off. Not to mention it would eternally close off the opportunity to ever meet her in person.

The song ended and I led Tanya off the dance floor heading in the opposite direction of Bella and the man she was with. I leaned down towards Tanya and told her I wasn't feeling well all of the sudden.

"What?" she looked incensed.

"It must have been something I ate."

"But you were just fine a minute ago!"

"Tanya, if you want to stay, be my guest, but I'm leaving," I said, coldly.

"Fine," she said exasperated, "Just let me go to the washroom first."

I waited by the bar impatiently for Tanya to finish. She finally came out and we walked out together. I took a shaky breath as I realized how close I came to my two worlds colliding. That would have been a complete disaster. I would have lost Bella forever. It occurred to me that at that moment that I couldn't care less about how Tanya would have felt about all of this, and that thought shamed me.

Tanya drove back to the hotel because I was still under the guise of not feeling well. When I got to our room, I went straight into the bathroom so I could get some privacy. I paced back and forth, replaying those precious moments watching Bella dance in my head. I had come so close to just walking up to her and pulling her into my arms. She was even more beautiful in real life.

I was overcome with desire for her. Her cheeks were flushed pink from dancing, her eyes were sparkling, her teeth flashing between her voluptuous lips. I shuddered briefly and was dismayed to find myself getting aroused. There was no way I was going to have sex with Tanya tonight, I couldn't. That relationship was officially over.

Quickly I undressed and got into the shower. The cold water did the trick and I felt myself regain some semblance of control. Tanya knocked on the door asking if I was all right. I called out telling her everything was fine. I turned off the water and toweled myself before putting on one of the hotel bathrobes. I walked out of the bathroom to see Tanya perched on the bed.

"Feeling better?" she asked hopefully.

"No, not really," I replied, as I pulled on a pair of boxer briefs and pajama bottoms. "I'm just going to call it a night."

"Edward…" Tanya started.

"Not tonight Tanya, I'm tired." It felt strange using one of her own lines but at least I knew it was something she would understand. Now wasn't the time or the place to ask for a divorce. I would take care of that when we got home and could talk about it in depth.

I got under the covers and decided that come Monday morning I would email Bella and apologize for what happened. I wasn't sure exactly what I would say but all I knew was that after seeing her tonight, I was done trying to stay away from her. I _would_ meet Bella no matter what it took.

I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.

* * *

**Ok So there you have it, a little glimpse into Edward's thought process and his marriage to Tanya. Let me know what you think!**


	29. Hell Hath No Fury

**A/N: Here is the EPOV of the night he ended things with Bella. Hope this clarifies a few things for everyone!**

* * *

The drive back to Seattle to catch my flight was lonely and boring without Bella to keep me company. I felt like there was a magnet trained on the rental car that was pulling me back towards Forks. Staying with Bella in her home had been incredible. While the stay at the hotel had been enjoyable for various reasons, it was the time spent where she lived that my mind would return to. Watching Bella doing every day domestic duties while I helped gave me a brief glimpse into what our life would be like together and I wanted it badly.

Our last encounter was branded into my brain. I could still feel the silkiness of Bella's skin under my fingers, hear the noises she made as I pleasured her, her scent still enveloping me. She had suggested I go take another quick shower, but I declined wanting the memory of her to surround me on my trip back home. I would just take a shower upon arriving at home, it's not like Tanya would notice. She never noticed anything that I did.

I had decided that I wasn't going to wait for Tanya to see reason, and file for divorce upon my return. I had been hoping to avoid this and try to do everything amicably but that didn't seem to be working. I had been patient, but now Tanya was just taking advantage of the situation. She had made it very clear to me that she enjoyed being a military wife and wasn't willing to just throw away our marriage on a whim. No matter how I positioned things, she refused to entertain the idea. She knew I was no longer in love with her and I had the impression she no longer loved me – She had a funny way of showing it, if she did – but that didn't seem to matter to her.

I wasn't precisely sure what would happen, but I had a vague idea of what to do. I had to go express my intentions to my 1st Sergeant that I wanted to file for a legal separation and then he would make arrangements for me to stay in the barracks. If I went through the proper channels, Tanya and Masen could stay in the house until the divorce was final but chances are, we would make arrangements for them prior to that. I wasn't enthusiastic about doing it this way but I couldn't see any other choice.

When I arrived at the airport, it was just in time to hand over the keys to the rental and check in. I almost wished I had missed my flight so I had an excuse to go back to Bella. Leaving her became harder and harder each time. I knew that eventually this would all be over and hopefully she could move to California where we could live in relative peace. I figured that Tanya wouldn't be happy about this in the beginning, but once we were divorced there would be nothing she could do about it at that point in time.

I hated myself for being so callous, Tanya was the mother of my child but I was just tired of living a lie every day. I was cordial to her and still treated her respectfully but that's where it all ended. A few times she had tried to initiate sexual intimacy but I had turned her down. I could never have betrayed Bella that way. It seemed odd that I felt like I was cheating on my girlfriend with my wife but that is honestly how it seemed to me.

There were times where I considered sitting Tanya down and telling her the complete truth but I knew that would cause more problems than not. I was unsure if the reason I wanted to tell her was so that she would let me go and agree to the divorce, or if it was just the proper thing to do. I did feel horrible that I wasn't being honest with Tanya. I should have just been upfront with her from the beginning and perhaps we could have avoided this whole mess. It was pointless speculating now, by the end of this week I planned to be legally separated, living in barracks and on my way to ending this sham of a marriage.

During the short plane ride I daydreamed about Bella and replayed some of my favorite moments of the weekend. Surprisingly enough, a lot of them didn't include making love with her. While that was always incredible and intense, it was the calmer and seemingly mundane moments that captured my attention. Sleeping with her curled up against me, hearing her whisper my name and how much she loved me during the night, the look in her eyes when she was engrossed in one of our verbal debates.

I was still thinking about her during the drive back to the base. I planned to stop in to work and give her a quick call to let her know I had arrived safely. I would carry the sound of her voice with me like a talisman to help me face the difficult conversation ahead.

I smiled as I dialed the number, impatient to hear her dulcet tones. The phone rang more than usual and I wondered why Bella hadn't picked up yet.

"Hello?" she said slightly breathless.

"Bella?" I said amused, what had she been doing to make her sound so out of breath?

"Edward!"

"Of course, I just wanted to let you…" I began still smiling to myself.

"She knows! Tanya knows about us." Bella said frantically. For a moment I didn't think I had heard her right. Where would she get the idea that Tanya knew about us?

"What do you mean she knows? How would you know that?" I asked confused.

"She called me an hour ago."

Suddenly all I could see was a red haze drop over my vision, what the hell was Tanya playing at and how the hell had she gotten Bella's number? "She _WHAT_?" I said furiously, "Where the fuck does she get off calling you?"

Bella told me how Tanya found her number and I cursed my stupidity. I had never expected her to look in my work gear if she suspected I had been unfaithful. I listened to her account of the conversation and just got more upset at what I heard. I knew Tanya had a right to be upset but she should have waited till I arrived home and taken it up with me. Trying to guilt Bella and coerce answers out of her was crossing the line.

I had a moment of panic when Bella brought up Masen, I really hoped that Tanya hadn't harangued him because if she did, she have me to answer to. I should have never put my son in that position and now I was regretting it immensely. I didn't particularly care that he had asked about Bella but I should have never brought him to meet her in the first place. I had been so excited that I'd had a chance to introduce them and watch them interact that I hadn't kept his best interests in mind. I kicked myself mentally

Personally I was almost relieved that she knew. Now I wouldn't have to hide any longer. I knew Tanya would be really upset and try to drag the divorce on for as long as she could, but if Bella was in my life then I could handle anything. Everything seemed cut and dry as far as I was concerned.

It bothered me that Tanya had made Bella feel like she was the cause of the rift in our relationship when that wasn't the case at all. If anything, Bella had saved me from wasting years in a loveless, convenient marriage.

"Bella, please tell me you didn't believe her when she accused you of tearing apart my family?" When she didn't answer, I said, "It's not true. None of this is your fault, it's all on me, okay?"

"That's not entirely true, Edward. I've known about your marriage since May, and I've been a willing participant in this affair."

I shook my head at her answer and tried to reassure her. I told her I would go to a motel and contact her when I arrived. I didn't like that she wanted to stay up until I called but I was expecting to wrap everything up quickly at home, so I didn't really argue. We said our goodbyes, and I stalked out of the building to my car.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When I arrived home I was in for the shock of a lifetime. I walked in the door ready to confront Tanya and found my Squadron Commander Aro Desantis sitting on my couch. I snapped a salute to him as he stood.

"Good evening Commander, to what do I owe the honor?" I said stiffly.

"I'm not sure yet, Edward. Your wife called me to mediate a problem this evening," Aro said in his unusually pitched voice. He waved a hand, indicating I take a seat.

Tanya walked into the room then and I fixed her with a menacing glare. _So this was how it was going to be_? I thought viciously. It didn't particularly matter; it would be Tanya's word against mine if she decided to lodge a formal complaint against me seeking Court Martial for adultery. Instances like this were usually dismissed easily enough but that didn't mean I could afford to take it lightly. If it came down to it, I would have to deny everything. I had to tread very carefully.

"Ah, there she is!" Aro beamed and Tanya smiled at him beguilingly. When she looked at me, her smile disappeared a glare took its place. "So Tanya, you said there was a matter of importance that you wanted to speak to me about?"

I turned to Aro and gave him my most disarming smile, "I believe I know what this is about, sir. It's merely a misunderstanding. A private matter if you will?" I raised an eyebrow at him hoping he would understand it was just a matter of an over dramatic wife making outrageous claims as some of them were wont to do.

Tanya snickered and I could feel my jaw clenching.

"Aro, I have reason to believe Edward is being unfaithful and I wanted your help in sorting this out. If he is amenable to some conditions I have, then I don't want to lodge a formal complaint," she said quickly.

I swiveled my head to look at her with unconcealed hatred. She knew very well that not only could this ruin my career, but also it would ruin my life completely. No one would ever want to hire a man who had been dishonorably discharged, even if it were for something as inconsequential as infidelity.

"Are you fucking kidding me with this?" I seethed at her.

"Edward, watch your language. This woman is your wife," Aro reproached. He then turned to Tanya and gave her a level gaze, "This is a very serious accusation, Tanya. Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

"Well, if Edward agrees to cease all contact with the other _woman_, then I would prefer to dismiss it as a private matter," she said glancing at me.

"Sir, this is absurd…" I began, but Aro held up a hand to stop me.

"Do you agree to this, Edward?" he asked me.

"You have no proof!" I said to Tanya in a low voice.

"Aro, do you mind if I speak to my husband alone for a moment in our bedroom?" Tanya said, ignoring me.

"Of course, my dear. I'll be here if you need me," he said giving me a meaningful look. _Don't fuck this up, kid,_ it said clearly.

I got up and followed Tanya into the bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I wheeled to face her. She walked to the edge of the bed and sat on it calmly.

"What the fuck are you doing, Tanya?" I hissed, "Are you trying to ruin me?"

"You come into my house, smelling of sex and have the nerve to ask what the fuck _I'm_ doing?"

"I'm amazed you even remember what sex smells like," I laughed bitterly.

"Watch yourself, Edward," she cautioned, "I talked to that little slut you've been fucking on the side. Bravo, getting the poor thing to fall in love with you. Although I'm surprised you'd go so far away to get a piece of ass."

"Shut your fucking mouth. You won't talk about her that way." I felt my fists clenching at my sides. "Tanya our marriage has been over for years! I've been trying to tell you that I want out for months now and you just don't get the hint. I tried to be civil about all this, but tomorrow I'm filing for legal separation and then we're getting a divorce."

"Think again, Edward. If you don't end this little fling of yours, tonight, there will be serious repercussions," she said coldly.

"Go for it!" I scoffed, "Do you know how many disgruntled wives try this tactic? Once they know I wanted a separation they'll just think you're being vindictive. You need proof before any action is taken, and some girl's phone number just won't cut it." I crossed my arms over my chest to keep from throttling her.

Tanya reached under the pillow and pulled out a manila folder, handing it to me. Frowning, I took it and emptied the contents. In my hands I was holding a stack of glossy photos. Pictures of me and Bella in Las Vegas and Lancaster. Pictures of us holding hands, embracing, kissing and several incriminating hazy pictures of the inside of the motel room where Bella had stayed that last weekend she was here. I felt as if I was going to be violently ill.

"His name is Demetre, he can track and find anyone if you pay him enough," Tanya was saying as my life crumbled down around me. It sounded like she was speaking to me through a long hollow tube. I let the photos fall onto the bedside table and willed myself to wake up from this horrible dream.

"You're so predictable, Edward. When I called you to come home from Vegas I knew you'd bring her with you. Thank you for that, we were finally able to get the money shot, for lack of a better term," Tanya sneered. "The other pictures, while somewhat incriminating, were still relatively innocent."

"What do you want?" I asked, distressed.

"I already told you what I want. I want you to call up your little home wrecking tramp and tell her in no uncertain terms that it is over."

"No. I won't do it," I said quietly.

"Yes, Edward, you will. And not only that, but you are never to contact her again while we're still married. If I find out that you did, these pictures end up on Aro's desk and you can kiss your life goodbye. Good luck getting a judge to give you more than the minimum custody arrangement of Masen as well."

My heart clenched agonizingly at the mention of my son's name. Not only would I lose Bella, but I stood to lose Masen as well. The only two things in the world that I lived for. I pounded my fist against the table where the pictures sat staring at me accusingly. I looked at Bella in the photos and felt as if there wasn't enough air in the room to breathe. Keeping my back to Tanya I brushed my finger down the porcelain, heart shaped face before me. I didn't know when I would see her again, _if_ I would ever see her again, and I felt as if someone were pounding a stake into my heart.

"Well, Edward? What are you going to do?" Tanya asked, her voice grating on my nerves.

"Fine." I stood up and went back into the living room. I would do this, and then send word to Bella and let her know what had happened. Once I was out of the house and into the barracks I would be able to contact her more readily.

Aro watched us walk back into the room, a small frown etched on his face. I wasn't sure if he had heard the heated discussion or not, the walls in military base housing weren't known for being very sound proof. My teeth were clenched tightly together and I felt as if my jaw would snap if I exerted any additional pressure.

"Well, have you made a decision?" Aro asked us.

"Yes," Tanya said, "Edward has come clean and he's willing to end all relations with the other woman so I won't be placing a formal accusation."

Aro's eyes flicked to mine and I looked down, ashamed. My Commander had seen this plenty of times before, of course, but I knew that he respected me and hadn't expected this type of behavior from me. It's not like I could very well explain that this woman was my reason for being and I never would have done something like this otherwise. That would make me sound like a pussy, even if it was the truth.

"All right," Aro replied, "I'll take my leave then."

"I would prefer that you stay to make sure Edward follows through with his obligation." If looks could kill, Tanya would be dead on the floor at that moment.

"Tanya," I ground out between clenched teeth, "I really don't think that's necessary."

"I disagree, what's to keep you from not making that phone call if Aro leaves?" she arched a brow at me, knowing full well what would keep me from doing that. She just wanted to humiliate me further. She also knew that I had to keep my mouth shut or else the shit would hit the fan.

I stalked over to the phone and punched in Bella's number. My fingers felt frozen and I was nauseous at what I had to do next. I just prayed Bella would hear in my voice that I didn't mean a single word I was saying to her. That she would know something bad had happened so I could explain later and beg for her forgiveness.

When I heard her voice, it took all I had not to just slam the phone down and tell Tanya to just go ahead and slap me with the Court Martial. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that if I did that, I would have _nothing_ to offer Bella except for myself and the clothes on my back. I had a feeling she would have accepted it gladly, but a man has his pride.

"Bella, it's Edward."

"Edward, what's wrong?" she said sounding panicked. "Where are you?"

"I'm at home." I replied stiffly.

"Why are you calling from home? Did Tanya leave?" I closed my eyes and wished that had actually been the case.

"No, she's here." I tried to make it perfectly obvious how much I hated that fact.

"You're scaring me, Edward. What is going on?" _Oh Bella, you should be scared_, I thought desperately. _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me_.

"I'm sorry. This isn't going to work. Tanya and I talked everything over, and I think it's better for me to stay with my family." The words fell like bricks from between my lips, heavy and forced.

"I don't believe you," she whispered, "something happened. Please, tell me what's going on! Why are you really doing this?" _Yes, please remember that when I can get back to you. _

"Bella…" my voice cracked and just as I was about to tell her the truth and damn the consequences, Tanya came up behind me and wrenched the phone out of my hand. I turned quickly to grab it back but Aro stopped me as Tanya danced out of my reach and went to the other side of the room.

"Let it go, son," Aro said making me face him. "You are about to ruin your entire career, just let it go."

"God damnit!" I yelled, "Tanya, give me that fucking phone!"

"Edward, enough!!!" Aro said, raising his voice over mine. "I'm trying to do you a favor because I like you. Get a hold of yourself!" He kept a solid grip on me as I struggled against him. I could hear Tanya outright lying to Bella and was encompassed by rage.

"Tanya, get off the phone!" Aro shook me, trying to get my attention but I was riveted on Tanya.

When she told Bella men would say anything to get a pretty young thing to spread her legs, I couldn't stop the howl of pure agony that escaped me. I slumped in Aro's arms when Tanya finally ended the phone call. My mind was reeling and my heart was breaking. Aro led me to the couch and forced me to sit down. I put my head in my hands and felt like sobbing, only Aro's presence kept me from doing just that.

Tanya put the phone in the cradle and then left the house. I didn't care where she went and I hoped to God she'd stay away. Rationally, I knew she had a right to be upset that I had been unfaithful but this amount of vindictiveness was beyond me. I would have never guessed she would react like this. I expected anger, hurt and even betrayal, but not this.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Aro said angrily. "You're making a fool of yourself!"

"I don't expect you to understand, sir," I answered quietly.

"Look Edward, I'm not stupid. It's obvious Tanya has some incriminating proof, so just do what she wants for now. Once the threat is over, you can worry about the rest then."

"Yes, sir." My voice sounded hollow and empty.

"As of tomorrow, I'm transferring you to another department and assigning you a new email account," he said in a decisive voice.

"What? Sir, that's not necessary!" I knew Bella would never be able to find me if this happened and the thought terrified me. I wanted to be able to keep the lines of communication open, how could Tanya stop me really?

"Edward, I'm not sure if you're aware, but all email is checked prior to being released and phone conversations are monitored on base." He waited for this to sink in before continuing. "Between you and me, some things had been brought to my attention. Since it had nothing to do with national security and the nature was _personal_, I didn't action it. Now, I can't afford to ignore it any longer. If Tanya files a formal complaint and this is brought to my superior's attention, it's my ass on the line. Understand?"

I felt all the color drain from my face. I did know that there was monitoring but I hadn't really thought much of it. Emails between Bella and I had been relatively innocent, mostly flirtatious in nature, our phone calls however, were a different matter altogether. This evening was fast turning into my absolute worst nightmare.

"Why are you doing this for me?" I asked Aro, confused.

"Because I've been in your position before, son. You've never struck me as a man who would take something like this lightly and I'd hate to see this ruin you. But be warned, if Tanya does have irrefutable proof and she starts the ball rolling, there will be nothing I can do to help you."

Aro looked at me with pity in his eyes and I saw that he did understand everything. I glanced down and ran an agitated hand through my hair. Tanya returned just then with Masen. She must have gone to Judy's house to pick him up.

"Daddy!!" he yelled when he saw me and came hurtling across the room and threw himself in my arms. I gathered him to me tightly and plastered a smile on my face.

"Hey Champ! Did you have a good time at Judy's?"

Masen started to tell me how his day went as well as the rest of the weekend. He hadn't picked up on his mother's anger when she found Bella's number so that was a relief. Tanya had always been a good mother, I was glad that this whole situation hadn't changed that. Hopefully, I would be the only one who suffered out of all this.

Once Aro was satisfied that I wasn't going to murder Tanya, he took his leave. He told me to report to his office for my new assignment in the morning, shook my hand and wished me luck. When he left, I closed the door behind him and took a few deep breaths to try and compose myself. Tanya was putting Masen to bed so I went and waited for her.

"Why did you bring Masen home?" I asked as soon as she walked back into the living room.

"What's wrong, didn't you want to see your son?" she sneered.

"Of course I wanted to see him but we aren't done talking about this!" I said, the anger rising to the surface again.

"Did you honestly think I would stay here with you alone? I'm not stupid, Edward."

"You think I would hurt you?" I asked incredulously. While I had entertained some rather dark fantasies during this whole ordeal, I wouldn't honestly lay hands on Tanya, no matter what happened.

"How am I supposed to know?"

"I'd think you know me better than that!" I was shocked she would even suggest such a thing.

"Yeah well, there was a time when I thought you'd never cheat on me either, Edward." Tanya gave me a pointed look and I felt the blood rush to my face.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, Tanya."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I don't understand what you want from me? You knew I wasn't happy, and you certainly never made me feel as if _you_ were happy. We should have gotten a divorce a long time ago. This marriage is over, it has been for years," I said trying to get it through to her.

"That doesn't give you the right to just go running around with the first tramp you find!" she said, her eyes flashing at me.

"She's not a tramp!" I snapped. "And give me a break, I could have fucked half the wives on this base if I'd had a mind. This is different."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better, Edward? Took pity on your poor, frigid wife by not fucking the base sluts? It's supposed to make me feel good that you have _feelings_ for this girl? Well it doesn't! I would rather you have meaningless sex with a hundred women!" she fumed.

"What?" I gaped at her.

"You heard me. Meaningless sex I could forgive, but this? How do you think it makes me feel, that I wasn't enough for you?"

"Tanya, I'm sorry. I honestly am, but this wasn't your fault. We just aren't meant to be together, and I think you know that. It didn't have anything to do with Bella!"

"Don't you say her name to me!" Tanya said holding her hands over her ears.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut. We were getting nowhere. I knew things would just get worse if I stayed and we continued talking about this. All I wanted to do was leave, and try to get in touch with Bella.

"Look, I'm just going to go stay in a motel tonight. Tomorrow I'll start making arrangements to stay in the barracks and file for legal separation." I said quietly.

"No."

"What do you mean, no? Tanya, I want a divorce. That hasn't changed."

"Oh, you'll get your divorce Edward, but it will be on _my_ terms," she said coldly.

"What terms?" I asked warily.

"You have to live here, I don't want Masen to have to suffer needlessly. You can't contact _her_, I still have Demetre on retainer and I _will_ find out."

"That's ridiculous! Masen will have to deal with us getting a divorce eventually so what is the purpose of waiting?"

"Why don't you just admit that you're so anxious to leave so you can go and call the tramp?" Tanya asked angrily.

"She. Is. Not. A. _TRAMP_!" I said, finally losing my temper.

"Regardless, those are the terms, Edward. If you don't accept them, then Aro gets the pictures and we begin with the Court Martial."

"You can't honestly expect me not to contact her at _all_ till our divorce is finalized?" I asked horrified.

"Do you really think she's going to want to hear from you, Edward?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"After everything she heard tonight, I don't think she'll want anything to do with you anyway. It's not like you can see her till you're a free a man, do you think she would sit around and wait for you? I don't plan on making this easy, if you don't play your cards right I can hold this up for a hell of a long time."

Her words hit me with a sickening finality. My hands were effectively tied and besides that, I didn't even know if Bella would believe anything I had to say. Even if she did believe me, then what? There was no way we could stay in contact with one another without Tanya finding out eventually, I had no idea when the divorce would go through and there was no way Bella and I could see each other while we waited. The only option open to me was to get divorced, go see Bella in person, and beg her to take me back.

"Fine," I said for the second time tonight. The word was forced and I almost choked on it as it came out.

I stalked out of the room to the spare bedroom where I had been sleeping for months. I closed my eyes and transported myself back to Bella's house. I knew those would be the last truly happy memories I would have for a long time.

* * *

**I'd love to hear some feedback! Tell me your thoughts :))**


	30. The Road to Hell

**A/N: This was supposed to be my last EPOV but it took on a life of it's own so I have split into two parts! The 2nd part is almost complete and will be released this weekend after the next chapter of LN :))**

**I wanted to also take a moment to thank one of my readers Stellarrose! She helped me so much by giving me all the info I needed on Courts Martial and how a AF SSgt goes about transferring to another base. Much love and thanks bb!!**

**Twilight = Not mine!**

* * *

**3. The Road To Hell**

I rushed through the doors of the hospital. I had received a call telling me that my 'wife' had been in a bad car accident. I was still listed as Tanya's next of kin. It had been a long and difficult divorce but we were close to finalizing everything. That was why Tanya was in the hospital right now, she had been returning home from our latest court hearing regarding Masen.

Despite the fact I had done everything she requested, Tanya had made the proceedings as difficult as possible to try and drag it on. It seemed like pure malice and I was resentful. What I wanted was to get all of this over and done with so I could go find Bella and beg her to take me back. I hadn't stopped thinking about her, not once, during the last six months. I was more convinced than ever that I was truly meant to be with this woman.

I asked what room Tanya was in and was directed to the ICU. At this point in time, I hadn't quite realized the severity of the situation. I thought perhaps she had just banged her head, had a slight concussion and needed a ride home. All of those conjectures flew out of my head when I was met by a resident who detailed the severity of Tanya's situation.

My first thought was for Masen, how would he deal with all of this? He stood a good chance of losing his mother. My next thought was for Bella as I watched my chance with her slipping away even further. I was suddenly slammed with a feeling of immense guilt. The woman I had spent the last eight years of my life with was undergoing surgery and fighting for her life, and I was thinking of another woman.

My knees gave out and I slumped into a plastic chair. The resident was still talking, but I was no longer paying attention to him. My mind was whirling like a tornado as I started to think of what to do next, and of all the ramifications of the accident. First, I had to contact Tanya's sisters, they would want to know what had happened and would want to see Tanya before… I cut that thought from my head viciously.

Even after everything Tanya had put me through, I had never wished death on her. I'd had many uncharitable thoughts, yes, but mostly I wished she would just disappear. Or that she would finally see reason and give up her plight to make me as miserable as possible. Death hadn't ever crossed my mind. I guessed it was because of Masen, at the end of the day, Tanya was a good mother and I didn't want him to be without.

_What if he could have another mother? Like Bella?_ An insidious voice spoke up in my head.

"Shut up!" I whispered hoarsely to myself.

"I'm sorry, did you say something Mr. Cullen?" the resident asked.

"No, no… sorry. I was just talking to myself. I… I have some phone calls to make. Excuse me." I said, rising hastily.

I heard the resident call after me, but I kept walking until I was outside taking deep breaths. My hands were fisted in my hair and my stomach threatened to spill whatever contents lay within. How did my life get so fucked up? I thought I had everything under control until Bella came crashing into me like a wrecking ball.

_Now you can call her, nothing is stopping you,_ said the voice.

I groaned and became thoroughly disgusted with myself. Tanya was upstairs, possibly dying, and I wanted to call Bella. What kind of monster was I? Even if I did take this opportunity to call Bella, what could I possibly say to her? Never mind the fact I had betrayed her, lied to her and then disappeared from her life, what would she think of a man who abandoned the mother of his child at the first opportunity? Who would want a man like that? No. There was no way I could contact Bella. Not until I had a life to offer her and right now, I still had nothing.

I pulled out my cell phone and called Judy asking if she could look after Masen possibly for the night. I explained what happened and thanked her for her condolences and then hung up. The next phone call I dreaded making. I prayed that Kate answered the phone; Irina and I had never really gotten on well. Not that we hated each other, there was just no warmth between us.

Kate did end up answering and I told her what had happened. Of course she was frantic and I had to keep her on the phone to calm her down so we could make the appropriate arrangements. Her and Irina would fly down from Alaska on the first flight they could find, and stay with Masen and me for as long as they needed. They probably wouldn't make it in till early the next morning. This late in the day, there would only be the red eye flight available. I didn't tell her that they may be too late and I sent a silent prayer that Tanya would make it through the first round of operations.

I stayed overnight, keeping vigil. Tanya had survived the operations, but she was in a deep coma. The doctors told me that was the way her body was dealing with the trauma she had endured. I sat by her bedside watching her throughout the night. She looked so small and frail; all of the anger and recrimination I was so used to seeing over the past couple of years was gone. Her face was smooth and serene, and I remembered again the woman I had loved.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and my heart clenched tightly. I thought of what I had put her through over the past year and felt a deep sense of remorse. Tanya hadn't deserved my betrayal and now she was paying the price. Had I done everything the right way, she never would have been in her car when that truck ran the red light, and slammed into her driver side door. My actions, my selfishness, my cowardice had put her on this path.

I took Tanya's hand in mine. It was lifeless and limp as I ran my fingers over the back of her hand, tracing the veins lightly. I placed it gently back on the bed, covered her hand with mine and leaned forward so that my forehead was against the bed.

"I'm sorry, Tanya," I whispered, as the tears finally fell. I prayed that she could hear me. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I made you feel unworthy. I'm sorry I didn't do right by you. If I could change things and make it better, I would. Please, forgive me."

Eventually, the tears stopped falling and I fell into a fitful sleep with my head beside Tanya's thigh and her hand clasped in mine. A nurse checking Tanya's vitals and making sure she was still stable woke me up a few hours later. Groaning, I sat up and stretched. I knew Tanya's sisters would be coming to the hospital as soon as they arrived in LA. They planned to rent a car at the airport and just drive here straight away.

When the sisters arrived, I stayed with them for an hour before heading over to Judy's house to pick up Masen. I had no idea what to tell him. Tanya was stable so far but still in critical condition. She was also still deep in a coma and I wasn't sure if -- or when -- she would wake from it.

Masen ran to me calling my name. I grabbed him up in a tight hug and held him close to me, his silky curls pressed against my cheek. He'd had a growth spurt in the last couple of months but I held him as if he were still a small child. Masen began squirming, unused to being held for so long, so I put him down. He looked up at me, smiling and I tried my best to smile back.

"Where's mommy, daddy?" he asked curiously. If it were possible to feel a heart break, I would have felt mine splinter at that moment.

"Mommy is gone away for a little bit, champ," I replied, really not prepared to talk to him about this.

"On a trip?" Masen was looking up at me with an open, trusting expression.

"Something like that," I said, clearing my throat.

"Ok!" He ran to the front door and opened it to play in the front yard.

"Stay close, buddy!" I called after him and then turned to Judy.

"How is she?" she whispered with a worried expression on her face.

"Not good. She's still in a coma, but at least she's stable."

"This is all so tragic," Judy said, shaking her head.

We spoke a bit longer as I kept an eye on Masen playing out front. I said goodbye and thanked Judy for all of her help. She just waved her hand at me and told me she was here if I needed anything. I walked out, called to Masen, and we headed home.

That night, I carried a sleeping Masen to my bed. I needed to be close to my son. I was feeling very vulnerable and mortal this evening. Watching Masen sleep calmed me and allowed me to fall into much needed oblivion.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After a few days I felt I couldn't put it off any longer, I finally sat Masen down and tried to explain what had happened to his mother. It was next to impossible to try to put it in terms where he would understand. That night was one of the most difficult in my life.

As I tucked Masen in, he looked at me with large eyes and asked the same thing he had since the night of Tanya's accident. He wanted to know where his mother was. I explained that Tanya had been hurt and she needed to sleep and get better. It tore me to shreds when he asked if she could sleep at home so he could take care of her. I explained that she needed to be close to a doctor so he could make sure she would be ok.

Masen tried to be brave but his lower lip began to tremble and his eyes glistened with tears. "I miss mommy," he whispered.

"I know you do, baby," I said, picking him up and cradling him to my chest. I let him cry against me, my shirt became wet from his tears.

"Will she come back home soon?" he asked in a forlorn voice.

"I hope so, Masen. Do you want to sleep with daddy tonight?" I felt him nod slightly. "Ok, let's go." I stood with Masen in my arms and carried him to my room. Getting under the covers, I cradled him till he fell asleep and then went to the living room.

Kate was sitting on the couch. Irina was at the hospital tonight; we had all been taking shifts since the sisters arrived. Her eyes were red-rimmed and the tip of her nose was pink. I sat on the chair across from her and put my head in my hands.

"How's he doing?" she asked me in a teary voice.

"How do you think?" I moved my hands up into my hair and rubbed my scalp. "He's scared, and he misses his mom."

"Don't snap at me, Edward," Kate said testily.

"I'm sorry." I exhaled sharply, "This is just… crazy. It's unreal and I'm stressed out."

"I know. Every time I go to the hospital, I keep expecting her to wake up and get out of bed." I nodded my head understanding how she felt. "What if she dies, Edward?" she whispered, almost unable to say the words.

"She's not going to die. Tanya is a fighter." My words didn't sound too convincing. Even if Tanya did pull out of critical condition, she had months of rehabilitation ahead of her. Possibly years. I stopped myself from going down that train of thought, what would I do if that happened? I couldn't very well leave Tanya to fend for herself, she would need me more than ever.

It was at that point in time that I gave up on my dreams of being with Bella. So much time had already passed, and I was no more free now than I was when we were together. If anything I was even more mired in this relationship than before. I knew I would never get over Bella but she deserved better than this mess. She shouldn't have to put her life on hold while I got mine in order.

Masen woke up screaming that night. It was a pattern that would continue almost every night for the next few months. I ran into his room, and he was sitting up in bed sobbing for his mother. I held him tight to me as he cried, and tried to sooth him as best I could. I had never felt as helpless as I did then. Tanya was usually the comforting one and I was the play mate, I felt woefully unequipped to deal with this.

In the evenings, Masen would start off in his own bed and wake with night terrors. Out of desperation, I would bring him to my room and rock him back to sleep. I didn't know what else to do or how else to calm him. It wasn't long before my own nightmares started.

They were hardly ever the same in regards to scenario, but the message was always identical. Every one was featuring Tanya, who stood, accusing me of her death. Each night, I would wake drenched in a cold sweat, biting back a scream so as not to scare anyone in the house. It always took me a long time to get back to sleep, but I felt it was the price I had to pay.

Time passed by in a haze. Days bled into nights, and then bleached back into days continuing the pattern. We continued to go to the hospital in shifts to stay with Tanya as her health deteriorated. The doctors didn't have much hope that she would ever come out of the coma.

On her last night alive, I was in her room. During my visits, I would usually tell her about Masen and all the funny, wonderful and endearing things he had done. I really wanted her to feel like she wasn't missing out on his life as she was trying to heal. I held on to hope that she could indeed hear me, and took some pleasure in hearing about her beloved son. Usually by the end of the visit, I was begging and pleading with her to wake up, to come back to life so she could see Masen for herself. I didn't care what would happen after that, I didn't want my son to lose his mother.

I was in my typical position -- bent over with my forehead pressed to the bed, holding Tanya's lifeless hand in mine -- when I felt the first tremor. I pushed up, hoping and praying that she was finally waking, but instead she began to seize. I ran out of the room calling for a nurse and several of them rushed in, pushing me aside.

"What's wrong?" I said panicked. "What's happening?" At this moment, a doctor rushed into the room towards the bed. He started calling orders to the nurses there, ignoring me completely.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry, you're going to have to leave the room," one woman said as she shoved me towards the door.

"Damn it! What's wrong?" I asked, straining to see past her.

"You have to leave. Mr. Cullen. The doctor will come to see you in a moment."

I left the room and called home quickly. I told Kate and Irina they had to come right away and then called Judy to ask her to stay in with Masen. I paced the visitor's lounge impatiently as I waited for news. A resident came in and told me they were prepping Tanya for surgery again. A blood clot had been forming in her brain, which had set off the seizure, and they were doing all they could to save her.

Kate and Irina rushed into the waiting room and I told them what was happening. I sat between them as we all held hands. I'll never forget the moment that the doctor came through the door to tell us they hadn't been able to save her. I could tell by the look on his face they had failed, and Kate knew it too.

"No, no, no, no…" she began to moan softly, a litany over and over. Her hand clamped down on mine, and she shook her head back and forth.

"I'm sorry," the doctor began.

"_NO_!" Kate screamed at him, she threw her hand up towards him, as if willing him not to speak. Irina sat to my left, still as a stone statue. She didn't say a word, just looked at the doctor.

"There was too much blood loss. We tried everything we could to save her," he finished softly.

Kate began making a keening noise and she slumped against me. I pulled her to my side and tried to calm her as best I could. Looking back, I realize I must have been in shock. I just thought this was another one of my nightmares, that Tanya would walk into the room, point a skeletal finger at me and blame me for her death. I waited for that moment, but it never came.

Irina still sat on my other side, not making a sound. She only stared straight ahead, as if she was still waiting for the doctor to arrive and tell us Tanya had made it through the surgery just fine. Kate was still in my arms, sobbing quietly as she came to terms with her grief.

My feelings were tumultuous. I was trying as best I could to comfort Kate, while trying to figure out my own feelings. I was heartsick at the fact that Tanya had passed away, I still wasn't completely sure this was actually happening, I didn't know how I was going to tell Masen that mommy was never coming home.

I was also confused. I didn't know how I felt about Tanya's death. The last eight months had taken their toll on me, and at the time of the accident, I hadn't liked Tanya very much at all. A small part of me -- no matter how much I hated to admit it -- was relieved that this was all finally over. It wasn't the ending I had wanted, but it was over nonetheless. As soon as I allowed myself to feel that, I was immediately filled with a feeling of disgust.

There were no tears to be found. I tried to cry for Tanya, but I couldn't. I had cried that first night and then had refused to think that she wouldn't make it. It seemed inconceivable that she was actually gone.

Irina was starting to worry me. She still hadn't moved or said anything. She made no move to take over for me and comfort her sister. After a few more minutes, I turned and made a move towards her. She pulled back from me as if I were a snake about to strike. Irina jumped up from the chair and rounded on me, her face distorted in anger.

"Don't touch me! Why are you even here, Edward?" she asked crossly.

"Tanya was still my wife," I said softly.

"Oh, please! You were just chomping at the bit to get your divorce and move on with your life." I stared at Irina, my mouth hanging open. I didn't know if Tanya had told her sisters the reasons for our divorce, but I didn't think she would have mentioned anything about Bella. Tanya had been too proud to admit her husband had gone elsewhere.

"Irina," Kate said in a pleading voice. "Please, not now."

"It's true, isn't it? He's probably glad Tanya is _dead_!" Irina spat out. Kate whimpered beside me at the mention of her sister's name.

"You think I wanted her to die?" I asked, aghast. "You think I'm happy that I have to go home to my son and tell him his mother is dead? Irina, Tanya and I may not have been getting along well towards the end, but I did not want _this_." I realized the truth in my words and so did Irina. Her face crumpled as she came to the conclusion that it wasn't really me she was mad at. It was fate, the same horrible fate that had taken her mother years previous.

Irina sank to her knees and put her face in her hands. Kate went to her, embracing her and they rocked back and forth together. I sat back down in my chair and found that I had tears for Tanya after all.

* * *

**Leave me love! Let me know what you think!**


	31. Finding Bella

**A/N: I want to give a HUGE thanks and shout out to Stellarrose. Without her, these chapters wouldn't have been very realistic :)) So this will be my last EPOV, I tried to only cover the parts that we woudn't have seen through Bella's eyes but It just wasn't a very satisfying ending! I extended it to Edward and Bella's first meeting until the reconciliation. I tried not to make it too repetative, hopefully I succeeded!**

**Twi = Not Lalina's**

* * *

**Finding Bella**

The next couple of months were difficult. Masen had a hard time accepting the fact that Tanya would not be coming home. I didn't like remembering the day I told him that his mother had gone to the angels. At night he still woke up screaming and I still carried him to my bed afterward.

I started to go into a deep depression. My mind was still filled with Bella. I thought after everything I had been through -- and all the time that had passed -- that the feelings I had for her would fade, but they didn't. I still wished that I could be with her, still remembered everything about her, still wished I was close enough to touch her.

Out of morbid curiosity, I would check the listings at McChord Air Force Base in Washington to see if there were any openings coming up for my Air Force Special Classification. I knew the chance of that happening was a pipe dream, but it didn't stop me from looking regardless. How wonderful would that be? Being barely a three hour drive from Bella. Not that she would want to speak to me, or see me. Most likely, she had moved on by now and was dating someone new. Possibly even found another man to love.

I was feeling particularly masochistic when I decided to check again. I sat very still at my desk after seeing that an opening for my AFSC had indeed come available at McChord AFB. I rubbed my eyes and looked again to make sure I was reading it right. I even went so far as to pinch myself surreptitiously to make sure this wasn't a dream. It wasn't, I was awake and at my desk and there was a position available at McChord.

My mind was traveling a mile a minute. I had already decided I wanted to leave California, the memories here were just too painful for both Masen and myself. Never imagining that a position would open up in Washington, I was also looking for placement in Illinois so we could be near my parents. Nothing had come available.

If I applied, it could still be another few months before I was able to transfer. I would have to talk to Aro right away. I knew he wouldn't want to see me go, but due to extenuating circumstances, he would sign off on it easily enough. I wondered if perhaps he knew anyone of importance down at McChord, and could pull some strings for me, but I didn't want to push my luck.

The only thing stopping me from running out of my office that instant, was Bella. Did I have any right to just barge back into her life with no word, or no explanation as to why I had been gone for almost a year? By the time I actually got down to McChord -- even in the best of circumstances -- it may even be over a year. Painful as it was to contemplate, I stopped to wonder what I would do if she _had_ found someone else? Did I have a right to potentially ruin her happiness?

_If she were really happy, there would be nothing _to_ ruin_. My internal voice whispered. _She would just tell you to fuck off, and that would be the end of it._

Could I risk dragging Masen across the country for something so uncertain? I remembered being with Bella and how quickly he had latched on to her and I thought that perhaps this was a risk I could take. If Bella was with someone else, and she was happy, I would just let her be. She would never have to know that I had transferred to McChord at all. But is she was single and could find it in her heart to forgive me? Then I would do whatever it took to win back her affections.

I picked up the phone and called Aro to ask for a meeting. I had made my decision; I had to be close to Bella, no matter what. I stiffened my shoulders and walked out of my office, hoping for the best.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It took approximately two months of back and forth between the two bases before I finally got my orders. I had 30 – 90 days to report for duty at my new location. I had made arrangements for Masen to stay with my parents in Chicago for the summer. It would be difficult to be without him for so long, but I had to arrange for housing and make sure everything was delivered from California. I couldn't do all of that and take care of him at the same time. Masen was excited about the move but more so about spending a month with my parents, who he knew would spoil him rotten.

I took three weeks of vacation so I could fly out to Chicago with Masen and visit with my parents for a few days. I wanted to make sure Masen was settled in properly before leaving. There was no one else in the world he would have stayed with on his own after Tanya's death, except for my parents. Even still, I knew he was nervous that I was leaving. I promised to call him every day and that I would come back to him sooner than he realized. It hurt me to leave him, but I knew this was for the best since I also had to make arrangements for someone to look after him while I was at work.

I flew from Chicago to Seattle where my Volvo was waiting for me. I had hired a company to transport it while I was in Chicago, and store it till I arrived. I drove to McChord to arrange for housing and wait for the rest of my belongings to arrive. Once everything was settled, I called and booked a room at Miller's Bed and Breakfast in Forks.

Perhaps I should have called Bella first to warn her I was coming, but I wasn't sure if she would even talk to me. I didn't bother trying to deny to myself that I also needed to see her and be near her. Even if she told me to stay out of her life forever, at least I would have that.

Walking into her travel agency was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I told one of the employees that I had an appointment with Bella Swan and then turned to look at the rack of brochures that were displayed on shelves on the wall. My heart trip hammered in my chest as I waited.

Hearing a small gasp from behind me, I turned to see Bella standing there. She was even more beautiful then I had remembered. Her chestnut hair fell in loose curls down her back, framing her ivory face. Her eyes were wide with surprise and there was a tiny pucker between her brows, my fingers twitched as I fought the urge to smooth it away.

Just as I was about to speak, I heard someone come in from behind me. A young blonde man went rushing up to Bella with a worried expression on his face.

"Baby! What's wrong?" he asked, anxiously.

It took me a moment to realize he had just called Bella, baby. I turned to look at him, and barely bit back a growl. I knew that Bella wouldn't have stayed single forever but it still hurt me to know she had indeed moved on. The pain I felt at that moment rivaled anything I had ever felt, besides the night I had told Bella goodbye.

"Baby?" I asked, turning back to her. I needed to know for sure that she was with him in a romantic capacity, and he wasn't just using a friendly term of endearment.

"Who is this guy?" he said belligerently.

If I'd had any doubts as to the role he was playing in Bella's life, his tone of voice did nothing to assuage me. I was still looking at Bella, this may very well be the last time I saw her and I refused to be distracted. I looked in her eyes for any sign that she may still love me, even the tiniest spark. All I saw was shock and confusion. Maybe I should have called her after all.

She whispered my name and my heart raced at the sound of her voice. Up until that moment, she hadn't said a word. I wanted to reach for her, take her in my arms, kiss her, carry her away from here and ravish her. After all this time, I loved her as much now as I had the last time I had seen her.

I had been so intent on Bella, that I hadn't noticed that the boy had cocked back his fist. The punch took me completely unaware. It wasn't a particularly hard blow, but it was enough to send me staggering back a step. My automatic reaction was to clench my hands into fists and finish what he had started.

Bella jumped in between us and held out her hands on either side. "Stop!" she hissed at us. Turning around, she told the boy to go inside. He obviously didn't want to leave her with me, and in a way I didn't blame him. Had our roles been reversed, there was no way Bella could have convinced me to leave her side. As it stood, I didn't think I would be able to leave her side _now_, and we weren't even together.

Finally the boy got the hint and left us alone. Bella stormed past me and said, "Outside." _Yes, ma'am_. I would follow her anywhere. I watched Bella walk down the stairs, her gait was stiff, her hair swishing across her back. I resisted the urge to reach out and run my fingers through the silken tresses. I knew this next part wasn't going to be pleasant, so I took what little joys I could.

When we walked outside, Bella kept her back to me. It became too excruciating waiting for her to speak. I called her name and her shoulders hunched for a moment before she straightened her spine and turned towards me. Her face was stony as she looked at me, it was such a foreign expression and I hated seeing it.

"It's really you," she said in a dead voice.

"Yes, it's really me." I wasn't sure why she had said that, of all things, but as long as she was speaking to me, I took it as a good sign.

"You're a year late." I winced slightly at her words.

"Bella, I told you that if anything happened, I would come back after you once everything was finally over. Didn't you believe me?" I knew it was a lot to ask of her, but in a way, I was hurt that she hadn't thought I would actually return for her as soon as humanly possible.

"Believe you?" she said laughing slightly. "Edward, you have lied to me from the moment we started speaking to one another. Why would I believe _anything_ you had said to me?" Her words cut me as deep as any physical wound she could have inflicted.

"Please, just let me explain…" I began.

"Explain _what_??" she yelled, "The last time I talked to you, you told me you were going back to that bitch of a wife of yours, and then you fucking disappeared off the face of the goddamned earth!"

"Bella…"

"How dare you? A _year_, Edward! A fucking _YEAR_! And not one word from you. Nothing! Then you show up at my _job_? And expect what? That I'll just jump in your arms and be thankful you've finally arrived? Fuck _YOU_, Edward!" There was no escaping the venom in her voice.

"You're right," I said automatically. "Everything you said is right, but I couldn't stay away from you. Bella, I never stopped loving you. Every moment of every day you were on my mind and I was thinking of ways to get to you," I needed her to know the truth and reached a hand out towards her.

"Don't you touch me," she said bitingly, and I dropped my hand.

"I'm so sorry. I wish you could understand how sorry I am," I said sadly.

"Does your _wife_ know where you are, Edward?"

"I'm not married anymore. I haven't been with anyone since you." I wasn't sure why I told her that, but this was also something that was important for her to know.

"Except your wife, of course." I winced slightly, she was wrong, but it pained me that's what she thought. "Oh well, I wish I could say the same," she continued, "but I'm sure you noticed that I've moved on."

I ran my hand through my hair and gave Bella a small smile, hoping she didn't see how badly she had hurt me with that statement. "Yeah, I noticed that. Does he… make you happy, Bella?"

"Yes, very," she replied. If she had said no, I would have fought for her. I hadn't come to cause her any pain.

"I'm glad you're happy, you deserve that. I'll just go then," I said quietly, before turning away from her. "Have I told you that I love you, lately?" It was a long shot, but I really had nothing to lose. I prayed she still remembered.

"Not lately," she replied and I closed my eyes. My heart felt as if it would claw it's way out of my chest.

"I love you, Bella. Always."

I began to walk away towards the parking lot and heard Bella yell out behind me. "I'm _not_ happy!" I turned to look at her, scared to hope. "I haven't been happy since the day you left me," she continued. I was torn in two at her words, I knew that my defection last year had wounded her, enough for her to try and lie to me.

I rushed back to her and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly. "Bella, oh my Bella," I said softly into her hair. How many times had I dreamed of this moment? Of holding her soft, pliant body against my own, and breathing in her heady scent. Now that I knew I had a chance, nothing would keep me from her.

As soon as I had the thought, Bella pushed away from me.

"Oh god, Edward, I can't! I'm sorry, I can't do this again! I just… can't." She turned and ran back into the building, leaving me standing there reaching out for her, my arms barren and empty.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I sat in my car in front of Bella's house. It was stalkerish behavior -- I knew it -- but I didn't care. My resolve had hardened. Bella needed to know why I hadn't come back to her right away. She had to know the truth. She had to know what had kept me away from her for the last year. I would sit here and wait for as long as it took. Hopefully, she came home alone.

I wasn't waiting long when I saw a car pull up in front of Bella's house. I could tell it was her driving from the rear window and started to get out of the Volvo. She got out of her car and walked briskly towards her house. I ran to catch up to her.

"Bella, please talk to me," I begged.

"Go _away_, Edward!"

"No, not until you hear me out," I insisted.

"I don't want to hear it. I'm sick of all the lies. Go back to California where you belong!"

"I don't live in California anymore, I got a transfer to McChord Air Force Base."

"What? How long have you been stationed at McChord?" she asked incredulously, turning to look at me. Finally, I had gotten her attention.

"I was just transferred two weeks ago. I brought Masen to my parents in Chicago so I could arrange the move and once that was done, I came straight here to find you."

"Why?" she asked looking confused.

"Because I needed to be near you," I said simply.

Bella stood staring at me, but before she had a chance to reply, the sky opened up and started to pour rain down upon us. Neither of us moved and I watched as the rain dripped down Bella's face. Needing to touch her, I reached out and brushed the rain from her lips with my thumb. They were just as soft as I remembered. I couldn't stop my fingers from trailing along her jaw.

She drew me to her like a magnet; I closed the distance between us so that our bodies were almost touching. My fingers slid under her hair till my hand was resting on the nape of her neck. I gazed down at her as the electricity crackled between us. I knew I wasn't imagining this. Bella still loved me; I could see it clear as day on her face.

"Let's get out of the rain, Bella," I said, reaching for her hand. She allowed me to lead her to the porch where she opened the door and silently let me in.

I watched as Bella removed her shoes and coat. I stood there waiting to see what she would do and she gestured for me to go into the living room. I also removed my wet over clothing and went to sit on her couch. She sat across from me in her dad's ratty old armchair. Anxiously I brushed my hands through my wet, disheveled hair, not quite knowing what to say.

"Well? You came all this way to talk to me, so speak," she said coldly.

I started from the last time we had spoken on the phone and told her everything that had happened that night. I told her about finding my Commander in my home, about the pictures taken of us in a compromising position – several if you wanted to get right down to it – about Tanya's threat to have me Court Matialed, about her threat regarding custody of Masen.

Getting up, I kneeled in front of Bella's chair and placed my hands on her thighs. I needed to have some sort of contact with her. I needed her to look me in the eye so she could see that I was telling her the truth. Bella was still confused on the time line and just as I was about to explain about Tanya's accident, I heard someone enter Bella's house.

"Hey Bells, whose car…" I heard from behind me. _Fuck, Jacob_. He had the worst timing in the world. "What the fuck!" he said angrily. I stood and faced him.

"Jacob, I don't want to fight you," I said putting my hands up slightly.

After some overt threats and a short discussion between Bella and Jacob, I told her to let him come for me. If he wanted a fight, I would give him one. As long as at the end of it, I was able to finish explaining to Bella why I had come. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way and much to my disappointment, Bella asked me to leave. I begged her to hear me out, but she was resolute. I asked if she would walk me out and at the doorway, I turned to face her and leaned in close to her.

"I'm not done trying, Bella," I said softly in her ear, "I will prove myself to you, somehow." My lips brushed her jaw lightly.

Leaving her house had been difficult, but I had nowhere near given up. Seeing Jacob today had given me an idea on how to get her to hear me out. When I got back to the B&B, I asked the innkeeper, Susan, if she knew how to get to the local reservation. Tomorrow, I would go see Jacob myself. Hopefully my plan worked, because if it didn't, I would just have to camp out on Bella's doorstep till she heard me out, once and for all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I drove up in front of Jacob Black's house and got out of my car. It hadn't been difficult to find him, it seemed like Jacob's father was an influential member of the community of La Push and his residence was well known. Jacob stepped out of a large shed, which he had turned into a makeshift garage. It crossed my mind that if not for this whole situation with Bella, Jacob and I may have been friends. Perhaps it wasn't too late. Watching the storm clouds roll across Jacob's face when he realized who it was waiting for him, got rid of that notion quickly.

"Bella made me promise not to go after you. At least now, I can kick your ass and keep that promise. Sweet!" He smiled at me ferociously.

"Jacob, I didn't come here for a fight."

"You come here, on _my_ property, after what you did to Bella, and expect me not to do anything about it?" He looked at me like I was crazy, in retrospect, I supposed this wasn't the sanest thing I had ever done in my life.

"I need your help."

"You think I'm going to help you?" Jacob scoffed and folded his arms over his chest. At least he wasn't charging at me. Progress. I imagined us running around my car as I tried to explain myself while simultaneously trying to avoid fisticuffs, and had to squeeze my lips together to keep from laughing at the image.

"I know you love Bella." Jacob nodded curtly, " and I know what I did hurt her." Another nod accompanied by a raised eyebrow. "But I need Bella to hear me out so I can explain why I was gone so long."

"So, what do you want me to do about it?" he snorted.

"I need you to get her to talk to me. She loves you, she trusts you, she'll _listen_ to you," I stressed.

"You're fucking crazy."

"Yes, I am. I'm crazy about Bella, and I'll do whatever it takes to get her back. Just hear me out. After you hear what happened this last year, if you think it wasn't a good enough reason to have stayed away, then I'll leave. I won't bother Bella ever again. I'll even make it worth your while."

"And how do you plan on doing that?" he asked skeptically.

"Free shot."

"For real? Anywhere?"

"Anywhere," I said, wincing slightly and hoping he went for the face.

"All right!" he said a little too enthusiastically.

Jacob cracked his knuckles and smiled widely. I stepped away from my car as he closed the distance. I would have preferred to close my eyes so I didn't see it coming, but I wasn't a pussy and I certainly didn't want Jacob to think I was. I watched as he pulled back his fist and let fly. I had a brief second to be thankful that he was indeed aiming for my head before stars exploded on the left side of my face.

Jacob punched harder than Bella's punk boyfriend. Much harder. He laid me out. I fell back, clutching my eye and let out a string of curses. I could hear Jacob standing over me, chuckling. My gut instinct was to get up and charge him, but I had made a promise, and while I hadn't always done the honorable thing, I would in this instance. Once the pain abated, I sat up and noticed Jacob had his hand held out to help me stand.

"You have a hell of a shot," I said grudgingly, taking his offered hand. Jacob just shrugged and started walking to the house. I followed him, with my hand still clapped over my eye. It felt like my eyeball would roll out if I didn't hold it in. I knew my eye was swelling shut, and I felt the slickness of blood trickling down my face.

Jacob walked into his house, and made a gesture towards a chair around a small table. I sat while he wet a paper towel. He came and took a chair across from me before handing it over. I wiped the blood from my face and grimaced, holding the paper towel in place till the blood slowed. We sat across from one another, silently.

Finally, I started to speak. I told Jacob everything while he stared at me with an inscrutable expression. When I finished, he didn't say a word. I could tell he was absorbing everything and deciding whether he would help me or tell me to get the fuck out and leave Bella alone. It was driving me crazy, but I kept silent as well. This was something he had to think about, without any interference.

"I'll talk to Bells," he said after the longest five minutes of my life passed. I exhaled slowly.

"I don't want you telling her what happened," I said. "I need to explain it to her myself."

"I wouldn't do that. It's not my story to tell." At that moment, my respect for Jacob Black rose exponentially.

"Thank you, Jacob." I got up from the table and headed for the door, Jacob followed.

"You know, if you hurt her, I _will_ come after you," he said threateningly.

"I'd expect nothing less," I said, smiling humorlessly.

"Would you have really left her alone if I told you to?" Jacob had a shrewd expression on his face as he waited for an answer.

"Not a fucking chance," I replied honestly.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." Jacob smirked and shook his head slowly. "Just so you know, I can't make Bella do anything. I'll tell her she should hear you out, but that's all I'm going to do."

"That's all I ask," I said, holding out my hand. I was glad when he took it. "Thank you, Jacob."

"Sure, sure," he said amicably.

I left the house and walked to my car. My eye was still throbbing, but I thought it was a small price to pay if my plan worked. If I had learned anything today, it was that Jacob was a good friend and he was also honorable. He would keep his promise to me, even though he owed me nothing. I was thankful for his presence in Bella's life. I prayed she would no longer need him to fill the role of protector, because I wanted to fill that role myself.

Now, I just had to sit and wait. If I didn't hear from Bella by the end of the weekend I would have to figure out a new game plan. I headed back to Miller's with a renewed sense of hope.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When I got back to my room, I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I stayed by the phone in case Bella called. but it stayed stubbornly silent. I ordered in room service for lunch, not wanting to take the risk of leaving my room. I knew I was probably being ridiculous in thinking Jacob had rushed over to Bella's as soon as I had left, so I shouldn't be hurt that I hadn't heard from her yet.

I was about to go mad when I heard a tentative knock on my door. Frowning, I got up to see who it was. I was shocked and pleased when I saw Bella standing on the threshold. Her eyes popped open and her jaw dropped when she saw me. It took me a second to realize why she was staring at my face like that.

"I deserved it," I said, touching my eye gingerly.

Bella reached up and her hand replaced mine. Her touch was feather light as she traced the outer edge of my eye. I closed my eyes and leaned my face into her hand. Her touch was cool and wonderful. She hadn't touched me of her own accord since I had arrived, and a surge of pleasure spread from my stomach outward. I couldn't help myself from running my lips across her inner wrist.

It was a bad move; Bella dropped her hand as if I had burned her. I opened my eyes and watched her for a moment. I hadn't wanted to scare her off and right now she looked like a deer about to bolt. Stepping away from the door I gestured into the room.

"Thank you for coming Bella," I said gratefully.

Bella walked past me, careful not to make contact. She glanced at the bed nervously and I tried not to smile. Obviously she was worried that I was going to try and seduce her.

While there was nothing I wanted more than to toss her on the bed and have my way with her, I knew now was not the time. I was, however, flattered she thought I could succeed if I'd had a mind.

I contemplated that for a moment as she sat on the edge of the futon in the little sitting area. I would have preferred to sit beside her on the futon but she already seemed so skittish that I didn't want to scare her off.

"You know, I'm kind of pissed that you told Jacob what happened before you told me." She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I didn't know what else to do, I was desperate. You told me to leave and I had to respect your wishes," I said, leaning forward and putting my elbows on my knees. "I know how important Jacob is to you, so I thought if perhaps he could hear what happened, maybe he could persuade you to talk to me."

"Yeah, you _must_ have been desperate if you went to see Jacob," she said this trying not to smile. "You're lucky you got off with just the one punch."

"I'm also lucky he went for the face," I said, trying to keep the mood light. "With the power that guy has, if he'd sacked me, I'd still be lying on the ground!"

"Okay. I'm here, so tell me what was so complicated."

So much for keeping it light. The smile on my face vanished. This was what I had been waiting for, and yet I dreaded having to tell Bella why I had been silent for over a year. Steeling myself, I took a breath and launched into the story of what had happened after the night I came back from Seattle.

Bella asked me some difficult questions and I answered as best and as honestly as I could. I knew she was still hurt that I hadn't tried harder to contact her and I tried to impart just how difficult it all had been. I couldn't sit so far from her any longer and went to sit beside her on the futon.

"I know this is a lot to take in right now. I just need you to know that I still love you, Bella. I never stopped and I never will. You are the only woman who will ever own me, heart and soul." A tear trailed down Bella's cheek and I reached out to brush it away. She leaned her face in my hand and I caressed her cheek with my thumb. I knew I would get carried away, and placed my hand back on my thigh. While I didn't care that she was with another man, I didn't want to place her in a compromising position. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to feel the guilt I had for being unfaithful.

"Why did you take your hand away?" she asked softly.

"Because you aren't mine. I don't want to do anything that would make you feel guilty later on."

"There would be nothing to feel guilty about. Mike and I aren't together anymore."

For a moment I felt remorse. Every time I stepped into Bella's life, I turned everything upside down. By the same token she had done the same to me. I took that as a sign we were meant to be together, and nothing could keep us apart.

"Bella, I didn't mean to come here and break up your relationship."

"It would have happened eventually. I wasn't in love with Mike, and he deserved better than that."

Bella looked down at her hands and I took her chin in my hand to lift it slightly. I needed to look into her eyes when I asked her a very important question.

"What about me?" I asked intently.

"What about you?" she replied with a confused look.

"Are you in love with me?"

"Yes," she answered without any hesitation.

That was all I needed to hear. She was free, and she loved me. My heart threatened to pound out of my chest as I clasped Bella to me and did the one thing I had wanted to do since the moment I set eyes on her at the travel agency. I kissed her. She responded automatically and pressed her body close to mine -- she was soft and willing and I drowned in her essence.

Just like that, she was gone from me again. She was up and backing slowly away from me with her hand to her mouth.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said regretfully. "I've just missed you so much, it's hard for me not to touch you." I got up from the futon and held her arms lightly. "I won't push you, I promise."

"It's my fault, too," she said, "I just have a lot to think about, Edward."

"I know."

"And I don't want to cloud it all up with..." she waved her hand, encompassing the both of us and the entire situation. "I think I should go home now."

"Okay," I said, trying not to look too disappointed. "I'll be here till next weekend, and then I have to go to McChord to start my new position and get ready for Masen to join me."

Bella tried to extract herself from my grip and I dropped my arms. She walked towards the door while I followed. I didn't want her to leave, but I couldn't really force her to stay either.

"I'll call you and let you know what I decide," she said looking at me. When she turned from me, I couldn't let her leave as easily as I thought. I took her arm and spun her back towards me. I kissed her softly, brushing my lips against hers.

"I love you," I said, reluctantly letting her go.

"Bye, Edward." I had wished beyond hope that she would tell me she loved me as well, but she didn't.

I stayed in the doorway watching her leave. I fought the irrepressible urge to run after her and beg her to stay but somehow I restrained myself. I knew Bella needed time to sort everything out, but I had faith that our love would conquer the odds.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I was in no better condition when Bella left, than I was before. Now I had to sit and wait till she decided what she wanted to do and how to proceed. Once again, I ordered room service, not wanting to be away from the phone. I couldn't read or watch TV. Nothing had the power to distract me.

When the phone rang, I practically dove at it. I picked up just after the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Have I told you that I love you, lately?" her voice was soft and sweet.

"Not lately." I answered after a few moments, barely able to speak.

"I love you, Edward."

I closed my eyes and put my head down. She had finally said it, and while I knew we were far from being ok, at least she was willing to try. I made a vow to never give her reason to regret the decision to take me back. I would do whatever it took to make things work between us. The trust had been broken and it would take a lot before Bella trusted me again, but I knew with every fiber of my being that I would repair the damage between us.

We talked for a while longer and Bella asked more questions about the time when we had been separated. I answered every last one. I knew she wasn't always happy with what I had to say but I was never going to lie to her again. She deserved the complete truth. She always had deserved that, but I had been too cowardly to give it to her before. I knew that had been a bad decision on my part, and I had learned from my past mistakes.

After everything was discussed and out in the open, Bella and I decided to meet the next day so we could spend time together. I hung up the phone and put my hands behind my head. This bed was too large and much too lonely. It killed me that Bella was so close and there wasn't much I could do about it.

I spent the next hour thinking about Bella and reliving my favorite memories of us together. Rolling over, I looked at the clock. It was quarter to twelve and I hadn't gotten changed out of my clothes yet. _It's almost tomorrow_, I thought to myself.

Before I could think it through, I was rushing out of Miller's and driving to Bella's. I sat in my car in front of her house for a few minutes deciding if I should wake her or not. Would she be upset or happy to see me on her doorstep at midnight? What if she was sleeping? I decided to get out and knock on her door softly enough that she would only hear it if she were awake.

I rapped quietly and felt like an idiot. Just as I was about to slink back to my car, the door flew open and Bella stood there, wide awake and in her bathrobe. She looked so cute, I couldn't help but give her a lopsided smile.

"It's tomorrow," I said and waited for her to slam the door in my face.

Bella didn't slam the door in my face. Instead, she rushed forward and threw her arms around my neck. She reached up and pressed her lips to mine. I was nobody's fool and kissed her back with all the fervor of one who has been deprived for too long. I picked her up in my arms and walked into the house, kicking the door shut behind me.

Finally, I was home.

* * *

**So that's it folks! Leave me a review and let me know what you thought of EPOV! Also a little pimping out... I put up a chapter to what may be my next multi-chap. If you haven't read it yet, I'd appreciate some feedback! Right now it's just called Untitled, you can find it in my list of stories :))**


	32. We Are One

**A/N: And here it is! The newest LN Out Take! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
**

* * *

**We Are One**

I watched Edward twirl Esme around the dance floor as they performed the traditional mother son dance at our wedding. Tears stung my eyes as I watched my new husband dote on his mother – _my_ new mother, for surely that is what she had become to me. My arms tightened imperceptibly around the sturdy form of Masen who was asleep in my arms. I bent my head to kiss his dark golden curls and he sighed, sinking into me like only a small child could.

Mother.

Now I was wife and mother as well. The figures on the dance floor trebled as the emotion of the day overtook me. The wedding had been beautiful; I had to hand it to Alice. She had pulled off a relative miracle. It had been a small affair with only close family and friends invited. We had gotten married at twilight, tiny lights alive and swaying in the trees around us, illuminating everything in a soft halo.

Jacob had walked me down the aisle, and his fingers shook slightly as he pressed my hand tightly into Edward's. I looked up at him and saw the sheen in his eyes before he gave me a sweet smile. Glancing down at all of our hands, joined for that split second, I saw the wink of gold and diamond and a lump rose in my throat as I realized he was wearing Charlie's cufflinks. The ones I had given him so long ago. In that moment, I knew my father was there in spirit, if not in person, and my heart swelled with love, happiness and peace.

"You take good care of my girl," Jacob said in a low voice, full of emotion.

"I will," Edward answered sincerely. Then he turned to me, and the world stopped as his eyes met mine.

The rest of the ceremony passed quickly, and I barely registered anything that was happening around us. I only had eyes for Edward. We spoke our vows, and finally I slid a ring on his finger.

_Mine_.

The rest of the night – surrounded by those who meant the most to me – I basked in the love of my new husband and son. I would never get tired of saying those words. Nor would I get tired of the kisses, caresses and secret looks that Edward and I shared all evening during the reception, as we waited until we could be alone. Every once in awhile his hand would brush against me in an intimate way, and I could feel the heat of him sear through the thin satin fabric of my dress. It was always followed by a smoldering look that brought color to my cheeks. Edward knew the effect he had on me.

As the song wrapped up, Edward twirled his mother once more before embracing her and giving her a kiss on the cheek as everyone applauded. Carlisle came up to me and opened his arms to take his only grandchild. We smiled at each other over Masen's head as I passed the sleeping child over.

"Ladies and gentleman," the DJ said into the microphone, "this will be the last song of the evening. Please join the bride and groom in the middle of the dance floor as they have their final dance."

Edward walked toward me, his face was beaming. He looked absolutely stunning tonight. While he looked incredible in any suit, _nothing_ looked better than Edward in his ceremonial dress blues. It was cut to perfection, accentuating his broad shoulders, trim waist and long legs. The medals across his chest were glinting. During our ceremony he had been wearing his uniform hat but had discarded it once we got to the reception. I'd have to make sure to bring it with us to the room.

I stood up and reached a hand out to him, my brand new wedding ring catching the light. Edward glanced down at it, smiling. He caught it between thumb and forefinger and turned it slightly, before bringing my hand up to his lips and kissing it – the gesture symbolizing one thing.

_Mine_.

Edward tugged me closer, and placed his lips on mine before sending me into a spin onto the dance floor. My dress flared out around me, and I began to laugh out of sheer happiness. I felt Edward's arm slip around my waist and pull me toward him. Moving together, we followed the beat of the music. We had been taking lessons from Rosalie for the wedding and after a month's practice we danced together like we did everything together – perfectly.

Our friends and family all linked hands and made a circle around us, as Edward and I swayed as one. My hand played with the fine hair at the back of his neck, and the other was clasped in his over his heart. One by one, the people we loved rotated around us giving us their silent blessing. Alice and Rose had their hands clasped and tears were running down both their faces as they smiled. Next came Angela who had recently gotten engaged, and I could see the wistful look on her face as she went past. Esme and my mother Renee had been thick as thieves during the planning of this wedding and they had their arms linked, both of them watching with loving expressions. And then there came Jake. Edward and he had become good friends over the last year, and I had been surprised to find out that Edward had asked for his blessing before proposing. We had all come a long way.

When the song ended, Edward dipped me gracefully and then swung me back up and kissed me. Everyone clapped and hooted enthusiastically, as I threw my arms around his neck and he picked me up off the floor, deepening the kiss and making me breathless. I still couldn't believe we were actually married. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world knowing that what I had wanted most had actually come true.

Placing me back on the floor for a moment, Edward stooped down and slipped an arm under my knees, so that he was carrying me. Alice ran up to us, placing Edward's hat on my head and reached up to kiss me on the cheek. I waved goodbye to all of our guests as he swept us out of the small ballroom of the hotel so we could go to our room. There was more cheering, laughing and ribald comments as we passed by and I began to blush, hiding my face against Edward's chest. I could feel it vibrating as he laughed.

The elevator was open and Edward's strode inside, lowered me to the ground and pushed the penthouse floor where our honeymoon suite waited. Turning to me, his eyes danced merrily and he took my face in his hands to kiss me softly.

"You look so beautiful, Mrs. Cullen," he whispered against them and I secretly thrilled at my new name.

"So do you, Mr. Cullen."

His lips curved up against mine and I pressed myself closer to him, my hands running up his broad back. The elevator doors opened but we didn't part. Instead, Edward backed me out, into the hallway, toward our room. He removed the plastic card from his pocket, swiped it and opened the door. Bending down, he swept me up high in his arms again and carried me across the threshold.

Going straight for the bed, I was lowered gently onto it. He sat beside me and gave me a smoldering look. Leaning in, he placed a kiss at the juncture of my neck and shoulder and I shuddered slightly.

"We're married," I said softly.

"Yes, we are," he agreed, moving his lips up my neck towards my ear. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation.

"Ah, ah, ah, Mister. Not so fast. You still owe me my wedding present."

Edward pulled back and pouted slightly. He had wanted to buy me something extravagant for our wedding, but I hadn't allowed it. I told him that there was only one wedding present I wanted and would let him know what it was on our wedding night. He had been after me for weeks to try and find out what it was, and had asked how he was possibly supposed to give me something when he didn't even know what it was. I would just smile and let him know that it was already in his possession. This answer was subject to much grumbling and protest.

"You're finally going to tell me what you want?" he said, quirking a brow at me. I smiled and nodded my head.

Getting up off the bed, I went to the desk where Alice had set up my music player. I had preloaded some seductive songs and chose the proper playlist. Music started to play and I walked to the bed, smiling wickedly. Edward looked confused as I put his hat back on his head, took his hand and lead him into the middle of the room, gesturing he should stay there. Walking to the armchair in the corner, I sat and crossed my legs.

"Strip," I commanded.

"What?" Edward said with a comical look on his face.

"You heard me, I said _strip_." Edward threw back his head and laughed as I waggled my eyebrows at him suggestively. "Oh, and keep the hat on."

"Anything you say, Mrs. Cullen," he said winking at me.

I had to hand it to the man, besides the awkwardness of removing socks and shoes, he did an excellent job. Once his feet were bare, he turned to me and gave me a sexy little smirk as he began popping the buttons on his uniform jacket in time to the music.

"Now shake those hips, baby," I said, giggling slightly as he swiveled his hips in an exaggerated manner. "Oh yeah, you know what momma likes!"

Edward bent over laughing for a moment and then straightened up. "Are you sure I can't just buy you something?"

"Nope!"

He finished unbuttoning the jacket and began to take it off. He took his time, slipping it down his shoulders, then turned his back to me as he let it drop, catching the collar in his hands. Edward looked at me over his shoulder with a little grin, seeming to be getting into it, and I bounced up and down in my chair clapping. He tossed his jacket aside and swung his hips back and forth, his ass looking absolutely amazing in the tailored slacks.

Turning back to me, Edward loosened his tie and pulled it off. He came to where I was sitting and put it over my head. Grasping the end, he pulled me forward and gave me a searing kiss before he stood up and started unbuttoning his shirt. One by one, the buttons came undone showing more and more of that perfectly sculpted chest beneath. He tugged the fabric loose and finally the shirt was open all way. Instead of taking it off however, he came back to me, took my hands and placed them on his rippling stomach.

I groaned as he swiveled his hips, looking exactly like a stripper in a nightclub. His eyes were hooded and he smirked at me sexily as I ran my hands up and down his body. Unfastening his cufflinks, he undid his shirtsleeves and then got on his knees in front of me. I kissed him hard as I slid the shirt down his shoulders.

"Ah, ah!" he scolded, pulling away. "I'm not done yet."

Getting up, he turned once more, and I died a little as he rolled his shoulders making the muscles in his back tense and flex as the shirt fell away completely. At this point, I was so turned on I probably would have let him stop there so I could ravish him, but Edward looked like he was getting into it, and I was dying to see what he'd do next.

Now with just his pants on, Edward came back to me and took my hands once again. He placed them on the front of his pants and wound his hips slowly, maintaining eye contact with me. I felt my jaw drop as I looked up at my sexy as hell husband – _my husband_, I squealed internally – if I didn't know better, I'd wonder if he had done this as a previous profession. Edward's tongue slid out and wet his lips and that's all it took to get me tugging frantically at his belt buckle.

Edward chuckled at me as I got that and his pants undone in record time. He stepped back and shook his hips to the music, his pants dropping in increments down his thighs. Once they fell free, he kicked them aside and stood in front of me in a pair of tight gray boxer briefs, which left nothing to the imagination. He hammed it up for me and ran his hands over his chest slowly and I would have cried from the sheer beauty of him if it weren't so incredibly funny. When he turned around and shook his ass at me, I clutched at my stomach and laughed hysterically.

Dropping the serious façade, Edward began laughing as well and came back to the chair. He straddled my legs so that his stomach was at my face, holding the back of the chair he pumped his hips suggestively. "Do you like what you see, baby?" he asked in a falsely seductive voice.

"Oh, absolutely!" I agreed playing along and placing my hands on his thighs, slowly running them up his body.

"That'll cost you extra," he said, stopping my hands. His body was vibrating from trying not to laugh.

"I'll pay you whatever you want," I said, dragging him towards me and latching my mouth on to one of his nipples.

Edward groaned and one of his hands went to the back of my head, encouraging me. My hands went around his waist and down his briefs, cupping his firm buttocks. I definitely got much enjoyment from my wedding present, and now it was time to repay him for doing such a fantastic job. I tugged his briefs down and took him into my mouth. Edward was already hard, and he gasped when he felt the warm wetness of my mouth envelop him.

"Ah, God! Bella…"

Still kneeling on the chair, he gripped the back of it and pumped his hips slowly, sliding in and out of my mouth. I kept hold of his backside with one hand but used my other one to wrap around his shaft. I used my tongue to tickle the underside of his cock and then sucked on the head of it gently. Edward groaned as I continued using my mouth to pleasure him.

"I ought to dance for you more often," he huffed out and I tried not to laugh but didn't quite succeed. I pulled back and my shoulders began to shake as I tried to suppress my mirth. Edward looked down at me and soon we were both out and out laughing. He got up and pulled me with him. "You know," he said in a sexy voice, "the music is still going. How about you give _me_ a show."

Pushing him a little, he sat back with a full out grin on his face. "Now, strip!" he said in an authoritative voice. "And keep the veil on."

Laughing, I did a little dance to the music. Unfortunately, I didn't have nearly as many clothes as Edward, did so my show wasn't quite as long. I did play it up however by lifting my dress up in slow increments up my legs, making a big show of the hose and garters I was wearing. Edward growled in appreciation. His eyes almost popped out of his head when my dress went cascading to my feet and he finally got a chance to see the white corset, garter and panty set.

"That's it," he said, getting up quickly. "Show's over!"

I squealed as he picked me up and carried me to the bed, all the while kissing me urgently before covering my body with his. My legs wrapped around him automatically and we rocked our hips together. His erection was trapped between our bodies and sliding against the satin of the fabric covering me, giving me a thrill of pleasure.

The corset I wore hooked up the front, and Edward was making haste getting it undone and opened before him. He lowered his head and began flicking one hard nipple with his tongue. I arched my back and took hold of the back of his head urging him to take it fully into his mouth. He obliged and I sighed, rocking my hips quicker. Edward slipped down my body, and I made a small discontented noise. Now I had nothing hard to rub against. He chuckled against my breasts and began placing hot open-mouthed kisses over my rib cage and stomach, coming back occasionally to play with my breasts, teasing my nipples mercilessly.

Edward unhooked my legs from around him and slid off the bed, kneeling at the side. Looking up, he maintained eye contact as he slipped my panties off. Now I only had on my garters and stockings and Edward was running his hands reverently over my legs, enjoying the silky feel of them against his hands. Pulling slightly, he slid my body so that my buttocks were at the edge of the bed. He brushed his nose along my inner thigh and the sensation from when he got to my bare upper thigh made me jerk slightly.

Placing a soft kiss right on my sex also made me jerk, as my hips rose slightly to increase the pressure. "Stay very still," Edward commanded in full Staff Sergeant Sexy mode. "Don't move."

I groaned and did as I was told, throwing my arms above my head and grasping handfuls of the coverlet. I felt Edward's tongue follow along one of my outer lips and then slowly down the other one with just a hint of pressure. I was already trembling and he had barely done anything to me. He breathed gently on me, the hot air ghosting over my flesh turning it hot and cold simultaneously. God, I loved the things he did to me. He hadn't even really started yet, and already I wanted to scream for him to take me, fast and hard.

He repeated the motion only this time applying more pressure and inching in a little closer to my inner lips. I groaned at the feel of his hot, slick tongue. Such a tease. He most certainly knew how to use his mouth to his advantage – and mine. One more lap around, this time the tip of his tongue brushed my clit and my thighs spasmed.

Next, he slid his tongue directly up between my folds and flicked my clit a little harder giving me a taste of what was to come. How did he get me to the point of wanting to beg so quickly? I wanted to lock my legs around his head and not let him come up until he had finished me off. Just as I was considering actually doing that, Edward lowered his head and began tracing circles around the sensitive nub, drawing inward and increasing the pressure.

"Yes, there. God, don't stop," I begged, still fisting the blankets.

Not only did he not stop, but he decided to add to my pleasure and slid his fingers inside of me, moving them in tandem with that wonderful tongue of his. I lost track of how many times Edward brought me to the brink and then slowed down only to build me back up again. This was the best type of torture. I was trembling from the intensity of it all, and I knew Edward could tell it was time to drop me off the edge of the Earth.

He picked up speed with his tongue, and suddenly his fingers curled up until they were caressing my very most sensitive spot. Every time he slid his fingers out I felt a jolt as he brushed against it. Soon I was soaring high, high, high. It felt like my body no longer belonged here, like it was bound for the heavens, and just when I thought I would never stop, there was a sudden reverse and I fell headlong into a mind-shattering orgasm.

Before I was done. Edward had gotten to his feet and sheathed himself inside of me, filling me completely and making me scream out his name. He had my legs splayed up against his chest, grasping my thighs tightly as he moved in me. I still had my hands over my head and was holding on tightly as he thrust his hips towards me, the sound of flesh striking flesh, loud and harsh in our ears. And still I wanted it harder.

"Yes, Edward," I moaned. "Fuck me hard, _yes_!"

Grunting he spread my legs and then grasped my hips as he pulled me even closer to him. That slight change was enough to start me on my next orgasm. I watched as Edward threw back his head, trying to keep control until he knew I had finished. My head thrashed as my release took me fast and hard. I gasped and cried out intelligibly.

Edward sped up his thrusting and his hands clasped against me hard as he reached climax scant seconds after me. His rhythm faltered as he called my name out and he fell forward on top of me, his breathing rapid in my ear. I clutched him against me tightly, both of us slippery from our exertions.

"Have I told you that I love you, lately?" he whispered against my neck.

"Not lately," I said with a small laugh.

"I love you, Mrs. Isabella Cullen."

I tightened my arms and turned my head so that I could kiss my husband. No, I certainly would never get tired of saying that. No matter how many years went by, I knew that our love would remain as strong and true as it was at this very moment, and I was very much looking forward to spending the rest of my days as Edward's wife.

* * *

**Leave me love! Reviews are almost as good as Edward doing a strip tease for you ;))**


	33. And Baby Makes Four

**A/N: Well, I think this will be the last of my out takes for this story. It's been such an amazing journey and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!**

* * *

**And Baby Makes Four**

"I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right. You want to what?"

"I want to have the baby at home," Bella said with conviction.

I lay behind her, her solid little behind socked against my hips and tried to come up with a response that wouldn't make her think that I thought her idea completely absurd. Even if I did. Remaining silent, I kept my hand against her distended belly feeling my daughter squirm and stretch against my palm. These were some of my favorite moments; a feeling of profound peace always overwhelmed me when we lay like this. I felt connected to both wife and daughter. And now something was threatening that peace.

"Bella, love, where's this coming from?"

"I don't know," she sighed, her hand coming up to cover mine shifting it slightly with the movement of the baby. "I just keep hearing these horrible stories about military hospitals, and it scares me."

"Tanya had Masen in a military hospital, and it was fine." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I felt Bella stiffen against me. I cringed at her reaction, even now almost seven years later, she couldn't bear to hear Tanya's name. Not that I could blame her. "I'm sorry," I said sincerely, kissing her bare shoulder, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Well that may have been fine for _Tanya_," Bella sniffed, "but I want something different."

"But aren't home births dangerous?" I asked trying to appeal to her natural maternal instinct.

"No more than a hospital birth," she replied softly. At six months pregnant, she was still very mobile, but it wasn't without effort that she turned to face me. "Edward, I've been doing a lot of research into this and I want more of an intimate experience. I don't want to be in a strange place with a bunch of strangers poking and prodding me. It'll just be us and the midwife."

"But what about the pain? Don't most women want an epidural?" I knew I was getting desperate but I was still not comfortable with the way this conversation was going.

"Well, I've been looking into stuff and there are a few programs out there to help with pain management." She had her lower lip caught between her teeth and I knew I had hit on something she herself was worried about.

"Bella…" I said gently, not quite sure how to proceed.

"Please, Edward," she begged, her eyes imploring. "Let's just meet with a midwife and see what she says. If after that you still aren't convinced, then we'll figure something else out."

She was so emotional these days; I really didn't want to upset her. I looked into her eyes, the moonlight filtering through the window bathed her face in a soft light. Reaching up a hand I stroked her cheek. Her eyes closed momentarily and a look of bliss flitted across her features.

"What if something _happens_ to you," I said quietly. "Either of you." With this I lowered my hand and caressed her belly again.

"Nothing is going to happen," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss me gently.

"I would die without you," I said, looking at her intently. She smiled serenely and placed a hand over my heart.

"Shhh… we're just talking right now, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now let's go to sleep."

Bella rolled over again and snuggled back against me. Automatically, my hand sought out my baby girl and was rewarded with a small push as if she knew her daddy needed some additional comfort. I kissed Bella's shoulder and she sighed before falling asleep in my arms. I remained awake keeping a silent vigil over my girls.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Eventually, I had given in to Bella's request and we started to meet with various midwives in the area. Despite my initial reservations, I began seeing things in a different light after meeting with Stephanie. She spoke to my fears and answered all my questions without hesitation. She took the time to reassure me that Bella and the baby's safety were foremost on her agenda and if she suspected anything was wrong, we would transport Bella to the hospital right away.

Over the next two months, I accompanied Bella to all of her appointments with Stephanie and was very pleased with how she treated us, it was night and day compared to the Military obstetrician we had been seeing prior to switching to a midwife. Bella's pregnancy was progressing wonderfully and we began anticipating the arrival of our daughter.

Approximately a week before Bella's due date, I came home to find her pale-faced sitting on the sofa, a concerned looking Masen by her side. He looked up at me as I entered the room, relief crossing his features.

"Dad," he said, "I think something is wrong with Mom." She reached out and tapped his knee fondly. He had started calling her mom shortly after we had gotten married, and she still got that special pleased look on her face every time he said it.

I went quickly to Bella's side and took her hand. "Is it time?" I asked looking at her closely.

"It's probably just gas," she said grimacing slightly.

"Do you want me to call Steph?"

"No, I don't think they're contractions."

"How do you know? You've never _had_ contractions before."

"Well, there's no pattern. It feels like one big, long menstrual cramp," she replied, frowning and shifting on the couch uncomfortably. "Maybe I should just walk it off."

I took hold of Bella's wrists and helped haul her to her feet. She leaned against my chest for a moment, and I swayed from side to side like Stephanie had shown me, reaching around her, and applying pressure to the base of Bella's spine. She sighed, and wrapped her arms around me. We stayed like this for a little while longer, Masen watching us concernedly.

"Are you sure you're not in labor?" I asked again. I tried to remember back when Tanya had Masen, but it was very different. Her water had broken and we went to the hospital where she was induced, given an epidural and then delivered Masen about ten hours later.

"I don't think so," she said, her voice muffled by my t-shirt. "I'll be fine."

We walked around the living room for a while until Bella started to feel better. After one more circuit I looked down at her and said, "Okay, you sit and relax. I'll make dinner."

"No, it's okay, Edward."

"Sit," I said sternly while gently propelling her back to the couch. "You," I said, pointing a finger at Masen, "keep an eye on your mother." He looked at me wide-eyed and serious so I winked at him and he gave me a faint smile. While Tanya's death was now no more than a faint memory, I knew that he was still very afraid that one day he might lose either me or Bella. I walked past him and ruffled his hair, his smile growing more natural as he pulled his head away and tried to tidy his unruly curls.

The next two weeks were more of the same. Bella had bouts of cramping but she would walk, or we would sway together and eventually they would pass. Stephanie told her that it was most likely pre-labor and her body was slowly preparing itself, gearing up for the big event.

"I don't know how much more 'gearing up' I can take!" she said to me one night.

We were lying in bed and I had my fists against her spine, pushing firmly. I smiled, luckily not facing her. She may not have been very fast, but I was pretty sure she'd damage me if she knew I found any of this amusing.

"It will happen soon, Beautiful."

"Oh, that feels good," she sighed. "I hope you're right. Come on baby girl, don't you want to meet your mommy and daddy?" she asked, absentmindedly rubbing circles over her belly.

"Do you want to try and get some sleep?"

"Actually, they say that having sex sometimes gets labor going."

I started to laugh. Bella had been insatiable during her second trimester but that had obviously slowed down as she became larger and less mobile. Personally, I still found her sexy as hell. Something about seeing her body so full and ripe, knowing she carried my child, had a profound effect on me. She reached behind her and began caressing my thigh.

"Isabella Marie Cullen. Are you trying to seduce me in order to go into labor?"

"Yes," she said, amusement tingeing her voice. "Is it working?" Her hand moved languidly, cupping me softly. I groaned and pressed my forehead against her shoulder.

"Are you sure?" I whispered against the flesh of her back making her shudder lightly.

"Yes."

We made love slowly and carefully amidst a lot of maneuverings and quiet laughter as we tried to find a position that would work for us both. Finally, she sat atop me, rocking her hips slightly.

"It'll be nice when I have my old body back," she sighed, looking down at her large belly.

"I love this body," I replied, cupping and caressing the firm roundness of her.

Eventually, she began to pick up speed; I grasped her hips and helped to propel her body back and forth. I reached to where we were joined and Bella's breathing spiked as she began her ascent towards orgasm. It may be a while before we were close like this again and I wanted to make sure it was as pleasurable as possible for her. Her quiet moans became louder and her body began to shudder. She gasped one last time, her chin dropping to her chest as she whimpered. Feeling Bella warm and clamped around me pushed me over the edge, and I soon joined her as my release took over.

When it was over, I helped Bella lie back on the bed and spooned behind her. "Anything happening?" I asked trying to mask my amusement.

"No, maybe we can try again tomorrow," she said chuckling.

"You know I'd do anything to help," I replied, smiling against her hair.

"You're such a good husband." The sarcasm was barely concealed, and I laughed in earnest. Bella smacked at my thigh but eventually began laughing as well.

Our laughter subsided and we settled in to one another. I caressed her belly, saddened that these days would soon be over but excited to start the newest chapter of our lives together.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella sat on Stephanie's examination table and fidgeted nervously. She was now 41 weeks pregnant and very ready to get this show on the road. I took her hand in mine and winked at her, watching as her lips quirked up in a little smile.

"Hey Bella, are you ready?" Stephanie asked as she stepped back into the small room.

"Yep," she replied. I helped her lean back and then she assumed the position.

"Well, looks like the pre-labor has been doing its job. You're almost four centimeters dilated."

"Get _out_!" Bella cried and I squeezed her had encouragingly.

"I'm just going to stir things up down here, and hopefully, I'll be getting a call from you tonight!"

Suddenly, Bella's eyes were full of fear she turned to me frantically. "Tonight? That soon?"

"Bella, you've been complaining that you wanted this over weeks ago," I replied calmly.

"But… I don't know if I'm ready!"

"Hey, hey," I said soothingly caressing her face. "You'll do fantastic. I'll be there every step of the way."

Bella let out a deep breath and nodded slightly. "Okay."

"Come on. Let's go home."

"You know the drill, guys," Stephanie said, looking at both of us in turn. "Let me know once you've been having steady contractions, five minutes apart for at least an hour. Got it?"

"Got it," we said in unison and then turned to smile at each other.

Back at the house, Bella started feeling the effects right away. The pain was the same as before, cramping low in her back. A couple of hours later, she began to notice a discernable pattern but it was still somewhat erratic. Masen was sitting on the couch with her keeping time as I went around the house preparing everything. We had decided that he would go over to our neighbors once the midwife arrived after he had emphatically told us he was _not_ interested in watching his baby sister being born.

After another couple of hours, Bella was having to breathe through her contractions, but they were still manageable. I called Stephanie and told her it was time before going back to Bella to help her stay focused. Masen stayed with us, diligently keeping time as Bella and I worked through her contractions. We went through various positions, trying to figure out which ones caused her the least amount of discomfort.

Once Stephanie arrived, things moved a bit quicker. Bella had already progressed to seven centimeters dilated, but baby girl was still floating high so she was told to sit on a yoga ball. I sat behind her applying pressure to her lower back while Stephanie kept her focused and breathing. Bella was doing wonderfully and vocalizing through the pain and I was amazed at her strength.

As the day wore on, Bella became slightly more agitated.

"I can't," she moaned, shaking her head back and forth. "I can't… I can't _do_ this."

"Yes, you can Bella," Stephanie whispered. "You're just going through transition right now. This is the toughest part, you can get through it."

"Edward," she said turning her large eyes on me. "I changed my mind. I want to go to the hospital."

I thought I would be prepared for this, both Bella and Stephanie had told me that at some point during labor she would begin to doubt and that I had to be strong for them both.

_"No matter what I say," _Bella had told me_, "unless me or the baby are in danger, _don't_ listen!"_

But looking into her eyes, so obviously in pain and helpless, I felt myself about to give in. I looked at Stephanie, asking a silent question, and she made a motion to let me know there was no danger to Bella or the baby if labor continued.

"Bella, sweetie, you can do this. It's almost over now," I told her, taking her face in my hands. "I'm so proud of you. I know you can do this."

She whimpered as another contraction gripped her, and I held her to me tightly, whispering encouragement as she rode the wave that ultimately brought the baby closer to birth. With my help, we got Bella to the bed where Stephanie checked her progress. She smiled triumphantly and told us that she was almost ready.

Not long after Bella gripped my arm suddenly and began grunting and panting. "Something's happening!"

"Bella, do you feel like pushing?"

She nodded frantically so I kneeled by the bed, gripping Bella's hands tightly in mine as her contraction came on and she bore down hard. Her face turned an alarming shade of red and she groaned with the effort of it. When the contraction ended, she relaxed, breathing hard and I pushed her sweat soaked hair away from her brow. Her next contraction came quickly and took her hard as she began pushing again. We continued like this for a while longer, with Bella pushing on each contraction.

"You're doing amazing," I encouraged quietly. "I love you so much."

"Wonderful Bella, your daughter is coming down nicely. A few more good hard pushes and she should be here!"

Hearing Stephanie's words galvanized her, and Bella pushed with all of her might, crying out, taking a deep breath and then bearing down again.

"Bella, reach down and touch your baby's head."

Both of us turned our heads toward Stephanie, we had been so engrossed in one another, neither realized how close she actually was. Bella reached down to touch the crowning head and I looked on, amazed as Stephanie helped ease the baby out. With one more big push, Bella birthed the shoulders and our daughter slid out with a woosh of amniotic fluid. Stephanie gripped the baby expertly, cleared her face of mucous and suctioned her mouth and nose. As she finished, I watched in fascination as my baby girl took her first deep breath and began to wail.

"You did it!" I said turning to Bella as tears stung my eyes.

"I did it," she echoed, smiling faintly. The smile widened as Stephanie placed our daughter on Bella's chest and rubbed her vigorously with a large cloth. "Oh my God, Edward, she's so beautiful."

"Yes, she is. Just like her mother." I reached out a finger and caressed the petal soft cheek. The baby had stopped crying as soon as she heard Bella's voice and was now lying quietly. She looked around curiously, her large grayish-blue eyes not focusing on anything in particular as we stared down at her, both of us completely enthralled.

"She has your hair," I said, brushing my fingers gently against the dark wisps of hair. "I think she looks like you. Hello, Vivian." Bella looked at me and smiled at the sound of our daughter's name.

Stephanie had been quietly taking care of Bella and when everything was done and cleaned up, she came to the head of the bed. "Here lets weigh this little girl. Dad, can you put her here on this blanket? Okay, now hook the ends on this scale and lift!"

"Seven pounds, twelve ounces!" I told Bella proudly, bringing Vivian back over to her mother.

"Do you want to get Masen?" Bella asked smiling serenely.

"Yeah, I'll be right back."

I left the house and headed over to the neighbor. Masen wrenched open the door as soon as I rang the doorbell. I was torn between being happy over his obvious excitement and wanting to scold him for answering the door at someone else's house.

"Is she here? Is she here?"

"Yes," I said chuckling at his exuberance. He tore out the door and was across the yard before I could even say thanks to Carl and Stacy for keeping Masen.

"How's Bella doing?" Stacy asked coming to the door and laughing at Masen's hasty retreat.

"She's doing fantastic, the baby is wonderful. You'll come by to visit?"

"Yeah, we'll pop in to visit maybe tomorrow," she said still smiling. "You better go before Masen loses his mind!"

"Come _on_, Dad!" he yelled as if on cue.

"Thanks again Stacy!" I said as I headed back to my own home. Masen charged into the house and was down the hall in a flash. I found him standing shyly outside the bedroom door and went to put my hand on his shoulder, staring at my gorgeous wife and beautiful daughter.

"Come in here, Masen. Come meet your sister," Bella said in a low voice.

We walked in together, Masen getting on one side of the bed and me on the other so that we flanked Bella and Vivian. I watched my first-born stare with rapt attention as he examined his baby sister for the first time. He reached out a hesitant finger and then pulled it back again, looking at Bella for permission."

"Can I… can I touch her?"

"Of course you can, sweetie," Bella said in an encouraging voice and lifting her arm so that Vivian was closer to Masen. He raised his hand and drew his finger down the soft, plump cheek. Vivian moved her head toward it, opening her mouth and rooting. Masen pulled his hand back as if electrocuted, as Bella and I laughed.

"It looks like someone's hungry," Stephanie said, "Do you want to try nursing her?"

"Come on, champ. Let's give the girls some privacy and we'll come back in when they're done."

"Okay," he said trying not to sound disappointed. "Bye, Vivian," he said, bending to give her a small kiss on the cheek and then he turned and kissed Bella too. "Bye, mom."

"Bye, Baby. See you soon."

We left them alone and went to sit on the couch. I put my arm around Masen and hugged him tight to my side. As happy as he seemed to have a little sister, I knew that it would still be an adjustment having to share us with a new baby. He had been an only child for over ten years and it would take some time for him to transition. For the hundredth time, I was thankful that we'd had a daughter because that would make things easier.

"What do you think of your baby sister?"

"Dad, she's _so_ small!" Masen said, looking at me wide-eyed. "I feel like I'm going to break her."

"She is small, and very delicate so you have to be careful around her."

"I will."

"Are you happy?" I asked, looking at his expression closely. He turned large green eyes up to my face and smiled beatifically.

"Yeah, it's nice not to be by myself anymore."

I hugged my son close to my side and kissed his unruly curls. He was getting to the age where he didn't welcome parental affection, and I wanted to take advantage of the time I had left. It had never occurred to either Bella or me that Masen had been lonely and wanted a sibling to play with. There was obviously quite an age difference between his sister and him, but it did make me feel better that when Bella and I were gone, he would still have family.

We stayed like this for a while until Stephanie came out of the bedroom. "Mom and baby are all done. Did you want to go see them?" she said, smiling at Masen. He nodded his head and scrambled up off the couch. I stood up smiling as I watched him race down the short hallway.

"Ok, Edward. It looks like everything is awesome so I'll be going home. Bella has assured me she's feeling excellent, but call me if you need me."

"I will," I said smiling and reaching for the midwife's hand. "Thank you, Stephanie. For everything. This had been really…" I stopped to catch my breath as I was overtaken with emotion. "It was one of the best experiences of my life." I finished in a choked voice.

"It usually is," she replied, squeezing my hand sympathetically. "Thank you for letting me share this incredible experience _with_ you."

I walked Stephanie to the door and gave her a tight hug. She started to her car and waved one more time before driving away. Turning, I headed back to the bedroom where Masen was curled up into Bella's side, she had her arm around him tightly. He was holding Vivian and gazing down into her sleeping face with an awestruck expression on his face. I watched my family for a moment and realized just how lucky I was to have found my one and only true love and be blessed with my two wonderful children.

Bella looked up and me and smiled, taking my breath away. She had never looked as beautiful to me as she did right then. Moving into the room, I went to the other side of the bed and crawled over to her. I settled down beside Bella and heard her sigh quietly. She leaned her face up to mine and I obliged her with a kiss.

"Have I told you that I love you, lately?" she said in a soft voice.

"Not lately," I replied, smiling down at her.

"I love you." Bella looked at me adoringly before bending her head and kissing Masen. "And you." She said then bent once more to kiss Vivian. "And you."

My heart swelled with pride as I sat in bed my arms wrapped around my family. I realized just how lucky I was and let the joy of the moment fill me with contentment. I held my life, my love and my heart against me and knew I would never let them go.

* * *

**This is my idea of a perfect birth, in peace and at home. It's a personal choice and is not meant to cast judgment on other types of birth choices. Please no debates :)) I hope you enjoyed the birth of baby girl Cullen! :))**


End file.
